I was in my first year of engineering, the new hostel life, new friends and new college was a huge excitement. No amount of ragging could get my spirits down, we were always so happy about everything in life at that age. I made lots of friends and one of them was a girl with whom I just happen to connect right in first year. We spent almost all the time together – gossiping, studying, eating, going for walks, playing. It was a lot of fun with her in the 1st semester when ragging was high and we didn’t have much freedom.
As soon as the 2nd semester began, the ragging went down drastically and started enjoying evening time outside the hostel. Being young girls we started getting a lot of attention from boys of our batch and of senior batches. We totally enjoyed this attention, it used to be our favorite topic to guess which “Sir” was interested in whom.
I wouldn’t want to disclose my friend’s name, so let’s just call her “Sarah”. While the last 2-3 months of second semester were left, Sarah told me that there was Final year Sir interested in her. As my interest grew, this girl blushed. But when she told me the name, I was shocked. He was known to be one of most notorious guys of final year batch. He had really a bad reputation and everybody knew that he could go to any extent to have casual fun with a girl in final days of his college. I told Sarah that I don’t have a very good feeling about this. But this girl had fallen for this notorious man. Apparently, they had already gone for a few dates and he had managed to catch her interest with all the sweet talks.
Not just me but many other senior girls in our hostel warned her too. But Sarah was too much in love with the wrong guy to listen to anybody. She believed that this man was a bad guy but had changed for her. All she wanted was to pass out of this engineering college and get married to him. This is how naïve she was!
They spent all the time together in college, she even managed to bunk many classes to be with him. Finally when he passed out of the college, we entered second year of engineering. It took Sarah a few months to realize that she was cheated upon. The guy never took her seriously after college, her calls were not returned or answered. Those were the days of landline STD booth and we saw Sarah standing at the STD booth for hours calling him over and over again.
During vacations she came to my place in Dehradun and this guy was also from the same city. We two girls managed to hunt his address and reach his place and when we did – he refused to even recognize us. Sarah was shattered so deeply, maybe I could never understand her pain because at that phase of my life – I never knew what it was to be in love. I could never feel her pain, I could only feel angry and frustrated with her for being such a nutcase.
All these months when she spent all her time with her boyfriend we naturally grew apart and I made other friends in the hostel. One evening in 4th semester when we having some silly celebration in the hostel – I saw Sarah sitting in her room crying hysterically. When I reached out to her, she said that she was feeling extremely depressed and had real bad thoughts. She said that she felt guilty and horrible about trusting the guy – such a wrong guy. While she was saying all this, I felt extremely angry at Sarah. All these months, we were trying to explain to her that her boyfriend wasn’t right for her. She never listened and now when it is the time to celebrate, she is crying here. I felt so angry at her that I screamed at her – “I told you so, Sarah. Not just me, the whole college told you so.”
For me, my own anger of losing a friend and seeing her in this sorry state was bigger than her own pain. I uttered these horrible words and banged the door on her leaving her alone in the room with her depression. That’s it. That day I lost her forever. She never spoke to me again as a friend. She did come out of her depression, did really well later in college and went on to be really successful. But she never spoke to me as a friend again.
Many months later, I realized my mistake but never had the courage to apologize to her. I had to let her go from my life but I promised myself to never ever utter these words – “I told you so” when somebody is sharing biggest regrets of their life.