Challenges are a part and parcel of our life which also bring fear with it. Also,I would say that these are very subjective and temporary. Something that is very challenging for me may not be as challenging for you and same goes with the fear.
So, in this small life of 35 years, I have come across many small and big challenges but the one that consumed me the most is being a mother. You may ask, why so?
We all think that’s its very natural to conceive and there is no rocket science in it. But it was only a few years back that I realised that conceiving was a BIG science.
10 years ago:
I was newly married and had some discomfort with my menstrual cycle. Hence doctor had asked me to do some tests. He said they were routine and normal. Once the reports were out, the first thing he said was, “You can never become a mother“. These words sound straight from a movie.. like .. “Tum kabhi maa nahi ban sakti” but at the time it deafened me. I still remember the outburst I had after reaching home and poor Mr Husband didn’t know how to handle my emotional turmoil. Since starting a family was not an immediate thought because we were just married, finally I settled down after a lot of convincing that it won’t happen like the doctor said.
8 years ago:
By then, we were trying very hard to start the family. But failed every time. Doctors were consulted, horrifying tests were performed and we were asked to time the intercourse as the body was mapped to record the ovulation. Every effort failed! We could not conceive. We were then sent for an IUI. I am not going to go in depth with explanation of this process but do google it. Just understand that I would need to do a sonography every morning and then at the time of ovulation, I would need to visit the gynecologist to perform a medical procedure which will help me conceive. All this, with an extremely demanding corporate job was tearing me apart.
Finally a year later, we conceived! I was on cloud 9. I thought all the hardships are over. But I was wrong. It was a chemical pregnancy and it didn’t sustain.
Similar chemical pregnancy happened again in another cycle. By this time I was shattered. I could see all my perseverance go in vain. My body had gone for a toss because of innumerable injections and hormonal medicines and all that it got me in return was pain.
We took a break from medical treatments. It was much needed. It meant, we can experience the pleasure when we really feel like it and not when doctors asked us to! It meant we could go on a holiday and not worry about our sonography dates. It meant I needed not make my arms and thighs black and blue from the injections.
After a year, we returned to the treatments. In this time, I cannot forget to mention the continuous probing from the relatives and family about how can we have kids, how we need to visit an astrologer, how we need to do this and how we need to do that. Anyway, the IUI saga continued without any results. We made about 13 attempts with this procedure. After that we lost it completely.
Then came the time of a battle between mind and body. Mind wanted a baby and the body was tired. All through this journey, I had cried equal to make a sea of my tears, even thought of ending my life (only thought, i am glad i didn’t do it) and had slipped deep into the depression.
Then came a hope in 2017. It was 8 years to our marriage. We had our first consultation with an IVF specialist and she showed us some hopes. IVF meant draining a lot of money and preparing my body for even tougher medical procedures. We were game for it. I wanted to conceive and give birth to a live child any how! Please do google and read about what IVF procedure is. That doctor held my hand took me along the path of motherhood step by step.
Finally with a lot of hardship, in March 2018 I gave birth to Aarnav. I felt like I am the King of the world! I am ready to die now, I have got all that I ever wanted. I am a mother now!
I cannot miss to mention that my immediate family stood by me like a rock during all these years. They pulled me out of depression each time I slipped. They cheered me each time I have cried and they have assured me each time I had doubted about this whole pregnancy and birthing thing. I am forever grateful to them.
Also, I thank God everyday for giving us our baby. It wouldn’t have been possible without his blessings.
I could overcome this challenge because of God, my family and my will power. I am glad I came out of it alive. I now truly understand the meaning of the phrase
“When going gets tough, the tough get going” I am glad that I was tough enough to face all this and come out being what I always wanted to be – A mother!