WHATEVER GOES AROUND COMES AROUND

What is the secret behind joyful life? I wouldn’t know. Currently life is not a bed of roses for me and I may not always be joyful. But one thing I have realized is that if you go hunting for joy and happiness it becomes more elusive.


Don’t go searching for joy. It just goes away from you. Just concentrate on living your life as best you can and you will not realize when the butterfly named happiness, contentment or joy comes and sits on your shoulder. I am saying this from personal experience.

My mantra in life is to live life with a smile on my face. Now here I give a disclaimer my family might not agree to this for they have seen all my foul moods and angry tantrums. That too happen. I am human after all.

But in general people call me the lady with an ever-smiling face. I like to greet even strangers with a smile on my face and most of the time it automatically transfers to the other person and a kind of warmth develops between the two. If you work in an office you must have realized that extra work or unscheduled work is at times dumped on you. What has to be done has to be done. But doing it with a smile makes the work more fun than doing it with a grumpy attitude. The work environment also becomes better and your colleagues also come out to help. But if you are grumbling and irritable every one will try to be away from you.


Secondly, I have tried to be helpful always. Whenever I have seen a friend or acquaintance or a colleague is stuck with something I have offered to help. At times the help offer is accepted and at times it is not. But still keep at it. Do try to help without a thought of what the other person has done for you. Do it unconditionally. And as the saying goes whatever goes around comes around. You offer help to the universe and the universe comes to your assistance when you need help.


Making a connect with the humans around you and having a general camaraderie makes our daily toils full of joy.

MY STORY EVEN AFTER FOUR MORE DECADES

Aging? Why am I even writing about it..? Haven’t experienced it yet. I mean this is something that affects the older generation..  Not me..  I have completed only four decades on this earth a couple of years ago.. What do I know about ageing…?

Uh oh…  Don’t look at me like that..  I haven’t put on weight.  No no no..  I have just smoothly transitioned from medium to large to XL to XXL…  That’s the basic growth of a human being. 😊  Just yesterday we had a Saree day in our office.  Why these people come up with impromptu Saree plans?  Don’t you know how much effort goes into wearing a Saree? The first thing that comes to my mind is which blouse will I fit into…  Deep in thought, I was mulling over this issue when the WhatsApp University provided me with an answer…  God bless those people who keep forwarding random messages.  You never know which one will hit a home run. 

So here goes the gyan… (piece of advice) 

Ladies
You don’t have to fit into the blouse,
The blouse has to fit you..
And if it doesn’t get a tailor; not a dietician 😀

Well then I am definitely prospering from all sides but I am surely not ageing or putting on weight.. 

Next thing I know you will point to my crowning glory…  Now understand the streak of white in my beautiful hair shows a sign of maturity beyond my age. I mean people take you seriously if a little white is showing in your hair. You are not considered frivolous.

And smart that I am, I take a little help from Loreal and ensure that only a little white is visible. The stubborn white roots that keep showing up are beautifully hidden under the dark brown hair colour. Who can make out the difference? No one I am sure.

Now I know you are feeling jealous. I agree that the lady in the beauty parlor keeps reminding me to get regular facials. But that is not because of any lines showing up on my face. No you got it all wrong. It’s because she wants more business from me. Its economics not aging. Got it?

I found a gem of a poem on the Internet. It was by Wanda B. Goines of Cave Junction, Oregon. She was a beloved mother to eight children, grandmother to 15, and great-grandmother of four. She passed away in 2016 at the age of 92. Her poem was actually forwarded to me by some kind soul. And this is going to be my story even after four more decades…

I looked in the mirror and what did I see,
But a little old lady peering back at me,
With bags and sags and wrinkles and wispy white hair,
And I ask my reflection How did you get there?
You once were straight and vigorous, and now you are stooped and weak,
When I tried so hard to keep you from becoming an antique.
My reflection’s eyes twinkled as she solemnly replied
You’re looking at the gift wrap and not the jewel inside.
A living gem and precious, of unimagined worth
Unique and true the real you, the only you on Earth.
The years that spoil your gift-wrap with other things more cruel
Should purify and strengthen and polish up that jewel
So focus your attention on the inside not the out.
On being kinder, wiser more content and more devout
Then when your gift wrap is stripped away, your jewel will be set free,
To radiate God’s glory through all eternity.

Underneath I have attached the video link of the poem recited by her… Watch and Enjoy. Thanks!

FRIENDS – A GIFT TO OURSELVES

Throughout our lives, we have different relationships with different people. Most of the relationships we have are by virtue of being born at a certain time in a certain family. Our parents, our siblings, our uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents etc. 

Then there is another set of relationships we have by law. If yours was a love marriage at least you chose your spouse, if you were in an arranged marriage even your spouse was chosen for you. Either way, the in-law’s family that you get is by virtue of being married to a certain person.

I am not complaining, we love our families fiercely. But there is one relationship which you choose and form. It grows on you. And it becomes a very important part of your life. That is friendship.

We start forming friends at a very early age. Maybe you are still in touch with your kindergarten friend. And all along we make a lot of friends. Some are left behind in the race of life and with some, the bond becomes stronger. So, for all of us, we have a few friends or at least one such friend whom we can call a true friend.


That my dear is a gift we have given to ourselves.

Growing up my parents have always been exasperated with the number of friends I had. There was this gang of school friends, the colony friends, the college friends, the computer classes friends, the tuition friends and the list goes on and on. I have loved to be surrounded by good friends. 

But now so many years later I cherish a close group of friends. Whom I love dearly and can go to any lengths to support. And I am sure they will do so too. 

You know what the best part of a good friendship is? There is no pretence. There is no need to put up a façade. I mean if it is your school/college friend they have grown up with you and know all the goof-ups you did as a kid. My close friend was there with me when my teacher punished me, or when I clumsily fell in the canteen, or when we made Maggi together and ate like it was the last packet on earth or she was there when we made lofty plans for our future which never materialized. My friend knows me so thoroughly that I don’t have to pretend in front of her. She understands me.

Then there are the friends I made as an adult when life had started showing its true colours. When life has become so hectic that we carry loads of tensions and stress on our heads. Meeting these friends and just talking or you may call it gossiping can relieve so much of my stress. I love these gossip friends with whom I can let my hair down and discuss just any topic under the sky and not be judged for it.

Also, there are friends who guide you when you need it the most. They coax, cajole and also at times be blunt but they help you give your best to the given task. The “friend, philosopher and guide” kind or friends are too precious as we can turn to them and trust them when our own judgement is compromised.

Finally, my closest circle of friends whom I can call the 3 a.m. friends. I know even if in the middle of the night I give them an SOS call they will drop everything and will be there with me to stand through thick and thin. I know I have a family for such times also but sometimes reaching out to friends is easier than reaching out to the family.

I just cherish and love the friends I have in my life and thank them for being a part of my life. Friends are the gift I have given to myself. When everything in life gets too much to handle, I turn to my friends and they bring me back to track.  

WITH LOVE AND PATIENCE NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE

The car lurched forward, jerked and stopped. Sameer said in a frustrated voice “Aanya you have to slowly leave the clutch and press the accelerator simultaneously. How difficult is it to comprehend?” Aanya was near tears “You’re sitting next to me and rolling your eyes is pressure enough for me. Don’t shout at me. Have patience na… It’s my first day learning how to drive a car.”

Kaushal came home in a very bad mood. He was snapping at the kids and Suhana at every small thing. Nothing they did was right according to him. The kids scuttled away into their room on the pretext of homework. And Suhana was left alone to face the wrath of Kaushal. Suhana was simmering inside and was ready to blow her top too. But at the right time, her mind reasoned that she needs to deal with this situation with some patience. Kaushal was on his notice period in the office having been asked to resign. The pain of being treated unfairly in the current job and no other job in sight was taking a toll on Kaushal.

Shruti was bedridden for last one year after the accident. She was beginning to lose hope that she would ever walk again. She was so dejected that she had stopped trying also. No amount of cajoling was pulling her out of this stoic mindset. Aayan was at his wit’s end. But he knew he had to keep his patience while dealing with Shruti or else he would never be able to help her out of this dark pit of depression.

There are innumerable such instances in our daily life. Among all the relationships in our life, we have the maximum expectations from our spouse. There will be times when the behaviour of your spouse will irritate you or frustrate you. But before you lose your cool think about what the other person’s emotional state is. Maybe their heightened emotions are making them behave unreasonably. So be patient. Don’t react immediately and look for a better way to deal with the situation.

No, I am not saying always put up with their bad behaviour but do put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and think maybe at this moment they need your empathy and not your equal and opposite reaction.

BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT

I am giving him too much credit. And he will never let me forget this. In every future confrontation of ours, he will bring this up. Knowing the risk, I am still narrating this small incident of my life. (Maybe I won’t show it to him)

A couple of years back my husband started his own company and I started working with him. (I am telling you not a good idea). I will give you a brief background about myself. Before starting this work with him I was a housewife (right I too hate this term) for the last 10 years. So even though my degrees stated that I had all the required skill for an office job my great talents were obviously a bit rusted. My husband on the other hand was fresh out of the Corporate world with grand ideas about his startup. His expectations were of that MNC level.

My hubby dear used to turn into a typical demanding boss as soon as we started working. I on the other hand was still a bit laid back. Mind you I tried my best. But still, slip-ups were bound to happen. If he got angry with something I had missed and shouted at me I used to feel how dare he speak to me, his wife, like this. I gave him back good and ended up with both being upset. Almost every day we used to fight.

Letters to be formatted in a certain way, customers to be handled in a specific way, records and filing should be up to date all the time. Records should be available on the click of a button. Seriously I was scrambling to keep up with his bossy demands. And mind you we were a Startup and really understaffed. So, it was a struggle. He shouted, I shouted and then I cried (my best defence). But it hardly changed his stance. Eventually, I did understand his way of working and the number of incidents reduced a little. But his standards never came down.

Few years down the line he closed down that business and moved on to another business. And we decided not to keep all our eggs in the same basket. So, I took up a regular admin job in a school. 

Believe me when I tell you that it took me very less time to impress my current employers with my skills. And every time I get praise here for a job well done, I secretly thank my dear hubby for training me so well or at least for polishing my skills a bit. Really grateful for that period in my life now. It didn’t seem like a blessing then but has really helped me in the long run. Because it is the times of necessity and pressure that teach us the most important life lessons.

THE CATCH 22 SITUATION

Most of the 90’s kids have grown up in an India of limited means. During our childhood, we have all seen a cousin or a friend from UK or States who had those Hershey’s Kisses, Mars bars or the heavenly smelling microwave popcorn, Coke cans, the Nintendo games, the colorful jackets with Disney characters… Whereas we were still stuck in the world of Parle G and Gold spot. Our parents provided for us but there was always a limit to spending and availability of things too.


A decade down the line we have become parents now and by God’s grace are earning well. And we decide that our kids won’t have to yearn for small things like we did during our childhood. This futile effort of ours to live our own childhood through our children makes us go overboard. So now the kids get everything branded. Cost is no bar as mostly there are only one or two children in a household and both parents are earning.


Another decade down the line these children are teenagers now. We thought we gave them all the luxuries in life. But these are basics of life for them they yearn for more… And the story goes on…

I see this as a vicious circle in which we will be caught generation after generation… In order to feel that we are much more successful and accomplished than our previous generations. We fall into the trap of materialism… And this deluded search for happiness never ends.

LITTLE CONVERSATIONS – PART IV

No No No… Disha you are not allowed to do that. Don’t start this guessing game. I have really gathered a lot of courage to come face to face to you and share a very painful incident of my past” Said Akash with a grave face.

Disha was really worried. She wanted her little conversations with Akash to start but the look on Akash’s face told her that this was not the direction she was expecting the talks to move in… Anyways she kept silent and gave time to Akash to gather his thoughts.

I have been married before..” blurted out Akash.

What??” Disha started to speak… “Wait let me complete… then I will answer all your questions.” Akash stopped her mid-sentence. She kept mum but there were a lot of questions in her eyes. In our 36 months of relationship, he did not tell me such a big thing about himself.. 

Akash continued…

6 years ago, like any Indian household where the children are of marriageable age, my parents were also looking out for a match for me. Since I didn’t have any girlfriend, I was ok with the way things were moving. After meeting a few prospective matches, I finally met Archana. She was a simple docile girl from a traditional family. There was no reason to say no to her. She seemed like a girl who would fit in our house and my life. My family was going gaga over her. The family background was good and she was qualified. So this seemed like a perfect match.”

Within a month our marriage date was set. I met Archana a few times but always there were her siblings around. We actually didn’t talk much. Most of the time went in the teasing and fun that goes with a grand Indian wedding.”

After a whirlwind of shopping and multiple functions we finally got married. Archana was welcomed into our house with  an open heart. But she was a changed woman the moment she set step into our house.” 

On our first night together she told me that she was in love with another man from a different religion and she had been forced to marry me. She got into this marriage only to get away from her family.” 

She laughed on my face saying that she didn’t understand how I could be such a simpleton and not recognise the red flags during our marriage. Her bags were packed and she left to be with her boyfriend who was waiting for her. And I was left behind flabbergasted. To face my family and the world. I was completely broken after this. The marriage between us got annulled. But I was not the same again. More than my heart my trust was broken. And the world can be very cruel with their taunts.”

Akash continued “I retreated into a shell. It took me more than 5 years to rebuild my confidence in myself. I felt rejected. I could never trust anyone anymore. That is the reason I didn’t tell you before.  I was scared that you might not trust me.. Or you may leave me.” 

Akash was looking at Disha with so many emotions on his face. Disha opened her mouth to say something but the words didn’t come out…