“I LISTEN”: A MOVEMENT TO PROMOTE MENTAL HEALTH AND THE VALUE OF LISTENING

In today’s fast-paced world, distractions from smartphones and digital devices can make it challenging for individuals to fully focus and give their attention to others in face-to-face interactions. Recognizing the deteriorating power of listening, I have started a movement called “I Listen” on my counselling and coaching profile, aimed at creating a culture of compassionate listening and raising awareness about mental health.

“I Listen” is more than just a slogan or a campaign; it is a mindset of being present for others with empathy, understanding, and without judgment. It emphasizes truly hearing someone with our hearts and minds, creating a safe space where individuals can share their thoughts and feelings without fear of dismissal.

The idea behind “I Listen” is simple but powerful: to prioritize listening as an essential element of mental health support. It acknowledges that sometimes what people need the most is someone who will listen, without trying to fix or advise, but simply be present and hold space for their emotions.

Recognising mental health is a vital aspect of overall well-being, “I Listen” seeks to destigmatize mental health challenges and create a culture where individuals feel comfortable opening up about their struggles. This movement is inclusive and encourages everyone to participate regardless of background, age, or profession. It is a call to action for individuals to be mindful of the power of listening in their interactions with others, fostering empathy and understanding in all relationships.

As the initiator of this movement, I pledged in the following manner:

I listen. I value.

Forget for a moment that I am a counsellor or coach. Instead, think of me as someone who will listen to you and value your emotions.

I am a compassionate and empathetic listener who genuinely cares about the well-being of others. Creating a safe and non-judgmental space for people to share their deepest thoughts and emotions is not just a skill of mine, but it comes naturally to me. I am always willing to lend an ear whenever someone needs to talk. I understand the power of active listening and the importance of validating people’s feelings. I am committed to helping others feel seen, heard, and understood.

If you need to pour your heart out, you can do so with me. Don’t hesitate to book a 1:1 call with me now!

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How do you want to commit to the cause I am inviting you to join?

I want “I Listen” to gain momentum and serve as a reminder that small acts of listening can make a big difference. There should be a ripple effect of what I started. It should not be contended to my profile or skill set only. I want you to speak the same language and say, “I Listen.”

Friends! I invite you to join the “I Listen” movement and make a commitment to be present, compassionate listeners for those who may be going through a tough time.

Book your first session with me: I listen

UNDERSTANDING COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS

I believe my previous experience as a non-professional counsellor and life coach was a training period for the present when I could capitalise on what I had learned over the years. What a wonderful feeling it was to discover that what I had been suggesting to people was also being used in CBT Techniques, albeit more systematically and professionally.

Cognitive distortions are irrational, inaccurate, or unhelpful thought patterns that can contribute to a variety of mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Identifying cognitive distortions can be extremely beneficial to a counsellor in treating his or her clients.

Identifying and challenging cognitive distortions is an important part of cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), a type of psychotherapy that helps people change negative thinking and behaviour patterns.

Cognitive distortions can manifest themselves in a variety of ways, but some common examples include:

All-or-nothing thinking: Seeing everything in black and white, with no grey area. For instance, believing that a mistake equals total failure or that someone is either all good or all bad.

Overgeneralization: It is the process of reaching broad conclusions based on a single event or experience. For example, believing that one bad day indicates that everything is going wrong, or that one rejection indicates that you will never succeed.

Mind reading: Assuming, without evidence, that you know what others are thinking or feeling. For instance, assuming someone dislikes you based on their body language or tone of voice.

Catastrophizing: It is the assumption that the worst-case scenario will occur and that you will be unable to handle it. For example, assuming that a minor mistake will result in termination or that a disagreement with a friend will result at the end of the friendship.

Personalization: Taking responsibility for things over which you have no control or assuming that things are about you when they are not. Assuming, for example, that someone’s bad mood is the result of something you did, or that a traffic jam is a personal attack.

This is not just a proven theory that I learnt or heard about but I have experienced it in my life as well. When a person is aware of their cognitive distortions, they can start challenging them and replacing them with more adaptive thought patterns. This can result in symptom reduction, improved emotional regulation, and an overall improvement in mental health and well-being.

Furthermore, assisting clients in identifying and challenging cognitive distortions can boost their sense of agency and control over their own thoughts and emotions. Patients are empowered to take an active role in their own mental health and well-being when they are taught how to recognize and manage cognitive distortions.

Do you possess any cognitive biases? To have a mind free from all the clutter and clouds of such negativities, identify them and uproot them immediately.

Stay Blessed!

(Book a 1:1 counselling session with me HERE.)

HOW WE LIVE THE TIME

Man is subjected to time. For everything, there is a season, and a time for every activity and everything is beautiful in its own time. Does it mean we need to wait for the right time for everything to fall into its place? If it’s so, then why do we worry about life, relationships, career, and the future? Why is it necessary to plan ahead of time?

As I think along these lines, I am reminded of many of my failures and a few of my successes in managing time wisely. Today as we completed the 3^rd year of one of the historical days of this generation, we are reminded “how we human beings are bound by time!” Somehow or other, each of our lives has been greatly impacted when we took some major decision maybe in a fraction of a second before our nation went into nationwide lockdown.

23^rd March 2020 was a slow but normal day until I reached the office. As I reached, I got the news West Bengal state will go for unprecedented lockdown from 5 pm. I just got one window to exit Kolkata by the last flight. Hurriedly, I finished my important work at the office and reached my room, packed my bag, and left for the airport in 35 min. I reached the airport at 4:45 pm and joined the long queue for the security check. Quietly watching everyone struggling to put on their masks and reading the fear of life in every flyer’s eyes left me with one thought – “If I would have delayed 15 mins. What would have happened to me!”

In leadership sessions, we are taught “Plan and Work in time.” Recently, I got an appointment with an influential senior journalist in my city. We agreed to meet at a convenient time, but my delay of 30 minutes at the beginning of the day resulted in considerably less time spent with the journalist. Planning is easy but tunning with the time for the activity causes fruitfulness.

A man reaps what he sows. Concerning every relationship, growth is caused by consistent communication and sincere love. And the root of both the investment is the demand for time. The pathos of this hour is we are the generation that empowered communication in the smartest way ever possible YET WE ARE TREMENDOUSLY DISCONNECTED THAN THE BEFORE GOOGLE GENERATION! India is witnessing a rise of 50% to 60% in divorce rates, especially in urban areas. And the prime reason is the lack of intimacy caused by being unable to spend quality time and meaningful conversation. Taking it further, on the 15^th of February 2022 MoW&CD reported, 1,42,949 children in India are suffering from single parenting. Compromising with the time to cause the relationship to grow has the greatest possibility to backfire even for generations.

We are created and are ordained within a specific time frame which denotes our life is destined for a purpose. YET, God gave us the freedom to choose and invest our time as we wish to. An exposed human body in optimum conditions can be reduced to the bone in mere 10 days and after our death, overall, in a few months or hardly in a year our most beloved people juggle back to normal life. How true is it, time waits for none! BUT… The purpose for which we lived our life and the message we left by the date of death cause glory to God and sets the tune to our legacy.

“There’s a time to be intimate in learning about something or someone.

Its failure causes confusion. Man is subjected to time and sadly, nothing happens off the time.”

WHY DO WE FEEL BORED?

In the past year or so, a lot has changed. At times, I find myself questioning whether I am making progress or getting sidetracked by the numerous distractions around me. Although I am eager to pursue various endeavours, I sometimes neglect to ask myself a crucial question: “Are all these activities beneficial for me?” If they do indeed hold value in my life, I am failing to prioritize them correctly. A prime example is Candles Online, which I consider my brainchild. While I have nurtured it to some degree, I feel like an irresponsible parent, abandoning my teenager to their own devices. This leads me to wonder, “Where does Candles Online rank on my list of priorities?”

Lack of Focus:

This year, 2023 began on a very dull note for me. Everywhere, wherever I have a profile on the internet, the concluding line is, “right now I am mainly concentrating on writing books“. But it’s the fifth day of February and I haven’t published even a single book yet.

Boredom is a psychological condition that reflects a real-life situation in which we are not engaged by the activity we are performing or by the environment that surrounds us. When we feel bored, the time usually passes slowly and we have a hard time staying focused.

I quoted this statement from an article “The Psychology of Boredom” by Simone Redaelli on one of my favourite sites – Psychology Today. I was happy to know Mr Simone thinks exactly how I thought about my feeling. When I have my priorities set and I am focused on achieving something special, then I am sure I won’t be bored. So lack of focus is one of the reasons behind boredom.

Lack of Motivation:

What motivates us mostly? Praise from family and friends, applause, popularity, productivity and financial benefits are the factors that motivate us. Without these even if we have a vision or goal to achieve we feel bored in the middle of our journey.

I and a few of my friends authored a couple of books individually. We were ecstatic when we published. We sent shout-outs, shared the links to our books frantically and spent money on promotions as well. We received the tag, “Published Author” and applause from friends, family members etc., but as time passes we felt demotivated. At least, I did feel that way. Our books hardly gave us anything in regard to any financial benefits. I consider this to be the second reason for my boredom.

Lack of End-Results:

I usually don’t worry about how much money I received or earn if I am getting good feedback about what I am doing or producing for the people around me. I was delighted when my books were read by many and a few started giving their feedback without even asking them. But there were people, the loved ones, who didn’t even read the full book even if they bought it or got it from me. Forget about my book getting a bestseller tag, which I am not expecting. But what I have been expecting is feedback on Amazon or in person from the people who own a book written by me. And this end result of my published book utterly disappointed me and I am bored.

Did I say, I am dwelling in my boredom? Not at all. I have overcome it and have started my war against it. But how did I do that? Maybe next Sunday, I will share it with you all.

Stay Blessed!

OF THE OLD YEAR AND THE NEW

In rushed twenty twenty-two
Close on the heels of twenty twenty-one
Raising hopes of good tidings
Of love, joy, fulfillment and cheer

Now as it bids us adieu
It’s the time to reflect what gifts it offered me and you
While at the threshold of yet another year with promises anew
Ponder awhile how the year of old has seen you through

Humble learnings from every pain
Heartfelt gratitude for every gain
Submissive acceptance for every loss
With many plannings having gone for a toss

Forgiveness for every inflicted hurt
Even though the heart within burnt a lot
Faith – when nothing was in sight
And tempests raged with all their might

Handing over the baton to twenty twenty-three
The year of old gently whispers ‘The race is not over yet’
There’s still much in store
On the pathway to the golden shore

Your Creator promises His presence by your side
Persuading you to keep all anxieties aside
As you welcome another brand new year
That in a few hours would soon appear

CONNECTIONS

I cannot describe the feeling, when I come across a person who can just “airlift” me to a whole different level, just by their sheer presence or a simple candid conversation over a phone line.

Some of us call it having a deep conversation, I like to call them ‘intellectually stimulating conversations’ because not only are we just brushing the surface, _{^{which generally happens at the beginning of any conversation,}} it is when we find the #MeToo’s, is when a person realizes…hold on, there’s more to US here….and the more we talk, the more we get to know small facts about the other person – and

right there – you feel closest to that other person. I know it coz I’ve felt it.

Have you ever felt at that very moment, that you wish you could pull that person out of a screen or your phone and give that person a ‘big hug’? ..and though I’ve never actually said it in actual words, Yes, I’ve fallen in Love – with ‘you’ – there’s LOVE right there…that moment, that person, the exchange…. and the best part: it just happens, all we can do is enjoy the feeling.

…and probably this is why it is always said “A Boy and a Girl can never be ‘just’ friends” – I’m still trying to wrap myself around that statement, on the one hand, I want to believe that sentence makes total sense, however on the other side, it sounds wrong on so many levels. I guess that’s also how the term ‘Unrequited Love’ was originated.

I’ve read somewhere on the internet, that when two people kiss or indulge in the physical act of love, is when people exchange energies with each other, what about when people talk then? A whole lot of exchange is done here too….and at much higher speed and bandwidth, It is one heart directly connecting with another – how does one explain a smile appearing on the face of another simply by a sentence spoken/typed? No face-to-face interaction and yet a simple compliment can bring joy to another person sitting miles away from you. That’s the power of WORDS, mixed with a generous dollop of kindness and a whole heap full of Love.

Buses, trains, stations, and airports… some of the more common places to meet people and forge friendships, Yes. But that’s not me – I wouldn’t do that… at least not make the first move. That said, in India, one cannot afford to be silent or not engage in some kind of conversation – that is almost a given.

I may be sitting in my living room, in my flat, in the smallest state of Goa, in a country far far away from you, and yet I could be saying the words you might exactly want to hear… we may be perfect strangers, and yet we’ve connected in a way that no one can understand.

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I am a language Trainer having knowledge about a few languages spoken widely across countries and continents, but when it comes to the Language of the Heart; most times than not – I prefer being a student because, in an ever-evolving world, the language might remain the same, but the ways to show it..certainly change!

HEART LANGUAGE OR THE LANGUAGE OF THE TONGUE?

“How are your eyes, Amma?”, I asked over the phone.

“No Amma, we are not eating much rice these days. We have limited our diet due to health issues”, replied my mother-in-law.

It wasn’t that she had not understood my question. I realised that she had merely misheard my question. I repeated the query, this time with child-like clarity to which she replied appropriately and we continued the rest of our conversation heartily.

Its a joy to converse with my parents-in-law everyday though miles separate us and our respective mother tongues seem to pose barriers. But, we do not allow linguistic barriers to obstruct the unalloyed outflow of love that emanates from the deep recesses of our hearts.

On one of my visits, my mother-in-law and I got into packing goodies for relatives. At a particular point, forgetting that I am still an infant in Telugu, she gave me a series of instructions in Telugu. I kept staring at her, unable to decipher a word and then went on to do the things exactly the way I had been doing before. She stopped me unapprovingly and said, “Oho…no, not like that.” I looked at her blankly and then we both burst out into peals of laughter.

No doubt common spoken language helps articulate the message of the mind, but understanding the human heart resonates beyond the horizons of spoken and written language.

I enjoy my father-in-law’s hearty laughter each time I ask him, “How are you, Daddy?” The other day, I asked as usual. He replied in his usual style, “We are well, Amma. God has given us enough strength to go about our daily activities. That is enough for us.” “No, Daddy you are not well. What happened?”, I asked with concern. He seemed very surprised and asked, “How did you know?”, as he went on to admit that he was indeed unwell, having been out the whole day in the scorching summer sun the previous day.

The linguistic diversity across the length and breadth of India is one of its unexplainable precious assets that binds hearts and encapsulates the mind. Having had the exposure to people of many Indian languages, I didn’t think interacting with my South Indian in-laws would pose a problem for the East Indian me. We enjoy a bond of love that expands way beyond our linguistic limitations.

On one occasion, my mother-in-law said, “Please learn Telugu. I want to talk a lot with you.” “You can talk Amma, I can understand koncham koncham (little little),” I replied. She laughed and shared a similar experience from her job days when a team of Hindi-speaking North Indian supervisors had visited her workplace and started conversing in Hindi and she had replied in English, “I know Hindi thoda thoda (little little).”

I can go on sharing several such anecdotes as a testament of our bond of love, but I would limit myself to just these for now as I attest the fact that the language of the heart is nothing but the language of love, which when built upon creates unshakeable towers of relationships, but, which when nibbled at, gradually causes relationships to dissipate into thin air.