REINVENTING ALL THE TIME

As I was sitting here thinking about what to write, my cousin found some old photo albums and we began going through them. As we laughed and looked at the pictures, I realized something…we are Always reinventing ourselves if you Really think about it. We go from being a daughter or son, to a sibling and, as time goes on, we become young adults. We are constantly changing or reinventing ourselves to fit in with that moment in time. I became an adult, taking on a job, paying my rent and bills.

Then the day came that I became a wife! Now here I was in a lifetime partnership with another human being that was not blood related and once more, changes or reinvention is needed. It was not easy to be sure but somehow we muddled through. Then we became PARENTS. I think that was one of the most wonderful and scariest things of all. And we had to reinvent ourselves yet again.

To me, we are always reinventing ourselves as we grow older. Some are through our own choices and others are thrust upon us unexpectedly. When that happens, you have two choices…go with the flow and become an even better person or stay stuck in your rut and be unhappy. I have had to reinvent myself due to circumstances beyond my control with my mother becoming ill and needing care herself now along with my father. It has not been easy and I have cried many tears but I know that at the end of it all, I will be a stronger and hopefully better person and be a role model to my own daughters.

REINVENTING-SELF IS INDISPENSABLE

The web dictionary defines the meaning of ‘reinvent’ as:

• to invent again or anew
• to remake or make over, as in a different form
• to bring back; revive

Few days back on Facebook there’s a link on Personality Test which was shared on somebody’s wall and I clicked it for myself. The result was as follows:

Passionate and Creative!
Your choice of images reveals that you are a very creative and confident person. You love discovering new things and letting your creativity run wild. You enjoy every moment you spend with your friends to the fullest, still you don’t mind having some alone time every now and again. With every challenge that lies ahead you prove yourself with your richness of ideas and creative solutions. Your vitality is infectious!

I quite liked the description about me though all of it was not exactly true. 

I always see myself from different angles all the time. I like to think new. I have a problem with old stuffs. I remember I changed the theme of this site many times when we began our journey here till now. I feel clumsy when things get old. I don’t feel the same about the people around me though… Lol 😉

Ravenna Helson, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley says, 

“We have to modify our identities as we go through life.” 

How true it is!!!

Unless we modify our identities as and when required it is very difficult to adjust in the world we live in now. I would say, successful are those people who have adapted quickly to the situations. That adaptability comes from a person who reinvents himself/herself in a newer situation.

Two factors: ‘Creativity’ and ‘Change’ bring forth Reinvention of self in every person.

Keep reading and keep reinventing yourself…

Stay Blessed!

BE THE PERSON YOU WANNA BE: “RE-INVENT SELF”

It has taken me a long time to get here, a very long time indeed, 8 years and still going …

I have feeling of missing something, I am unhappy. Good job, loving family,  friends.. Then what is daunting me??  I need to find out what would make my life better.

That was the time when I was in constant quest and this needed to be addressed, But, the million dollar question was “What am I searching for ?”…

Being an engineer, the term “reverse engineering” came to my mind – If I have to figure out what is missing, may be I should first know, a few years from now, what is that I would regret not doing ?

Quickly, I made a list of all those small and big things I want to do. The list was neither small nor huge. Then I started to categorize these and finally arrived at a priority order.

There is a catch, your priority order may not match with resources you may find to fulfill those dreams. So, its an art of beautifully placing your dreams into those groves that work with time or resource availability.

Surprisingly,  a few days after I made this revelation, I started to find ways to fulfill my dreams or rather I would say the ways became more apparent, because I knew I had to do something based on their availability. Then, there was no stopping. I went ahead and cherished doing each one of those activities, I longed to do.

It’s been a few years I did this exercise, I am quite happy and glad to say that I have ticked nearly 70% of my initial list. The list keeps changing –  additions, omissions and modifications are very much allowed.

I slowly started to see a positive change in me.I was successfully able to change course of certain paths of my life.  I am more happy and those positive vibes are helping me take better decisions and making my life a celebration.

Oh Boy!  Did I say celebration ? Yes, indeed life now seems a celebration..

From childhood majority of us were given some tags… Intelligent, introvert, smart, computer nerd, social animal, book worm and so on.
Sounds familiar ?

Many of us don’t really look beyond what society or family or friends perceive us as. Their expectations more or less made us what we are, mainly because we have been ignorant about what we really want to be. This may have also happened because of our own unwillingness to try something new. We rarely feel the need to bring a change…

Everyone has a routine, good or bad. It’s in our nature, to spend all our energy primarily on our today’s immediate concerns. After a few years, suddenly it may so happen that we don’t like our life. It is as if,  LIFE IS ON AUTO-PILOT.

“Reinventing Self” –  It does sound like a significant amount of change that we may want to bring into our lives. But, in reality that may not be completely true. It can be as simple as trying a new hair cut or changing your wardrobe to adapt to a new style or growing a mustache.

We need not have to dwell and figure out what our passions are to start with. Let’s do it in baby steps and take it easy even if we  fail to maintain the rhythm.

• Fitness freak  – Start walking your dog instead of hitting the gym.
• An introvert – Start talking to people openly, if not directly, use social media.
• Computer nerd – Plan for a surprise vacation using your friend, the computer.
• Unromantic – Take a day off to be with your significant other at home, spend quality time and tell them how important they are in some way.

These are just a few examples. We may not like doing the same thing for longer duration. Be innovative and find new ways.

“Breaking the routine is the key to re-invention of self.“

On the contrary, if you want to make a big change in your life, like shifting to a new career option, or quitting your job for higher studies, starting a new business, bringing a behavioral change in self, that’s possible too. Be brutally honest with yourself to figure out what you want to achieve and what are your steps would be to achieve your dreams .

Discipline and dedication can do wonders.

CHASING YOUR DREAMS is the MANTRA and CHANGE is the only way for RE-INVENTION. 

Author’s Bio: Aastha, a young, agile & talented techie who has an immense passion in writing. She writes from her heart and is a person who loves to connect with people through her write ups. Her disciplined and organised lifestyle have made it possible for her to write articles in her busy schedules. She can be contacted and visited at her blog: PenningEnigma. 

REPENTANCE IS THE CALL WHICH SAVES US FROM ALL OUR REGRETS

Looking back at my life I feel really frustrated, angry, sad and confused thinking if I would be given a chance to change some events of my life then I don’t know which one to change first to make my now better.

I have a list of regrets which really can’t be rectified. Nobody can change my past. And if I ask God then He will deny by saying, ‘I won’t change it even I can change everything.’

On Monday I wrote about regrets are being the unpleasant blockades which might ultimately help us for a better future when we take a turn from there. But when we ignore the penitence or regrets or sorrow or agony that we go through as a consequence of our choices then we suffer again in future.

The scripture says, “Since all have sinned and continually fall short of the glory of God.”

Let me explain…

We all know we are created in the image of God. No other animals or living beings have conscience to think and decide. They don’t have the sense of right and wrong like a human being does. They don’t have that creativity and free will like human beings.

Human beings are creative like their maker and creator, God. Human beings have feelings to understand the hearts like the Creator. Human beings can love, have compassion and have emotions like their most loving and compassionate God.

Now that’s called to being created in His own image to have all His attributes or glory which we lose it when we commit sins whether we have regret about it or not. (God’s glory is much bigger than what I explained here; it’s just a small part of it what I mentioned.)

Now repentance is essential to start the restoration process. Repentance  for our wrong doings are the first step towards the restoration of our original image, our God given image.

Let’s get into some practical life examples of what we just got to know above.  

Couple of days ago, Prabhjot said that her decision of choosing certain friends was regrettable as it took her to the pit though she had overcome it already. Her friends became a problem and my ‘No friends’ became a problem for me.

Let me explain again…

“The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.” ― John Wooden

It was tough test for me in which I failed utterly being alone at home all the time for my health conditions. I was enslaved with many addictions that took away my heart from the best things to the worst ones.

The worst ever thing happened to me when I landed here in Kolkata. I was introduced to the world of Yahoo Messenger and was glued to the computer screen of an internet cafe, hours for almost 3 years of my precious life. The most regrettable sin that I had committed in those three years was… I wasted my time, I wasted my money, I wasted my mind and I wasted the gifts God had given me. All were very precious for a person who stepped into a new place, a new job with a new set of inspirations. I laid a worst ever foundation of my work career. If I would not have wasted those precious jewels in my life then I would have gained lot more in life by now. I would have achieved more for the people and the purpose for which God had called me. I lost the best part of it.

Well, what is done is done and I have to take my regret as a lesson to be careful in future. 

But how?

The role of repentance begins here at this point of remorse and regret. Every choice of life we make comes with a cost. And that cost is paid through repentance. Repentance let me realize that if I make a mistake here, I might again be stuck with wrong decisions and continue to suffer. Repentance is something where I needed to take a U turn and change the directions completely. I needed to make this decision to honour God, my partner, my families and everybody around me or associated with me.

Instead of wallowing in the miry clay of negative regrets let’s turn back, repent and stay happy.

Stay Blessed!!!

NO TURNING BACK

Life has its own twists and turns. There is never a straight road to make one’s desires see the light of the day. And it is when one encounters such bends in life, there arises a gasp of regret – regret to have traversed the wrong path, to have made the wrong choices, to have taken the wrong decisions. Unlike the concrete street-ways where one can afford to turn back and retrace one’s footsteps, in life’s roadways there is no turning back! There is only moving forward.

Disappointments and regrets are integral to all our lives. However, every situation of disappointment does not call for regret.

Example One: A child can regret disobeying his parents on a said occasion, especially when he has had to face a stern consequence. Such regret would enable the child to resolve never to repeat his behavior. That’s positive regret.

Example Two: A young lady regretting marrying the man she married. Such regret would only make her life more miserable and bring before her all the flaws of her husband and her marriage. This is negative regret as it holds no scope for turning back and making the choice afresh.

Often we wallow in the miry clay of negative regrets. As a result, we fail to see the bright light at the end of the tunnel. Our vision remains blurred and we sink even further down into the pit. True, some situations in life cause us to rethink about the path we chose in the first place. But wisdom lies in choosing not to repeat the erroneous ways in future, rather than pining over the errors.

A most frequently quoted scripture portion reads – ^“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

If we are sure of God’s control and calling in our lives, there is no room for regret. Because, then the sum of all events in our lives work for our good.

HOW ABOUT TURNING THE TABLES ON REGRET?

When most people think about regret, they think about the choices that they make, the decision that they took, the career path they chose and so on. 

Unfortunately, that kind of regret is painful and keeps you stuck to the past. Sometimes, regret, if left to fester, becomes chronic, turns to bitterness, which turns into cynicism and ultimately, total apathy.

How about turning the tables on regret?

When I broke up with my ex of 4 years, I literally felt my life shattering around me. This was about 7-8 years ago. I could not see past him, and suddenly he was gone. And there was nothingness all around. 

But looking back at all that today, do I regret having him in my life those four years? Not one bit. I’ll tell you why. I don’t regret it because that whole phase taught me what NOT to do in a relationship.

I realized one important thing through my broken relationship – that LOVE is not a feeling, it is a choice, a decision that we consciously make. We make this decision to honour God, our partner, our families and our home.

When Rohan came into my life, I remember the first thing I did with him was to have an honest conversation with him about what I was looking for. Turns out, he was looking for the same thing. And everything just clicked.

I think it is time we stopped making the same mistake twice. Learn from your mistakes, do not repeat it, and you will never have regrets.

But, if there is something to regret — regret hurting other people, especially people you love and people who love you.

All these years of “learnings” (won’t call them regrets) cannot take away one thing, the fact that I have hurt numerous people in many ways. 

And so, to my parents, my sister, my brother, my uncles and aunts, my cousins, my friends, my colleagues & bosses, and my partner for life, please forgive me for all the times I have wronged you. I may have learned from that experience, but I cannot take away the hurt I have caused you. 

Regret, folks, but for causing pain to others. Make the rest a learning experience. 

THE BEST TIME TO LEARN FROM A REGRET IS NOW

I had a serious interest into biology. I have no idea how many books I would have read related to anatomy of human body. Spent hours in lab dissecting cockroaches, frogs. May be, I was just mad about becoming a doctor. But, when it was time to make a career decision, reality was different. I realized,  I cannot get enough finances to support my dream. I didn’t have a choice but to choose an alternate path. Whenever I used to cross the medical college en-route, saw junior doctors with stethoscopes and white coats,  it used to hurt me to the core. Regret number 1.

Electronics was my second love. I graduated as an Engineer with Electronics as major. This wasn’t very bad, I am still going to do something I love. Huh !? Only if life had the same plan laid out for me.

A sweet surprise was waiting for me.

Though I have landed in a job, it has put me into a very strange situation. I am a Software Engineer. Some people in my position would have jumped out of joy, at the glance of the fancy title. But, I wasn’t. I was expecting a VLSI Engineer position. I was so upset with that job, I used to literally cry and struggled to figure out how to deal with it. I disliked being a software engineer. Regret number 2.

After spending  5 years of professional career as so called software Engineer, by this time I got used to being one, I had an unique opportunity. Software Engineer for a healthcare company making medical products.  I had one more offer with another technology giant with double the pay than the offer of the healthcare company. 

I strongly regretted not being a doctor and being a software engineer,  both forcing me to learn to live with a regret.  But today, I am at a juncture where I can make a choice. A smart choice which is an amalgamation of something I love doing  and something I am OK with. Naturally, whom ever I talked to gave me a suggestion to accept the non healthcare job. But, I knew it’s a good move to enter healthcare industry..I would be a stupid to not see the obvious.

Getting into my current role isn’t luck or something I was destined to. There were a lot of hiccups. I prepared myself for it and looked for good opportunities. Thanks to my current boss who saw the potential in me. Today, I am working for a healthcare company happily coding,  juggling with micro-processors, enjoying the soothing sound of soldering,   fulfilling patient needs. All my love for serving the society and playing with tiny wonders of electronics world came true. I get to see medical procedures and I love watching them. (Though performing them would have been better). I have worked on my regrets, changed the direction in which I tackle the regret and I did end up in a much better place.

I do have much larger regrets than my career. All of us have regrets, whether we accept that before others or not is a different issue. A regret is a consequence of our choice, reasons could be many. Every choice of life we make comes with a cost. When we try to compare the cost of one choice to another, usually we end up with regrets. If we become too careful to not make mistakes or take risks, we may end up not having regrets but then we have stopped evolving.

I completely agree with both Chiradeep and Sulagna. Having a regret isn’t bad at all, it’s a realization. If we can learn and make appropriate choices, we may not see immediate results but all our efforts would be paid off at sometime in future.

“The only victories which leave no regret are those which are gained over ignorance.”
― Napoléon Bonaparte