HONESTY CAN STAND ONLY ON THE PEDESTAL OF COURAGE

The question put to me today is ‘Do I have the courage to be honest?”

Oh not at all! I am the wrong person to kick start the week about ‘courage to be honest’. See, the thing is that I from my very childhood have been a people pleaser. I mean it mattered a lot to me to what others think about me. I have gone to great lengths to avoid conflict, to not rock the boat. Overlooked a lot many things to avoid argument. 

But over the years I have realized that going along with other’s plans even when we don’t agree with it usually back fires on us. Keeping quite at the start to avoid a conflict eventually leads us into a bigger mess.

For a long time, I have been part of the cultural committee which plans all big celebrations in our society. There have been times when a deco idea or dance idea doesn’t feel right but we still go ahead with it because the person who is suggesting it is very enthusiastic and we don’t want to break their heart. But then eventually when on the D Day there is a debacle or things don’t work out the whole team is blamed, we all become the fall guys. At that moment I realized that its better to be brutally honest right at the start.

Imagine you are in a meeting and your boss suggests an idea. You think it’s an absolutely bogus idea. Do you have the guts to say that to your boss? I have gone along with ideas suggested by my seniors or super seniors which I didn’t really like. And the end result is that if things don’t work out it’s the team which takes the beating and the senior gets away scot free. Why? Because we agreed with it. 

So in my personal opinion in the long run its better to be honest and tell the person why we thing that what he or she is suggesting wont work. I still don’t do it with brutal honesty. I put it forward with a little diplomacy but hey… I am trying…

What happens if your being honest could have an adverse effect on you or your work? Do you still have the courage to be honest? 

Here I will give you an example of my husband. He owns a start up company. Now imagine the scenario. Their company really needed a certification from a government organization. He applied for it and after the due process he was called to the office to collect the letter. The guy in charge said the letter is ready you may take it and also hinted that he was excepting an X amount as bribe… The bribe amount was not very huge and the value of that letter to the company was much greater. My hubby returned the letter to him and said that he will not pay a single paisa and walked out of the room. I can only imagine the dumbfounded expressions on the officer’s face. Not that’s courage to be honest. He put a lot of future contracts in line by refusing to pay but he didn’t regret it.

Eventually that courage paid off, our company did get that letter eventually and we benefitted from that also.

So I guess being honest and pointing out something wrong does feel like a negative thing to do at that time but in the long run it is better for our own sanity, our work and our relationships. And I feel when it comes to honesty, courage is required by both the teller and the listener.

AM I A GOOD KEEPER OF THE PEARLS PLACED ON MY PALMS?

Have you seen pearls or diamonds or some very costly stones or jewellery? Do you keep them on a table or juggle them in your hands? Do you not try to keep them safely and securely in a safe or locker? 

Remember, the same way, our emotions and feelings are like those precious pearls which we need to handle or preserve or keep with utmost care and security. 

In 2013, I attended a 10 days Training program on Trauma Counselling. The trainer addressed us and warned us about one thing which impacted me a lot and I treasured that statement in my heart every time someone shares her/his heart with me.  She said, “Whatever we all are going to share here and pour out our hearts talking about our vulnerabilities, our emotions should not go out of these four walls of this room. Treat everyone’s emotions and vulnerable moments as precious pearls“. And I truly am very careful when someone shares his or her heart with me afterwards. 

A few years ago one of my friends who is a doctor and was in Kolkata at that time requested me if I can counsel a lady suffering from schizophrenia. I was 30 years old then and the lady was 42-45 years old. She was rich being a wife of a businessman. His driver used to come and pick me up from my place to her house and after the counselling, I was dropped back at my place.  

What I wanted to point out here is, why my doctor friend asked me, a man with no counselling background to counsel her own client? I asked her out of nervousness and fear, “What made you ask me to do that favour for you? I have no such degree or license to counsel a schizophrenic patient“. 

Because the way you helped me in my times of trouble, the way you made me feel happy and comforted when I was so discouraged, I believe you can do the same with my client. So I have trust in you and your attribute to make people feel important and comfortable.” She responded and that made me understand why I should sharpen my skills further to help many others in future. 

Lynn Carol Miller, at the University of Southern California, explored the psychological profiles of openers by creating a questionnaire to assess the degree to which people are openers.

According to her –

If you endorse the statements below, then you’re likely to be an opener:

  1. People frequently tell me about themselves.

  2. I’ve been told that I’m a good listener.

  3. I’m very accepting of others.

  4. People trust me with their secrets.

  5. I easily get people to “open up.”

  6. People feel relaxed around me.

  7. I enjoy listening to people.

  8. I’m sympathetic to people’s problems.

  9. I encourage people to tell me how they are feeling.

  10. I can keep people talking about themselves.

I see myself as an Opener after I went through the list given above explaining the character traits of the same. At my workplace, I always complain jokingly, “Am I a temple bell that whoever comes rings it? Why me always? Why do you people always try to go through me?” And I know the answers to those WHYs – because I never send anyone with a NO, instead, I make them feel comfortable. I am very approachable to all. That’s my nature which I further tried to sharpen it more for the benefit of the people around me.  

Sadly, it takes just one human folly that turns an Opener into a Gossiper. If we read the number fourth point about maintaining secrecy or confidentiality, we understand what I am trying to say. The attribute of keeping people’s secret distinguishes an Opener from a gossiper or a slanderer. Once people mistrust a person with the way he or she handles their secrets, all other 9 points become immaterial or useless to them afterwards. So an Opener’s credibility is based on that number fourth attribute before everything else. 

THREE things, I always remember when someone opens up to me: 
1. I make them feel Comfortable with me by not judging them.
2. I Listen to them with utmost Care by giving Importance to whatever they say. 
3. I maintain Confidentiality by preserving their emotions, vulnerabilities as precious pearls. 

I try my level best to be a good keeper of those precious pearls which they place in my palms with so much trust and belief. 

How do you manage? 

Keep pondering and keep reading the articles of this week…

Stay Blessed!

ARE YOU A PRISONER?

Imagine you are in a jail and you are desperate to get out of it. You try really hard. You cry. You beg. You scream. You hit your fists on bars. You shake the bars with all your energy. But nothing happens. Nobody comes to help you. Nobody even acknowledges your presence. You see people around you but they are totally oblivious to your situation. You are exhausted. You can smell urine around yourself. The jail is filthy. You don’t even want to eat at a horrible place like this. However, there is no help that you are getting.

Doesn’t it sound like a worst nightmare?

What if I tell you that in spite of your desperation, you haven’t chosen to walk around the jail. You haven’t chosen to look to your left and right. If you do, you will see that there are wide open doors in left and right side of the walls and if you take those openings and go out – you will be free forever.

Sounds crazy, isn’t it?

What if I tell you that maybe you did look at the openings on the left and right side walls but you ignored them. You know it very well that path will lead you to freedom but you don’t take it because you are scared of dealing with freedom. The jail, however filthy, is comfortable for you. And worst case is that your misery and crying is dear to you. You don’t want to give that up. You blame the whole world for imprisoning you but you still don’t find any jailors who could free you from this jail.

Well. You must be thinking what sort of weird story is this? Why would anybody want to be imprisoned in a filthy place and live a life of misery?

Let me tell you that a lot of people do. They imprison themselves. They are their own jailors. They love to live in misery and self-pity. Not willing to see the doors that lead them to freedom. The doors are just there, wide open. All they have to do is to take steps towards it and feel the fresh air.

Still not believing me?

Have you ever been chronically sad or depressed or anxious or stressed? Might be because some relationship that is not working, relationship with spouse, parents, siblings, and friends. Stressed because there is hell lot of work and you are not able cope with work-life balance. Sad because your in-laws aren’t treating you well. Anxious because you feel horribly guilty of the mistakes that you have done. Worried because your kids are growing up and have their freedom – you know that they can get into trouble. Grieving because your loved one died unexpectedly. Angry because a colleague is being a complete idiot and doesn’t listen to you. Jealous because your neighbors go on an international vacation twice a year and you are not able to save enough money for even one. Frustrated because even when you are putting in a lot of hard work, your management or customer doesn’t appreciate you or the money is not flowing into your business.

There are plenty of such situations in and around us. Frankly I have been guilty of almost all the above scenarios one time or the other. These feelings are the prison. They are filthy and you are always desperate to get out of them. You blame the rest of the world for imprisoning you. But the reality is that you are your own jailor. You have imprisoned yourself and you expect rest of the world to get punished. You are the only one getting punished by suffering. All you have to do is to look around you and you will find a door wide open, just walk out. World will be beautiful again.

This blog is inspired by the book “Maybe you should talk to someone”

HAVE I EVER INSPIRED ANYBODY?

I once affirmed to myself that I wanted to be a possibility of Inspiration. What did I mean when I affirmed so? I meant that I want people to be their best when they are with me in whatever relationship I have with them. This was quite a huge aspiration. But this aspiration continues to drive me every single day. 

So did I succeed? That is really difficult to judge because I cannot really say that somebody in my life is becoming a better person because of me. That would be just unfair to everybody to take away the credit of somebody else’s evolution journey. I can know this only when people come and tell me that something that I did helped them in their own journey to be the better version of themselves. 

Inspiring my readers

I have received a lot of feedback from my readers’ time and again about my articles helped them in their particular situations. Even if any article that I have written makes somebody change their mindset from negative to positive – I consider it a huge success. 

Recently, one of my ex-colleagues called me after reading one of my articles. I spoke to her after really a long time and she mentioned how the lockdown was wearing her out and reading this just changed the her perspective. And now she was willing to explore this dimension a lot more along with me. The article was about something that I learnt while reading an amazing book. The article was this one.

Even this particular article that I got quite a few texts and calls on was this one.

There have been many such instances where people called me or texted me specially to let me know that my article made a difference to them.

Inspiring my students

I was a teacher for a very short span of time. I took up some volunteering work when I was working with GE Healthcare. As part of this work, a group of volunteers taught basic computers and spoken English to 11th and 12th standard underprivileged kids. These kids were studying in Kannada medium government schools and most of them could not communicate basic English and teaching them computers was mainly a language issue. 

I took up the challenge of teaching them English communication and stumbled upon one big obstacle. These kids didn’t know English and I didn’t know Kannada. So, there was absolutely no medium for us to communicate at all. Still I took up the challenge believing that this would probably be my path to learn Kannada as well. So I struck a deal with them – they teach me Kannada and I would teach them English. Initially, it was quite a challenge mainly because I am not at all a quick learner of languages. But we figured out ways to communicate with each other. 

We discovered and played different mixed language games. We learnt together in this journey and I really grew close to this class of not more than 10 students. So close that they started sharing the stories of their teenage crushes with me. 

One of the girl’s parents decided to get her married to a guy 10 years older to her when she just turned 18. I was furious because this girl was really smart and was quite determined to take up an Accountant’s job.

We volunteers met her parents and surprisingly after a few meetings with them – we convinced them to wait for at least 2 more years and give her a chance to pursue a job. This girl and her friends were in tears of gratitude when her marriage was called off. 

This whole episode turned out to be great inspiration for many other volunteers. This wasn’t just my job, we were a team of 4 volunteers that was working determinedly for the future of those kids. And I believe this was probably the biggest difference I have made at the community level. 

Inspiring the people I work with

When I was interviewed for an entry into the current organization that I work with – I was asked a very deep question by one of the very senior members of the panel. He asked me “Apart from your technical skills, what value can you bring to our team?” And I replied “I will make sure that my colleagues work at the best of their ability”. I replied so because I was coming from a team that was highly toxic and was a reason for me to move on. Later on this senior member became a good buddy and he told me that this particular answer made them sure of their decision to hire me. 

It is extremely important to have a calm atmosphere at work. As a junior developer, I have worked in toxic environment for a few years and I realize how crushing that workload is. I decided when I grow up to be in senior position, I will do my best to keep toxicity out. 

The person who tends to respond to a situation instead of react to it – makes the best out of the situation no matter how negative it is. I have seniors who inspire me in this act of responding wisely always. When my team performs at their best and are full of appreciation for each other and me – I know that responding to the situation wisely works always. 

Inspiring my family

There is a lot that I want to write in this regard. I have seen my family members transform from very negative to very positive when I have been practicing responding to them instead of reacting. 

I know my behavior has inspired them to change their mindset. Unfortunately, I cannot allow myself to write more on this area without giving out the details of their lives. So, I will keep at it. 

Possibility of being an inspiration

As a child if somebody would have asked – how can you become an inspiration for people? I probably would have replied that I need to be somebody like Indira Gandhi or APJ Abdul Kalam, maybe I will have to do some great acts and have my biography published or maybe I will have to write many books. 

But now I realize, that all of us inspire each other in many different ways. It is a continuous transaction that happens in our lives with every other soul. A simple act of kindness or compassion can trigger a wave of inspiration in somebody. I get inspired by many and I do inspire many. We just need to notice these little things in life. 

One need not be a VIP to be an inspiration. A mere common person of this world is capable of inspiring by the little acts of humanity. 

WHAT KEEPS ME GOING IN THIS PANDEMIC

Early this week, one of my husband’s very close friend (turned sister) lost her life to Covid. Not only did she die but even her unborn twins died along with her. She got pregnant at the age of 37 via IVF after trying to get pregnant naturally for the last 5-6 years. I felt extremely broken with this news. We had spent the week before hysterically trying to get her help for ICU, plasma donor, blood donors but all in vain. 

There are many such stories going around each day. Citizens of the nation have desperately taken to social media begging for beds, medicines, oxygen cylinders etc. The healthcare system of our nation is crumbling down under the pressure of this virus. Doctors are having to choose between many critical patients when an ICU bed is empty knowing very well that the rest of critical patients will not make it. 

I have always been very fond of reading war novels and today I feel that I am living war now. The attack could come in anytime on my family and I might have to leave everything to help them. The usual gratitude affirmations have so much deep meaning and connection now – “Thank You Universe for my good health. Thank You Universe for another beautiful day that I am getting to live.” These affirmations are now desperate prayers to the God and Universe. 

What do I do to keep myself going?? 

I must admit that I break down many times in a day. Every time a news of a relative pours in, the fear grows. But every single I take time to center myself and reaffirm to myself that me and my family is safe in our homes. I reaffirm to myself that we need to stay home to stay safe. Even though there are no symptoms for anybody in the house, I run around the house with thermometers and oxymeters checking the vitals. And once all turns out to be normal, I thank the Universe again. 

Keeping my gratitude affirmations always running in my head on an endless loop helps me immensely stay calm and relaxed in middle of this havoc. Meditating at the end of the day further helps get on with life. 

Keeping a healthy schedule

Another thing that I do is to ensure that I and my family have a healthy day to day schedule. It is important to stay active and working throughout the day so that negative thoughts don’t make their way permanently. Even on weekends, I have a list of TODO’s that I make sure to complete. Staying all the time at home is not easy especially with a 6-year-old who is always getting bored. 

Also, a healthy schedule of eating fruits, dry fruits, enough proteins, multivitamins, zinc etc. helps keep me on the toes. Unlike the lockdown of 2020, I am not making exotic dishes or baking different kinds of cakes – instead, I am busy extracting fresh fruit juices and cooking other healthy alternatives. 

Even on the days, I hear of a death, I give myself time to grieve but I don’t allow myself or my parents or husband to grieve on it the whole day. Fear and grief makes immune system weak further. We need to ensure good mental health along with good physical health. I do this by sticking to our healthy day to day schedules. 

Volunteering

I am so moved by the social media volunteers who are working day and night to save as many lives as possible. I am part of both Bangalore and Dehradun social media groups. Initially, when I joined these FB and Whatsapp groups, I felt really overwhelmed at the number of requests coming in – I was trying to help them all and felt burnt out in no time. Now I do volunteering work only a couple of hours on a weekday and few extra hours on weekends – it is not being selfish but it is to ensure that I stay healthy myself and keeping a healthy environment for my son and parents at home. 

My tips to all the social media volunteers 

  1. Limit the number of hours you spend on volunteering to a number that is comfortable for you given your own family and health conditions.
  2. Pick up one area – ICU beds, oxygen beds, medicines, oxygen cylinders/concentrators, food for volunteering. Once you pick up an area, stick to it. If you have chosen food then don’t start searching for oxygen cylinders or ICU beds. 
  3. Or pick up one patient and try to help that family to the closure of the treatment. Keep following up with the attendants to find out the status of the patient and line of treatment. Find out their needs and try to find leads for them. 
  4. Keep your intention very clear when you are volunteering. If you try to help somebody with a mindset that “nothing is available”, then you won’t be of much value. 
  5. Prayers go a long way. Keep praying that the patient(s) you are trying to help finds the right treatment and gets healthy in no time. 

The spirit of humanity that I see today really keeps me going. People are helping each other beyond their capacity. With this volunteering work in Dehradun, I have reconnected with so many of my schoolmates and college-mates and met so many other humble souls who are doing all that they can. This work really grounds me and is an extremely humbling experience. 

Keep the news from Media limited to just news

These days when I hear the news about ICU beds scam or medicine scams or black marketing of vaccines, it makes me extremely angry. But again I keep the negative news really limited to just reading the headlines so that I am informed and it helps me in my volunteering work. I do not purposely read the whole news because it makes me negative. It takes a lot of will power to not blame the authorities or governments and curse these people who are taking selfish advantage of the situation – but I use all my energy to ensure that I do not give in. 

Take me-time out everyday

Do something for your own entertainment every single day. I do the following

  1. Watch comedy shows/movies.
  2. Follow some series with meaningful stories.
  3. Read books.
  4. Do different DIY projects and paintings.
  5. Shop online
  6. Watch motivational videos of different life coaches
  7. Play with my son with different kinds of games

Just have fun for a few hours in each day. Keep your grief and sadness away for a while and just live life the way it is supposed to be lived. 

Wishing all my readers a very good health and praying for my nation!

I SURELY DIDN’T INTEND TO…

There are many times in life when we do something that we don’t intend to. Why do we do something without an intention? Because all the negative feelings like hatred, anger, frustration, guilt etc. do not work with Intention. These feelings only know destruction and even though these can motivate you for a short while, eventually they will make you do things that you do not intend to do. 

Like for my 6-year-old son, there is a “Bad Devil” and “Good Angel” inside him. The bad devil often gets very powerful and makes him a bad boy. Good Angel on the other hand does the exact opposite. When he throws tantrums and misbehaves, it is his bad devil that makes him to do so. 

Isn’t it true for all of us? Bad Devil making us do things that we definitely never wanted to do. 

The way I hit my pup

When my dog was a little puppy only a month old, she was teething and obviously would chew on every item in the household that she could reach. It was newspapers, footwears, furniture, wires etc. One day when I came back from the office, as usual, she started climbing over me licking me all over. I have always loved being welcomed back home this way. But as I enter the house playing with her, I notice in the corner of the hall – my brand new (really expensive) footwears in tatters. My anger grows so badly within seconds, that I hit her with all my might. Poor thing, she fell down and had no clue why this unannounced attack came on her. 

Pups are much like human babies. They cannot connect why grownups are feeling in a certain way if we don’t make it obvious for them. I didn’t do that. I scared the hell out of her, she hid beneath the bed and stayed there for a while. I looked at my broken footwear which was now beyond repair. After about 5 mins, I felt terribly guilty. I called her out, but she took her time to trust me again. And I am pretty sure that I saw tears in her eyes and she was even trembling. That day I swore to myself, that I will never ever hit her this way. She is such a precious little being for me and she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. 

How many of us intend to be the best parents in the world but end up abusing our kids or pets because of the frustrations of our lives? 

The way I said mean things to my husband

Soon after marriage, I realized that handling a married relationship is in no way easy. It was great to be my husband’s girlfriend, but being his wife was a totally different ball game. Till this realization came, our worlds kept clashing and the difference in expectations made me do and say a lot of mean things to my husband. It didn’t mean that I didn’t love him, it just meant that my “Bad Devil” came in more than desired and made life very difficult for me. It made me do and say things that I never intended to. 

And after every argument, I would text him – “I am really sorry. I didn’t mean to say that…” 

One day he asked me, why you say things that you don’t mean. How do I know that you really don’t mean them? I didn’t have an answer but I apologized. But his asking me a question so direct, made me realize what I was doing. 

Always to remember – “The spoken words can never be taken back” 

I just gave two examples here. But there are innumerable incidents in different relationships where I have done things that are against my actual intention and regretted them. 

How do I control my “Bad Devil” so that I don’t do things that I don’t intend?

A lot of things. Some common examples are –

  1. I try to keep an attitude of gratitude. 
  2. I meditate.
  3. I say prayers either as affirmations, mantras or other things
  4. I ensure that I don’t take any action when I am in a negative state of mind.
  5. I ensure that I keep my mouth shut when I am angry.
  6. I take time-outs when I see my “Bad Devil” rising.
  7. I try to keep my intentions for each day very clear.

We human beings are blessed because we can use our intentions to move in the direction that we want to. Sometimes our negative emotions serve as a deterrent to our intentions, we need to keep them at bay if we intend to grow and evolve to better versions of ourselves. 

I Truly Believe In Love

When I was in college (graduation 3rd year), I read two books as a part of our syllabus – The Great Expectations by Charles Dickens and Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen. Both are great works. Human relations, follies, expectations, insecurities, vulnerabilities – mainstay of these works. Me being a romantic to the core person was swept off my feet by beautiful portrayal of Elizabeth and Darcy – the protagonists of “Pride & Prejudice”. Elizabeth, a strongly opinionated, free spirited , well read, beautiful and a charismatic girl. Her beauty was not only what was obvious but her refusal to let herself to be treated as doormat added to her aura. Despite of not having grand fortune and unfortunately quite a few annoying pompous characters in her family she never let herself to act or sound vulnerable. Meekness or submission wasn’t her. She represented grace. On the other hand Mr.Darcy was rich by leaps and bounds. Was as opinionated as his female counterpart was but the natural flair of talking easily to people wasn’t his forte. His stoic silence made him look haughty. His reserved nature was often mistaken for being too proud to mingle. But as the story proceeds the layers over his character get unveiled, making him a desirable life partner for every girl. Ok, I will be honest with you all – I really wished to have a Darcy in my life – handsome, even more handsomely rich and to enhance every other quality that he possessed – sensible & madly in love with a person to go to any extent.

It was their chemistry that kept me hooked. Left me happily teary eyed everytime I finished the book. I actually lost count of number of times I have read this book (haven’t yet counted the number of views I have paid to the series). It is no less than a fairy tale following the suit where poor girl meets rich boy, they get married and happily live ever after. It is more closer to the real lives where a union of two people isn’t devoid of involvement of families and friends. Superiority complex of affluent ones, misunderstandings – both of words & silence, expectations tied to engagements, pride invested in qualities (materialistic and otherwise) one possess, prejudiced opinions one forms of the other and how finally love finds it’s way – we do find such elements in and around our lives, isn’t it? That’s why this fiction stood the test of the time.

My Draw: To be honest, whether I read or watch this work of art, majorly it’s an escapism to the rosy world of romance I adore. I simply cherish love stories. It hand overs to me a sense of happiness. But over the years it apart from happiness it gave me one important lesson – Pride about something – good or bad, inadvertently nurses prejudice. Let’s forget about the book and it’s characters for a moment. Let’s take an example from what’s around us. A man regular in his prayers and social work feels proud of his desirable ways of life. When he sees another person who is not very invested in regular prayers and social work isn’t a part of his regular proceedings of life, the former one immediately forms a prejudice about the later one about how wrong he is without knowing him fully, without having an awareness of his portion of struggles in life. It is very much happening all around us. No denial. So if you let pride rest for long in your head get ready for an add on guest – Prejudice, period!

Moving on from this story, have you ever thought what would be life of Elizabeth and Darcy when they enter their 60s? When romance blooms completely into love. Well, not sure of them but I came across a Indian regional movie that exactly defines what love and companionship is. The movie’s name is Mithunam, which means a couple. It’s in Telugu. The entire movie is about an elderly couple – Appa Dasu & Buchi Lakshmi, whose children have settled in different parts of the world. In the entirety of the film you will see only these two characters. It might seem to be a reel showcasing their daily mundane activities but the depth needs a heart to let it sink.

The first thing what I noticed after I finished watching this movie is it isn’t some unrelated, non relatable celebrities that can give us couple goals. If companionship has to be understood look at our grandparents, look at our parents. My own in-laws are together for 42 years now. Have seen lows and highs together. Being together is what mattered. And probably for the first time on celluloid I have seen where it wasn’t about the rose flowers but about the fragrance it spreads. It isn’t about the attraction during youth but affection in the dusk of the age. Where hero and heroine aren’t the glamorous hot shots but someone more identifiable and relatable with us. Completely in love with this movie.

What Mithunam taught me?

Many beautiful aspects have subtly touched upon in this movie that can make a life meaningful and joyful.

  • companionship means understanding the unannounced pain, doing your part without being vocal about it. There was a particular scene where the wife comes to know how her husband has been helping her best friend over the years to get her son educated after her husband has departed. Never once did he let her know about her friend’s ordeals.
  • Work your bodies and rest your mind. Movie beautifully depicted the mantra for a happy and healthy life. From growing vegetables, doing chores to even unconventional jobs repairing slippers like cobblers do, this movie also speaks about dignity of labour and self reliance though in a very nuanced manner.
  • For the first time I heard the concept of attachment and detachment in this movie. Our love shouldn’t turn into constant worry or impediment – for us or others. Live life as it comes – this is what Appa Dasu taught me.
  • At the end when Appa Dasu dies, Buchi Lakshmi cries her heart out and says “thank you God”. Don’t get her wrong, she opens up as she talks to herself “I was constantly worried what would happen to this man if I leave this abode before him, he is like a child who can’t take care of himself. Now my worries are put to rest”. Is this not true love considering the fact that in India dying as a married woman (before her husband) is considered good.

I can go on about this feel good movie, but surely there’s more this movie can give us. Available on youtube with subtitles, give it a try! These two works have strengthened my idea and belief in love. I may not have Darcy, but surely I want to grow old with my man and lead a content life ☺️.