LOOKING AT A WOMAN LUSTFULLY

Finally, the ‘Lustful Week’ has come to an end… 😉

Throughout the week we have addressed teenagers and adolescents with regards to the issue of ‘Attraction & Lust.’ But are we, adults free from lust? Do we guard our eyes effectively?

I remember an incident described by my cousin when we were teenagers. He & his friend went to their coaching class. While returning they saw a known uncle coming out of an adult Movie Theatre. These two mischievous creatures went right in front of him and greeted him. The Uncle! Huh! Literally ran away from them feeling ashamed.

One Bible verse really struck me.  I could not proceed further when my eyes fell on this Bible verse in Matthew 5:28 (NIV) where it says, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

I started searching for the parallel versions of the same verse to see the synonyms of the word ‘lustfully.’ I found the verse in different translations which are taken from ‘biblelexicon(dot)org’ as follows:

New American Standard (©1995)
‘but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’

King James Bible
‘But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.’

Young’s Literal Translation
‘but I — I say to you, that every one who is looking on a woman to desire her, did already commit adultery with her in his heart.’

What does the word ‘lust’ really mean? Is it looking at a woman’s breasts? Is it admiring the curves of a woman? Or is it thinking of going to bed with the woman I am looking at? The word ‘lust’ really confused me.

Google search gives the meaning/meanings as under:

Noun: Very strong sexual desire.

Verb: Have a very strong sexual desire for someone.

Synonyms: Noun. desire – craving – longing – passion – concupiscence

Verb: crave – hanker – desire – yearn – covet – thirst – long

The Lexicon online Bible says, the original word in Greek is: epithumeó 

It describes the word in English further as: ‘to show focused passion,’ ‘greatly desire to do or have something.’

Before I could conclude on the meaning of the word ‘lust,’ the article which we read few days ago on last Sunday came into my mind suddenly.

Yeah! I am talking about the Mega Article written by Prabhjot which clearly states that it is a natural instinct of men to look at the curves, breasts etc., of women to whom they ultimately get attracted to marry. That is how we are created.

I found two conflicting thoughts within my mind. Both the Bible verse and the article seemed alright to me yet, why there seemed to be a contradiction? Or was I missing the difference somewhere?

I decided to do an in-depth study on the word ‘adultery,’ because that’s the result of our natural instinct.

The web meaning says: “voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse.”

The Lexicon online Bible confirms it with a definition: I commit adultery (of a man with a married woman, but also of a married man).

Adultery involves illicit relationship between a married man or woman. The Bible verse doesn’t contradict the natural instinct of human beings getting attracted to the physical bodies of people of the opposite gender. In fact, that is how we are made! But, lust in the mind creates a craving for adultery in action – “a thought of having physical or sexual relationship with the woman I am looking at.”

There is a big difference between ‘a thought of having physical or sexual relationship with the woman’ and ‘just getting attracted to the physical beauty of a woman.’ The natural instinct of a man to get attracted to a woman is for choosing a life partner which is not needed for married men anymore.  So, as a married man I simply cannot have both kinds of thoughts running in my mind at the same time.

This is really a struggle many of us go through today. We need to improve not just to show our spirituality but also to show our faithfulness and love for our beloved spouses. This is a practical and a day-to-day issue for all irrespective of our beliefs. We need to improve and grow daily as ‘complete men,’ physically, mentally and spiritually.

(NOTE: Please be open and feel free to comment in support of or against my views. Please also provide your view points on this issue. This article is not for the Christians but for the all to read, comment and share their view points.)

Author’s Bio: Chiradeep Patra is a finance man who works in a NGO at Kolkata. He is a writer, motivator & counselor. 

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WHY THEY ARE NOT LOVE?

ATTRACTION

A feeling of being drawn towards a person of the opposite sex on the basis of her figure / his physique, enchanting looks, lovely eyes, cascading hair, captivating personality, etc.

It is short-lived.

ATTRACTION IS NOT LOVE

 

CRUSH

 Occurs right away.

 Doesn’t last long.

 Is not a powerful feeling.

 Masks the other person’s flaws.

 It is all about physical attraction.

 Drains one of energy.

 Involves jealous.

CRUSH IS NOT LOVE

INFATUATION

 Occurs almost instantaneously.

 Is powerful, but short-lived.

 Seeks & flourishes on perfection.

 Focusses more on the physical.

 Drains one of energy.

 Involves jealousy & obsession.

 Infatuation means being in love with love.

INFATUATION IS NOT LOVE

LUST

 A physical emotion in reaction to the physical appearance of a person of the opposite sex.

 Involves physical & sexual attraction.

 Is a short-lived, but intense feeling.

 Craves for immediate gratification.

 Does not care for the other person’s emotions.

LUST IS NOT LOVE

 

LOVE

Develops gradually overtime.

Accepts the other person completely, along with his/her imperfections.

Grows deeper with time.

Is much more than mere physical attraction.

Is energising, not draining.

Is considerate, not jealous.

Is built on the foundation of trust.

Love involves being in love with a person.

LOVE NEVER FAILS

UNDERSTANDING THE PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECT OF ADOLESCENTS’ ATTRACTION AND LUST

The very topic “Attraction and Lust” is such a subject which maximum people avoid to discuss about. Our culture has many a times made sex a topic to be avoided. But in the true sense it is a very significant subject which everyone should have knowledge of.

Today I would like to draw the readers’ attention to the psychological aspect of adolescents’ attraction and lust. Generally there are four stages of human development i.e infancy, childhood, adolescence and adulthood. I would like to emphasis only on the sexual aspect of Adolescence, as it is the most crucial stage of an individual. The growth achieved, experience gained, responsibilities felt, the relationships developed and the knowledge acquired at this stage of life destine the complete future life of an individual. Raymond calls it “The Renaissance Age” of an individual.

Sexual maturity in the adolescent is the central theme of this stage. The sexual energy emerges with great force at the onset of adolescence which remains dormant at childhood. Due to the sudden and vigorous functioning of sexual glands, sexual organs grow and the sex instincts reach their peak. Both boys and girls become extremely self-conscious and children who are antagonistic to the opposite sex start showing great interest and attraction towards the opposite sex. The ductless glands make them sexually active and there is an urge to satisfy the sexual cravings which so often leads them to masturbation.

Adolescence is also marked as a period of extreme emotional instability, where all kinds of emotions like anxiety, fear, love, anger, etc are extreme. Adolescents are too moody, disturbed, restless, sensitive and inflammable and their emotions fluctuate frequently and quickly. It is important that the parents and teachers should be very much aware of the peculiar mindset of the adolescents and should guide them successfully through this difficult period of their life, as this is the stage of human life where most of the individuals divert themselves into the wrong track….often establishing sexual relationship with the members of opposite sex. It should be mandatory for every sensible institution to arrange adequate ‘Adolescence Education’ for healthy growth which includes instruction on reproductive and sexual health.

— Arpita Dutta

IF WE CAN CONDEMN PRIDE, GREED, ANGER… THEN WHY NOT LUST?

God created humans in his image. From times immemorial it has been conceived that we are called to be one and one with God but given the present circumstances that is far from being true. This week’s topic talks about ‘Attraction and Lust’. This is something that has been dealt in each one of our lives.

While interacting with people, individuals come across the members of the opposite sex and during their growth years, experience major changes which have already been discussed earlier. Now the changes have been experienced by everyone but not all of us know the emotional and ethical folds that are in this. Attraction here deals with something that happens between two individuals and that can be considered a step further than friendship but later on leads to two broad pathways, Love and Lust.

To talk about something like this one has to have an uninhibited mentality as these topics are seldom discussed in the public forum. But it does not mean it is less important.

Love and Lust are two separate entities and by no means have they overlapped each other. While I was attending a seminar on Following God in an X-rated World I was enlightened by the following which I really think needs to be shared. This is how love and lust differ from each other. But before going about it I would like to say that Lust is listed under the seven deadly Sins of the world and Love as we all know is a gift from God.

When individuals indulge in Lust they look forward to using their partner while in love they care. This destroys the partner while in love it nurtures. Love is sharing a life with the partner while Lust is just a mere action. Lust involves separation in every way while in love a person emotionally bonds. Lust is visual and genital but love involves the mind, body and soul. Lust most importantly curses the image of God in the partner whereas in Love the image is honoured. Lust later on leads to depravity as it never completes but is temporary. Love on the other hand is a sign of sanctification. Lustful people are always irresponsible and are concerned about their own pleasure. People in love take up the responsibility. Actions done in lust are an act of rebellion against the Almighty while love is an expression of the joy of obedience to Him.

Therefore, friends we all get attracted but the choice is ours. Where do we want to go, the way of Lust or the way of Love? Through this, I don’t wish to condemn or judge anyone as we are all judged for something or the other committed. On another perspective if we can condemn Pride, Greed, Anger, Gluttony, Sloth and Envy, why not Lust?

ATTRACTION OR LUST? WHO CARES, IT MEANS THE SAME THING!

We use LUST as a negative word, and ATTRACTION as a positive one, without understanding that both words essentially mean the same thing.

For the longest time, I have waged war with this so called “attraction” in different ways, most of them through friends who would come and tell me, “It just happened, I don’t know when I fell in love.” This is not love! Beg your pardon people, but as soon as someone tells me something like that, I know it cannot be love.

Who am I to judge anyone though, especially since I have been victim to “attraction” too! So whenever in doubt, I always go back to my manual of life, my Bible. Here’s what my Bible says about Lust: For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 1 John 2:16

Notice how it does not stop at lust of the flesh, it says lust of the eyes too! Your eyes are the biggest deceiver.

So next time anyone tells you, ‘I don’t know how it happened…’, aren’t they really admitting to LUST?

My point is simple! To all the young people reading this, please understand this clearly:

LOVE is a lifetime DECISION! LUST is a fleeting FEELING!

We believe LOVE comes from God, because HE is LOVE personified. If love then, is eternal, how can we believe that these little fleeting moments that cause our hearts to beat faster for 2 minutes is actually LOVE? It is nothing but LUST.

We must learn to recognize the difference between LOVE and LUST – so many heartbreaks can be avoided if we just see the difference!

IS IT NATURAL SEXUAL INSTINCT OR PERVERSION?

Today is a world where we get everything in its distorted form mostly through media. Media highlights only which is trending or happening instead of what is right or should be trending.

The normal instinct of attraction of a female to a male and vice versa is also distorted and projected in a very erroneous way through different types of means. Various magazines, newspapers, adult movies, different adult internet sites & cell phones are the major among the medias.

Women are projected as a sex objects through different types of sexual contents specially made for internet sites, movies, whatsapp sharing.

These sexual contents reinstate our natural sexual instincts with perversions. This is not good and needs to be addressed or countered as early as possible.

 The adverse & after effects of sexual contents and Fantasies:

– Sexual contents mesmerize our minds, make us addicted to it

– It captures our attention and we start fantasizing day and night all kinds of imaginary and unnecessary things.

– This makes us forget our responsibilities and duties given by our parents and teachers.

– Our academic performance declines.

– Our social relationships with family and friends deteriorate, because as adolescents or youth we are too immature to handle our sex drive and its effects.

– Sexual contents motivate and force immediate gratification, which is impossible for the children and youth in reality. This frustrates us and makes us depressed.

– As sexual fantasies are wrong, the children and youth suffer from the sense of guilt and feel extremely shameful.

Friends! Careful of your instincts, let it be natural not perverted.

UNDERSTANDING SECONDARY SEXUAL CHARACTERISTICS

Dictionary meaning of the word Sexuality is “Understanding our sexuality is about the sexual feelings and attractions we feel towards other people, not about who we have sex with.“ For me, Sexuality is much more than just sexual feelings. It is that part of my personality that makes me a woman. It is what makes me different from a man.

Sexuality is a very complex topic, more so because of the rising awareness of homosexuality, trans-genders, bi-sexual and asexual. But in this topic I only want to limit myself to heterosexuality because homosexuality (and others) is another vast topic that cannot be covered in the same article.

Let me start with a very basic question that usually arises in the minds of every teenager – why are men so obsessed with the breast of a woman? If I go back to my biology class in school, we were taught about the reproductive organs and the only job of breasts was to produce milk for the little one that is born out of the woman. Then why are breasts considered seductive to an extent that in any culture throughout the globe, women with bare breasts is not considered decent.

Similarly, why are young girls so attracted to well-built boys? A good height, muscular built and deep voice makes a man popular among women. Again what is the relation?

Nature made us capable of reproducing just like all other animals and reproduction is second basic instinct of every animal (including humans) after the survival instinct. And all animals, including humans want to have the best and finest progeny. That would obviously depend on our own health and the health of our partner. So, now the question arises how we really know if our partner is sexually healthy and if we can have healthy babies with that person. To judge this, we are blessed with these secondary sexual characteristics.

When a boy looks at a girl and is instantly attracted to her, he feels a surge of emotions inside him – all of them make him feel that “he is falling in love with her; love at first sight”. Subconsciously, his mind is evaluating how strong and healthy their children would be. Heavy breasts and hips are a sign of high fat percentage in a women’s body.  A woman’s body needs at least 12% of body fat to have healthy pregnancy. Women with wider pelvis find it easier to deliver babies naturally. Women with full figure are also considered healthy enough to take care and nurse the babies after birth. For all these reasons, a woman with a full figure is considered a healthy mate by men. This is the reason that for years 36-25-36 was considered a perfect figure.  So, when a teenaged boy gets attracted to a girl of the same age with a full figure and falls instantly in love with her, we know that his mind subconsciously is evaluating the health of babies that he can produce with her.

What about girls? If you ask a teenaged girl to describe the man she would like to marry – she would mostly talk about his physical appearance. She would say things like attractive muscular body, a good height, a deep voice and many more. If you ask a woman in mid-20s to describe the man she would like to marry – she would talk a little less about his physical appearance than the teenaged one and will also talk about his earning capacity, his ability to understand her, be romantic and many more. If you ask a woman in her mid-30s to describe a man she would like to marry – she would hardly say anything about his physical appearance but more about his earning capacity, his status in society, his character and many such things.

Before the human civilization was formed, a man was considered a healthy mate based on his ability to protect his family from the danger of wild animals and other groups of tribal men. But now with money being the most powerful weapon of today’s world, a man is considered a healthy mate based on his earning capacity and his ability to provide for his family. Of course, in today’s world where women are as educated as men, earning as much as men – women have little to worry about her survival because she has earning capacity. But when it comes to maternity and giving birth to babies, even the most successful women need emotional support of a man and many times financial support too.

Teenaged girl still gives much importance to physical appearance of the man because she is still unaware of how this world works and in absence of that awareness, she goes by her natural instinct that is inbuilt in her. Naturally, women get attracted to men with decent height, built and voice because these factors determine the quality of his sperms. As she grows up and understands the world better, she begins to look for more practical ways to make her life and life of her future children more secure financially and emotionally.

This is about secondary sexual characteristics of human beings which partially explains what men and women get attracted  to and why, of course there are a million exceptions to this theory because each one of us is wired differently based on our upbringing, value system, genes and basically our personality.

More I think about our secondary sexual characteristics, more I believe that it is very important to educate our teenagers with this information. So, when a little boy grows up and finds himself staring at a girl’s chest – all he is told is that it is rude and you should not disrespect a girl by staring at her body like this. Why are we teaching our boys that their natural instinct is something so wrong? We should rather tell them that it is natural for you to stare at a girl’s body like that but since it is considered disrespectful to do that, he should not give in to the urge to stare at the girl’s body and instead respect her.

Similarly, when a little girl grows up to be a teenager and her body develops like one of a woman, she is told to dress in a certain way that would not expose her cleavage or her thighs. She is told to stay away from boys with whom she had been friends till now. And exactly when she has started liking the importance from boys, she is told that she would be considered indecent if she gets too close to the boys. We should rather tell the girls that it is natural to get this kind of importance from boys at this age but it is only short-lived. We should tell her that she should not be conscious of her own body.

Wouldn’t it be better if we got the girls and boys together and told them what is happening to their bodies and their desires are entirely natural? That doesn’t really mean that we tell them to give in to those desires but as adults explain them that even though their desires are natural, giving in to those desires has tough consequences which they are not emotionally mature enough to deal with. Also explain to them, these desires can lead them to trouble if they get involved with people having bad intentions. Of course, this is easier said than done.

Author’s Bio: Prabhjot Kaur Saini, is a Software Engineer and is      currently working in Bangalore. She is an engineer by profession and  also  a  thinker  and  writer  with a philosophical heart. She can be contacted at: ‘prabhjot.varsha@gmail.com.’ Read her Other Articles on this site.