EMOTIONS ARE MY TURF

Think about the constant smile on your face when you see or read a good light-hearted romance. Imagine the tears that refuse to get restrained in your eyes when you read a heart-wrenching story. Have you ever experienced that extreme anger towards a fictitious character that’s vile and nefarious? I am sure you must have. I sensed that feeling, quite strongly when I read “Pride and Prejudice”. I rooted for the central characters of Elizabeth and Darcy. Be it fiction, non-fiction, fantasy, biography, autobiography, whatever the content is, the impact would be hollow if the readers are unable to feel or connect with the underlying emotions of the characters they are reading about. In my opinion, Emotions form the core of every story. And me in the capacity of a writer love to spell emotions. My sole purpose in writing every single piece of article or a story is to connect and communicate and I am sure every writer would agree with me. Vocabulary, the flow of the language, style of writing – these parameters can be for a moment overlooked if the emotions carry and create the intended impact as desired by the writer.

In the light of the importance that rightly conveyed emotions have in the context of writing, emotional genre (if it can be called so) is my personal favourite. Romance and Drama usually fall into this genre (they are the sub-genres). Everyone might not be able to connect to the core idea of science fiction, everyone might not be able to understand the rhythm of poetry, horror may not be able to please the faint-hearted but emotions are omnipresent. Love, happiness, anger, grief, greed, lust, hate – no one is untouched by them. Thus when they come across stories that rekindle the feeling of having been a witness to one or more aforementioned emotions, make them pause and think, make them involved with the characters they read, and sometimes even identify themselves with those characters, the readers would love to invest in those stories (time and otherwise). And as a reader who has gone through the same myriad of emotions while reading, I would love to invest my time and soul as a writer in evoking the same thoughts.

My Style Of Writing: Keeping an eye on what’s transpiring all-around, digging in examples from real-life experiences – this is what I try to incorporate in my stories (because I believe that I am not an odd one out on this planet, so my experiences will definitely resonate with many others too in one way or the other and it will ruffle their emotions). My job is done as a writer (I feel elated whenever I get a comment notification and it reads “I have experienced it myself“). Every time such comments made me realize that “Emotions are my turf“.

EVERYBODY HAS A HOT BUTTON!

Daughter: I and my husband are taking a divorce.

Mother: You have a teenage girl and have you thought about what affect your divorce might have on her?

Daughter: Mom!! After divorce also, we want to share the same house. 

Mother: Wait, you are telling me that you are finding it difficult to live with him, so, you want a divorce, but you still want to continue living with him after divorce, for your daughter? 

Daughter: Yes, Mom.. 

Mother: But, that is what is called marriage!!!! 

The above conservation is a dialogue exchange from a series named, ‘Decoupled’. I believe it is on Netflix. If you have not watched it, I would definitely recommend watching it. As you would have deduced from the conversation, the story is about a couple who want to get a divorce due to differences. It is a no-nonsense series.. 🙂 

Divorce is a difficult situation in many ways. From the series, what the director tried to convey is, if the people who are involved are dealing with the situation well by giving space, respecting each other’s privacy, and supporting during the divorce proceedings, then divorce also leads to a happy ending. The actors really did justice to the script and it feels like we are watching someone in our family going through a divorce. Unfortunately, most couples make the process of divorce messy only because they want to see the other person struggle or satisfy their ego. 

Not just divorces, but even petty fights at home lead to some blame games at times. It is neither pleasant nor welcoming. I have realized over the past few years, that situations are difficult or easy based on the people involved in it. But, as humans, we prefer to blame the situation and not see through people. When we have people who are making our lives difficult in ways we don’t appreciate, the first and foremost thing always is to understand, if there is really a problem or just our perspective of the situation is wrong. If we can come to a conclusion that it is the other person’s behaviour or words, it is better to address it than live with it. 

We have to continuously learn and evolve on this aspect. There is no one size fits all solution to dealing with difficult people in life. We have to be patient, let the situation unfold, talk it through, try not to overreact or control other person’s emotions. After all, all of us are humans. All of us are different. All of us are difficult in some way!

A trap in dealing with difficult people is getting wrapped up in their personalities. When we can stay objective and remove ourselves from other people’s roller-coaster psychology, we have a much better chance of moving through the situation positively – Tara Stiles

 

GAMES PEOPLE PLAY

The more I interact with people, the more I am surprised… for the games that people play, every night and every day; never meaning what they say, and never saying what they mean

In ever-changing surroundings and the constant evolution of humankind – being normal, understood, and figuring out another human being- falls under one of the more challenging tasks, we as the people of today, have on our hands.

And while we skirt around the challenge of being ourselves or trying to maintain our own identities across sections of society, it shouldn’t be forgotten – we also “may” have to make small adjustments in order to “keep pace” with what the world requires us to be. What a bummer! I know right! Like we know a thing or two about balance! ..it is hard enough balancing two people on a 2 wheeler nowadays, or even the idea of two simultaneous blossoming relationships, let alone finding the right balance of what’s good or not good for us – a question that comes to haunt us every 5 years when it is time to cast our precious vote for the “right” candidate.

Choices, Decisions, and eventually actions that carve the way forward – are what’s expected of each of us, and yet, as under/over prepared we might be to face life head-on, it is where the actual dance takes place.

_{I would call myself a people’s person not too long ago, but you see…that’s the funny thing about the English Language, we can throw around a cool sounding word/phrase or sentence and if we find that it fits us well, we stick to it without actually knowing what it actually means. It took me an ongoing pandemic to know that..well, it was high time I stop referring to myself like that.}

Being someone who enjoys traveling, I get a chance to meet different kinds of people and have always been a keen observer of how people operate in natural surroundings, I do find it fascinating how so diverse, 2 individuals can be from each other, and that sometimes is ONLY the beginning.
When I was asked to write on; How it is to deal with different kinds of people, I had a straightforward answer ready as always, but then it does not have to be the same yardstick applied to everyone, hence I had to think again.

What happens when those different people end up being difficult people? A diplomatic answer would be; firstly, we don’t deal with people, we try and understand them. Easier said than done – trust me it isn’t easy, I’ve tried it out myself, and boy! have I failed miserably at that.

When interacting with someone, it would be imperative to keep in mind that, we are interacting with a creature of emotion and not one of logic – there’s bound to be friction, whether it chooses to surface or not is a different matter. Putting your heart in vibration mode and your mind in silent mode is an option I use a lot in times like that.

If there’s one thing life’s taught me over the years is that; you don’t need friends. Okay, DO NOT take that literally, the point I am trying to make here is – most people aren’t really our friends, rather, they are more like acquaintances, and when you take the emotional content out of a relationship, communication gets so much easier and situations are more comfortable. There is nothing wrong with having a select core group of very close intimate friendships, but outside of that circle it is ‘everyone else’. No one’s perfect of course, and that is a good thought before interacting with others around us.

Everyone has had a different background, story, life victories, and failures. This gives them a different lens of viewing each situation.

Are you still waiting for my answer? Okay, so here goes: The best way to deal with people like this is ‘Smile‘ & ‘Agree‘, coz when we smile and agree with them, it takes all the wind out of any potential argument or insult they may have had, it is in a matter-of-fact tone, that you’ve chosen to already take the far higher road.

Lastly, dealing with people is also an ART, that comes with practice and experience. The more you try, the more you get better at it, and if it is all about the games that you like playing with others, we all know, games are only enjoyed upto a certain point – it starts turning bad after a few bad moves. ^{I’m going to leave it to you to interpret that last sentence according to your best understanding.}

BETWEEN THE JOURNEY AND THE DESTINATION

A road through the rocks and rocky terrain by Kalpana Vogeti

Marooned amidst the desert of nothingness,
surrounded by the mountains of despair,
the traveler’s intellect summoned him the ultimatum.
“Your journey has come to an end,
take this cloak of melancholy and drape yourself,
let the crown of failure adorn you
as you put a halt to your momentum”.

Saddled by the burden of his dereliction,
the traveler turned into the sediment of brunt hopes
whose dreams dissipated and poured down stony eyes
touching his parched lips,
He was exhausted and slipped into a deep slumber,
believing it to be the end of his ordeals.
But soon his thirst beseeched him
to look out for a potion to sip.

He rose from the heap of his molten & mangled desires
to quench his thirst and reinstate his trudge.
In the darkness of ignorance, he sensed fear Again,
fear of losing- not life but existence,
He ran incessantly, tearing apart the clutter of notions
that chained and suffocated his soul for a long time.
He reached an untrodden path, with a panting breath
he had to choose between quitting and deliverance.

He stared at the path,
cut through the rigid rocks of pessimism,
it gleamed in the light of knowledge and was enticing him
to pick up his crutches of will and action and recommence his stride,
He held his trembling heart and spoke to his upset intellect
“let me try one more time, let me search for the victory,
I might not reach my destination, but let me glide through
this journey with a sense of pride.”

************************************

Did the traveler reach his destination? Did he fall into the potholes of vices? Did the bondages of self-doubt imprison him again? Was he able to quench his thirst? Was his thirst solely his materialistic desire or it was a dawn of realization? Questions still need an answer but nevertheless, this story is about the road that initiated the journey!!!!

FEBRUARY LOVE

January’s passed by… and like many say; it is the trial month for the year ahead. It does take some people a whole month to get going for the year – understandable I guess.

Now February is now upon us, already 7 days into February and I can already feel… wait! No…not this year – the spark is missing, the love seems amiss and definitely the shops haven’t quite got into the whole Love Grooooove: I’m still waiting for the valentine’s discounts, some shops are sure to come out with some discount or the other. An Indian’s second most loved word; after FREE of course

The ‘Love’  month is here. There’s something about this month, that you will find people smiling that extraaaa bit, there’s just that extraaaa effort put in to make your partner feel special,  people are coochie cooing with more intensity. Being single and looking at all this around me, makes me smile…at least there’s no pressure on me to deliver.

Guess the presence of ‘red’ everywhere does ignite the passion within the hearts of lovers all around… and then Valentine’s Day  is around the corner of-course. I can’t say much about Card galleries (for I hardly see them around anymore) but then the odd shop if looked at carefully, has made sure to put up a heart here and there and the odd decoration – which of course is nice to see for a change.

I wish chocolates got a little in-expensive this time around, I would surely treat myself to a whole box of Ferrero Rocher.

Sweet February is here 🙂

What are your elaborate plans for the month of February?

In my state, Goa..it goes to the polls, and that too – ON VALENTINES DAY! What is with Goa and February? This happened in the year 2017 too, but then it wasn’t on V-Day back then.

C’mon! I’ve heard love for family, friends, and loved ones, but this is pushing it a bit too far – Love for politicians and the state?

I know what my contribution to the month of February will be..to cast my wise vote for a party that I feel will do good things in my state. I am after all an aam aadmi (common man) and what does an aam aadmi ask and want – ONLY good governance. Let us hope, many more people think the same and do the right thing. Shhhh…I’m not telling which party I am voting for. Time to sweep away corruption and start afresh, well the hope is there, only left to put it into action if the right party is elected.  

I could do with more reading romantic books, blog posts, and articles, watching romance-filled movies, hearing those lovely ballads all month, and of course the PDA’s (public displays of affection) on beaches, parks, or places I would not dare mention here. For love can be found in any nook and corner in the month of February, which does not mean couples should slack off for the other 11 months.

HOW WISE IS IT TO TAKE RISKS?

There is a Chinese proverb – “Pearls don’t lie on the seashore. If you want one, you must dive for it!” This proverb talks about the necessity of taking risks in life. Whereas at the verge of taking risks, the person has to respond to an awful lot of important questions. These questions often come from within and some of those basic questions are –

How is it possible for me to do it?

Who can be the man of trust for me?

If I end up losing my life and resources?

Well, such a situation reminds my journey from Howrah to Cuttack after my interview in Kolkata. I was barely in my early twenties and it was my 1^st solo-traveling experience. I went to Kolkata with a few of my former colleagues to appear for an interview. I was told that the return journey is uncertain, it may take a day or two to finish with all the rounds of interviews. So, I was unable to book my return ticket whereas all the rounds of interviews finished in a day and I was asked to return back to my hometown on the same evening. I was completely new to Kolkata city, in fact, it was my 1st journey outside my home state. I was much worried about how to execute my return journey. Alongside I didn’t have time to book my return ticket. Somehow with the guidance of my colleagues, I was able to catch the right local bus to Howrah. At Howrah station, I was all alone without my journey ticket and had no idea about the availability of trains to my hometown. Sametime, dozens of human trafficking and robbery crime stories seen in Crime Patrol were swarming in my head. After a lot of struggles, I made up my mind. I prayed to God for journey mercy and took the courage to consult someone. But “whom should I consult? If I fall prey to some mischief person?”. I thought it would always be wise to consult a policeman. I found an RPF Policeman, checked his name on his uniform. With his advice, I took a general ticket and grabbed some cookies and a water bottle. When I saw the crowd in the general compartment, I didn’t dare to get inside the bogie. I get into a reserve sleeper class compartment and approached a RAC passenger to allow me to sit and travel the whole night. After a few hours when I was in deep sleep, the ticket collector patted my shoulder for the ticket. In sleepy mode, I simply showed him my general ticket. He looked at me from head to toe and said, “you are in the wrong compartment. In the next station, get out of this compartment.” Since I had seen the crowd of the general compartment, I didn’t dare to change the compartment. Though I was sitting just a couple of seats away from the ticket collector’s seat he didn’t ask me again to get down. He was much gracious to me to remain there.

As I recapture that 7-hour long journey today, it teaches me many lessons.

Life is all about taking risks, making new decisions, and achieving our vision. But to take risks all we need in the first place is courage. Courage to die, if it is required. Those who fear death can never live because it is the fear of death that will always haunt life and will seize our present. In the same context, while summoning Joshua as his successor to lead the Israelites to Canaan, Moses encourages the Israelites “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of the enemies, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you”.

Is courage sufficient enough to help us to take risks? Definitely not! Courage without wisdom is inanity. When we take risks, we are stepping into uncertainty. Our ignorance to step ahead is our call for wisdom. Where to get wisdom? Wisdom is with the wise. The Bible recommends, “If you lack wisdom, ask God for He gives generously without finding fault in you” and secondly, “In the abundance of counselors (wise-men) there is victory.”

What is wisdom and who is wise? Wisdom is doing the right thing at the right moment and wise is the one who lives accordingly. Wisdom always leads to truthfulness, honesty, and life, and the wise long for it. Because of this, “The wise inherit honor but fools get only shame”, the Bible says.

A NEWLYWED BRIDE IS ALL SET TO MEET HER GROOM

“We will meet again at our new abode, soon we shall begin our new journey together,” the newlywed groom said smilingly as he lovingly looked at his teary-eyed bride and departed to resume his job.

In her longing to see her husband, dreaming to commence the new phase of her life, her eyes and fingers paced up and down the inbox of her email searching for every notification and replying to emails concerning her visa process. It went for about one month and finally her passport was stamped with Schenegan’s visa and within a few hours of stamping, she got her tickets booked. Though excited the very idea of taking her first flight, that too to a foreign land and all alone definitely set butterflies free in her stomach. The moment she left her family members right at the entrance of the international airport and set her feet inside the airport, she could feel the cold sweat drenching her palms.

The big display boards with counter numbers for the respective destination flights, the bustling rush, slippery floors – these are the first few things that welcomed her. She sighed and kept on praying to God that nothing untowardly shall happen. She found the exact counter she must line up at with her luggage and ticket. And she saw the first travel demon lurking around her. One certain passenger had to put off a considerable chunk of their luggage aside as the scales weren’t ready to embrace the same. And the bride here was all tensed as she wasn’t going for a holiday trip but to begin her life afresh and that accounts for loads of shopping tapped in her suitcase. It was her turn, she handed over her ticket and passport to the lady at the counter and placed the luggage on the conveyer belt. Mission passed to her greater relief and she was handed over the gate number along with the boarding pass.

Now it was time for an immigration check. This phase of her maiden journey ended in a lighter mode. The officer at the desk looked into her documents and asked details in a casual tone like where she was headed to, what was the purpose, and so on. When she mentioned her marriage and husband, the officer cracked a joke to lighten up things for the bride “Saiyan Pardes Chale Gaye aapko chodkar yahan” (your beloved went abroad leaving you here) as he stamped the passport. To this, the girl smiled and nodded in denial and moved on from there. Stage two crossed.

By this she was thirsty. She went to one of the stores, just to make a frightening discovery – airports are the leaders when it comes to pricing the products whom the multiplexes ardently follow. She purchased a tiny bottle of water and made an exit and waited for her turn to board the flight at the gate. It was night, around 2PM, as she waited anxiously; a woman arrived and asked if she could keep a watch on her bag for a moment while she goes to the washroom. This question set alarm bells ringing in the bride’s head. Out of many directives given to her by her husband, one was not to accept any request to look after the baggage from any stranger. It simply meant it’s ok not to trust anyone in the wake of ugly things that could happen in such a landscape. The bride felt tongue-tied yet nodded in affirmation. As she saw the women leave her seat, she seated herself a bit far from the bag, in a manner where she could keep an eye yet not so close to the baggage itself. Her chants were on the re-run again. She was relieved once the woman came back.

Around 2:45 or 3AM an announcement was made and the boarding commenced. The bride and the other passengers were welcomed with a wide grin pasted on their faces from the Jet Airways Staff (yes Jet airways were fully operational then before being cash strapped and leaving thousands jobless and in misery). Now the bride was seated, safety instructions were given and the flight took off. In her maiden flight to the offshores, the girl was overtly conscious, about how to ask help from the attendants, how to plug in and play the entertainment system on-board, how to eat without being or feeling awkward, how to get off her place without her co-passenger feeling being disturbed and how to caress her painful legs in such a little space. Somehow things she passed off eight and half hours before the flight touched the ground. Her maiden flight has come to a halt (not the journey yet) and the experience was memorable though nothing remarkable happened.

She had to yet reach her destination (her groom), crossing all the routine hurdles. The foreign faces and language made her nervous but her first-hand experience of boarding the flight spoke to her – follow your signs carefully and you are home. So she did so and was soon greeted by her groom at the exit gate waving at her, ready to take her luggage as well as her responsibility. “You look beautiful,” he said to her as he embraced her tightly (though the girl didn’t feel the same about herself after such a long journey) and made her blush.

After 12 years of that first flight, that bride is a mother to two beautiful kids, leading a happy life, jumped up in glee as the Candles proposed this week’s topic – Frist Travel Alone Experience. Every “first time” has its charm and relevance. No matter what kind of experience we gain – beautiful or woeful, doing things for the first time always impart important lessons for a lifetime. What this journey could have taught that bride – Unless you move out of your comfort zones and face things unless you talk about the issues at hand (she did ask her co-passenger about how to plug in the entertainment system on board), there’s no learning or growing up. And there are many instances and occasions in life where we have to take the charge all alone.

That bride was me then 😉