“Rule for a peaceful life- Keep your hearts open, spirit free and tongue in control”
It’s all in the tone how you read “Why I Can’t”? A frown spells depression whereas curiosity refills the positivity to achieve the unachievable. Give it a try yourself!!
“Your gestures and words must exhibit and mean that you care and love to your loved ones. And do it right away for deadlines can be extended not lives. Memories matter whereas regrets don’t have value”.
Goal for life – have a compassionate heart that could feel the pain of a fellow being and a mind strong enough that won’t let me crumble in the times of personal distress.
Riddhima struggled to empty her heart out. To recall that horrendous night was like stepping on the tail of a venomous snake that can paralyze the soul.
Riddhima was very happy to have got her leave sanctioned for a week. Busy work schedules have taken a toll on her relationship with Suyash. She reached her apartment early with an intent of making that evening special. She planned surprise but was served with shock when she entered her house (she always thought it to be her home though). Suyash was in a compromising position with Riddhima’s friend Sara.
Riddhima’s entry rattled them as they were not expecting her around at that point of time. To say the least Riddhima was shell shocked and was in a complete state of disbelief and anguish. An utter silence ensued.
Sara “Riddhi give me a minute I can explain. You are getting it all wrong. This is not how you see” tried to handle the situation.
Riddhima ” You are right, I was wrong all the way. Now my stupidity needs no explanation after what I just witnessed. I have to say only one thing to you – SHUT UP AND GET OUT!”
Sara left without any counter argument. Now Riddhima turned to Suyash who stood perplexed there silently as a thief caught in the act.
As he was expecting Riddhi to blow him up, she silently walked past him to her room. She was hurriedly packing up her bags as she fought her tears back. Anger and resentment were building up in her as she was moving to and fro between her almirah and suitcases. She couldn’t believe where she landed herself, a person she was in love with was deceiving her with her own friend. Suyash made after Sara made an attempt to explain things and it was anything but remorseful.
Suyash “Look I can explain. It happened in the heat of the moment. One such incident shouldn’t effect us. Stop behaving childish. We entered into this relationship because we never wanted that typical husband-wife drama. You should move on”
At the end of his rather shameless confession Riddhima smirked and said “Hope you understand the meaning of relationship. It’s about emotions and not about lust. And for one last time I agree with you – I am moving on. So badly I want to slap you for being a jerk but since I once loved you and I am responsible for the choices I make in my life I am letting my better sense to prevail and call it quits”. And she left that apartment. Took shelter at her friend’s paying guest accomodation for few days before she moved to Kolkata as she got a new job there. The same night she spoke to Avinash as well as she could think of no one else to confide herself with.
Doctor heard patiently to Riddhima’s story. Empathy and medicines, she gave both. Doctor said “The best medicine which I can’t prescribe on a piece of paper is that you should be in the company of people who love you without any conditions applied. More you realise your worth in their lives better you will be”.
Doctor’s words sure left an impression on Riddhima’s mind. And she decided to meet Avinash – the only name that figured first in her mind as the doctor mentioned “people who love you without any conditions applied”.
Riddhima and Avinash met that weekend. Riddhi told Avi about her doctor’s visit and that she narrated what tormented her for so many days.
Avi drew himself closer to Riddhi, wrapped his arm around her shoulder and said “Riddhi, may I ask you one thing?”. When she nodded in affirmation he asked “did you ever spoke to your parents about what all transpired that made you leave the city your roots dwelled in? Remember you told me that you will speak to them when I urged let me handle it and didn’t let me speak?”
Riddhima: No, I know that they are already very upset because of me. I couldn’t muster enough courage to face them. I only informed them about the new job offer in Kolkata. I really can’t see them break because of my actions.
Avinash: what actions? Stop blaming yourself for the degraded ways of a jerk first of all. Secondly, I don’t understand the fear of opening up to one’s parents. You opened up your heart to me without doubting for a second if I could use it to leverage any advantage.
Riddhima interrupted “don’t talk nonsense Avi. You never judged me, always had my back then how can I hide anything from you. But parents!! You saw how they were against my moving in decision. And with all this fiasco how can I face them, won’t they be taunt me for my choices?”
Avinash: Now you give me break. This is the first time ever you enraged me. You are judging your parents that they would judge you! I really pity your thought process dear. They will differ in the ways they see and think, this is natural for the generation they belong to. But let’s not get into that discussion. Remember the day when I asked “from whom you are running? Whom you are trying to fool?” Let me answer this for you – you are running away from the truth that you matter to your parents no matter what. My suggestion to you – go talk to them once, and I am here anyways for every help you need”
Riddhima by this time was moved to tears, tears that she held for so long and now refusing to restrain themselves. She embraced Avinash tightly as if she found the solace and refusing to let it go. After a while she freed him from her embrace and said “promise me that you will be there for me on ever cross road of life and guide me which way to pick”
To this Avinash smiled and in his usual playful manner replied “no conditions applied but charges yes for my consultancy services Madam”. Both had a good hearty laugh.
The next day Riddhima called Avi again to inform him that she booked her ticket to Delhi, she is going to meet her parents after a long time…….
“Welcome back Miss. Stubborn” Avinash hesitantly accepted her decision. And within two weeks the house was set. As Avinash was working on settings of the house Riddhima came with coffee and persuaded Avinash to take some rest.
“Come on Avi, take a break, you need it. You have been working since morning, in fact since the day the deal was finalized” as she handed over the coffee mug to Avinash. “What shall I order today, it’s my treat, your wish is my command” Riddhima playfully said while surfing some online food portals.
Avi fixed his gaze at her face “whom are you trying to fool, you think I don’t know what pain you are going through. You are trying to run away but from whom. Look, we can together try to fix this and for that, you don’t have to come and stay so far. Do you fear of crossing paths with those who wronged you? I am with you, why are you letting your apprehensions get better of you? Please let’s go back. I was never in favour of you coming to this far off place. You have never been away from your city, city where you grew up, that has your family…” and as Avi let his emotions flow Riddhima questioned, “how about a Pizza?”
This almost irked Avinash “you think this is a joke?”
A sarcastic smile escapes Riddhima’s face “Avi you know me so well!!! I needed this space” silencing Avinash.
After a while…
The pizza was delivered, they savored it. Few more chores were settled and Avinash took leave. Avinash was Riddhima’s childhood friend. Professional commitments brought him to Kolkata whereas Riddhima was in Delhi all these years.
As soon as he left an eerie silence engulfed. Riddhima lied on her bed tossing uncomfortably. Is it the new place, new beginning, or the old memories that kept her up? She couldn’t understand. She sharply stood up and sat upright, perplexed as her past rallied in front of her eyes…
A few months back I got a packet of carrot seeds and sown them in my garden. Days turned into weeks but no result. Instead, unwanted weeds cropped up all around. I pacified myself thinking maybe the soil isn’t of good quality or the seeds aren’t supreme. Yet kept checking. Meanwhile, in a small pot, I scattered few tomato seeds and surprisingly saplings did crop up in no time. What made the difference? In the first case, I buried (literally) the seeds quite deep making it hard for the feeble saplings to make it to the surface. On the contrary, I sowed the tomato seeds quite close to the surface and covered them with a thin layer of soil. Keeping the soil loose lets the seeds breathe easy and develop well.
What struck me actually? Not the principles of Horticulture but a valuable lesson that those tiny particles have taught me. When the seeds are sown really deep and the upper layer of soil is decked up too tightly the saplings never find it easy to develop – not just tender leaves but strong roots; roots strong enough to brave the weather and stand upright. And this has a close allegory to the way we perceive devotion or seek wisdom in our lives.
We have strongly and successfully confused ourselves with devotion towards God and attaining wisdom with a set of ritualistic practices. And that resulted in FEAR. Fear of facing God’s wrath if we fail to perform or practice rituals as per the rule book which is amended and molded as per personal conveniences!! And unfortunately, we forget that God can’t be a synonym for fear and which is conveniently cashed by few “caretakers” of religions in the name of God. And that forces the rigidity. Rigidity to do things as mentioned and deemed to be God’s will. Just as the seeds need the soil to be loosened to let them breathe, the rigidity of practices must be done away with. The fear-mongering must be stopped, enabling the emotion, the devotion of heart – “God Loving” dwell in.
Fear never lets the love thrive and when love ceases to exist the desire to know more extinguishes and that blocks the route to wisdom, period! On a lighter note, we must remember that God is not our thrice removed maternal uncle to sulk and swear at every trivial matter. He has created us to achieve higher purposes in life rather than navigating directionless with fear of choosing five minutes of folded hand prayer over 50 minutes of chants.