A LOOK BACK INTO THE YEAR (2019) GONE BY – THE FIRST TIME IN 10 YEARS I AM INDEPENDENT

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Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

 

The year 2019  is winding up and as I look back, there are many more things to be happier precisely. If I summarize it was a year mixed with emotions for me. Being an emotional being, I had my ups and downs to look for.

My first- New Year Without DAD

As the year 2019 began, it was my first new year, without my Dad. He was my motivator, my everything who led me to things I could barely think of doing.  I tried my best to support my mother, who is anyway much stronger than me in everything though.

My First- Job after 10 years of gap

I had my ups and downs in my career in my past years if I look back. After 10 long years, I took my dreams to the next level, I was given an offer to work with a company, which was kind enough to understand my toils and my needs and offered a pretty good work environment to work in with total flexibility. Hence I regained my confidence and my dream to be much more independent in my life. It was again a tough decision to arrive at, as there was a  huge gap in my career and was not pretty adaptable to any work environment. But here, after a long gap, this was indeed a milestone in my life.

My first- Motivational Session

I took my very first motivational session in my office, which was again rather “my first” attempt. I actually don’t know how it went, but it was one of a kind experience I wanted to venture.

My First- “Self-love”

Most of the time, I preach about self-love, but now I began to do it. And yes, I feel totally good. I recommend everyone to do the same.

My First – Co-author book published

The first time, getting my three poems selected and published in a book. I take it as my first step to pursuing something I want to do in my life. In spite of all the rejections and failures, not meeting other’s expectations, I did something out of the blue to keep my passion ignited.

And yes – it is my happiest moment!

My first- New Year without breaking my unwritten Resolutions

Yet another happiness is about me changing my self a lot from earlier. Even though I don’t lay any kind of resolutions to follow (as I am good at breaking them), I just go with the flow.

Many things changed:

  • I did start my workouts.
  • I started writing much more.
  • I made new friends.
  • I learned many more lessons in life and at work.
  • I changed things, which I hated about myself to an extent.
  • I kicked out negative people out of my life.

Downfalls

Everything is not always great. Accepting the mistakes and problems occurring in your life is important to understand and diagnose the issue at much deeper levels. I had problems in life, which I face strongly and arrive at decisions. But this time, I took myself in priority for an instance.

Moving On…to 2020

I do not know what lies ahead… but I am well prepared to face anything that comes to me.

Happy New Year To All !!

 

I fly even with my wings broken and
a mind full of desires,
no matter how insignificant,
if I am not better,
at least I am different.

WHO IS THE WISE ONE?

No soul is happy with what they
have or with what they are served,
greed and ego minaciously make this
bag of bones worthless and undeserved.

No soul is tranquil with the love they have
or with the care they spread,
lust and loathe meticulously craft their
filthy claws in their heads.

No soul is apologetic enough to
accept their faults or to show concerns,
false pride and arrogance tenaciously
covers their eyes with thick curtains.

No soul is bold enough to hold the truth
or to stand up for what they believe in,
society and culture ingloriously tie their
tongue and turn a blind eye for every sin.

What will it take to be happy, tranquil and peacefully in love?
What will it take to accept the unadulterated truth?
What will it take to be brave and not bother about the manipulative minacious lies of the society?

The answers to all these lie hidden deep within those souls,
Yet, only a man of understanding draws them out
Of the thoughts of a person’s heart
Which are like deep waters.

HOPE IS ALL WE CAN

Going to the bed,
With the hope of a brand new day,
Promising to start afresh,
Without knowing what the life has to say.

Building castles, booking travels,
With the hope of reaping the benefits,
With the hope of rejoicing the places,
Savouring without bothering,
A U-turn life may be offering.

Holding the egg for 9 months whole,
With the hope of getting nature’s dole,
The Baya weaves its nest,
with the hope that the wind will rest.

Life doesn’t stop,
It doesn’t stand still.
Hope anchors our souls,
It strengthens our will.

Tomorrow may bring dark,
It may bring light.
Hope for the best because,
The sun will always shine.
For the best because,
Hope is all we can.

BEYOND THE DOORPOST

There is danger out there, my love
You’re safe in here.

 

Numerous times a day did I hear,
These lines from my mother dear.


Unaware what she meant exactly,
I often sulked dejectedly.

 

The house and the square courtyard,
Was all that I had to myself under everyone’s surveillant guard.

I loved my family,
So dared not march towards anomaly.


But their fears unspoken deep within,
And tears unshed bothered me day out and day in.


Courage had I none,
To venture out and have some fun.


The open skies beckoned with their serenity untold
The lush green orchards how I wished to behold!

There is danger out there, my love
You’re safe in here.

 

Leaving behind the years of tender childhood,
As a young man I one day stood.


Shaking my fist and bellowing loud,
I threatened to go past the ominous doorpost.


Quiet silence surrounded me,
Sad lowered eyes refused to look up at me.

A sudden gust of wind,
Brought traces of noise from outside.


In no time was a flurry of stones pelted on the windows freshly painted,
Gun shots and fire – hearing which my mother fainted.


Hours went by as we stayed securely in,
Hoping it would stop and we would save our skin.

 

The night brought with it a silence so eerie,
I heard my father step into my room with eyes bleary.

The night was long with stories of attacks ghastly,
Of lives lost and families ruined.


Of women violated,
Kids killed and mutilated.


The reason for years of safeguarding,
Now clearly stood at my face staring.

 

Clutching my blanket close to myself,
I looked at my father’s retreating poor self.

Blood seemed to gush from my veins,
And the brain threatened to hold the reins.

 

Sleep eluded . . .
Thoughts crowded . . .


As the clock struck six,
I tip-toed down the staircase.

 

Looking back at my loved ones,
Would weaken my resolution.

I looked ahead and opened the latch above my head,
Taking a deep breath I slipped out . . .

 

Beyond the doorpost . . .
Into the darkness that my mother had guarded me against, the most.

There is danger out there, my love
You’re safe in here!

 

 

(P.S. Written from the viewpoint of a youngster in a violent conflict zone of war and extremism)

INTO THE LIGHT

The day I was born you called me princess,
You laughed when I cooed, you jumped to see me stand,
You held my hand when I fell and fell,
You were my first teacher and saw me through good and bad.

You saw me grew, but to you, I am always tender,
You cried for my pains and overwhelmed by my tiny success,
You drove me to school and “kiss me before bye” was your rule,
You were so thoughtful and cheerful, and to you, I am the most beautiful,

I was a naughty child and confused girl who frequently needed an aid,
And you were always there to guide your little mermaid,
Never know what’s trouble cause of your care,
And you gave me many memories to share.

When all the hope seemed to be gone,
You were my shining beacon and gave me strength to carry on,
Many times you embarked on official trips leaving me sad,
But when I am in your arms, I am always glad.

You enriched our lives with your care and love,
And for which I can never express how much I owe,
To help those in trouble, you always had a way,
And your job got a special pay.

Till that unfortunate day, everything went so well,
And I never knew even the meaning of the word HELL,
If I knew that would be the last day, I would see you walk out of the door,
I would have hugged you more and more,
Since you are gone, I tried so hard to show nothing is wrong,
But deep inside I know without you how I can never be strong.
I yearned for your hug, your words and your kisses all these days,
And I tried to speak to you one more time in a million ways,
That uneventful night I heard you cough,
But little I know that’s the end of my laugh.

I never had any bitterness for God in my heart,
But now, in my life, I still struggle for a new start,
All I wanted to see you step out of that hospital my dad,
But all those doctors failed attempts made me mad.

It was hard to accept that you will be missed,
But I felt your skin so cold as I kissed,
I heard people saying “its okay he became old’’,
But how can I ever say that I lost my “precious gold”.

Days months and years passed since you left,
But the pain in my heart never left,
Each day I kept watching the infinity,
And living each day with uncertainty.

I asked God for your love again, one last miracle,
And I kept waiting for the answer from the oracle,
There was always dawn after dusk,
And little I know, I just needed to ask.

One fine day, I felt your tender touch again,
And I know it was the flutter of an angel’s wings,
God answered my yearning prayer,
And again He made me happier.

Now I know I am being watched and not alone,
All the sadness and despair is gone,
Dad, you never failed me before,
And from now on I will never fail you for sure.

As a father, you gave me life, strength, happiness, and everything,
And I won’t let it go for anything,
One day the world will sing about my success so loud,
And I am sure that I will make you so proud.

TWINED AND INTERTWINED

In every walk with nature, one receives far more than he seeks.
—John Muir

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Twined and intertwined
broken and branched
Complex and divine
Pure as a bliss
a walk through those trails in time

The serenity’s which encapsulates you
the deafening silence which rejuvenates you
with each turn twist and bump reveals
that beauty
so sublime

Those streams and the creeks
which runs through it
those veins
which infuse love and beauty in it.
The trees which line up the mountains
curves and accentuates your beauty
So divine

It’s complicated
surreal and yet so simple
It hides the beauty
in its plain sight

A truth untold
thorough those gossamer shrubs
In the thinnest of its web
The trail I took,
To find the truth
hidden deep inside.

Picture credit: Megha Sood