REDISCOVERING A NEW SELF THROUGH HOBBIES

Turning the memory pages of my life when I peep into the pages of my childhood, I find myself and my cousin Anupam sitting on the floor, doing something very meticulously.

I tried to zoom in and see what were we both doing.

Hmmmm… We were listing the names of the countries and their capitals by writing on a piece of paper from the world atlas. That way we had remembered almost all the countries of the world and their capitals.

I tried to find some more memories by turning some other pages to find both us working together at a place sitting separately. Anupam was good in drawing or doing a sketch and I was good in coloring.

If something in life that engrosses us positively is our hobbies.  And I know how passionate and enthusiastic we both were working on our hobbies which we both probably lost in our busy schedules.

Whenever somebody asks about my hobbies I feel great to share about them with her/him. The simple reason behind it is, I love what I do and I know that they give me immense pleasure. The general tendency is, we love to share our joys and pleasures with all.

I remember the time when I was on rest for 5 months after coming out of the hospital in 2005, I had nothing to do and was terribly bored. An idea struck me , I bought plain t-shirts to paint on them. I wore one or two myself, gifted one or two on birthdays and rest I had sold them. In 2006 I discovered my writing skill and then soon started Candles, printed version.

In 2006, my wife was given the responsibility to sing in the wedding of my cousin sister. I showed interest to write the song and composed the music for the first time, rediscovering myself. From that day on wards I have been composing and writing songs as and when required.    

Being a super extrovert in nature one of the most satisfying hobbies of mine is to interact with different people and share views. Somehow I love crowd. I get attracted to the crowds. I don’t run away from them at all. I love mixing with people and talking to them.

My hobbies give me so much pleasure, and my mind always stay cool and calm and diverted from all my worries, pains, and sufferings when I am busy with my hobbies. They are my biggest stress busters. They have never been made me feel lonely.  

If I have to list out the benefits of the hobbies then I would do it as under:

• Hobbies keep us cheerful and happy.
• Hobbies refreshes us and helps us to refocus on our major assignments.
• Hobbies have a positive effect on our mind and we stay composed mentally.
• Hobbies are the greatest stress busters.
• Hobbies in physical nature build our muscles and keep us healthy.
• Hobbies help us to rediscover ourselves and help us to understand ourselves better.
• Hobbies help us to define our strengths and weaknesses by letting us know our talents.
• Hobbies help us to be confident and bring about self belief. 

One scripture portion always helped me and inspired me to be on my toes:

“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going.”

And I know if I don’t do it here when I am living I can’t do after I die…

So friends! Work on your hobbies, rediscover yourself, rediscover your talents and stay happy always. 

Stay blessed!

KNOW YOUR FEAR AND GET RID OF IT

The week went well with the discussion on a very popular subject: “FEAR.” All of my co-writers have written exceptionally well on this subject. I just want to mention few important aspects of fear in this concluding article. 

As far as my knowledge is concerned most of the time our fears are based on falsehood, wrong thinking, imagined, irrational and abnormalities. We need to know that fear is a normal emotion designed by God which helps us to protect us from real danger. Because of fear we take proper action to protect ourselves or our family who are exposed to any danger. But living with a fear- based mentality or a fearful spirit is not from God because, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

Let me give you a small example from my life…

Gastritis is a funny disease. I suffer from it often and it usually triggers a fear within me when I feel my palpitations are rapid and fluctuating because of this funny disease. Being a cardiac patient fear triggers in me whenever I feel some weird sensations within or around my chest. But when I get to know the fact that the pain or sensation is due to gastritis my fear subsided.

“Know the truth and the truth will set you free.” That’s what the scripture confirms…

Truth is the most vital factor that helps us to eliminate irrational and abnormal fears. By knowing or understanding the fact or the truth of what’s really happening to me sets me free from the fear.

Then again a question arises why and how fear triggers within us…

Fear triggers in us when we feel a threat –

1. To our safety and security: Fear of getting sick, loosing job, meeting an accident etc.
2. To our identity and significance: Fear of demotion, failure, reputation getting spoilt etc.
3. To our love and relationship: Fear of being rejected, not looking attractive, insecurity etc.

Things to remember: God ensures our safety and security. He is our creator and that’s the biggest identity we have and not a single person on earth is insignificant. Lastly, God is love and when we learn how to love from His loving acts towards us daily.    

While concluding I can quote June Hunt who writes in her book on the subject of Fear as:

“Examining your fear, its origin, its legitimacy, and its pattern can help you understand your fear and develop a strategy to resolve it.”

Close your eyes and pray to God like this: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”

Stay Blessed!!!

OVERCOMING SOCIAL PHOBIA- THE FEAR OF INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE

“If I am not for myself, who will be for me?

And if I am not for others, what am I?

And if not now, when?”

-Hillel (Ancient Hebrew Sage)

Yesterday when I was informed by a friend of mine regarding placements in school in the third semester, I found myself panic-stricken and anxious. I was placed somewhere that I was not comfortable with. Moreover, going in to a new situation, adjusting in a novel environment threw me in jitters. I, a 24-year-old woman pursuing my Bachelors in Education, a would-be teacher and a dancer frequently found myself in situations where I was struck with Social phobia. While it was before a presentation stint or an interview or before performing on stage and socializing I was shrouded in nervousness. I feared that I would end up embarrassing myself which would make people feel that I was incapable for the task, which took place quite a few times.

The word phobia is defined as “a persistent, abnormal, or irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid the feared stimulus.” Therefore, Social phobia or Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) is a feeling of acute aversion towards social situations which are unfamiliar as the person in question is expected to be evaluated or watched. This has become a very common affair as we have to reach certain criterion set by the society regularly. Some of us try to look for an escape plan as it places us into distressing hair-splitting footings.

A person suffering from SAD as recognized by HelpGuide organization in collaboration with Harvard Medical School experiences the following in social situations:

• Self-consciousness and anxiety to the utmost
• Extreme worry before socializing
• Fear of evaluation and observation
• Self-embarrassment and self-humiliation
• Nervousness
• Palpitations
• Dizziness
• Tightness of chest
• Racing pulse
• Shyness
• Nausea
• Hot flashes and sweating
• Bringing a companion along everywhere
• Escaping from social situations which disturbs life

Social phobia can be inherent in a human being and can be experienced even from early childhood. The earliest it is identified the best one can work to overcome it. When you find out that your child is shy to talk to adults, play with other children, afraid of tests, you will understand that he/she may be struck with social phobia. Adults experience it when while presenting, public speaking, making phone calls, going on a date, being the centre of attraction and so on and so forth.

I went through most of these and did my very best to avoid social situations but there were times I couldn’t. At times I was conceived of an unprofessional, incapable and incompetent. But this did not have anything to do with my skills and abilities. What I realized was that the fear is tentative and is just a conception of the mind. If I had to achieve what lay in front of me I have to view the situation in a different way. With the help of people around me who constantly gave a positive boost, I am able to change my perspective.

Social phobia can be eliminated if one is confident in and knows what he/she is doing. It requires challenging the negative thoughts and changing them into positive. Staying focused and relaxed also helps. Before speaking, performing or socializing it’s essential to calm the and free yourself of disorders and confusion. Attempting to be spontaneous and most importantly being who you are also can bring you out of your fear while maintaining your composure. Eliminate from your mind that even if you don’t deliver you are not awful. With children the methods of positive reinforcement, exposure to character building engagements, learning by doing, role playing etc. have to be applied.

It’s not that we, the common folks only face this giant fear of people. You will be surprised to know that a host of other celebrities also experience the same. The list includes Johnny Depp, Beyoncé, Oprah Winfrey, Adele and many others. In spite of suffering from such a disorder we see them performing and presenting brilliantly. Though it requires a conflict it is not impossible. Therefore, do consider the quote mentioned in the beginning when experiencing SAD.

FEAR FROM SCHOOL HOMEWORK TO COLLEGE GIRLFRIEND!

Fear and Life co-exist. It’s not feasible for life to exist without fear. While I was doing a retrospection of my own life, I came across two major incidents in my life which I believe you might have been through too! One happened with me, when I was in School where life was running on routine and the other one happened with me, when I was in College where life moved as I wished.

☺ School Homework: Yes, you read it right… its school homework. Throughout my schooling, I used to do my homework for the FEAR of being punished or being failed in the examination. The fear of punishment was the factor that forced me to finish my homework. When I look to the positive side of this fear factor, I learned a lesson. Doing homework for the fear of punishment disciplined my life as a student and helped me in my career path.

Without fear life will become rudderless, which is not only precarious for us but also for our fellow human beings. Fear, time and again disciplines us and safeguards our lives from erroneous consequences. It constricts us with certain parameters of life and makes us ‘Being Human’ instead of human being. Everyone with flesh, blood and mind is a Human Being but ‘Being Human’ is the one whose life is always safeguarded with ‘FEAR,’ in a positive sense.

☺College Girlfriend: Like most of the other guys I had a girlfriend during my graduation days at College. When I was in that relationship I dreamt many dreams with her which later became a grisly nightmare. After the break-up for many days, this grisly nightmare or my shattered dream became the fear factor with regards to trusting another person. I had that fear of failure whenever I found that a relationship had started to bloom.

The fear of that grisly nightmare always comes as an obstacle in front of me when I try to take a step ahead. But the hope keeps shouting behind, ‘go ahead, and do not fear’. Fear of our past mistake is annoying. We commit mistakes in order to learn and grow – not to fear and stop growing in life. Fear is always a dark cloud, which has to pass by but that does not mean we stop walking. There is always sunrise after sunset. So don’t fear your FEAR.

I would like to conclude this snippet with one note – “When your fear brings  discipline, consider it. But when it brings hopelessness, don’t consider it, just overlook and keep moving till you reach your destination.”

CAGE THE DEMON

Fear kills! Yes, you read it right. Fear kills! Each day many people die untimely deaths because of fear. Extreme fear causes the internal physiological system to collapse leading to multiple organ failure. Of course, constant irrational fears (phobias) are definitely not normal and need to be dealt with by experts. There are certain triggers of fear that can be nipped in the bud before they lead to disastrous consequences.

D – Doubt

Lack of trust creates doubt and doubt leads to fear. Fear arising from doubt breeds suspicion, gives rise to conflict, breaks relationships and takes the lives of many. Fear arising from doubt robs the peace from one’s life and provides room for apprehensions.

E – Emergency       

Emergency situations require an immediate response. Not all people are equipped to handle emergencies. Many people are unable to act instantly because of the fear of the consequences of the emergency. For example, a person who hears about the sudden accident of his son needs to rush to the spot immediately. If the fear of facing his son in critical condition holds him back, all will be lost.

M – Malady

A debilitating disease afflicting a loved one or oneself creates fear in the heart. Fear of losing a dear one to sickness or fear of losing one’s life, especially when one has the responsibility of children and / or aged parents / spouse is really worrisome. Research studies have shown that fear slows down the process of recovery.

O – Opposition

Facing criticism and opposing views creates fear in the hearts of many – fear of taking initiative, fear of losing one’s self-esteem, fear of being ignored, fear of being jeered at and fear of rejection. And, so we prefer to remain silent and sail with the rest of the crew.

N – Novelty

Novelty usually has uncertainty as its companion. Hence, newness gives rise to fear in the hearts of many. A new relationship, new job, a new-born baby, a new plan, new boss, new school/college/workplace – give rise to apprehensions which are normal for a short duration. However if these feelings of apprehension linger for long, they give rise to fear.

So, then how do we cage this demon called ‘fear’?

C – Cultivate Faith

Have faith in your abilities, in yourself and in God. God believes in you and your potential. So, you need to believe in yourself even when the situation is bleak and there is no hope in sight. Faith generates hope. And hope dispels fear. Hence, cultivate faith.

A – Accept wise Counsel

Nobody on earth can claim to be a ‘know-it-all’ expert. We all need advice / suggestions from time to time. When fear regarding anything grips your heart, seek help. Share your apprehensions / fears with a trusted person and accept the wise counsel that is offered to you.

G – Govern your Thoughts

Don’t allow fearful thoughts to gain an edge over you. Instead replace them with courageous and positive thoughts. Avoid the company of fearful people. Fear breeds fear. Be in the company of people who would infuse courage into you. Positive self-talk strengthens the mind. Fill your mind with thoughts are true, pure, noble and courageous. Don’t let your thoughts govern you. Rather, you govern your thoughts.

E – Embrace Changes

Fear of the consequences lead many to inaction. Imagine that a bud refuses to bloom because it is afraid of the changes that it might encounter when it becomes a flower! Will it be able to enjoy its life and bring joy to others? If a pupa refuses to become a butterfly, it will die trapped in its cocoon. Change always springs in something new. Encountering the new and novel creates fear in many. However, remember you cannot bloom unless you embrace the changes that life has to offer.

So, don’t allow the fear-demon to scare the life out of you. Cage it in. It’ll die a slow death!

OH WATCHFUL WATCH I FEAR YOU

Hi Everyone,

We are all racing against time in this competitive busy lives of ours.  Day begins with buzz in our ears and alarm clock pushing us to begin our race that never reaches the finish line.

“Oh my God! I am getting late, what shall I prepare for breakfast and lunch;

I have to get my kids ready for school;

I am getting late for my office;

My assignment is not ready, what I am gonna tell my teacher;

The all important presentation is yet to be finalised and the clients have already reached office;

Exams are round the corner and I don’t have enough time to finish the entire portion“.

So many examples from our lives that always reiterate the fact how we all fear the ticking clock.  Actually it is the outcome we fear.  We fear the anger of other person, we fear the result of delay on our career and future, we fear what impact does our being late would have on our loved ones and there are numerous examples to show how we fear time.

These are examples from our day-to-day life.  Now let’s see how does clock ticks for celebrities and big shots we adore.  Let’s take the example of beloved actresses of our film industry that we call “Bollywood”.  It’s often said that actresses have a shelf life of say 5-10 years, though I strongly condemn this as they are human beings just like us and not a commodity but its a bitter truth of society’s thought process.  And during that stipulated time they have to amass popularity and wealth and strengthen future prospects.  The constant fear of being said “your time is out” hovers on their minds.  This fear makes them postpone their marriage and family lives.  And just like I said in my previous write-up “Our Emotion Is Their Business” their fear of not looking beautiful or looking aged on-screen gives business to many plastic surgery practitioners .

Our politicians also fear time as they are not sure what could next elections possibly hold for them in store.  Sometimes it doesn’t even take five years but chances of mid-term elections create havoc in their political careers. This might be the reason they work 24/7 for the betterment, whose betterment is a question left for us to decide.

So basically Time is really powerful.  It heals, it teaches and it instigates “FEAR“.

What do you think?

AUTHENTICITY OF MY FEAR

We were just 21 years of age, fresh out of college with new dreams of building our successful careers in the IT hub of India. This story is of about 10 years back when I and few of my friends came to Bangalore on a job hunt. We stayed in a PG, ate in a small local canteen, bought bus passes every day to attend numerous walk-ins and interviews. We all belonged to small cities and had never been to shopping malls earlier. Only one of us had taken a flight in her life. We were basically simple girls with little access to luxuries that we enjoy today.

One day when we went to the mall, we encountered the escalators. Yes, you might laugh at this but 10 years ago, girls like us had never stepped on an escalator. With a bit of hesitation I managed to step on to it. But one of my friends simply refused to get on it. She was literally trembling at the thought of stepping on it. She eventually got over this fear and now we all have a good laugh about those incidents.

I have learnt that there are two types of fears – authentic and inauthentic. Authentic fears are the real fears. The fear that you have if you spot a snake in your room is an authentic fear. My friend’s fear of escalator also was an authentic fear. This type of fear keeps you on your toes and helps you stay safe and alive.

Inauthentic fears have no concreteness; these are fears which are based on ifs and buts. “What will people think of me if I stammer on the stage?” is an example of inauthentic fears.

I would invite each of you to look at your fears right now and find out if it is authentic or inauthentic. Most of us will realize that it is an inauthentic fear that pesters us the most. These are the fears that stop us from taking a risk and grow.

One of the most common fears that I always had is “What will people think of me?” This fear of being judged and rejected had turned me into a people-pleaser. And this is what happens – these inauthentic fears tend to have a life-long effect on personalities which hinder our very growth. The only way to realize these changes in the personality is to have someone show you a mirror. When you have that trustworthy friend who tells you that you are being a doormat to your spouse – listen to that friend and introspect to see what might be causing it.

Life always throws situations at us with which we will always confront our fears. And that is the time when you will realize that you have been living under the umbrella of an inauthentic fear whereas the whole wide world of success was waiting for you outside. Getting over an inauthentic fear is also like stepping on that escalator that scares the hell out of you. You just have to take that one step and the escalator will take you to the heights.

Do not run away from the situations in life because that is when you reject the chance the life gives of getting over an inauthentic fear.