WHAT IF…

There comes a time in your life, where you like the things the way they are ..but what if things were different? What if going back into my past, I’d change something really HUGEand that in turn makes me lose everything I have today?

What can I say – my TODAY is far from perfect! But then if I have to look at my life in the other way, I look at my life as

“What if my life turned out just the way I wanted it?” I can only begin to imagine

A frequent passing thought.. and at the end of it, I say to myself ‘Thank Goodness’. You think I’d know myself really well, and what I’d be capable of, if I had to have it my way!

A few right choices, a couple of right connections and a whole lot of the sly factor,I wouldn’t be doing the things I’m doing or living in the place I’m living. I would be – well.. Unrecognizable! I wouldn’t be ME. Actually I would be Me, but a different kind of Me – not many of who would like me too much.Image result for time machine

Working in top management

..lording over hundreds of employees working under me

..changing cars with changing trends

..a house that comforts me in every way, needless to say – money would never be an issue.

..married to a woman who looks after my every need – I wouldn’t need anything else would I?

Wouldn’t that be a nice world to live in? Pretty superficial I know but still a very comfortable one, who’s complaining!? I wouldn’t, nor would you – Trust Me! 

Let’s start from where it all truly begins, no.. no.. not birth, but MONEY  The start and End to life. While its all good to have emotions like love, happiness, joy & satisfaction in life, the truth is – that’s not what is enough, we need HARD CASH! and a little extra of it never hurts. I am always on the other side of the fence when it comes to finances, that said, the limitations keep me down to earth and always in check. It helps me understand the value of holding on to something that helps me (with the right purchases) in giving myself a better quality of life.

A story dad would often tell my sister and myself when we were younger. He was Bank manager – Bank of India, Jamshedpur and in a position where he called the shots on many of the things that happened within 4 walls. Often customers would ask him “Sir, aapka ghar ready ho gaya Goa mein?” (which loosely translates as Is your house in Goa ready?) in other words if he could get the ‘papers passed’ or ‘the work done’.. faster or you know…, he would be rewarded handsomely… and that in turn would help in building the house faster. The honest man that my dad was, he never took the bait – and of course the rest is history.

He built our home on Love, Honesty and with every drop of sweat spent at the bank working his ass off (hard work) Life wasn’t as easy as some of us have it now. So while I may personally not have anything to change for myself, or for anyone else in my family, I would like to have seen, what would life have been… you know just if…

Every one of us has an ‘if’ in our life – its normal to have that thought. Some time in my life, I did too.. (not any more)

Maybe you’ve been hurt, maybe you’ve lost someone dear to you.. and we all wish that we could start over or go back and change it all

… but that’s life, we just have one shot at it! Besides, it’s all steps to growing up. We understand that everything we do has consequences.

Life isn’t FuN and games, its way harder to deal with that we can ever imagine. However, life goes on – and everyday gives us a chance to start afresh.

There’s a saying that goes “The apple does not fall far from the tree” if that was my dad many years ago and he has no regrets on how his life panned out, I am his son and while my life has not had the same straight upward curve that his has been – I’m still happy how I’ve turned out.. a little wonky, very unpredictable and pretty average. I’d still give it my best shot and hopefully – some day ‘dad would be proud of me’.

Advertisements

I COULD CARE LESS!

So what is the “Lok kya kahenge” or “What will people think” thought process?

It is basically a phrase which underestimates one’s ability (not necessarily imposed by society always but more originating from one’s lack of confidence) It does NOT allow us to do what we want to do.

It is a given fact, whatever we have to do – will never be of someone else’s taste, more so if it is not to their liking – but what I haven’t understood until now is – Why would such a feeling come to a person in the first place? Is it just the way we are brought up – the Indian mentality, lack of confidence or simply something we blindly follow?

The millennial rarely care on what people would think of their actions – they like it – they go for it, they wouldn’t seek advice before taking something new up – and if you ask me. THAT IS THE WAY TO GO ABOUT LIFE.

I’ve had many an argument with my dad about this subject, so writing about it here (as the topic for the week) gives me immense pleasure! I wouldn’t know if a condition like this exists in any other country, but in India – WoW! You’d have to actually meet people to know how many dreams have been crushed and ambitions squashed just with the the mentality of What Will People Think!? Be it your job, marriage or anything else, people in India care way too much about… you know what!

If I have to stand up and address a large gathering and ask the question: How many of you lead compromised lives because of the “What will people say” syndrome?

I’m sure, each and everyone’s hands would be up, because in whichever small or big way, we have all compromised on something, and that’s how an average Indian has lived and continues to live their life.

If you ought to do something, I’ll say – do it openly, and if it embarrasses you, don’t do it – SIMPLE! but to not do something just because of others – That’s NOT acceptable at all.

So the automatic next question to then ask is: Why do we let people’s opinions affect us so much?

No two people think alike and like I said earlier, no matter what we do, it is never going to be appreciated or complimented other than members of your family (that too is a big ? nowadays-but I’m gonna go with ‘Family wants the best for us’ thought)

  • I am already 30 and unmarried, log kya kahenge?
  • I’m better off being single, but will society judge me?
  • I don’t have a regular 9-5 job, I work from home – what will people think? No girl will want to marry me. 
  • I want to drop out of school and pursue my dream of becoming a YouTuber, but what will people say?

If someone comes to me and I have to advice them on being anti-people thinking, I’ll have to simply say

“Why do you care? Do your thing, after all people aren’t feeding you” but that apparently isn’t what most people want to hear. They need you to break it down for them further. Let me see if I can do that for you – 5 pointers

  1. If you do not want people judging you, you got to stop doing that yourself first. I know its default setting, but have you heard of a starting over – YES, we can all do that.
  2. We need to take care of our self a little from time to time – its healthy practice.
  3. Something I personally do (and you should really try out) Imagine the worst case scenario, however that said – do not alter what you’ve set out to do, do it anyway!
  4. Nobody knows you as better as yourself, so how does the opinion of another even matter?
  5. No harm listening, but keep at what you’re doing. People will get the message eventually.

A person who knows what he wants in life and goes about getting things done (at his own speed) is respected. No one wants to be-friend someone who themselves do not know what their next step is going to be.

Of course it all starts with YOU. So are you willing to let go of the ‘thought’? YOU and only YOU matter, besides everyone is entitled to his/her opinion – no one can stop from mouths wagging.

If after reading this, you find yourself wiser by a percent or two – I think my job HERE is done – else…..

Image result for what will people think

Life is a game after all, all we constantly need to up our game.

5 POINT ADVICE

While the word ‘advice’ in itself, when given for free…is not appreciated from friends and family, the same advice coming from a professional, seems more authentic.

From Medical professionals, Counselors to Life Coaches – everyone has advice to offer. What makes me then – as a blogger not to do the same?

So here goes – I am going to try and keep this very simple.

  1. In the hustle bustle of life that we live in – traffic, people chatter, fire crackers, hawkers are some of the sounds we hear on a daily basis. But amidst all of that, if you are able to hear the music of another person’s heart, take the risk, enjoy the dance and spread the happiness around. Trust me, the music is like of no other.
  2. While ‘Verbal Communication’ may be the best way to get the message across to people – However, always REMEMBER the words you stitch together are powerful and saying what you mean is as much crucial for self-confidence and the way you portray it to the world, else words are just letters put together without meaning.
  3. The ‘Emotional Injection’. Infuse that in every sentence you speak. Speaking with emotion conveys much more than what an otherwise normal conversation would contain. Invest in people. Be BOLD, AUTHENTIC and VULNERABLE, most of all be yourself.

    “We’re all human and emotion unites us”

  4. The ‘2 Ear 1 Mouth’ Rule. Listen More, Speak Less. Life has become more of a “You have a problem, I have a solution” situation. Sure you do.. but maybe that’s not what I need right now. I just need someone to listen to me? Getting into someone else’s business is delicate, but if they themselves want to share, we can surely LISTEN for a change. Can’t we? Some people just need to talk. At best, we can listen with a SMILE.
  5. Give 89%. The 11% is for your understanding that sometimes it is perfectly OKAY to be a bit selfish, to place your needs first, or stand firm on something. Be it in your relationships, at your work place or trying something new.

Giving advice is a privilege and it should never be taken for granted, and the above 5 points is my small contribution to the ever-growing list.

Let us also not forget that the sole purpose of giving advice is to help someone.

Is it just me who thinks that Counselors are on the rise in India? Or is it just that the number of problems have escalated? If the problems aren’t too BIG, I’m sure you’ll find your answers/solutions in reading Candles Online. We’re never short of it. 

WRITING IT DOWN SEEMS EASIER…

“I need to say something.. but I don’t know where to begin”

“Why don’t you just write it down then?”

“Yes, I think I’ll do JUST that”

Sometimes, it just easier to write your feelings down than express it verbally in front of another person. Besides 8/10 times the other person isn’t even paying attention to you. Writing and subsequently reading gives us the time to ponder over the words written, the emotions attached to it and brings out one’s most vulnerable side to the people who matter the most (something that a person does not feel comfortable doing in public)

So, the other day when I was asked to give my opinion on a particular question:

What is that one thing that makes you feel that you should let others know about it by writing it down?

I didn’t have to think much – it was always going to be ‘feelings’. I’m sure for most of you, it would be the same. It need not be in the exact words of how your mind is playing it out for you, but in the form of poetry, a drawing, a rant or a simple 2 liner which when you read – it isn’t just the words that you read, but the meaning behind it that a writer/blogger/friend/lover is trying to portray through it.

In the world we live in today, people do not like to leave written proofs of anything – let alone a heartfelt confession, a genuine love letter or a greeting card. It is really hard for the youngsters of today to actually experience what feelings the written word could evoke (which in comparison to the spoken word ..a lot lot more), rather than just speaking and letting it out of your system- more a moment of shock than anticipation to the other person.

It was way back in college that I had written an article on the local newspaper, in appreciation of my teacher, who I thought was the nicest person back then. (if you know me personally, there isn’t a long list of people who fall in the ‘nice’ category) I could have gone up to her and told her that, but I decided to write it down, have it published on the daily newspaper and present it to her in person. She was my psychology teacher.

While you might say, speaking it out is faster and more convenient, Yes! I agree. But there’s a reason why some people resort to simply writing it down. (Blogger v/s Vlogger – a debate in itself maybe?

If you don’t believe me – reach out to your phone, click on the whatsapp icon and read through some of the message you’ve received (even some of the forwarded ones) would that person ever say something like that to you in person? Highly unlikely! People just do not understand (lack of understanding skills or time – no idea!) but are quick to react, and of course the most important factor that I think most of us fail to recognize is knowing that we are afraid of being judged, when comments like these are ready to be thrown at you.. you’re too emotional – – – get a grip on yourself woman – – – aren’t you a softie – – – man up!

Writing rather than speaking in person, provides a sense of security. and a more well balanced, well thought out, outcome!

Grrrrr mmbbllliiinnggggg – THE DAILY DOSE OF AN EVERYDAY LIFE

Grumble

verb

  1. to complain about someone or something in an annoyed manner

“Grumbling is a virtue of the weak-minded not of the strong-willed”

…wait! Don’t pounce on me just yet – Think about it…

Jog your memory a little and try to remember the last person you’ve heard grumbling, just because they had to do something extra for someone else.

Now try and understand what could be the reason behind the request?

  • Inability?
  • Time constraint?
  • The virtue of you being capable of doing the job better? You’re simply better at doing it?

An able, active and a normal person wouldn’t mind going the extra..aaamile in doing something for another person, it’s not like you’re told to climb the Himalayas to fetch a pail of water and come back.

“It is the little things we do for people that make life a better place to live in”

1. The child is asked by his mother to bring a glass of water because she’s thirsty but he’s busy on his mobile phone in the middle of a game…

What is going to be his reaction?

2. An employer tells his employee to finish the allotted work given to him and go home.. its nearing closing time but you’re nowhere close to the end…

What’s his reaction going to be?

Grumble (1)

Nothing is ever be achieved by grumbling.

Grumbling leads to Frustration

                        Frustration leads to Pressure

                                                    Pressure leads to Stress

                                                                Stress ultimately leads to sickness…

…and it’s only all downhill from there.

Now, do we really want to go down that road?

How about getting the job done… and move on? Sounds a much better option now, doesn’t it? 

Everyone grumbles – Yes! It is part of basic human behavior. It’s just that some people do it a lot more than others and are also strangely good at it, not so pleasant though to the person(s) hearing the constant grumbling!

I grumble too (mostly in the mind) – I am human after all, but like the so many things I am working on in my personal life… I am still ‘work in progress’. I am only getting better with time

Tip: If you have someone around you who grumbles as if their life depends on it – Do Not React! Walk away if you must, Ignore if you have too… there is no cure. They say as you mature, you understand life better and complain less about the things around you… But with some people, it works the other way round, and that’s certainly not good news.