HOW TO HANDLE EMOTIONS AT WORK

By nature, I am an extremely vulnerable person who can feel the emotions a little more in depth than required. I have often ended up in emotional mess because of this sensitivity. When I was you I couldn’t reason why some thing could hurt me so deep or why some small things make me happy. But as I started growing up a little self retrospection helped me understand.

It’s very easy for people like me to build relationships. What is difficult is to recover from the hurt if these relationships don’t work. I can quote plenty examples.

My first love, some of the friendships and some professional relationships too. We talk and hear a lot about heartbreaks and how to come out of it. Hence today I am going to talk about feelings and emotions at work.

In a corporate environment we often get overwhelmed about how to maintain relationships with peers and superiors. From my professional experience so far, I have learnt a lot about professional relationships and I have made some rules for myself. Sharing the same, it may be useful to you too.

1. No romantic relationships at work. A STRICT NO.

2. No friendships at work. Well, friendships do happen but not the ones that I may want to keep life long. Most of the friendships are need based. They are over when the need is over. I have suffered a lot with this before when I was a novice in this big bad corporate world. Slowly I learnt the tricks of the trade. But to be honest, my workplace has given me 2 beautiful friendships which are an exception to this rule.

3. No sharing personal life details in depth neither asking them to others. Often times, we speak volumes about our personal life with the person whom we trust at workplace but I have had experience when it turned a boomerang for me. I can do an entire separate post of this point 😎

4. No feelings towards anybody at workplace. When I say no feelings, I literally mean NO Feelings at all.. no jealousy, no anger, no attachment, no love, no hate. The only two feelings that I allow are respect and empathy. Lot of times, you may not respect a person, but you must respect the designation. This situation is a hard nut to crack. But not getting emotionally entangled often makes lot of things easier.

5. Just fix it in mind that you cannot take along all your relationships along with you till the end of your life. A person is surrounded by circles of relationships. Closer the circle to you, more important is the relationship. Now just imagine how difficult it will be to accommodate all the relationships in the inner most circle. Similarly, accept the fact that you can’t stand in the inner most circle of many. This point is difficult to accept and that’s exactly what causes emotional stress.

Hope these tips are useful. How do you deal with emotions and feelings? What challenging situations you have encountered and how did you deal with them? I would love to hear from you.

WAKE UP

Wake up dear

this world doesn’t stay the same always

Get up smell the roses and get on with your work

make the best use of your resources or they may just dry up one day..

Humans are generally very wasteful. We have successfully wasted the resources bestowed upon us by Nature. Air, water, wood, oil, wind energy, natural gas, mineral, and coal we have managed to misuse and waste all of them. 

When early humans discovered the use of these resources they thought that the earth is so plentiful that whatever we do we will have an unending supply of all these resources. Our processes didn’t take the environmental toll into consideration and the results are very visible now.

The hazards that we only studied about have become a stark reality these days. Be it the flooding of our cities during monsoon, or the famines our farmers are facing, or the air quality being so poor that we need masks to breathe. All these things are actually happening in the present and they are all a direct consequence of our callous approach towards our natural resources. 

What is surprising though is the fact that even though we all know that pollution is an issue (and one that we will continue to face with mounting urgency in the future), few of us have changed a lot of our simple habits to be more environmentally friendly. Why because we value convenience more. 

It’s time to wake up and take some really concrete steps. Small changes in our life style can help save a lot of water, energy etc. We all know what is to be done but right now we are not bothered enough. Guys time has come act now before it’s too late for our next generation.

One more definition of resources is “a stock or supply of money, materials, staff, and other assets that can be drawn on by a person or organization in order to function effectively.”

We have seen huge conglomerates falling because they were not able to efficiently use their resources. The bigger the company the more the leaks. And more the wastage of their resources. We should realise that everything we consume comes at a price and is limited. The raw material, the  machinery and the staff should be taken care of and used optimally. Only then would a factory be called efficient. 

Look at an even bigger picture. Even humans are a resource. A country’s progress depends on how well they train and take care or their human resource. People tend to move out of a place where they are not valued or don’t have enough opportunities. Brain Drain aren’t all familiar with that… 

Stop being wasteful. Be it the resources endowed upon us by nature or the things created by humans or even the emotions. Believe me if this is the way we keep going these resources won’t be around for long. Preserve this beautiful world don’t help destroy it. 

Wake up…

“PROMISE” – IS IT JUST A WORD?

It is said, “PROMISE is a big word. It either makes something or breaks everything.”

Well, one of our Indian movies has intensified it to higher ground, “It is easier to win someone’s trust and it is more easier to break it. But TOUGH is, ‘to sustain that trust’.” 

In the mid of this year, I was invited to join a National Conference at Shillong in October. Wow, Shillong! Who gonna miss it! Of course, ‘YES’ I replied. But after a couple of months, I received my University exam time table and somehow a 3 days gap between a couple of my papers offered me a break. As opportunities costs, I was asked to pay for the cancellation of my one-way train ticket and buy an air ticket. Penny-pinching and after a week-long thought-through I convinced myself to block the deal. Finally the day dawn, as likely my plan, I took the second-half break from the office and went to write the paper. Soon after, I called a cab for the airport to take the evening flight for Guwahati after 2 hours and then en route to Shillong by road. But as always, “human plans greatly whereas he has no idea what’s going to happen in next hour”, exactly so my cab took the U-turn and was stranded in the traffic for an hour. By the time, my cab driver gets space to sneak out for another route (of course, only possible on Indian roads:)) to the airport, I crossed my check-in time. One side, I was cursing my driver and another side blaming God, “how can you be so rude to me? Being an Almighty God, can’t you somehow give me a free road?”  Exhaust and down emotion, I reached the airport 15 minutes late to the scheduled departure of my flight. But to my surprise, my flight was flying 40 minutes late, as I stepped into the airport, my flight touched the ground and was taxing towards the terminal. With ‘let’s try’ thinking, I went for boarding pass and asked the executive, ‘I know I’m late to board your aircraft but I come to know your aircraft to Guwahati is flying late. And he slapping me with his words said, Sir, you are late than our delayed flight, YOU CANNOT BOARD THE FLIGHT. On my second request, he said, let me try Sir if it works! Again to surprise he handover the boarding pass and said, Sir, run to terminal 19, the gate is about to open. Hold on, the story doesn’t end there, there’s something for life-risk as well. By the time I land, Guwahati was raining like cats and dogs. Still praying, I got a brand new cab to Shillong, hungry and tired around 11 P.M I asked the driver, Sir, how long it will take to Shillong and can we stop somewhere for dinner. He replied, sure sir, around 1AM we will reach the Dhaba but Sir we must pray that there should not be any landslide. The way it is raining, I’m sure there will be landslide somewhere. After an hour, that skillful driver was good enough to turn the steering just in a few inches away from landslide. At 3 AM, I reached Shillong but again surprising my host was out of reach and I was in a drug-paddlers locality. With a bit more struggle, I got the connection of my other contact and finally, I got shelter.

Yes, as you think, my parents suggested me to cancel the trip and in fact, while facing each of the challenges I thought to withdraw from my “YES” to the conference organizers. But each time, one verse from the Bible went strong enough to convince me –

Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ 

Anything more comes from the evil one.

Promises are always made at the present time and mostly it is made about its future implications but the uncertainty of the future always appears as a challenge. As the future becomes present, at the most time it enfolds an awful lot of challenges. Logically, promises might be expressed with the help of word-formation but it isn’t just a word. The sustainability of our promise words shapes our identity – our character – our strengths – our understanding and majorly the other person’s TRUST. 

The well-known and well-uttered flamboyant phrase of our time is, “Heaven and earth may pass by but I will be with you at all times. You were meant for me”. But alas, since we tend to jettison our primary promises in most of our affairs we are experiencing more shattered relationships rather than the previous decades put together. Ironically, the British author Dr. John R. W Stott in one of his book on civilized society and its problems with morals and civility said,

“Many of the happenings of our civilized society would not exist if it were not for human sin. A promise is not enough, we need a contract. Doors are not enough, we need to lock and bolt them. The payments of fairs are not enough, we need to be with tickets that are punched, inspected and collected. Laws are not enough, we need the Police to enforce them. All these things and many others to which we have grown as a custom than we have taken them for granted are due to our sin. WE CANNOT TRUST EACH OTHER, WE NEED PROTECTION FROM ONE ANOTHER. It is a sorry state of affairs.”

SACRIFICING LIFE – CHOOSE WISELY

What exactly means sacrificing one’s life?

“It simply means giving up something we dearly want for the sake of others’ happiness.”

In this selfish world, does it really happen?

Yes, it does. If you look around we can find an uncountable number of people who sacrifice every moment of their life for others. It is not the poor or just the rich, not just a man or a woman, everyone around you sacrifice their precious peace for someone else’s smile.

A daily wager, walks kilometers breaking their bones working hard to earn enough to feed their family. A maid works cleaning the filthier plates, clothes, and homes without any taking any, just to keep their family has enough income to teach their kids to help them be successful in their life. An IT employee works 24/7 sacrificing food, pleasure, family, friends and much more just to earn and save for the future.

If you look out there are many who does these mundane things sacrificing their precious life. But what do they gain?

Do they gain happiness?

Do they gain relations?

Do they gain health?

No. Ultimately they lose all these in the long run. They forget to live in the moment. Their sacrifices are never valued. They sacrifice themselves for the sake of others and finally, they are not rewarded for their efforts.

woman carrying baby at beach during sunset
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Motherhood is yet another sacrifice

Women are again embodiments of sacrifice. They sacrifice much more than needed for their children.

All this is out of Love – the only emotion that helps anyone let go of anything.

woman running
Photo by RUN 4 FFWPU on Pexels.com

Winner’s Sacrifice

Most hardworking people, sacrifice their free time and devote themselves to tasks that make them ultimate winners.

It is said that when you say ‘yes’ to one opportunity, it means you are saying ‘no’ to many other things in life. 

The true side of sacrifice

Image result for the true side of sacrifice"

The real fact which leads us to sacrifice is that we tend not to prioritize many things in our life.  And if we affirm that we are sacrificing something, then we are not enjoying what we do.

A mother never sacrifices her sleep, hunger, emotions, just like that for a baby. It is because she loves her child to the core. Similarly, everyone sacrifices only when they love doing it.

But there are some exceptions too.

Some merely hide their sorrows, sacrifices their emotions and then finally surrender themselves to the wicked world. But yet again, it is not the end of the world. There is always a  brighter side of life.

No sacrifice goes wasted. 

If you look in our Indian Society, mainly, there are thousands of women who being highly educated, get stuck indoors doing mere mundane tasks. Their dreams, their aspirations all go wasted in those four walls.

But why do they do it?

No women are weaker. They are stronger than they are assumed to be. The moment any woman decides to set themselves free from all these, they can just walk away.

But here again, they sacrifice for the sake of others’ happiness. All they do is expect a miracle to happen one fine day, where their loved ones see their immeasurable sacrifice and appreciate them.

Yet, again their sacrifices are so used to by others, that they never escape from them. Some sacrifices become compromises in life and it is hard to escape them.

Certain Sacrifices are worth taking

It is important to sacrifice certain habits, that really put us in trouble. Certain things like improper meals, unhealthy habits, lack of exercise, overdoing certain things for others, etc. can be sacrificed for your betterment.

To wrap Up

Choose wisely, before you do something for someone. Some sacrifices are to be well-considered choices while some others are better to be avoided for your peace of mind. Life is just one, a gift of breathing that you get. A time that cannot be captured back, hence living for yourself is a priority to be considered amidst living for others.

TOO MUCH DWELLING ON PAST, HOW HELPFUL IS IT?

Time – an omnipresent factor that runs our entire life.  Birth is recorded so is death in measuring units called hours, minutes and seconds which is basically Time. Past, present and future all have yardstick of years, months and days, it’s nothing but Time. We have bad times and good times, registered as moments and memories but Time nonetheless.  Time never stops and ceases. If every matter is made up of cells then every matter is run by Time. Anyone from 1980’s era in India and who have seen Mahabharat on national television would understand and relate to “Main Samay Hoon” (I am The Time) pretty much summarising what I said 😁.

There’s a saying “Time once spent can’t be earned back unlike money” and it’s a fact to the core.  We all have moments in our lives, where we dwell on our past and constantly wish how different the course of events could have been. A different action, a different desicion, a timely intervention, sometimes a delay perhaps could have chalked out an entire different picture to be enjoyed or cherished now.

Certain incidents/ desicions I regret the most in my life : I could have chosen computer science over commerce and that would have helped me fetch a job here in this foreign land, something I dearly yearn for. I could have done a certified professional course that could have added some volume to my dull CV. I could have had a bit prolonged career before I my wedding.

More or less I have more regrets concerning my professional decisions for I am unemployed for a decade now, something I have mentioned time and again in my write ups. Pondering over and over on those moments over a period of time now (see Time, I told you 😁) haven’t brought me any solace but some sense to say the least. Wondering how?

When I am lost in my search for answers in my past, my idleness in present questions me “you can’t anyways undo your past, what is your stand in present to make you stand in future? Why you are unearthing melancholy when your smiles and peace lie in discovery and exploration. When you have ideas, share them. When you have plans put them into action and see the drama unfold.”

Sounds too preachy right? But this is a reality I am living in. My tussle with time is on a different level. Every morning while busy in chores I think about my past, when done with morning routines my urge to relax myself overpowers my will to write blogs (in this context I thank Candles Online to give me impetus strong enough to write at least once a week 😁), paint or at least finish cleaning up of house (😁, don’t jump to the conclusion that we live in shabby and unhygienic conditions, it’s just that it is not presentable round the clock) to an extent that I end up procrastinating things on more than one occasion and by the evening I participate in a race against time to finish off pending chores before hitting the bed and on bed I toss planning to start a fresh day with renewed determination to make my own identity and announce it to the world and my family and again I loiter in the past (recent one though 🤣🤣) thinking I shouldn’t have wasted My Precious Time for once it’s gone it’s gone forever.  It’s a cycle you see!

And it’s much vicious than that of poverty and complicated than that of a life cycle. Once you are a “procrastinator” then you certainly need a greater push to get out of that habit. Not yearly resolutions but we need a daily resolution to keep our “regret” mode at bay. And trust me my run is so on! 😁.

My Personal Realization: How I acted in past have strong reasons underlining them and thus they were apt then. My constant rant now can only earn me some sympathy sometimes but not useful anyways 😊.  And I am not taking any or requisite amount of steps as an amendment, does it make sense?

So how often do you Procrastinate and regret? If you are like me, then join the club not to boast but to fight our bad habit and put our Time to a better use other than for dwelling and digging past for if its bitter it won’t be better now either.

**** Thumb Rule for Procrastination:  You lose your right to complain if you don’t act on time or dont act at all.*****

Remember this and march forward for past is so over, let it rest in peace 😁.

 

ARE YOU UTILIZING OR WASTING YOUR TALENTS TODAY?

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

This Bible verse that I mentioned above has been my force to explore myself as much as possible and I have been successful in doing so.

I have heard people saying, “I have no talents or skills that I can use for others“.

I mock them saying, “If I would have strength like you physically then I would have done so much more than what I am doing without having it, embracing my physical inability“.

Now, when does someone waste his or her talents? 

  1. When someone is given a wrong responsibility: This happens when a singer is given the assignment to teach how to dance or vice versa. I have always longed for music and I went ahead doing other things… I kind of allowed my talents wasted. Right now, even if I want to develop myself as a musician, I don’t find situation favouring me to go ahead. So my talent for music is wasted. There are thousands of people who found themselves away from their talents as they are appointed in  wrong jobs or responsibilities. It is necessary for the parents, teachers, bosses to recognise the talents of their children, students and subordinates respectively. 
  2. When someone doesn’t recognise his/her talents or skills: I always question myself and God, ‘Why I am in accounts job when I am good at motivating people‘… But in the long run, I find myself better placed in regards to accounting assignments. It was me, who was trying to make things dull because of my disinterest in the talent that I have. So when I was given interesting assignments or to give presentations on accounts I found myself in tune with it. Be sincere to your call, your vision, you will explore more of you while you keep working.
  3. When someone is lazy or selfish or given in to addictions: These section of people can be found wasting away their skills, talents and ultimately disowning God and His purpose behind creating them. Sometimes, I found myself in this category by blaming my health conditions for it. I start many things yet find it difficult to continue it or creating more using my God given talents. My recent addiction is Netflix, and I glue to my mobile screen doing nothing abandoning what I can really do by utilizing my talents. No, I am not sharing my secrets for fun… but I wanted the readers to learn from the mistakes I do and people do… 

When do we really feel satisfied? When we achieve something. We achieve something when we use our talents to their full potentials. God has given all of us certain talents and skills. He never expects us to do things without equipping us with tools and skills that we need. It is our inability to recognise our true worth through His eyes. It is possible only when we know Him, we will know how equipped we are with various talents within us to do the do the work we are supposed to do and feel happy about it.

Stay happy and stay Blessed! 

IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT THE CHILDREN

Ask a mom what her priority is and pat will come the reply, “My children!”. No mom is an exception to that. Once a mom,always a mom and it’s always about the children. ALWAYS!

I have seen this with my mom and my mom-in-law too. How much ever me and my husband grow up they still think we are their babies (which we are honestly 😁) and I get this fact just too well after being a mom myself.

After having Aarnav life has changed. Motherhood has curated me into a different person altogether. I no longer worry about dressing up and rather give that time to dress up my son, make his meals ready and do anything the he would need while we step out. I don’t mind staying up for him the whole night when he chooses to sleep in his mama’s lap rather than his bed. His comfort comes before mine. I don’t mind the dark circles I have which clearly highlight the sleep deficit. All that matters is whether Aarnav eats well, sleeps well and is happy. His well being comes first.

I no longer have my own plans, everything thing is planned as per Aarnav’s sleep schedule. There are days when I don’t even comb my hair but hey, who is complaining? I am a mom! And it will always be about my son! Don’t ask me to prioritize between you and Aarnav, you will lose because my son will always be my FIRST priority. I tell that to everyone, even my husband.

Well, let me be honest. There are days when I crave some ME TIME. There are days when I feel stressed for not getting enough rest, for not being able to care for myself, for not looking great, for not having my body in great shape, for the stagnation in my career but all these thoughts come and go. The only thought that stays is Aarnav and his well being.

In the end, all that matters is the twinkle in Aarnav’s eyes, smile on his face and the love he holds in his heart for me. All the worries and insecurities are washed away when he hugs my with his tiny little hands and kisses me on the cheek. And I will never trade that for anything in this world.

If ever I have to make a choice, it will be what is best for Aarnav. I am not me anymore, I am now Aarnav’s MOM and this new identity shall rule all my choices and preferences. Because,for a mother it’s always about her children! Dont you agree?