MY SEARCH FOR A DIFFERENT SUCCESS

Few days back I was gliding through my LinkedIn page. One of my distant relative updated her status “promoted to the position of Director”. I was happy to see her succeed but in another moment started self introspection “what I am doing?” , ” Where I am standing?”, “Will I ever succeed in my life?”. Basically I was anxious about “will I ever be able to EARN?” A question that I am struggling for a longtime now.

But is it just about money? Answer is an absolute NO. It’s about my craving for Identity. My thoughts at that (on many occasions) point were convoluted. I want to earn, I want name for myself, I want financial independence. I kept applying for jobs. Many applications were rejected outright, few made for interview round but success still eluded me. It was not just the applications that were being rejected but a piece of self was slowly dying inside. One of the reasons that prompted me to start blogging was to put forth my opinions and earn (I am not ashamed of admitting that). Five years now and the kind of success I supposed it would fetch me is still a distant dream. Who and what shall be blamed? No one except me and nothing except my lack of regularity, missing niche (my work doesn’t stick to one genre).

Am I a complete failure? Last week my friend’s husband came to dinner (we are careful enough to follow the social bubble 😁). Out of nowhere he asked me “how’s your blogging going, seems you have a good fan following”. I dismissed him with a smile “No, nothing like that” . To this he told me that one of his friends sent him a link of one my blog (never before he read any of my articles) and praised it too. His friend liked the subtle manner of explanation, relatability of issues/situations mentioned. And as a matter of fact I never met or spoke to the “friend”. There was a certain sense of euphoria for me at that moment. That night I decided to once again go through the comments on my articles. That was the moment of realization for me. My success is not in the additional perks of followers, hits on site and money but how well I can connect to the people. How well I can communicate, how I can impact, how can I be a part of lives of those reading my words in some or the other way, how well I can motivate myself to reflect positivity in my work, Am I making any difference, Am I putting forth a good message relevant to people, Am I honest while voicing my opinions, Am I trending the path I talk about or refer to – My parameters of Success. Falling short of even one criteria renders me unsuccessful in my judgement! And I believe that’s the worse.

What inference my failures have given me? I was looking for “success” in the form of an offer letter, a designation and a certain amount credited every month to my bank account. What if I get them at this moment, would it put an end to my quest and thirst for “success”?. I might have been aiming for a higher pedestal everytime. Nothing wrong in that, absolutely. But what is wrong is getting bogged down if your plans and results aren’t in linear correlation. Wrong is deeming yourself to be worthless. Wrong is inability to draw inspiration from people and incidents showing us a different way and zest to live life as we are too consumed by a bubble we have created in our minds. In short wrong is inability to respect life and the designs almighty have for us ( I may be professionally unemployed because someone else might be more competent, qualified and in need – it’s that simple). And identity of a person is about the perception and ideologies one owns, can never be defined by a designation or job role. And people knowing me by my work irrespective of the level of fame (non existent 😁) I might have acquired is purely my Success!

I Have Decided My Path: I will keep writing, I have stories to tell, I have messages to deliver. In that process if I earn materialistic success I will receive that. In case not I have my own yardstick to measure success – Have I made you think? If yes I am SUCCESSFUL!!

CHEER THEM UP, BUT HOW?

Cheer them up,

But how is it possible to cheer up the family who lost their father in the COVID pandemic?

What can bring a smile to the face, who’s last flight got canceled at the last hour? He is all alone locked in a room, miles away from his family and it’s been a quarter month.

What can drain his stress after receiving a simple email saying, “our company has gone bankrupt, we cannot pay you anymore, you can leave us”?

How can you comfort her when she is abused by her society members only because she is treating COVID patients and it’s impossible for her to runaway from her commitment to being a medical doctor?

How hurting it is when the neighbors’ gossip, rumors, and snubbing behavior is enough to say, I am a risk for his family and others as well just because I was a COVID positive last week?

Is a bag of rice for a month can comfort a family when they have lost their job just because the city is under locked down and all the constructions sites are closed for an unprecedented time?

Well, these are the few people and stories I am coming across since the COVID-19 pandemic spread out. Listening to their painful stories all it seemed “CHEER UP” is a good word but failing to be relevant. I was in a situation where I can neither help my friends nor can talk to them freely. I have to guard each of the words before I speak. In the meanwhile, I got a reminder of the Bible verse,

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”

Wise is the one who works accordingly in the due time. It is so defining to know that each of our human situations is time-bound which of course gives us the surety that the situation will come to its end at a precedented time. Now the biggest challenge before us is how do we react at each of the times. While in pain and heart-breaking moment, there is an unquenchable emotion and heart filled with sobbing words. All that they look for is a heeding ear and an understanding heart. Probably with this expectation, every human being in his worse condition looks for his dearest friend. As the Bible says,

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

Oh, what tranquil experience it was:

As I picked his phone and heard his voice

I sob my heart out over poise  

The heeding silence of him

Quenched my words within.

After’ hours of interaction with him

My soul found a relish within.

This time he didn’t speak too much

Yet his few words of prayer, love and concern

Was evident enough to feel the retouch.

This might denote my strong personality yet, to be honest enough, “often I too experience the same”. But during that time, the biggest question obstructs the ways of my mind – Who is that strong pillar, on whom I can take rest?  

Years back, my Uncle gave me beautiful advice and I strongly follow it. Whenever I feel annoyed, hurt, angry, or stress, I feel too weak to guard my tongue. Honest enough, at times I have hurt many beloved ones. As a way-out to it, I try to remain silent and never avoid to go for a random ride. If that point, someone can scan my mind, he would surely say I am nothing other than a babbler. With locked lips and shouting mind, I just gush out whatever there in my mind calling out to God. As a matter of fact, soon I find both my mind and my stomach empty. I take some nice food and try to revamp to normalcy.

The way I cheer up others and I feel cheered up reminds me of my favorite song of the Irish poet Sir Joseph M. Scriven –

What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!

O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he’ll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.

SWEET SEASONINGS

 

 

Be careful how you wag little tongue,

Not causing anyone by you to be stung!

 

Hither and thither by leaps and bounds,

All through the day you take too many rounds.

 

A small muscular medium of communication are you,

Preciously formed by the Master Sculptor True.

 

So vital an organ to aid verbalization,

Significant for expression of limitless imagination,

Critical to lucid articulation,

Giving clarity to difficult gesticulation.

 

But, Oh! How big a fire can you cause,

By the tiny spark that escapes from between the jaws,

How deep a heartache can you incite,

By words of anger that seem to bite.

 

Spicy gossip and merciless slander,

Frequent lying and mindless banter,

Malicious talks and injudicious comments,

All filled with spurious contents! 

Easy it is to tame a horse by bit and bridle,

So tough it is to prevent the tongue from idle fiddle.

Not too much effort to control the ship by a rudder,

Oh so arduous to restrain the tongue’s endless blabber!

 

Both sweet and salty waters can a spring never yield together,

And so ought the tongue not give praises and curses altogether.

 

Words seasoned with salt are words that build,

Grace and mercy forever yield.

 

Words of love work as soothing balm,

They can all the stormy seas gradually calm.

Words of light and truth wield power,

That is loftier than any tall tower.

Prudent use of silver speech,

Many an uncanny silence does breach.

 

May your words be honourable and pure,

So that they never any guilt conjure.

Words of praises and eternal bliss,

May your lips forever kiss.

CHOOSING RIGHT WORDS TO IMPACT

Mom : “So, you will not go to the party tonight?”

Me : “But I dont know anyone there”

Mom : “You know us!”

Me : “I just wont go!”

Mom : “Oh wait!! Your favorite aunty will also be coming.”

Me : “What!! So, when is the party?”

Words, can do two simple things very effectively. One, it might socialize us. Two, it might unsocialize us. They become the building blocks of our social behaviour. Our culture has always allowed others to judge us, even when it is said not to judge people. Being repeatedly humiliated by relatives at a function or being termed mature or naughty or bad or “I told you he/she will be like this” stuffs do break us. And many a times beautiful, caring, how cool, smart uplifts our soul. Judging us, people use their either sugar coated words or sour straight words to express our character. And at a point it becomes our character. Society really does have a huge impact on us because the refinement of their words affects our emotional well being, either positively or negatively which in turn affects our social well being.

Negative impacts come easily than positive. They just come. But in all these cases, the particular thing that affects all sort of activities is the brain. Brain activities are controlled by the genes which expresses physical and emotional stress. These genes basically sends signal to our brain to release hormones which affects the logic, reasoning and thinking processes. So each word, whether positive, negative, angry, sad or happy has its impact on our brain, which in turn regulates our behaviour according to the hormones released. So, if we stay positive and build our brain to be more logical, then we can get back to the person (who had hurt us) and give them a more logical yet rather hurtful statement to take care of? Hmmmm thinking of it, might be or not also. But if we know that certain things do hurt, so why use it to hurt others? Why to carry on using words as weapons and not medicines?

People who use positive words in a friendly and loving manner are able to achieve many things. They can calm an angry person, they can persuade a person not to kill himself, they can divert the direction of a breaking relationship, they can also make this world a better place to stay. Recently, I saw a video on facebook, of how a sergeant saved a suicidal man from committing suicide. He started a conversation with the man and then he talked about games. Then he slowly got him off the bridge. This is how it should be. This is how we should use our words. For the betterment of mankind. I have attached the video for all of you to watch:

In this world, nothing comes easy. If we try to use our words in a right way, may be we not only will see positive changes in our life but also of others. We might not be very social, but we can at least ensure no other person gets what we got. Who knows it might move a large number of people one day, and we might finally live in peace.

Many a times we find ourselves bounded and trapped in a web of words. And escaping it is easy for them, those who dont let these word affect them. Emotional and sensitive people are more likely to create a nuisance out of it. I have had a friend who used to take every word we speak to heart. She would even make a fuss about who accepted her apology and that they shouldn’t have. Believe me when I say, such people are very hard to handle and please. That’s where “Think before you speak ” comes into force. We cannot get rid of people we love just because of what they are, but we can choose to use more finer words in order to save our relations.

Similarly, words do save us and they can also drown us. It is how we use them and where.

WATCH YOUR WORDS …

One of my friends shared a pic of hers on WhatsApp, titling it as “No more glasses”. She underwent LASIK surgery.

I was taken aback with what she did, because her eyes are unusually small in proportion for her face, but glasses made them look big and she looks quite pretty wearing her glasses.

I asked her if she had a problem with maintaining her glasses, to which she expressed that she is tired of being called “four-eyed” or at times even “blind”. I suddenly remembered how other students used to make fun of her during our school days.

I always thought that she never considered those comments, but they did leave a long standing impression on her mind about herself. They are so profoundly effecting her that she considered a surgery better than living with such condition. That’s so bad.. Infact people around her forced her to undergo a surgery.

Many of us would have been through or would have read about such experiences elsewhere. Can you imagine what goes through a child when he/she gets to hear words like ugly, fat, lazy etc ?? Whether they are so or not they would imagine that to be true and constantly find themselves in a battle against the odds others are finding with them. This can be extremely upsetting, depressing and also lead to anxiety and fear . They may also feel unloved.

I find it very surprising and upsetting with kids who are around 4 year old use words like f***, shit, screw you,  really makes me think from where do they learn these from. Mostly from parents, family and the entertainment channels we have. Kids grasp new words very quickly, the more we repeat,  they do get registered in their brain more significantly. It then forms a habit, due to which unintentionally they would utter words which can be hurting or insulting to others. 

Similarly, having a control over words is the most toughest. Not only the words, but the way the words are delivered and our intentions have to be very clear. While in anger, frustration we uncontrollably say words that may be very depressing to others. These words may not be true and are not uttered because they are well thought of, but if you look deeper into it, it goes on to explain that we don’t know how to communicate. 

Communication is essential for us. We have created so many words and languages to express and for better communication. We build trust and our belief structure based on our words. Using words is the best way to communicate and let’s use these ONLY to make our lives more beautiful.

Loving and caring words build positive relationships where as harsh words can ruin a relationship built over years in under a minute.

WORDS CAN EARN YOU- FAME, MONEY AND MORE

Hi Everyone,

Shakespeare said:

“Words are easy, like the wind; faithful friends are hard to find.”

How apt!  What I deciphered from this quote is it is very hard to find right words for the right moment and the one who knows this art can win every situation.

We are in times where presentation and packaging is so important and words are an important part of that machinery.  People tend to forget actions but words carve a deeper place in their memories.  If you don’t believe me go back in time and check your General knowledge/ social question papers.  There will be one such question for sure which asked you to name the person who quoted following words.  I am sure you would find one.  Let’s take a cue from current situation.  People base their decision to vote for a particular candidate in elections after listening a great deal to their speeches and speeches are nothing but words.  Words used with great articulation, punctuation and emotion to connect.  So it’s all about words. Words can make or break.  One should be watchful, tactful about using words, if possible artistic as well 🙂

That was all about how to use your words – Right words, right time, right pitch – job done period.

But how come words can be a source of income.  I say why not?  There was a time when I was searching my place in this cosmos writing came to my rescue.  I started writing and I am here in front of you, with you precisely.  These words are my way of communicating with you all.  But blog writing these days is a reliable source of income for many who wants an additional stream of income or simply a comfortable office space not hovered by a boss around.  Not just blog writing, but content writing, technical writing, review writing, script writing, column writing… you name it and there will be numerous employers who are ready to shell out their pockets for those who can use their words artistically coupled with knowledge.  And if your pen have poetic flair and mind have imaginative bent then words can dance to your tune followed by fame and we call such people “Lyricists and writers”.  Remember old classics that you still hum and feel relaxed or a book that you have read nth number of times but it still gives you the same high every time your eyes meet it.  That’s the magic of beautiful words.

To put it shortly and sweetly its all about how you use words. They can rescue you from your boring cubicle 🙂  Give “words” a chance they have power.

I AM MY WORD AND MY WORLD IS MY WORD

All of us have been told to believe that you do not have control over your future. You can control your present but not your future. And I beg to differ. I know that I can create my reality and I have done it time and again.

When I was a young girl, I loved to play with my Barbie dolls – like all other young girls do. We used to play this very common game of role play wherein we give characters to those dolls – one of them becomes a mom, another one becomes dad, some other become kids and friends and so on. Then we used to create stories out of it. Most of my girlfriends created stories which was replica of what they saw at home – mom staying at home, dad going to office, kids going to school etc. But when I created stories, they were totally different.

My Barbie doll was always a working woman staying independently. She owned a home, a car, was extremely busy at office during the day, used to come back home late evenings after spending time with friends. She used to read a lot, dance a lot and she used to stay with friends. I created those stories by voicing them out over and over again every evening while playing.

At the age of 24, when I was attending a 3 day seminar in “Landmark Education” – I heard my coach say that you have created your reality. The words that you uttered in the past are now your world. I started to reflect on that statement and almost instantly had tears in my eyes. I was so moved when I realized that I had become my Barbie doll. My life was exactly the way I had described them in my stories. And then from there on I started to find even more such examples that I had said words that actually became a reality.

There is common saying in Hindi – “Shubh shubh bolo” (Always say good things). I found the reason behind that saying. Because your world takes the shape of your words!

I have always wondered how is it possible to spread cruelty? How was Hitler able to inspire the whole nation of Germans to kill Jews as brutally as they did? How do the masterminds of terrorists groups manage to inspire their own people to kill so many innocents and in the course kill themselves too?

I read Mein Kamph (autobiography of Hitler) which was responsible to quite an extent in spreading the cruelty. And I realized that Hitler created his reality and by spreading his words – he created the reality of his nation and its people which was full of devastation. And that is exactly what the terrorists group does. They use words on young boys and girls – powerful yet negative words which create the reality for all of them. Such is the power of words.

What reality do you want to create? Watch your words. Your words have the power to create empowering and positive future for yourself and for the people you communicate with. Your words also have the power to destroy your future and that of the people you communicate with. What is it that you want? Ask for it in form of words and it shall be given.