THINGS DID WORK OUT

Trusting my own decisions has never come easily to me. I always rethink my decisions weighing all the pros and cons over and over again. Even while making a small decision of buying a dress, I feel more comfortable after taking a second opinion from a friend. I jokingly say that it is the aftereffect of being completely surrounded by Librans and their balance (My closest family members are mostly Librans and I am sure they will not forgive me for this statement 😉).

I guess living a very sheltered life and always having some one at hand to bounce my ideas off has made me dependent. 

Anyways so for a person like me to think of an incident where I completely trusted my own decision, I had to do a lot of deep diving.

When my kids were pretty small, the elder one was in Nursery and the younger was hardly a toddler. My life was all chalked up. My in-laws were staying with me. There was a full-time maid to help out with the kids. Me and my husband both had a good job.  I was actually working with a government organisation having a pensionable job.

Out of the blue moon things changed on every front. There were some family obligations because of which my mom-in-law had to shift to her elder son’s house. My husband got a great opportunity to work in Pune. He shifted base to Pune and suddenly the responsibility of handling my job and two small kids felt very huge.

We tried to manage for 6 months but then I realised that at this stage I didn’t want a long-distance marriage. He was tired  of travelling to and fro every weekend and kids were becoming very cranky and difficult to handle.

After a lot of deliberations, I decided to take a 1-year leave and move to Pune to see how things work out. To cut the long story short things did work out there and I left the government job.

People called me foolish to have taken such a decision… Others said this was a wise decision. The jury is still out on that.

But looking back all I think is things did work out for good in the end.

I TRUSTED THE MYSTERY GUY

One phone call.

One mistaken identity.

A chat with an unknown person, whom I mistook for a friend of mine, costed me my time and emotions.

I received a call from an unknown contact. For the first time, I disconnected as a wrong number. But, the caller called again. When he asked me to guess, I assumed to be one of my friends as he posed as my known one. Later, when I realised my mistake, I stopped taking his calls. After a few weeks, I started receiving the calls again. He said that if I didn’t pick his calls, he would take the formal route by calling up my parents and seeking their permission, as he wanted to marry me.

Marriage! What me! No, way! I wanted to have a career first after finishing my course. Marriage for me was too early. I got tensed and used to get up very early in the mornings because of anxiety. The guy wasn’t known to me, but he knew a lot about me. How strange was that! He had unusual phone numbers, some ending with 888 and sometimes only 4-digit numbers. Yes, it was very strange.

One day I was too annoyed that I blasted at him for giving me a hard time and I was almost crying. He sensed and disconnected. Relief at last! I though. But I was wrong. He called again, saying that he tried not to call me, but he couldn’t stop himself and needs time. 10 days he asked. He said that on the 11th day, I wont get any call from him. Those days went with friendly conversations and I started actually liking him and our talks continued beyond 10 days. Though his name, his location, his family remained a mystery.

“Does that guy really exist?” “Are you normal?” Such questions were asked from my close friends whom I had confided. I wished to meet him. After a long time, he finally agreed and we met twice only, that too between long intervals. ‘Intervals’ here was a kind of hibernation. He used to just vanish, with no calls or messages and after a few months would return to his ‘calling’ self, as if coming out of hibernation. This was really infuriating as all his numbers would come out of reach. Mysteries around him increased and I started getting the pressure of marriage from my parents. ‘Either you tell, or we shall look after one’, used to be their favourite line. I confided in my brother, who talked to him. And the trouble began. He called me, shouting at the top of his voice. He was angry on me that my brother called him up. He said he would call me himself and no need to try calling on his numbers ever again. I tried my best, but couldn’t take him out of my mind. I trusted him. I trusted his words, but probably his name was also not real. At that time, there was no social media, yet I searched him all over the internet, trying to search with his phone number, his names. But I ended up in wasting my time.

All due to my blind trust on him.

Another lesson of life learnt.

TRUSTING THE SELF – PEOPLE AND THINGS

As much as we want to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt that – when we make a decision and trust ourselves to execute it, how many of us, can truly say – it has worked out?
…and yet we go about making so many decisions along our day – most of which are done at the spur of the moment, do we have the conviction to trust even the “smallest” decision made?

If trusting our decisions is the physical execution of a particular task, then self confidence is the driving force behind it.

Some of the very normal and everyday decisions we make are:

~ when do we cross the road in a country that do not possess traffic lights? #India

~ how much do we spend filling petrol in our vehicles – now that it’s touched INR 100 a litre?

~ Do we use public transport over private vehicles when it comes to safety v/s money?

~ Do we continue wearing masks & take precautions or go through life with gay abandon forcing ourselves to the “normal life” in comparison to that of the “new normal”?

These may be some of the more simple decisions in life, but that said – again, we still need to trust these decisions we make – however small or big it may be.

While all of us make decisions: some forcefully and some not – I personally gift myself with life altering decisions that make me put myself in situations that are new, the unknown but surely in places that I’d be better off than what the present situation finds me in.
Not even the closest member of my family would be able to decipher/understand my next move, my next decision – and ask me why? I’d have no answer, for I never thought it have ever been important enough to explain my decisions to anyone else.

I trust the decisions I make – and obviously there would be made only to help me be a better version of myself. <others may disagree but well….>

That said all my decisions haven’t always reaped benefits, BUT if there’s one thing that trusting my own decisions has done is: even if things went wrong, I am/was solely responsible for it and no one else had a hand in it. Success was ALL MINE so are/were the failures.

Listening to people have got me nowhere, other than confuse me more and to find myself back at square one.

To think of one such instance of trusting my own decision: was to decide to work out-of-state – a new place, a new line of work, strange people and a language I had no clue to speak. However, new things always excited me – and working out of state was never a new thing, many people had done it before me, so I was just one more. However, when it came to support from back home: it didn’t come in abundance besides my dad (who is always game for a new adventure – an advocate of the phrase: “you only learn when you put yourself out there“)

I got into the teaching line with little to no experience in the field initially, only for a crash course in the ‘do’s and the ‘don’t’s and a skill of the language that I possessed. I trusted my decision to go ahead not so much on the experience front, but on the skill front and of course, the fact that I knew I would do well because I backed myself with a whole lot of conviction and the trust in my abilities – backed with confidence like that, its rare that things would go wrong.
The road wasn’t the smoothest but if ever I made a good decision in my life, that was surely one of them.

They’ve been other decisions too – some taken in the past, others in the ongoing present and a lot more to come in the future. My life has been a whole set of decisions that I set out to do, make, break, achieve & power ahead – I am bound to make a lot of people unhappy on the way; but then again the journey isn’t theirs, it has, is and will always be mine, if we happen to cross paths and a wonderful relationship comes out of it, be it professionally or personally (nothing like it). This has always been me – Plain, Blunt and TO THE POINT.

Making the right decision is one thing, trusting that decision and marching forward – no matter the judgements is a whole new level of awesomeness, that one needs to experience. I continue to feed myself with these experiences, maybe you could give it a try out yourself too.

I’d like to end with a piece of advice to all fellow readers:

If you think you aren’t qualified to make a good choice then you’re going to be afraid to make any choice.

May the Power be YOURS.

TRUSTING MY OWN DECISIONS BASED ON MY INTUITION

Well, my intuition is one of my best friends. It guides me when I need it the most. It makes me feel secure and safe in this wild world. It makes me do the right things at the right times.

What is Intuition?

It is that tiny little voice that says – “Just do it. Everything is gonna be alright.” It is your own sixth sense that tells you if your decision will take you where you want to go or not. It is that gut feeling or the vibes that one feels when something is not right. Even without enough analysis of something, you sometimes just know that you should do something or not do something.

Is the intuition always right?

No. It has failed me many times so that I could only learn better from my experience. Sometimes I failed multiple times but that’s just life. Isn’t it? Intuition is not always meant to be right. If it were, then all of us would be Gods.

When do I use my intuitions the most?

In trusting people. About 6 years back, after a few unfortunate incidents of betrayal at the hands of my “so-called” friends I made a decision. That decision was to get away from any friendship (or relationship) that seems fake. If I cannot make any meaningful conversations with a particular person, then there is no point in being in touch with that person just for gossiping about rest of the world.

Since that point in time, I have used my intuition the most in choosing my friends. And I must say that I have been really successful. I chose the right people who brought out the best in me whether it was the group of my apartment buddies, or my office lunch group, or my Candles family, or my child’s school friend’s moms etc. I am so glad that I haven’t faced any sort of a discomfort from any of my friends since I started to use my intuition to choose my friends and to decide how much to open up in front of whom.

I recall one such incident where I really trusted my intuition and took a decision. And I really got what I wanted. In the year 2013, I suffered a miscarriage and at that point of life I was so upset about not being able to conceive. We had seen doctors, got a lot of tests done and even taken a few treatments. It was not working out. We changed doctor after doctor because I had a strong feeling that I am not finding a good doctor. Little did I know then that infertility clinics is such a huge industry and it is very difficult to find an effective solution. I was looking for a doctor that I could connect with, a doctor who listened to me and my concerns about my body.

Eventually I found a doctor, recommended by a friend. And as soon as I met this doc, I knew that she was the one. She didn’t talk too much, she listened, she empathized and she didn’t talk medical jargon. She just looked at the reports and said – “Everything’s normal. Let us not worry too much. We will just take the right steps and see how it works.” The calm way in which she spoke I just knew that I could trust her. My intuition told me that this will work. And it did. Finally we were blessed with our boy in 2015 and life was good again.

How to sharpen your intuition

This is something that I am not an expert in (I am still learning). But I know for sure that to sharpen your intuition, you need to do the following

1. Keep your thoughts organized. Don’t let your mind clutter with all the negativity. Negative self-talk is the killer for a strong intuition.
2. Meditate and focus on the process of life. When I say process of life, I mean focus on something that proves that you are living. Like your breath, or the movement of your abdomen when you are breathing, or just focus on one of your fingers etc. There are a million ways to meditate effectively. Use what works for you.
3. Do not take decisions when you are angry or upset. Your intuition is simply shut off when you are in a negative state of mind.
4. If you are in doubt whether you are taking a right decision or not, take time. Time to breathe and slow down your thoughts or time to just sleep over it.

Your intuition will always make you trust your decisions and stick to them. Use it wisely!

THE FIGHTER IN ME

Getting panicked easily, worrying too much, getting nervous quickly…

Yes, the above-mentioned traits have been a part of me. I have been really trying hard not to get scared and face the situation bravely.

Recently, when I had covid, along with other members of the family, I was the most drained out of energy, too feeble to stand for long. As a protocol, we were checking our oxygen levels regularly. It ranged from 96- 99. There came a time when during one night, my level went down to 95. Even after deep breathing exercises, it didn’t increase. I got scared, but didn’t bother to wake anyone and tell. Instead, I kept on telling myself that I couldn’t let this virus overpower me. Just as in the image, the lion was a virus and the fighter was me. I kept on meditating and after 2 hours, oxygen saturation reached 97. ‘‘I did it’’, I said to myself.

I am a fighterYes I amI keep telling myself
Until all worries shun
I can fight
If I try
I can win too
Then why should I cry
Overcome your fears
Don’t distress
There’s a fighter in each of us.

OPEN UP BEFORE YOU BREAK

The other day I was having a casual talk with my daughter. She asked me what I want to be when I grow up. That was a legit question I think, probably the deeper meaning which she didn’t realize was – we should never stop dreaming, desiring, aspiring or being ambitious. Or might be just a counter question to the regular question hovered over them by parents – What do you want to be?

Well whatever the idea was I paused a bit and said ” I want to be a writer but not sure if people will like my work or not. I am skeptical.” And the statement she made after my “hmms & huhs” simply blown me away and made me ponder “does she know what impact and sense she makes with her rather seemingly casual statements. Is it really a child’s play to be mature?”. She said “Mom it’s you who need to like whatever you do (she meant whatever I write) at first place. People may sometimes like it and sometimes not, what’s the big deal”.

My perception of those words: It takes a lot of courage to convince one self to break free from the preconceived notion of “what they might think“. The shackles of societal norms, thought of likes and dislikes of everyone else other than ourselves are pretty strong that impedes our growth be it professionally or personally. And as the nature has it every action has equal and opposite reaction, the suppression of every trivial desire, negating own decisions just to fall in line or say just to be safe, an overtly exertion on oneself to be PERFECT for everyone we are only letting resentment build up inside that forces an outburst of ugly nature most often . The constant tug of war between following a set path and what we want or believe is meant for us leaves us torn from within. And suppression on any level – be it within or on a world stage, has always (more or less) left a gory and thorny trail, isn’t it?

So breaking from preconceived notions needs courage. Taking the first step is always the difficult one but the most important one. Change can be within or around but our inner self has to be convinced that it is needed or it is right at first place. That is the prerequisite of happiness.

P.S : And yes if you think you need to warm up to muster courage to bring upon a change, doesn’t matter how miniscule it is, doesn’t matter in which regard it is start with your haircut 😂, yes go for that funky haircut you always wanted to have shedding the preconceived notion of “what they might think”😉. Remember half of the so-called people/ society have their own businesses to take care of and the rest who don’t have doesn’t qualify to be the judges passing judgements on your life as they are like the empty vessels making only noise.

A NUDGE OR A PUSH

Look at the picture above and tell me what you see? I see the nudge or the push that mother elephant is giving to her baby to go on her own into the water. The little one is scared to move ahead on her own but the mother knows she is ready for the world. Similarly, we have heard stories about birds who push their young ones out of the nest. That is their way to make them fly. They know the little one is ready to fly and explore even though he is scared. Hence the push is required, it’s a necessity.

Do we humans also do the same? I guess not.. We hold on to our children for a long time. At least I can speak for the parents in India. We want to keep the children with us as long as we can. First because we think they need us and then we need them.

As a small child it is important that we protect our children from the harsh realities of the world. But there is a time when we should let the child explore on his or her own. When is the right time to let go of the umbilical cord is debatable but I guess it generally happens in phases. The boundaries of the child keep increasing as they grow up and then one fine day they grow up into young men and women ready to take on the world.
I have two almost adult boys who want me to leave them alone and let them decide on their own about everything. We have a tussle deciding the boundaries every day.

The other day my younger son was playing in an online chess tournament. He was having a tough match I could hear his frustrated comments in the other room. I so much wanted to walk into his room and hold his hand and calm him down. Tell him its ok. Relax… You are doing well… But no, I couldn’t. Firstly, because the camera was on and it would tantamount to cheating but also because he has to go through these emotions on his own and learn to control himself if he has to win the tournament.

I keep telling myself they are prepared. For their personalities to shape up they need to explore on their own. Even if they stumble and fall… they need to learn to get up and dust themselves and move on… not wait for help from Mumma… So, learning a lesson from the animal kingdom today… Something I knew but many a times forgot to put into effect. It requires courage on both the side. The parents who have been the protectors for so long need to courage to let go and the child who has to venture out on his own requires courage to do so.

Sometimes a nudge or a push is the right thing to do.