THINKING NOT TO OVERTHINK

Embarking on a new journey must be an exciting one, right? How according to you is settling into a new city? Would involve a lot more responsibility, isn’t it? And what about starting a new session, joining a group of completely different people, entering into a new year, or go on a solo trip, etc.? Must be fun enough. Well for me this year it’s all at a time. I didn’t even realize how steadily my school days passed and I entered into my dream college. So obviously, with this new year comes a sense of responsibility, resolutions, planning and ideas, and a lot more than expected.

From the past few days of my life, I am recollecting hundreds of memories of mine just to figure out what went wrong somewhere. Why couldn’t I achieve what I wanted to? Could I be in a better place? Is what am I doing good enough? Shall I be at peace? Will I be happy reminiscing the time and place where I am now? And the list goes on and on. By now, many of you might have understood what my problem is. Yeah, it is ‘overthinking’ indeed.

People who know me well are of the opinion that my face says it all. However, it’s not every time they are right. I’m a very sensitive person actually. I take time to open up and don’t speak much though I am fluent when it comes to writing. I do raise my voice in public whenever in need but beyond that, you would always find me calm. A peace-loving girl I am and not much into social media, group chats, etc. Many of the people who see me upset don’t bother much thinking it’s none of their business, some of them do want to take the initiative but they don’t; thinking I should share it myself and that hardly happens. Only a very few of the people who believe in giving rather than taking dare to ask and help me out with what I’m going through.

And I want to change this habit of mine. I don’t want to seek any empathy from people. Overthinking is what makes the situation worse. Instead of finding a way out of the problem, it pushes you into the well deeper and deeper. You even begin visualizing the things that have not even happened in real. Your focus remains limited to the problem and doesn’t shift to the solution. You don’t feel like doing anything, cry out for no absolute reason and end up hurting yourself, and everyone around you. That’s the reason why you don’t have a group of friends to accompany you in whatever you do and wherever you go and you distant yourself from your family as well. I want to give up on such emotions and habits of mine. I wanna enjoy my life to the fullest, trying out new things, traveling and visiting new places, make good connections with everyone around me, and helping somebody in need.

So in this new year, I have decided to stop watering the dead relations that didn’t stand the test of time. Better to take the next step and let it go. Holding on to something that’s not yours would only hurt your self-esteem. For any problem in life put in your best efforts and never ever think about the results. Believe in yourself, learn to say no, and overcome your fears, meditate, take a deep breath, connect to God, and surrender. And yeah, one more thing to take into consideration is never caring what other people say. Their actions should not affect you.

In Closing, I would also like to share a beautiful quote by Erma Bombeck,

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”

DROPPING DOWN MY CAMOUFLAGE

It would be deceptive if I won’t pen my flaws down

All the time, each human appears in their exceptional camouflage. Isn’t it? Though this French slang “camouflage” was included in common English during World War I, as it was the well-known military visual deception combat tactic of that time yet it won’t be wrong to say, this habit is deeply rooted in human nature since its existence. Whether it is about penning or preaching, we prefer to take the reference of our good human nature. Mostly we prefer to hide our bad habits, evil thoughts, and devilish lifestyle. Of course, who wants to be off from the good book! The Bible perfectly frames it –

“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?”

But pathetic part of our camouflage lifestyle “we cannot hide the REAL ME from self.” Such one from many bad things inside of me – MY TONGUE!

The scripture puts it this way, “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” And going deeper it says, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” In one-liner – whatever there is in our heart is expressed through our tongue.

In a few hours, I will be stepping into a new year with many hopes, many new professional life strategies, some new plans for personal life but as I take a flashback tour, one of the biggest struggles, I had through this year is “controlling my tongue” which of course resulted in hurting, breaking hearts, and unpleasant and unnecessary situations. Alongside I need to reason what made me fail in controlling my tongue.

THE EGO – None of we human will ever desire to fail or find the self as less important at any place. Desiring always to be at the upfront, our ego gets a hit if we find ourselves blamed or ignored. As the repercussion of such experience, the haughty spirit within us impulsively bashes upon our counterparts. Being arms down and blamed, our heart speaks out rudely and hurts others. Since every action comes has its own reaction, how can we run away without facing the terrible consequences? That’s why the Bible warns,

“A quiet mind is the life of the body, BUT ENVY IS A DISEASE IN THE BONES.”

THE ANGERMy mom and my sibling always tell me; you know you might not punch someone at his face but the words of your mouth can easily pierce the heart and bones, which is hard enough to forget in a lifetime. And my Uncle suggested to me whenever you feel anger, run away from the situation, have an alone ride, and chill your mind by eating some delicious food. It might be an instant relief from anger. But reasoning the anger, often when we feel tempered, the ME inside of me goes wild and does all that possible to punish the causer and prove justice by self-attempt. Our tempered mind weakens our ability of reasoning and quickens our haughty spirit. The tendency of which is, we spurt unethical and immoral words that victimize others.

Being our Creator and Sustainer, God understands our physical inability to control anger. That’s why God of the Bible suggests us,

“If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day. Moreover, don’t give in to worry or anger; it only leads to trouble. He who is slow to anger is better than a warrior, and he who controls his temper is greater than one who captures a city. “

BEING TALKATIVERecently, one of my good friends lovingly said, “you always love to explain things. I can understand your fear of the misinterpretation of your words and thoughts. Yet it would be much better if you would prepare your mind with a concise script what exactly you need to share.” As evidence to his counsel, recently in one of my meetings, in the flow of my talk, I just posed the right word at the wrong time which literally made my presentation faulty. As a result, the meeting didn’t fulfill the agenda. I realize the Bible says, “The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words.”

Concluding, I would say to myself, “CONTROL YOUR TONGUE” because the Bible says, “THE PRUDENT HOLD THEIR TONGUES.”

Be Prudent!

RE-ENGINEERING SELF, CHUCK SELF-PITY

Just one day left in this pathetic year by every means. World is already looking forward to welcome 2021 with high spirits. With vaccines being rolled out already in many countries world is back on track of hope. Hope of leaving behind the scared memories of losing near and dear ones, hope of bouncing back from the losses – be it a job or relationship, hope of a better life, hope of a healthy environment, hope of freedom (from mask counts first 😁) – Many Hope’s on this new year menu😁. What’s your stake?

No matter how much we despise the current year, it did one thing for sure – brought the entire world on the same page where people actually Hoped that everyone should be fine. Something that God wants us to pray for but we have built some strong walls of greed, jealousy, selfishness and ego around us that made us go completely deaf to our conscience. This pandemic has re-engineered the basics of human nature – Humanity First!!

With learnings and hopes stacked at one table, we are at that time of the year where we make resolutions. Lose weight, quit smoking, quit drinking, learn a new art, more time to hobbies, read more………… cutting it short – to be a better “ME”, isn’t it? Talking about myself I am really bad in keeping up my resolutions. Everything that I have mentioned above were and are on my list for ages (exceptions of smoking and drinking fortunately) and now making me introspect myself, “why haven’t you made it yet?”.

As I spoke about re-engineering previously, my self introspection handed me an answer to my question – I need to re-engineer myself. I have to chuck out Procrastination and Self Pity at once. These are the elements in me that I want to leave behind on this side of threshold before entering the new year. I have spoken many a times about my habit of procrastinating things. Let me be more succinct – I am LAZY (being rustic in addressing an issue helps find solution rather quickly😁). Delaying things have many a times conditioned my mind to search for excuses and sound not-guilty of the consequences. A petty example from my routine : during school days I have to get up around 5 AM in the morning to make sure my son catches his bus at 7 AM and doesn’t leave without his breakfast. Alarm makes its presence felt from 4:45 AM itself but I more often than not stretch the stay at bed till 5:15. With fifteen minutes lost in transition it’s always a run against the time. And if something unexpected happens then I switch on my self-pity mode “I had headache”, “don’t I deserve a 5 minutes extra sleep”, “after doing so much I have to endure the taunts”. For me so far it has been a visicious circle of Procrastination and Self Pity.

Over a period of time I have realised this isn’t doing me any good, in fact doing more damage. I could have learned more, grown more, done more to my family and society – only if I wasn’t as lazy as I am and suffered from self pity. Out of the two if I have to choose one to be abolished first from within me it has to self-pity. There are many instances where I get inspired from people around me, take an initiative to do something but on failure I go back thinking about the circumstances that I had faced in the past and telling myself “had it been not that ways it was then”. And at the end of the day I remain a failure.

I also wrote once “Statutory Warning: Self Pity is injurious to health” for Candles Online long ago. I believe it completely but sometimes we are unable to come out of the cast-it spells because we don’t realise we are suffering from it. Now that I have I have a path carved for me in front of me “Chin up, accept the weakness, acquire strength, learn from failures, taste the success, never give up”!

WHAT DO I WANT TO LEAVE BEHIND BEFORE 2021 WINKS AT ME?

I used to think accepting or adopting something new or alien is difficult but now I feel that leaving something behind or quitting or getting rid of things is much more difficult. We are aware of the fact that how difficult it is for an addictive person to get rid of his/her addictions. Recently, I was so challenged to quit something that was necessary for my life but it was difficult for me to decide it. 

One thing that you want to leave behind this year in 2020?” I asked this question to 35 or 40 odd relatives and friends of mine and I got the following answers: 

One young girl responded – my makeup products. I know many girls get addicted and busy beautifying themselves but at the end of the day, they feel guilty about spending a lot on it. That was an honest answer. 

Another brother said, “Controlling my tongue. At times, my words are too rude to tolerate“. That is quite a confession. In the time we are in now, we really don’t care what we do, what we say, or how we express ourselves to others. We are so irresponsible about our behaviors but the attempt to leave behind that attitude is truly commendable. I applaud it.   

Another woman said, “The partiality of relationship, gender, and love. My house has a lot of it”.  Sibling rivalry, partiality in the families are very common but these are more prevalent these days so it is a constant struggle for all of us to stay positive and sane in a sinful world and be the change agent we are called for. I think the one who poured it out to me knows that she has to deal with it with love, care, and a lot of responsibilities.  All the best, my sis.

 

It was shocking for me when I heard this from her, “Relationship“. But as she didn’t explain what kind of relationship it is not wise for me to speculate it much. It is true, living in a toxic relationship is a big pain in life these days. I struggle thinking about how to really find a way for people who are going through such problems in their marriages or families. 

 

My niece replied, “A bad habit of complaining.” No, I am not going to say which niece of mine said this. But jokes apart, I know a few people who constantly complain about every other thing or people they come across. Though, my niece expressed all her complaints to God only. I was really happy that she kept it limited only to God because only He can really bring any changes to all the things that worry her or disturb her. But if we have a complaining habit or attitude, it is necessary to get rid of it for our good only.

 

Two people replied with the words like, “None” and “Nothing“. They are probably happy with whatever is happening within and around them or they are ready to accept everything that comes in their ways depending on God’s divine strength.  

 

Another niece responded and said, “Maybe I could be a little less lazy I guess…, and by that I mean a little less sleeping.” So she wants to leave behind her excessive sleeping disorder ( it is just her habit though). That is like leaving behind a blessing in today’s context. I struggle to sleep for long hours these days because of stress and Netflix. See, I was honest. 😛

All the best sweetheart, try hard not to be lazy and sleep a little lesser.  

 

One of my oldest friends who is lean and thin replied, “I want to avoid sweets as I have put on weight… But I know I can not.” I joked when I read her answer and she wanted to prove that she has really put on weight recently. But she also confessed that she can’t leave behind that habit of having sweets. It is good for her not to leave it behind. 🙂

 

One of my eldest sisters whom I respect a lot said, “Indisciplined schedule.” That was shocking again from a person like her. But I had asked to be honest so she did and that is commendable. I have always struggled in this area of having a disciplined and organized way of living, rather than following a very laid-back lifestyle. 

 

Another buddy replied, “My loneliness… Want to move in with my hubby…“. I feel for her. Sometimes our professional requirements and adjustments of today’s world ask a big cost to pay in life. So if she is thinking of leaving behind this lifestyle and live together with her spouse then it will be the best thing that can happen in 2021 for them. Please do consider it and be successful in leaving it behind in the coming year, Buddy. 

 

A co-writer and close friend says, “The worst me… I want to leave and get a better me.” A good attempt but it is very difficult to act upon something which is not specific but very broad.  

 

One of my sisters-in-law says, “Bad sleeping habit😬.” Stop watching Netflix and Prime. That much I can say to her… 😛 But yeah, on a serious note, having a good night’s sleep really helps to take most of the wisest decisions.   

 

One of my (adaptive 🙂 ) sisters said, “The tension and constant struggle I have with my Mother in Law.” I can understand how bad it can be when there are constant struggles between the two most important members of a family. They were supposed to be making a house HOME and the struggles between them are difficult to create that atmosphere in the family. If one of them is quiet and tolerating just for the sake of peace in the family then how painful it will be for her to go through it. I can’t really imagine. She had shared her heart with me before and I feel for her. But it is a tough thing to get rid of. Take care sis, and think well before acting on it.

 

I am an overthinker and a control freak…. this year has been especially bad on this front… if I could I would love to dial back on this anxiety of mine.” I love you, my sis for such an honest response to my query. I quite relate to this too and I believe most of us struggle with this attitude. 

Even another sweetest girl says, “For me, it’s overthinking.” Thinking is really good, but overthinking is useless and sucks a lot of our energy. So it is a good decision to get rid of it before stepping into a new year. 

 

Taking things and people for granted is the worst thing and habit. Because taking for granted is kind of misjudging or miscalculating things or people which is really dangerous. One of my co-writers replied honestly, “I want to leave behind my habit of taking things for granted at times.” Good job girl, fight it out and get rid of it. 

 

During this pandemic time, many suffered financially and there were many suicide cases. But those who stayed strong holding onto their grounds are to be applauded and worthy of everyone’s praises.  One of my closest friends writes back, “The stress of not having financial security for my family…“. You can fight it out, buddy. Do get rid of this and you will be victorious. 

Another close friend writes, “I want to leave procrastination and self-pity.” Oh, let me tell you, my friend, we all relate to this. Postponing is so fun but I really want to get rid of it myself as well. 😛

The last response was – “The original answer is a few family members… But the real answer is my bitterness… I became too bitter this year…I don’t like this version of me…I wanna go back to being the sweet, gullible ignorant fool. I was much happier that way… Now it feels like I have no well-wishers. Like everyone is there for a selfish purpose. It was easier when I only saw things at face value and didn’t judge people. But some people’s true faces made me lose all my trust. I actually mourn for old me.” Someone very close to my heart responded to me when I asked her the question. She has been struggling a lot in her life. She has talents that people can only dream of but her present state of mind worries her as well as worries me. And I will be praying unceasingly as she tries her best to get rid of her present self and get back to her old good self. 

Ending my long compilation of what different people want to leave behind or get rid of, I want to share my One Thing that I want to leave behind before moving forward in the new year 2021. Only two people dared to ask me back, “What is that you want to leave behind”

I really want to leave behind my dependency on people instead of doing things on my own depending on my God, the sustainer of my life. Let me give you the lowliest example of my dependency on people… During this lockdown period when I was unable to go anywhere, was secluded from all, and suffered because of my health conditions for months, I literally looked for people to talk to or chat with me. And I hated the feeling of being denied of their availability to entertain me. I am good at creating things for my own entertainment but instead of working on them, I was too laid back to rely on people. I truly, want to get rid of that attitude and move into the new year with my God-given creativity and full dependency on my Saviour. 

In the end, I can quote a Bible verse and hold onto the same –

“But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal…”

I will press on towards my goal, leaving behind my dependency on people as you all will be trying your best to leave behind what you wanted to. 

Stay Blessed!

 

 

CROSSROADS – VII

Riddhima struggled to empty her heart out. To recall that horrendous night was like stepping on the tail of a venomous snake that can paralyze the soul.

That night:

Riddhima was very happy to have got her leave sanctioned for a week. Busy work schedules have taken a toll on her relationship with Suyash. She reached her apartment early with an intent of making that evening special. She planned surprise but was served with shock when she entered her house (she always thought it to be her home though). Suyash was in a compromising position with Riddhima’s friend Sara.

Riddhima’s entry rattled them as they were not expecting her around at that point of time. To say the least Riddhima was shell shocked and was in a complete state of disbelief and anguish. An utter silence ensued.

Sara “Riddhi give me a minute I can explain. You are getting it all wrong. This is not how you see” tried to handle the situation.

Riddhima ” You are right, I was wrong all the way. Now my stupidity needs no explanation after what I just witnessed. I have to say only one thing to you – SHUT UP AND GET OUT!”

Sara left without any counter argument. Now Riddhima turned to Suyash who stood perplexed there silently as a thief caught in the act.

As he was expecting Riddhi to blow him up, she silently walked past him to her room. She was hurriedly packing up her bags as she fought her tears back. Anger and resentment were building up in her as she was moving to and fro between her almirah and suitcases. She couldn’t believe where she landed herself, a person she was in love with was deceiving her with her own friend. Suyash made after Sara made an attempt to explain things and it was anything but remorseful.

Suyash “Look I can explain. It happened in the heat of the moment. One such incident shouldn’t effect us. Stop behaving childish. We entered into this relationship because we never wanted that typical husband-wife drama. You should move on”

At the end of his rather shameless confession Riddhima smirked and said “Hope you understand the meaning of relationship. It’s about emotions and not about lust. And for one last time I agree with you – I am moving on. So badly I want to slap you for being a jerk but since I once loved you and I am responsible for the choices I make in my life I am letting my better sense to prevail and call it quits”. And she left that apartment. Took shelter at her friend’s paying guest accomodation for few days before she moved to Kolkata as she got a new job there. The same night she spoke to Avinash as well as she could think of no one else to confide herself with.

Present:

Doctor heard patiently to Riddhima’s story. Empathy and medicines, she gave both. Doctor said “The best medicine which I can’t prescribe on a piece of paper is that you should be in the company of people who love you without any conditions applied. More you realise your worth in their lives better you will be”.

Doctor’s words sure left an impression on Riddhima’s mind. And she decided to meet Avinash – the only name that figured first in her mind as the doctor mentioned “people who love you without any conditions applied”.

Riddhima and Avinash met that weekend. Riddhi told Avi about her doctor’s visit and that she narrated what tormented her for so many days.

Avi drew himself closer to Riddhi, wrapped his arm around her shoulder and said “Riddhi, may I ask you one thing?”. When she nodded in affirmation he asked “did you ever spoke to your parents about what all transpired that made you leave the city your roots dwelled in? Remember you told me that you will speak to them when I urged let me handle it and didn’t let me speak?”

Riddhima: No, I know that they are already very upset because of me. I couldn’t muster enough courage to face them. I only informed them about the new job offer in Kolkata. I really can’t see them break because of my actions.

Avinash: what actions? Stop blaming yourself for the degraded ways of a jerk first of all. Secondly, I don’t understand the fear of opening up to one’s parents. You opened up your heart to me without doubting for a second if I could use it to leverage any advantage.

Riddhima interrupted “don’t talk nonsense Avi. You never judged me, always had my back then how can I hide anything from you. But parents!! You saw how they were against my moving in decision. And with all this fiasco how can I face them, won’t they be taunt me for my choices?”

Avinash: Now you give me break. This is the first time ever you enraged me. You are judging your parents that they would judge you! I really pity your thought process dear. They will differ in the ways they see and think, this is natural for the generation they belong to. But let’s not get into that discussion. Remember the day when I asked “from whom you are running? Whom you are trying to fool?” Let me answer this for you – you are running away from the truth that you matter to your parents no matter what. My suggestion to you – go talk to them once, and I am here anyways for every help you need”

Riddhima by this time was moved to tears, tears that she held for so long and now refusing to restrain themselves. She embraced Avinash tightly as if she found the solace and refusing to let it go. After a while she freed him from her embrace and said “promise me that you will be there for me on ever cross road of life and guide me which way to pick”

To this Avinash smiled and in his usual playful manner replied “no conditions applied but charges yes for my consultancy services Madam”. Both had a good hearty laugh.

The next day Riddhima called Avi again to inform him that she booked her ticket to Delhi, she is going to meet her parents after a long time…….

CROSSROADS – VI

Avinash sat on the sofa sipping while, an action movie on the screen. The perfect evening to wind up. But his mind was not in the movie. He was lost in the past. He remembered the small piggy tailed Riddhima. They were next-door neighbours and practically grew up together. He had a lot of friends but she was the one who used to help him out when he was in trouble. As a young boy, he had a knack of getting into trouble and then face the wrath of his strict father. Most of the time she would come to his rescue. Be it sneaking in some sweet delicacies when he was in time-out or giving him an alibi when he got into trouble. She would always say that you would do the same for me when I am in trouble. 

When they stepped into adolescence both got busy with their own sets of friends and studies. But whenever they met they brought each other up to date. She told him about her first crush on the head boy of the school. He told her about his first kiss with his girlfriend. How she teased him about it all the time. She used to call his girlfriend dumb and he used to be so angry… That’s another story that the relationship with this girlfriend didn’t last long. 

And then there were these famous arguments they had. They could argue on any topic under the sun. That was because when it came to life both had a diametrically opposite view on everything. But maybe these arguments let them stay grounded and not move too much to one end of the spectrum. 

The tables turned when she got her first job. She seemed to be getting into a lot of trouble after that. Oh want an uproar there was in her family when she moved in with Suyash. Ridhima’s mom called Avi to drill some sense into this Riddhi. But no matter what anyone said she was determined to do her own thing.

Avinash supported her through it all in fact calmed down her parents and talked them into accepting the live-in. 

But then that night almost one year into her relationship with Suyash. Avinash got a call from Ridhima. She was hysterical.. Crying shouting, completely broken. 

When the beer spilled on his lap he realized that he was so angry on the mere memory of that night that he was unknowingly crushing the beer can.

Ridhima had on the other hand plucked the courage to speak to a doctor. Or maybe was so desperate that she had to see a doctor. She walked into the doctor’s room. Dark circles under her eyes were already telling her story. “I can’t sleep. Even if I get to sleep the demons of my past and present keep haunting me. I tried having Restil too that is not helping me either.” 

I am desperate doctor.” 

My whole life has turned topsy turvy. It’s affecting my work also.”

The doctor heard her through and asked her a few questions about her age, diet, stress levels at work, and other things. Doctor asked her when did it all begin.

That fateful evening when she entered the room with her hand full of flowers and big romantic plans in her eyes. The day her life shattered into pieces, flashed in front of her eyes. Wondering how to put it all in words.

CROSSROADS – V

Riddhima didn’t want to remember any of it. Suyash’s cold behavior, his insensitive attitude and his bitterness towards her. It was over. That chapter of her life was closed and she desperately wanted to move on. But something kept holding her back. Why was she still awake at 1:15 am? 

Enough is enough. I got to get some sleep.” She thought. She drank some more water and put on her headphones that was playing some light jazz. And she desperately tried not to think of Suyash. Her mind slowly and gradually drifted to deep sleep. 

Riddhima is sitting with her colleague Mahi and having a cup of coffee at the office cafeteria. Her eyes randomly searching for somebody and she finds Suyash sitting in one corner of the cafeteria alone. He looked like he was upset or maybe he was crying. Riddhima just wanted to go and give him a nice tight hug and shower him with love right there. Suyash is mine, he is not supposed to be sad ever as long as he has me. Mahi catches her staring at Suyash. 

You really like him, don’t you?” teases Mahi

Yeah, sort of. But I don’t know if he feels the same.” Blushes Riddhima.

Go and find out for yourself. He is right there – go and buy him a coffee” says Mahi with a big smile.

Riddhima a bit unsure of herself still goes and gets another cup of coffee for him. She slowly walks towards Suyash and sits next to him. She looks at Suyash and is immediately startled. It wasn’t Suyash. It was Avi. 

Avi, you? What are you doing at my office cafeteria? I thought I saw Suyash.” Screams Riddhima. 

It doesn’t matter Riddhi. You just need somebody to be your love. How does it matter if it is me or Suyash.” Says Avinash with tears in his eyes.

Riddhima jumps out of her chair spilling coffee all over her. And when she looks down at her dress, it was covered in green algae. She looks at the spilled coffee around her and it is not coffee but it is green algae. She feels disgusted and runs to the washroom to wash herself. 

In the washroom, when she looks at herself in the mirror. She sees her mother standing behind her. She turns around. “Mom?” 

Its ok beta. It is only me. Suyash is a good boy. You must get married to him. Other girls of your age are having babies, I don’t know what is wrong with you. People have started talking about you now.” Says her mom. 

Suyash and Avinash are also standing next to her. They both say – “Yes Riddhima, you should get married. You need a man to make you feel loved. Why are you running away?” 

Riddhima runs out of the office on the road and runs as fast as she can. She realizes that there are some cars and trains chasing her. She runs even faster but looks like her home is nowhere visible. She realizes that these vehicles chasing her and finally going to hunt her down and she collapses.

Riddhima wakes up. She finds herself sweating profusely and out of breath. She jumps out of her bed and drinks some water. She feels like puking and runs to the washroom. No puke comes out but she feels sick to her gut. What a horrible nightmare! What does it mean? Mom, Suyash, Avi, Mahi, the cars, the trains – what does all this even mean?

She washes her face multiple times and looks at the clock. It was only 1:55 am. She had hardly slept for 30 mins and this horrible dream woke her up. She now knew that she has to see a doctor the next day. This insomnia and these nightmares would make her go crazy otherwise.