OH, MY SOUL, WHY DO YOU WORRY

Oh, my soul, why do you worry?
The Creator thinks of me and cares for me daily.
The one who created me
Has kept His eyes on me with much care,
And I rest assured of the fact –
Day and night, He watches over.
All that is good for me
He provides without hesitation,
With all His goodness
He becomes my ultimate provision.
The one who sustained me till now
From the time of my birth,
He will carry me through, in future,
Whether I am full or in dearth.
Whoever has taken shelter in Him
Has never been felt discouraged…
Then why on earth I spend all my time
On worthless thinking and depressing chime.
Has anyone ever got anything good
Without relying on God?
Yes, letting go off all my worries,
I’ll serve Him, trusting Him at every odd.

He hadn’t allowed everything that I had wanted
But He made sure, I sleep at peace without any fright.
For Him, my heart fills with gratefulness
Who strengthens and sustains me day and night.

(Note: At this time of difficult situation all around us because of Covid19 and Economical turmoil God gave me this assurance, and His faithfulness prompted me to write this poem with a heart of gratefulness to Him. Keep reminding yourself that He is the only source of our sustenance and provision. Don’t be worried and dismayed. He will take care of you all the time.)

I AM GRATEFUL FOR ALL POSSIBLY UNGRATEFUL LIFE SITUATIONS

Standing on the hypothetical rock by the river as I look back and keep opening the difficult pages of my life, I don’t regret about them, but I feel grateful to God that He took me through them.

Did I sound too filmy and general?

Let me then take you on a ride in my time machine revisiting all those pages of my life now… 

Grateful for Heartaches & Vulnerable Moments

I had soft corners for many girls in my life. But I chose only one out of all to express my love, even though she turned down my proposal. And others were those whom I could not have proposed or expressed my feelings. At that moment, I cursed myself as I went through those vulnerable moments. But I was clear in my heart and mind that my vulnerability was not an excuse or platform for me to take those refutable steps at those moments of life. I was murderous each time I choked those forbidden feelings and emotions. Trust me, they were utterly painful moments. They were almost like the pain of a woman going through abortions, killing those feelings after conceiving them within yourselves.

I was so ungrateful and regretting about everything while I passed through those events in my life. I even questioned God at that time, “Why did you let me go through these?”

But today, when I look back, I feel grateful for those ungrateful moments, because of those hurts and heartaches, I could understand the matters of heart better than others. I can feel the pain of a person who go through such succumbing turmoil within himself or herself.    

Grateful for Taunts and Assumptions of people

 “Huh! You be quiet. Sitting at home, you can’t understand how hot it is outside.” It is true, I don’t go out, I won’t be able to understand the pain of working outside in summer times but I do know the fact about how it must be feeling in summer and I deserve to place my opinion as well.

You are too fearful. Don’t talk about pain so much, trust God and you will be fine.” But the truth is, people talk about trusting in God, and I lived out my life till now trusting God.

Nothing will happen, you can do it by God’s strength.” Again, that’s a half-truth. I have been and will be doing things by God’s strength but while in pain and suffering. The words like, ‘nothing will happen’ has no meaning for me. Because something or other have been happening to me all through my lives yet, I am not broken but leading a joyous life even with whatever is going within me. That’s a fact, that’s the truth.

Hey, look at his nails, they look so weird. They are so big.” I hear whispers like this many times when I come across people who are unknown me. If I get a scope, I usually smile at them in response and explain why they are so otherwise I look away or divert my mind from those looks of people.

All these comments, remarks, taunts and assumptions about and for me were utterly unpleasant and discouraging. At those moments I was so ungrateful to all of them whoever uttered those words. But now when I look back, I feel grateful because those words, whispers made me tolerant and resilient.    

Grateful for indifferent and insensitive behaviors  

Being sick, I am always left out from most of the activities or events where physical strain is a must. We talk about old people being so isolated during Covid19 times. But I have been isolated like them as well. Not only about this difficult time, but also in general I never go out on trips and events often.

During my life when I used to be alone, I used to feel extremely bored and search for people to talk with or do something that will keep me hooked. But nothing was possible at that time. There were no mobile phones, no Facebook or anything that can make me distracted. But when I joined the office, I had everything yet the level of desperation and loneliness changed and the needs deepened. When I fall sick, I suffer the most. “You behave like a kid when you are no okay.” Someone told me once I approached or showed how needy I was. I know the intention of the person may not be bad, I took it differently. I felt neglected, ignored and unwanted while I was in desperation. Sometimes people don’t count me in the decision-making group because I won’t be active in things we plan.   

Huh!

The lifestyle I led made me feel lonely, ignored and deserted many times. But when I look back, I feel grateful about those moments because those are the moments when I reinvented myself, discovered my creative skills and became very observant about things and people around me. Those moments and behaviors made me to be more sensitive towards others. They moulded me to become an empathetic person and thus, I am grateful for all those ungrateful behaviours that I had been receiving from many.

God has His purpose in making me while He took me through all these very ungrateful events, moments and emotions. But I am thankful and grateful for everything that I went through acknowledging them as my training sessions. I keep surrendering myself again and again into God’s mighty hands while going through things that are unpleasant even these days. I will be the same, tough and flexible at the same time.

God has been my strength and portion as it is written in the Bible, 

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

But God will only be the strength and portion of all those who surrender themselves to Him. 

I want to quote someone who surrendered herself to God and then decided to be grateful for everything: “I’m done crying, I’m done asking why, and I’m done waiting. Lord take it if it isn’t mine. I promise not to question you anymore. I promise to be thankful instead.”

So friends bring all those ungrateful and bitter experiences in your life. Surrender them all to God and He will grind all those in His grace and let you drink everything. You will gulp them easily which you found difficult to swallow previously. I gulped it, so can you. 🙂

Stay Blessed!

HOW GRATITUDE CAN BE THE CATALYST FOR HAPPINESS?

I was wondering about how gratitude can be the catalyst for happiness since Rajnandini said so.

I decided I will do a thorough screening of Gratitude.

Firstly, Gratitude is effected because of three elements –

  1. The Giver – A person who gifts
  2. The Gift – In the form of a good or a service or an action
  3. The Receiver – A receiver of the gifts/services usually expresses gratitude to the giver

Secondly, Gratitude confirms satisfaction for both the giver and the receiver of the gifts or services. The receiver of the gifts expresses Gratitude when he or she is satisfied with what he or she receives. And the giver of the gifts feels satisfied when he or she was expressed Gratitude for what he or she gave/gifted.

Thirdly, Gratitude deepens the bond between both the giver and receiver of the gifts as well as Gratitude.

So from the above screening of the word Gratitude, we clearly understand how Gratitude can be the catalyst for happiness between two people who are bonded in some manner.

But there was another question raised within me, Will Gratitude be a catalyst for happiness between two enemies or two persons who don’t get along well with each other?

I have seen people coming closer to their enemies and saying, “Thank you for showing respect or doing this for me“. And they both come together in a friendship once more. Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression. Gratitude enhances sensitivity and empathy in people toward others and helps decreasing the desire to seek revenge.

So what’s the final outcome of showcasing Gratitude? It is nothing but Happiness

In conclusion, I want to point out that Gratitude has a bigger attribute hidden inside it and that is – Acceptance. That is the secret behind how Gratitude is the catalyst for happiness. A grateful person always accepts everything and that is the reason why he or she stays happy.  

 

WHAT DO I WANT TO LEAVE BEHIND BEFORE 2021 WINKS AT ME?

I used to think accepting or adopting something new or alien is difficult but now I feel that leaving something behind or quitting or getting rid of things is much more difficult. We are aware of the fact that how difficult it is for an addictive person to get rid of his/her addictions. Recently, I was so challenged to quit something that was necessary for my life but it was difficult for me to decide it. 

One thing that you want to leave behind this year in 2020?” I asked this question to 35 or 40 odd relatives and friends of mine and I got the following answers: 

One young girl responded – my makeup products. I know many girls get addicted and busy beautifying themselves but at the end of the day, they feel guilty about spending a lot on it. That was an honest answer. 

Another brother said, “Controlling my tongue. At times, my words are too rude to tolerate“. That is quite a confession. In the time we are in now, we really don’t care what we do, what we say, or how we express ourselves to others. We are so irresponsible about our behaviors but the attempt to leave behind that attitude is truly commendable. I applaud it.   

Another woman said, “The partiality of relationship, gender, and love. My house has a lot of it”.  Sibling rivalry, partiality in the families are very common but these are more prevalent these days so it is a constant struggle for all of us to stay positive and sane in a sinful world and be the change agent we are called for. I think the one who poured it out to me knows that she has to deal with it with love, care, and a lot of responsibilities.  All the best, my sis.

 

It was shocking for me when I heard this from her, “Relationship“. But as she didn’t explain what kind of relationship it is not wise for me to speculate it much. It is true, living in a toxic relationship is a big pain in life these days. I struggle thinking about how to really find a way for people who are going through such problems in their marriages or families. 

 

My niece replied, “A bad habit of complaining.” No, I am not going to say which niece of mine said this. But jokes apart, I know a few people who constantly complain about every other thing or people they come across. Though, my niece expressed all her complaints to God only. I was really happy that she kept it limited only to God because only He can really bring any changes to all the things that worry her or disturb her. But if we have a complaining habit or attitude, it is necessary to get rid of it for our good only.

 

Two people replied with the words like, “None” and “Nothing“. They are probably happy with whatever is happening within and around them or they are ready to accept everything that comes in their ways depending on God’s divine strength.  

 

Another niece responded and said, “Maybe I could be a little less lazy I guess…, and by that I mean a little less sleeping.” So she wants to leave behind her excessive sleeping disorder ( it is just her habit though). That is like leaving behind a blessing in today’s context. I struggle to sleep for long hours these days because of stress and Netflix. See, I was honest. 😛

All the best sweetheart, try hard not to be lazy and sleep a little lesser.  

 

One of my oldest friends who is lean and thin replied, “I want to avoid sweets as I have put on weight… But I know I can not.” I joked when I read her answer and she wanted to prove that she has really put on weight recently. But she also confessed that she can’t leave behind that habit of having sweets. It is good for her not to leave it behind. 🙂

 

One of my eldest sisters whom I respect a lot said, “Indisciplined schedule.” That was shocking again from a person like her. But I had asked to be honest so she did and that is commendable. I have always struggled in this area of having a disciplined and organized way of living, rather than following a very laid-back lifestyle. 

 

Another buddy replied, “My loneliness… Want to move in with my hubby…“. I feel for her. Sometimes our professional requirements and adjustments of today’s world ask a big cost to pay in life. So if she is thinking of leaving behind this lifestyle and live together with her spouse then it will be the best thing that can happen in 2021 for them. Please do consider it and be successful in leaving it behind in the coming year, Buddy. 

 

A co-writer and close friend says, “The worst me… I want to leave and get a better me.” A good attempt but it is very difficult to act upon something which is not specific but very broad.  

 

One of my sisters-in-law says, “Bad sleeping habit😬.” Stop watching Netflix and Prime. That much I can say to her… 😛 But yeah, on a serious note, having a good night’s sleep really helps to take most of the wisest decisions.   

 

One of my (adaptive 🙂 ) sisters said, “The tension and constant struggle I have with my Mother in Law.” I can understand how bad it can be when there are constant struggles between the two most important members of a family. They were supposed to be making a house HOME and the struggles between them are difficult to create that atmosphere in the family. If one of them is quiet and tolerating just for the sake of peace in the family then how painful it will be for her to go through it. I can’t really imagine. She had shared her heart with me before and I feel for her. But it is a tough thing to get rid of. Take care sis, and think well before acting on it.

 

I am an overthinker and a control freak…. this year has been especially bad on this front… if I could I would love to dial back on this anxiety of mine.” I love you, my sis for such an honest response to my query. I quite relate to this too and I believe most of us struggle with this attitude. 

Even another sweetest girl says, “For me, it’s overthinking.” Thinking is really good, but overthinking is useless and sucks a lot of our energy. So it is a good decision to get rid of it before stepping into a new year. 

 

Taking things and people for granted is the worst thing and habit. Because taking for granted is kind of misjudging or miscalculating things or people which is really dangerous. One of my co-writers replied honestly, “I want to leave behind my habit of taking things for granted at times.” Good job girl, fight it out and get rid of it. 

 

During this pandemic time, many suffered financially and there were many suicide cases. But those who stayed strong holding onto their grounds are to be applauded and worthy of everyone’s praises.  One of my closest friends writes back, “The stress of not having financial security for my family…“. You can fight it out, buddy. Do get rid of this and you will be victorious. 

Another close friend writes, “I want to leave procrastination and self-pity.” Oh, let me tell you, my friend, we all relate to this. Postponing is so fun but I really want to get rid of it myself as well. 😛

The last response was – “The original answer is a few family members… But the real answer is my bitterness… I became too bitter this year…I don’t like this version of me…I wanna go back to being the sweet, gullible ignorant fool. I was much happier that way… Now it feels like I have no well-wishers. Like everyone is there for a selfish purpose. It was easier when I only saw things at face value and didn’t judge people. But some people’s true faces made me lose all my trust. I actually mourn for old me.” Someone very close to my heart responded to me when I asked her the question. She has been struggling a lot in her life. She has talents that people can only dream of but her present state of mind worries her as well as worries me. And I will be praying unceasingly as she tries her best to get rid of her present self and get back to her old good self. 

Ending my long compilation of what different people want to leave behind or get rid of, I want to share my One Thing that I want to leave behind before moving forward in the new year 2021. Only two people dared to ask me back, “What is that you want to leave behind”

I really want to leave behind my dependency on people instead of doing things on my own depending on my God, the sustainer of my life. Let me give you the lowliest example of my dependency on people… During this lockdown period when I was unable to go anywhere, was secluded from all, and suffered because of my health conditions for months, I literally looked for people to talk to or chat with me. And I hated the feeling of being denied of their availability to entertain me. I am good at creating things for my own entertainment but instead of working on them, I was too laid back to rely on people. I truly, want to get rid of that attitude and move into the new year with my God-given creativity and full dependency on my Saviour. 

In the end, I can quote a Bible verse and hold onto the same –

“But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal…”

I will press on towards my goal, leaving behind my dependency on people as you all will be trying your best to leave behind what you wanted to. 

Stay Blessed!

 

 

WHY DON’T YOU BUY A NEW PHONE?

Exactly 16 years back I bought my first mobile phone. It was a second-hand phone at Rs.2000, that I bought from my cousin. If someone will give me the same phone free of cost today, I will not accept it because it is an obsolete product it has lost its value forever. But that time, it was so precious to me.

Now, if I look back on my journey of buying different phones in the last 16 years then if I am not wrong, the phone in my possession now is the 10th phone. Surprisingly, the phone I am using now has already stepped in its fifth year with me. This means the previous 9 phones were bought within a span of 11 years. BAD!!!

Maybe, I can blame on the evolution of phones which made me keep on buying the recent ones progressively. And I stopped buying any more after I reach a point where I can’t afford to buy another having better features in it than what I am using now.

So the question I asked myself after I read Aastha’s article on this topic, “Why did I stop buying phones after 2016?”

Is it because I learned a lesson about using my money wisely or because the price of the phone I want is not so pocket friendly for me?

I was repeatedly coxed to buy a new phone and was offered money even but I just didn’t go for it but to be honest, a number of times, I had been tempted to just go for it and buy a brand new phone.

I truly do not have greed for a lot of luxury in life. I don’t want clothes, a house, any furniture, a vehicle, home appliances, and a TV, etc. But when my eyes fall on any stationery or gadgets or phones especially, I feel the greed demon dancing within me, coaxing me to give a thought about arranging money and buying them.

But each day as I am maturing I am trying to focus on self and spiritual disciplining. I want to quote the Bible verse that has always made me understand the deeper meaning of acquiring and accumulating wealth and assets.

The verse reads –

“Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”

I understand very well that I should not worry about my life, what I will eat or drink; or about my body, what I will wear. Because I know that life is more important than food, and the body is more important than clothes? Different cuisines won’t improve my life or all different fashionable clothes won’t make me stay healthy. In fact, I should worry about things that are more important for my life and body.

So if I am challenged with the question – “Why don’t you buy a new phone”, I am strong enough to say, “I will buy a new phone only when the present phone is out of order or I will enjoy a new one if you are buying one for me.”

I have learnt to say NO to my greed and the desire to accumulate. Have you?

Stay blessed!!!

The more we accumulate,
the more we tend to self-suffocate.

The more we give away and distribute,
the more we gain a generous repute.

It is not about just earning a name,
But about a godly value to boldly proclaim.

Sinful addictions are like coal-tar-pitch… dark, sticky, and difficult to get rid of.  Unless you keep the solution ready to remove the sap off your affected skin as soon as possible, it can discolor your body completely.