I AMIDST THE PANDEMIC

Surrounding with the doom and gloom of this pandemic, what’s the most critical thing I have been trying to follow is to cripple all the negativity around and make my home a little space for the happiness to seep through. And how am I doing this is by taking care that there are limits on how much news each one of my family members is consuming. Papa already had COVID and now when he has recovered and I am by his side I am making sure that he stays away from all the negativities around. Be it by snatching the T.V remote out of his hands, taking him at the terrace for a walk, making him see my college photography or by introducing him to my radiation oncology department I am doing it all that it takes.

I’m spending more and more time with my cute little munchkin so that she doesn’t miss her school friends. I read her some stories at night, help her with her syllabus, checks if she would like to share something with me. However, sometimes I feel that I couldn’t be a good sister to her. She has grown so habitual to me that she didn’t take care of her while I left her for my studies. She started watching some horror shows, looked for ghost stories over the internet. And then out of fear when she used to give me late-night calls, I rebuked her each time saying that she must sleep now. If she doesn’t leave her phone and lie down on the bed, I would not talk. I couldn’t believe that she is the same baby sister of mine. How strong she used to be! Today when I look into her eyes I can sense the fear. She looks terrified when I leave her alone at night even for a few minutes. She had been secretly crying for me. She feels once I leave for my college, she and her stuffed Mr Bear would be all alone. So I’m trying to make the best use of my time when I am around her. I’m trying to give her all the love that she wishes to have.

She and mommy love cooking so I’m taking the lessons from both of them. From trying out chocolate Oreo cake, white sauce pasta, dalgona coffee, cold cocoa, pancakes, hot chocolate, burger, bread pizza to actually cooking rajma recipe, dahi fry, some vegetable stuff, and pullaw I had learnt quite a lot.

Besides, there are times when I feel like emptiness is taking a toll on me. I feel I am happier when I am at work. But not everything goes the way, you want it to be. This pandemic has turned everything upside down. My postings have been cancelled, classes went online, academic session suffered. I even lost touch with a few people whom I will not get to see once I return to my college. My college fresher’s party got cancelled, my batch mates, a few relatives and the hospital staff with whom I had been working with turned out covid positive, someone from the family died. Plus, there have been a few things over the people and the relationships that I can’t get out of my head. I should have not been introspecting and thinking about them much.

So to combat all these, I have been trying to be friends with radiation physics, my anatomy, physiology and biochemistry books. I have also been writing some random letters mostly to my own self except for the one that I wrote to my teacher expressing my gratitude for him, I have been reading some really nice self-help books like You can Win, The Secret, The Power, The Magic to name a few. I have also been taking my 28 days of the magic challenge seriously that makes me feel gratitude deeply. Each day I get up I follow the magic ritual and share it with a few people wishing that it helps them too. I am trying to look for positivity in every situation, checking on a few people if they are really doing fine, helping mommy with some household stuff and watching some T.V shows with her, playing online chess, listening to some good music especially the Krishna flute music I can’t sleep without at times.

So, this was all about how I am doing in this pandemic. My fellow readers would love to hear from you in the comment section. Stay safe! Stay blessed! And do take care that this too shall pass.

My favourite read

Of all the beautiful reads I had, the one that I could not get over was Rachael Lippincott’s five feet apart. I remember waking up for hours in the middle of the night, checking up my tab and having the long read. Intriguing, emotional, heart-wrenching and absorbing is how I define my favourite book.

Picture Credit : Google

The story of the Stella Grant and Will Newman still makes my heart flutter. It dealt with Abby’s and Poe’s death, how the two affected Stella’s life and Will left her amidst this giving her a new life. The drug trial involved with cystic fibrosis patients having B.Cepacica was a whole new concept that gives us a sense of hope and the author wishes it too that one day such a treatment be found.

Having five feet apart in my collection is what that made me ponder about the life, the death, the love and the perseverance. It’s written with a heart that believes true love exists even in the most unrealistic circumstances. Don’t know where to start but this book has so much to say and what not to teach. A careful read of this book taught me that the death is inevitable to all and what we are supposed to do is to live in the moment and make the best use of it. When on medications what one must not lack is perseverance and the faith. It proves that love is the ultimate expression of the will to live. And children’s love is what binds the parents together when the terminal illness evokes in. Where there’s a love, there’s a sacrifice. It values the human touch as the premium ease of all sufferings. The protagonist of the story, Stella shows that girls know coding too. It shows how the transgenders share the equal rights and how the socialisation and technology has made living easy, causing awareness and helping people win the battle over a terminal illness such as that of cystic fibrosis. And above all, what this book had for me is one more lesson teaching never to take your health for granted.

TO THE MOON THAT WATCHES OVER ME

Hey there,

I may not say it always but you do mean the world to me. Had you not been there with me during those nights of despair, I would have ended up doing something really wrong.

You know everything about me. Don’t you? How often you saw me sitting aloof, fearing the failure, losing my trust over friendship, bidding goodbye to the one I had always looked up to? Messy hairs, teary eyes and red face is how you caught the glimpses of mine when I used to visit the terrace at 3o’clock in the morning. I wish cuddling your own self could have been as pleasant as gazing at you.

Unlike the people I am attached to, you don’t force me to share what is it that hurts me or what is it that makes me laugh. For you know that I can laugh for absolutely no reason and can cry too. You never judge me for whatever I do. After all, you understand the silence of mine. I need not think if what I am going to share might hurt you or put any of us in trouble I just share. I need you at every phase of mine not just to vent my pent up emotions but also be saved from the selfish world of us. With you, I find solace and share the dark secrets, worries and sorrows of my life. With you, I rejoice and decipher the boundless beauty of nature. 

More than just a friend you have been a life saviour to me. I wonder had you not been into existence, how the things might go? Could I ever believe that there is something so beautiful even in the darkness?

Truly yours,
Vipra.

ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

Days passed, I was sitting under a night sky gazing at the moon when bouts of introspection made me wonder about my attitude towards life and fellow other human beings. Developing a sense of gratitude, integrity, good values and positivity is what I have been striving for. Had love, care and affection not been into existence life would have no means. So there is a lot to be grateful for.

Considering people as the biggest asset I think back and recall my parents, teachers, friends, family and even a few strangers to whom I am grateful to. By God’s grace, there had always been somebody with me for help. Honestly, I wish to owe them everything of mine in some way or the other. To name a few, Vipul Agarwal sir is the one who had mentored me so well taking care that I learn never to give up in life. Chiradeep Bhaiya who made me a part of Candles family and had ignited my desire to write and serve others. Avinash Bhaiya who made me believe in the existence of God. Priya Aiyar Di, a good well-wisher of mine who had helped me with a big decision.

Although gratitude is not a process of give-and-take, more often than not it is misunderstood as the reciprocation of good deeds. Shiv Khera’s “You Can Win” book very beautifully explains that a good deed cannot be cancelled by a counteract. Sweet sounding words like thank you, a gesture of appreciation, a smile, handshake or a hug are not something that can be repaid or taken for granted. They too have a meaning and changes our outlook towards life.

With gratitude comes happiness, with happiness, comes love, with love, comes sacrifice and with sacrifice comes the sense of pride.

Albert Schweitzer very aptly said, “At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”

THINKING NOT TO OVERTHINK

Embarking on a new journey must be an exciting one, right? How according to you is settling into a new city? Would involve a lot more responsibility, isn’t it? And what about starting a new session, joining a group of completely different people, entering into a new year, or go on a solo trip, etc.? Must be fun enough. Well for me this year it’s all at a time. I didn’t even realize how steadily my school days passed and I entered into my dream college. So obviously, with this new year comes a sense of responsibility, resolutions, planning and ideas, and a lot more than expected.

From the past few days of my life, I am recollecting hundreds of memories of mine just to figure out what went wrong somewhere. Why couldn’t I achieve what I wanted to? Could I be in a better place? Is what am I doing good enough? Shall I be at peace? Will I be happy reminiscing the time and place where I am now? And the list goes on and on. By now, many of you might have understood what my problem is. Yeah, it is ‘overthinking’ indeed.

People who know me well are of the opinion that my face says it all. However, it’s not every time they are right. I’m a very sensitive person actually. I take time to open up and don’t speak much though I am fluent when it comes to writing. I do raise my voice in public whenever in need but beyond that, you would always find me calm. A peace-loving girl I am and not much into social media, group chats, etc. Many of the people who see me upset don’t bother much thinking it’s none of their business, some of them do want to take the initiative but they don’t; thinking I should share it myself and that hardly happens. Only a very few of the people who believe in giving rather than taking dare to ask and help me out with what I’m going through.

And I want to change this habit of mine. I don’t want to seek any empathy from people. Overthinking is what makes the situation worse. Instead of finding a way out of the problem, it pushes you into the well deeper and deeper. You even begin visualizing the things that have not even happened in real. Your focus remains limited to the problem and doesn’t shift to the solution. You don’t feel like doing anything, cry out for no absolute reason and end up hurting yourself, and everyone around you. That’s the reason why you don’t have a group of friends to accompany you in whatever you do and wherever you go and you distant yourself from your family as well. I want to give up on such emotions and habits of mine. I wanna enjoy my life to the fullest, trying out new things, traveling and visiting new places, make good connections with everyone around me, and helping somebody in need.

So in this new year, I have decided to stop watering the dead relations that didn’t stand the test of time. Better to take the next step and let it go. Holding on to something that’s not yours would only hurt your self-esteem. For any problem in life put in your best efforts and never ever think about the results. Believe in yourself, learn to say no, and overcome your fears, meditate, take a deep breath, connect to God, and surrender. And yeah, one more thing to take into consideration is never caring what other people say. Their actions should not affect you.

In Closing, I would also like to share a beautiful quote by Erma Bombeck,

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”

​MY ENTRY TO ETERNITY

The moment I stepped out of my home without being assured of what’s awaiting me on the other side is the moment I realized my transition from life to death – my entry to eternity.

No matter what course our life takes, the grave is the common destiny of all mankind on earth. But in this truth the remarkable factors for us, is God being our creator has numbered our days and has endowed each of us with some special talents, skills and abilities. But why? Why has he created us and has gifted us with some special gifts and talents which has always been the benchmark of our identity?

Our gift to our beloved always carries a purpose whether it is fulfilling his needs or wants or painting his picture or writing few words as the reflection of the love in a relationship.

Being just a mere finite mortal human, being our material gifts to our beloved always carries a purpose… then why not God who is the epitome of love for each human won’t be gifting us with many gifts and talents with a purpose!

It is that purpose which helps us to have a personal relationship with God and helps us to leave a legacy behind us after our death (the way you or me want to be remembered with). So young or old, rich or poor it’s important to think of our legacy at each stage and at each position of our life.

So here coming back to me and my life I think if I can leave the legacy of love and passion for the world to remember me because it will be worthy enough to touch the hearts of many. And needless to say in future I, as an aspiring doctor I would love to serve the people with utmost care and passion with a sense of responsibility, devotion, consideration and a lot more!

Honestly, when I look ahead to accomplish living a life in view of leaving a legacy it all looks very beautiful and encouraging but the biggest challenge that every time stands as obstacle in front of me is –

HOW CAN I LIVE A LIFE KEEPING THE END IN MIND WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH EVIL AND ALLUREMENTS ALL AROUND ME?

Being human, I must confess I cannot do it with my own strength or with the strength of another human being! When it’s not possible at the human level then the only source greater than human strength is GOD!

Undoubtedly, I believe that the God, the One, Who brought my life from darkness to light will surely help me in this struggle of living life in such a way so that I can leave a legacy worthy enough for the world. As I put this much of trust in Him, the Almighty, He always promises me – “Vipra, I AM with you!”

Let’s start living the life asking for God’s strength daily!

Well, this is something that I am continuously working on thinking about my legacy that I want to leave behind.

RAISED FROM THE PIT – III

“Why the hell such people are made to live in our country?“, shrieked Arnav who had already been tensed for a reason. “Why do you do this”, he asked a boy whom he encounters every morning scrounging for gold in the garbage dump at the outskirts of a big city. The city where Binoy, the boy and his friends, an army of barefoot boys appear like morning birds and disappear at noon.

“That’s all I have to do after selling off these brightly coloured rose bushes“, mutters Binoy looking away from the man who had been busy scrolling over his phone.

Unaware of what one full meal feels like his voice drained with joy and enlightened his eyes hope of finding more and more from the heap of garbage collected around. While his dream loomed like a mirage amidst the dust of streets that fills out his big city. Moreover, those stinking lanes choked with garbage, past homes that remain hovels with crumbling walls and wobbly doors are the places he walks every day. But today, ill-fitting tennis shoes add to his looks that looks strange over his discoloured shirt and shorts as if they had been discarded by a precious boy from the elite class of the city who threw a tantrum to wear them owing to the reason they got discoloured. However, it doesn’t bother him. Afterall for the one who has walked barefoot even shoes with a hole is a dream come true.

And there! There this poor little boy is planned to live in a house of these reasonably rich people. Yes, wealthy they are indeed. Afterall Arnav and his sweet and kindhearted wife Arunima could make that easy for their own child. But Arnav being too practical and a hard-headed man making out for someone else and that also for a poor little stranger is what hit Arunima at four in the morning, the time she headed out to bring him home.

Binoy desired to study and become a better person in life encouraged Arunima to take such an awkward step like this. She knew that a person like Arnav would never like it as the boy was at a tough age. He can be notorious for being an adolescent. But she trusted on her gut feeling about that boy and what she read on his innocent eyes.

She brought him their home finally and lavished him with all the books that she could buy for him to study thoroughly and be a better person, ignoring her husband’s displeasure.