Should I or shouldn’t I? What’s the harm?

How far is too far?

After all how am I to assure my loyalty to the person I love if I don’t give myself completely to him / her?

How can we know if we are sexually compatible with each other if we don’t explore each other? After all, sex is important in marriage!

These questions reflect the dilemma that echoes deep within the minds of adolescents and young adults – those who are dating and also those who are not. There is a common misconception in young minds, thanks to the movies and daily soaps, that love means physical intimacy. The dramatic ways in which scenes are portrayed – a guy brushing past a girl creating ripples in her heart, an accidental touch of a guy which the girl recalls repeatedly forcing her to desperately seek him, and such others – create a false imagery of love and sex in the minds of people.

Sex doesn’t mean love. Love ought to lead to sex, but only within the legal and moral boundaries of marriage. This is God’s design for man. There is none other!

The arguments of experimentation, modernity (I am a cool person!), failure of marriages, youthful pleasures – don’t hold ground at all. The consequences of pre-marital sex are widely known. Hence, it’s good to reflect upon what are the triggers of pre-marital sex and how and why to stay away from the experience.

  1. Craving for love – A time when a person is desperate for love in life and is willing to give anything and everything to have the love of that one precious person in life, is the time when people take the extra step of giving in to sexual desires. Love is not an act. It is a commitment – a commitment for life, not merely for sexual pleasure.
  2. Staying alone for long – When young people move away from their families for education, work, etc. the need for intimacy is fulfilled by having sex. When you move away from home, network well with people around – people who have strong value systems.
  3. Pornography – Obscene movies, videos, watching pornography trigger the release of sex hormones in an individual. And so, the easiest way is to satisfy the burning sexual desires at that time. Guard your senses! Don’t allow your eyes to wander into unwanted territories. Don’t allow your fingers to click on the unwanted icons and links. Keep yourself occupied with fruitful activities in your leisure time. Don’t feed your passion!
  4. Experimentation ­­ – A seventeen year old I was interacting with, told me that everything should be experimented in life – after all we have just one life! Remember, all things are permissible. But, all things are not beneficial. Wrong experimentation doesn’t lead to discoveries. It creates explosions! So, stay away!
  5. Strengthening loose bonds – When a patch-up happens after a phase of friction, the time is volatile for physical intimacy in order to strengthen loosened bonds. Remember, there are no pressure lines in true love! Bonding is created and maintained by trust, not by sex.
  6. Pressure – Pressure from partners is one of the major reasons why people agree to sex before marriage. Sex is not a test of loyalty. Sex is not a test of love. If you are facing sexual pressure in your love relationship, reconsider the relationship. True love honours and so is honoured in return. Real men respect women, their choices and their bodies.

Sexual promiscuity outside the wedlock is bondage. Along with the physical consequences of unwanted pregnancies, contracting Sexually Transmitted Diseases, hormonal imbalances, emotional consequences of insecurity and guilt, social consequences of being discovered by parents, relatives, friends and future spouse, are also heavy spiritual consequences. Sex before marriage is a dishonor to the institution of marriage established by God. It is a sin. Hence, it leads to detachment from God.

Why indulge in something that gives a momentary sensation of thrill but forces one to pay heavy prices in return? Point to ponder.


A 12 year old asked her Sex Education teacher, “What is the right age to have sex?”

Teacher was quiet for a while, wondering how to rightly answer that question and then a nice idea props up in her head.

“Tell me, what will happen if you feed Pizza to 2 weeks old baby?” Children look at each other and then one boy speaks up – “You can’t”

Teacher asks – “Why not?” and there is silence in the room. Teacher smiles and further says, “Because the baby’s body is not grown up enough to digest the Pizza. The baby’s digestive system is only made to digest milk at that time. If you feed him Pizza, it might even kill the baby or seriously damage his/her digestive tract”

Now teacher throws another question at the class of students, “What happens when you try to teach a 1 year old kid multiplication of 2 numbers?” The class now starts laughing. “It is not possible” somebody shouts at the back.

“Yes right, it is not possible because a 1 year old brain is not intelligent enough to understand that level of mathematics”

Then she says something that makes all kids think, “Just like a few weeks old body cannot digest pizza and a 1 year old brain cannot comprehend mathematics – the same way a child’s body or his/her brain is not prepared to handle sex at a younger age. Sex is meant for grown-ups (read adults) because unlike animals we live in a society which works on certain principles. Coming to your question – what is the right age to have sex? I would say that marriageable age has been defined as 18 for girls and 21 for boys and this has been done considering that by that age most human beings are mature enough to handle physical and emotional consequences of sex.”

“Sex is a complex process. It involves our hormones which cause major physical changes in our bodies and our emotions. What these hormones do to our emotions is something that you cannot comprehend at this stage. But you need a good emotional maturity to handle that kind of upheaval. “

“An institution of marriage was created for a few very simple reasons – to create loving families for the children born out of sex between 2 adults, to create a society that supports 2 adults when they go through this emotional upheaval and to make the bond between 2 individuals stronger and committed.”

“If you have sex with your marital partner – your families and society supports you. If you have sex before marriage – well, then you land yourself in a very risky position. If you both finally end up breaking up – then the emotional upheaval that was surfaced during sex creates havoc and it becomes very difficult to get out of that relationship and start afresh. Moreover sex before marriage is without a commitment, hence the chances of being cheated or used are way higher which also puts both the individuals at the risk of emotional disturbance/depression.”

“The number of suicides today among youngsters which are because of a failed love life is alarming. Pre-marital sex is one of the big reasons. So, consider when you make your choices.”


I had a very healthy discussion about Premarital Sex with one of my best friends. We had disagreements on some aspects which I am not going to mention here… LOL… But will definitely raise the point on which we both agreed.

I am quoting her statement: “When baby is born without marriage, then there is a third person also involved – which is the baby… And that’s not right… that child is born to be messed up. And then unmarried individuals can never really be so committed to bring up a child together… So an injustice would be done to the child.”

And my reply to her was: “So that’s why marriage boundary is essential for that particular risk.”

Her response was: “Yes. That I totally agree with.”     

Keeping the moral and religious issue aside for some time and thinking in the line what we discussed… it is evident that “Premarital Sex” is an injustice for the child born out of that act.  


Original Link: “

The above picture depicts how teenage or pregnancy without being married has been such an injustice to the new born babies!!!

This is seriously not accepted.

Keep reading, keep discussing…

Stay Blessed!!! 

(Picture Sources:


“Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe — and you’re ready.”

Our God loves relationships. He created man and woman and wanted them to be as intimate as possible. That’s why He created marriage. We all know that marriage unites a man and a woman and sex improves it. So He created sex for them. He had planned it very beautifully and uniquely much before they were created. He created sex because it helps a man and woman to be UNIQUE. It helps them to be ONE. It helps them to be INSEPARABLE. Yes! Although it is true that the mind and soul in any relationship are more important aspects than sex but it does improve a marital bond. Sex is a wonderful gift of God for  married couples.

But today’s world thinks differently. Many are engaged in premarital sex. An author says, “For many teenagers today, sex is a means of communication, a new experience, an index of maturity, a source of peer approval and a challenge to restrictive parents or society, and an escape from loneliness or other pressures of life.”

Sex is a powerful force and ought to be used properly; that is within the boundary of marriage. If it is not used properly, people indulging in it have to pay a heavy cost. You may ask what can be the costs? I would love to explain them as under:

Costs of Pre-marital Sex

Premarital sex has adverse effects on the person’s whole being. It also affects few other aspects of life that are directly associated to the person involved.

Adverse effects on the person:

On the Mind:
Sexual activity arrests the minds of young people or as for that matter any adult. They become deprived psychologically. Their social and academic development gets affected terribly. Their academic performances and performances in their work places decrease. Premarital sex is unsatisfactory, especially for girls as its not secure.

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm. It probably deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.

Oxytocin also seems to help cement the strong bond between mum and baby and is released during childbirth. It is also responsible for a mum’s breast automatically releasing milk at the mere sight or sound of her young baby.

It is very clear from the above mentioned statements that sex unites a man and a woman. Each time when a person gets involved in varied sexual encounters and moves out of it, it affects his / her mental faculty. These encounters are like small marriages and divorces. And this affects his / her family life when he / she actually gets married and lives with a different person. The sexual memories haunt the person day and night, years after years. Premarital sex leaves a scar, which torments that person throughout his / her life.

On the Body:
The youth or any adult involved in premarital sex may contract one of the many venereal diseases rampant today. They can also contract the deadliest disease like AIDS, because contraceptives don’t give 100% protection. In the later stage or after marriage they can become infertile because of sexually transmitted diseases.

Young girls or single adults may suffer from unwanted pregnancies, abortions, miscarriages etc.

On the Spirit:
Sex between unmarried persons is called fornication. So premarital sex is a sin. When people go against the nature or God they cannot live in peace. Some people live in severe guilt because of sexual compulsionsNeither they can disclose it nor they can leave the habit. Sometimes they feel degraded morally also. Sometimes they feel very lonely. Many people commit suicide for the guilt of sexual sins.

Adverse effects on the other aspects of life:

Society doesn’t allow these things though these days premarital sex has stealthily crept into societies. But when somebody is exposed he or she is shunned and put to shame in the society. Rest of the people in the society stop talking and mingling with the person’s family who is exposed of premarital sexual encounter. The story of exposed person encourages other singles or young people to get involve in premarital sex, which is really a bad sign for the society.

The youth or the single adult involved in premarital sex can bring shame to themselves as well as to their families. The parents and other relatives of that person feel ashamed to show their faces before outsiders.

Children born:
The children that are born outside marriage can have terrible psychological problems, because of single parents. They may have to face taunting words in schools, colleges and even in work places.

My dear young and single adult friends! The costs of premarital sex are very heavy and painful. So do not engage yourself in premarital sex, for which you may have to pay a very high and costly price later. WAIT is the key word for you. Wait till you are married. Enjoy the wonderful gift of sex after marriage.

We will discuss more on this subject later this week. Good night!!!

Stay Blessed!!!


Yesterday, I talked about learning from life through the people we meet in our life journey.  And today in my Final Note I will talk about the other two ways through which we get the opportunity to learn.

So, we learn from –

  1. The persons we meet
  2. The mistakes we make
  3. The situations we go through

Learning from life through the mistakes we make

A small child wants freedom to execute what he or she wants to do without knowing what is good for him or her. Eventually, he or she does some mistakes, suffers pain and runs to his/her parents crying and being consoled by them. Next time he or she becomes careful about the mistake he/she had committed earlier. Building of different personality traits in the kids shows up in the later stage when they start learning from their past mistakes.  

Usually teenagers want to taste and test everything that comes their ways. They don’t like suggestions and they don’t like restrictions around them. They sometime don’t share what wrong had happened to them with their elders. But they try to solve them through all by themselves or through friends. Sometimes the results are fatal.

Most of us learn from our mistakes.

We fail in a particular plan then learn to be ready with other alternatives to tackle a similar problem and avoid failure in future. We suffer a heart break and then correct our ways of dealing with people next time. We fail in our exams and study well for the next time. But in some cases we find ourselves in soup. Because we are bound to accept certain things in life and try to adjust to that mistake we had committed.

Probably, we need to go through a process of sanctification as Rajnandini talked about in her SNIPPET to mend our ways or rectify our mistakes staying in that same situation that we chose earlier. 

That is why the wise people always learn from the mistakes of others and change their approaches and choices.

Learning from life during the situations we go through

I had a very bad fight with my wife. Because she was angry and I was harsh and argumentative. And the saga never stopped for few hours. 


The learning point is – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” 

I knew it but didn’t apply it when it was needed. 

This was just a mere example for us to understand what I mean by events or situations that we sometimes have to go through and we get some lessons to learn out of them. There are many other occasions when we have to go through serious pain and sufferings without we being directly responsible for them. But when the transition period is over we collect some pearls of leanings from our life by reflecting on the past. 

Life situations like accidents, deaths, suicides, sicknesses, failures, joblessness and even situations like divorces etc., are the examples through which we go, people go. When we reflect on them later in our life we get to learn different lessons out of them. 

“God breaks us to make us.” 

We need to hold unto this fact for our moral boosting and encouragement forever. 

Avinash‘s The Formula “L 3” applies to this segment of my description very well. In the school of life we have to learn from various situations and events that we face every now and then on our journey till death. 

What should I say in my conclusion? 

Yes, as Aastha said, “Every day of life is a gift, indulge in it and make the most you can while you can. Have an open mind and a honest heart.” Then we can really learn from our life.

Because –

“…suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us.”

So, don’t be disappointed but keep hoping and keep learning… 

Good night and stay blessed!!!


Life teaches… true. It teaches in various ways. Recognizing them makes it easier for us so that we don’t reject few things that give us opportunity to learn. As I sat down to write on this subject the first question came to mind was, ‘what are the ways through which I get a scope to learn from life?’

I jotted down as soon as they came to my mind…

We learn from –

  1. The persons we meet
  2. The mistakes we make
  3. The situations we go through

Let’s discuss about the first one today and we can discuss the other two tomorrow on my final note.

Learning from life through the persons meet

The first in my list will be my former boss Mr. Samson Nag. He is one of the most soft spoken men. He speaks softly even when he is very angry. I had mentioned him in many of my articles. He used to tell me “Chiradeep when you speak think ten times because once the word goes out of the mouth will never return back. It will have either positive or negative effect on the persons interacting with you.” I try to implement on his wise suggestions. Don’t know much more still I have to fathom.

The second one will be my uncle, Khristina’s father Mr. Susanta Patra. He never says this or that is mine. He has so many things but he doesn’t mind giving it away when he sees a person in need of something.  He always says, “Never accumulate things. If you already have something then you don’t try to get another thing which will serve the same purpose and get accumulated.” I have learnt that to a certain extent and have implemented it.

The third one will be my own father, Mr. Pradip Patra. He is a humble and most simple person on earth as I haven’t met all the people on earth… Lol. He doesn’t have a crooked mind which we try to acquire to tackle the people of this age. I am still trying to figure out how to be simple.

Apart from the above three persons there are many more from which I have learnt many things in life.

My co-author Prabhjot is our Salman Khan… “Ek baar joh commitment kar diya tho mey apne apka bhi nahi suntha.” I learnt it from her. She always delivers it if she had committed to write a snippet or article. Rajnandini is not behind at all. Kalpana and Aastha are epitome of passionate writers. I have learnt the passion they have for writing.

I have learnt to do things wholeheartedly for somebody from my wife. She has so much compassion for poor and needy. If she sees an old person on the street she goes down on her knees and starts talking to him/her by offering a packet of biscuit or little money. She really goes extra-mile.

The list will never come to an end. But I will end here concluding that we need to value people and should not judge people seeing their status, age, caste and so on. Never stop learning from people whom you meet in your life time.

Stay blessed!!!