Insecurity is such a powerful sentiment which certainly attacks every living being at one point of time yet it can’t be clichéd since the trap is so obnoxious that the thought process is always backed by our false lies, fear, and anxiety. It is no less than an illness with a well-known cause of over attachment to possessions or beings, to an extent to make one feel sufficiently hollow breaking down the esteem and confidence in oneself. With its symptoms being depicted in every form of relationship, no one can be blamed for its occurrence as it is a self-developed vice. When it comes to facing insecurities, I have struggled with them in many phases of my short existence on this planet. From my first puppy love to competing with the world and paving a way for achievements, insecurity has accompanied me like a best friend, surfacing on the top of my chaotic head, most of the times. The repercussions have taken the form of killing all that has been beautiful or maybe little less pleasant while holding me back in my sphere of ambiguity, bittering the existing relationships and most importantly the one which I share with myself. Whenever insecurity attacks, it weakens my soul giving rise to tendencies that probably do not belong to me while I commit acts out of jealousies, obsessions and fake arrogance.
I remember how during my school days, I used to stay away from the so-called academic achievers of the class, despite being one among them. It was because somewhere or the other I compared myself with them and thus ended up consoling my inner self by pinpointing their flaws. Similar was the case when I was preparing for a competitive exam and the bright answers given by any student used to make me feel low. I would not call it as jealousy since there were no ill regards held for others but it somehow brought my deficiencies to the forefront or made me feel so. Maybe it has been the reason of my efforts to choose the less competitive sector for work until I realized that there are and there will be face-offs everywhere and we are not meant to win or excel every time once we have given our best shot. Competition is actually essential since it is the driving force of excellence in any project or task being undertaken for accomplishment but that doesn’t mean we ought to create the fear of failure. It actually took me two career switches to accept the differences in the level of intelligence and realize the uniqueness of each individual. A lot of courage is required to confess this insecurity but then I am able to share this today because I have overcome it. I realize that it is only when we learn to accept our limitations amid the varying circumstances and seek contentment in our positive traits that we can appreciate others’ beauty of minds. Parenting and upbringing also plays a major role in the cause of this insecurity and hence it is essential to raise the children in a way that they are well aware and satisfied of their own strengths and weaknesses before they are exposed to the worldly charm where there will always be people better than us, be in terms of skill, intelligence or beauty, and other characteristics. Yet it should be engraved in our minds that no one can replicate our personal abilities and talents and perse even if imitation is possible, circumstances and time periods always vary and hence insecurity needn’t take birth. It is rightly said by Steven Furtick:- “we cannot compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
Another brutal attack of insecurity was initiated when infatuation struck the chords of my heart. Obsession with that loved one arose to such an extent that the fear of losing him subsided the genuine concern and actual affection for that person, resulting in relationship failure. Well, it cannot be exactly termed as a relationship but yes while we were in the so-called phase of puppy love, not a single day passed without the thought in my mind that what if it doesn’t work out. And hence with my excessively possessive vibes seeking his attention ended the wonderful friendship between us in utter bitterness and resentment with hurt being created on both sides. Moreover, it becomes very difficult to have things going on a smooth run when it’s me on one hand, holding ego that hampers clear expression in front of the other person triggering further anger and toxicity. Further, the stage of separation worsens the situation when the feelings of inadequacy start creeping in, robbing one of the inner peace. The insecurity gets heightened with shattered self-esteem converted into urging outbreaks of dependency and desperation. However, since it is said that time heals everything and varied realizations follow, I too sought relief and inner liberation in the thought that what is truly meant to be ours, will always find its way and would never pass by. Hence there should be no bouts of insecurity compelling us to commit acts for proving our worth or attaining someone for if it takes so many efforts, it is actually not worth it.
Having confessed some of the instances, I find pleasure in the fact of having not turned this write-up into a parable on insecurity. It actually takes a lot of struggle and hardships for these above-mentioned realizations to enlighten us and seep down into our inner-self. Dealing with insecurity is just like abusing our-self allowing the germs of possessiveness, aggression, and over-thinking to spread in our body. Hence sometimes we need to sit with ourselves to meditate upon our thoughts and feelings so that our intentions can be checked and the blocked energies can be released from time to time. The non-prudent expectations arising from the bacteria of insecurity need to be responded with self –love, and care rather than worry, doubt and greed. It is never about suppressing these insecurities but accepting their occurrence, acknowledging them with consciousness and patience while simultaneously allowing them to pass away so that we can rise above them as soon as possible. True liberation creating happiness can be only experienced when we let these insecurities pass away without acting upon them too much such that it which further opens the door for true love and real golden avenues. Each one of us has the permission and deserves to feel worthy and safe enough in one’s own skin.