When I feel negative today at the age of 44, I should look back to my childhood and learn from the strategies that I had applied that time to stay happy at all conditions. 

 – Chiradeep

Gratitude is an expression of the attitude of the heart.
Demanding gratitude thwarts it’s purpose apart.

 – Rajnandini

“Mind your vocabulary before correcting my grammar”

 – Kalpana

Don’t let the physical or mental handicap of another person make you emotionally handicap by robbing you off your compassion and humanity

 – Kalpana

Who you seek counsel from, tremendously impacts the decisions that you take. Heed to wise counselors!

 – Rajnandini

ME – A PEACEMAKER, NO WAY!

Well, I don’t have a very good experience of being a peacemaker mainly because I usually avoid conflicts. This has been a feedback for me since quite some time in my yearly appraisals that I need to learn to resolve conflicts among my team members because it is an important aspect of being a leader. So, as part of leading my team – I need to ensure that they can work well with each other. But I find it very difficult because I feel that being a peacemaker really drains my energy. I feel so exhausted if I have to deal with it. 

The only peacemaking I do is when my son gets into fights with other kids in the neighborhood that is the only time that I gladly step in to resolve a conflict. Only because it is fairly easy to resolve the conflicts among kids because they really do listen to you. I have dealt with adults who are probably much more immature than my 5-year-old son. 

There is one peacemaking that I am doing actively but reluctantly these days is between my husband and his parents. Yes, you read it right. I am the mediator between my husband and my in-laws for a lot of things. The situation is that my husband is away living in another city and I am living with our son and my in-laws since last almost 3 years now. Apparently, I have managed to build up a good rapport with my in-laws wherein my husband is not involved in the equation.

My husband is a bit of a free spirit. All of us know that he is quite careless about things. Losing his precious items and forgetting important events is very common with him. And a person like him is now staying alone in this Corona period. All of us are quite sure that he doesn’t take as many precautions as required. He might not be washing all the groceries and packages that he receives, he might not be immediately changing his clothes if he comes home from outside. 

On the other hand, my in-laws are practically paranoid about Corona. All the grocery items, veggies are washed thoroughly. Any electronic items or books that cannot be washed are kept at a corner of the house for a couple of days till we are sure that they are free of any virus. We are obviously not stepping out of the house at all. If we have to step out at all – only eyes are visible (preferred to be covered with specs). As soon as we step in, everything needs to be washed. 

Imagine the amount of conflict between my husband and my in-laws. Parents keep complaining that he is not paying enough attention to the Corona cleanliness and my husband has an attitude – “Jo hoga dekha jayega (We will deal with whatever happens), I cannot stop my life”. And I am stuck somewhere in between trying to pacify both sides. Multiple arguments on both sides totally exhaust me and now I have come to a situation where I tell both parties – “Please deal with each other directly, don’t talk to me about it”. 

Tell him to take a bath as soon as he reaches home” My mother in law would tell me.

Tell her I have taken bath thrice since morning” my husband would say that with a laugh on the other side. And I know for sure that he is not telling the truth. 

Well, I just hope Corona ends soon without affecting my family so that this conflict is over forever. 

Just got reminded of a meme I read recently – “Corona has divided this world in two groups. One group is extremely aware of Corona cleanliness and does everything possible to ensure that virus doesn’t enter their homes. Another group who take minimal precautions and believe that they would deal with it if it happens. And the funny part is that both the groups think that the other group is foolish” 

In my family, both the groups exist and I am living with the two groups. God, save me!

PEACEMAKER – PACEMAKER OF PERISHING RELATIONSHIP

A random thought popped up as I am vigorously stirring up ideas in my mind to write for this week’s topic – A Peacemaker. I found an allegorical resemblance between a Peacemaker and a Pacemaker.

What does a Pacemaker do? I will keep it quite simple. “A pacemaker is a small device that’s placed in the chest or abdomen to help control abnormal heartbeats. This device uses electrical pulses to prompt the heart to beat at a normal rate,” as Google defines it so.

When the heart beats slower than the normal rate i.e. 60 bpm, it pumps less oxygen in the body which as a consequence results in many complications fatigue, short breathiness being simple ones to surface first. Hence a pacemaker normalizes the way how the heart functions, read beats.

So what’s the similarity? Just as a pacemaker, an external instrument normalizing the heart functioning and thereby ensuring the health of the body that includes reviving life as well, a peacemaker, an external catalyst/influence helps redeem the limping and perishing relationships – be it on micro-level between friends/family or on a macro level between nations.

What quality a peacemaker must possess? Knowledge of facts and figures, excellent communication skills, and integrity are few qualities a diplomat mediating between organizations or governments require. But keeping this discussion to a micro-level of “You, Me, Ours, Us and We” all it takes is Empathy, Patience, and a still head on shoulders most importantly.

As my dear friend Rajnandini said in her write up (must read it, amazing work) a person with no peace dwelling in his own heart/mind can’t ensure tranquility around and among others. And the most interesting aspect of being a “Peacemaker” is that this crown is conferred upon a person by others and not a self-proclaimed title just like a pacemaker installed by doctors and not by the patient himself/herself.

My experience: Being the eldest one in my family I often had my siblings pouring in their heart to me. Be it their differences with friends or partners or any other relationship /relative. And every grieving soul wants to be heard first without being judged. So I don’t interrupt in between. And after having heard to them I resort to my favorite line “let me talk to them” because I believe that every aspect has a second version of facts/perception. Once the other side of the coin is exposed (not in a negative sense) I make sure that the relevant points – concerns/worries/viewpoints are conveyed in a nonhurtful manner. Taming of ego is a big job of a Peacemaker. Unless the ego of a person is trapped, tamed, and shown an exit, peace refuses to make an entry and hence the relationships suffer a slow agonizing death. Peacemaker or not (I don’t know how my loved one sees me), I follow a simple formula – “you are right but the other person is not wrong either. Talk, Listen, and Solve TOGETHER”. I have numerous incidents in my life but can’t (actually don’t want to) specify or single out any incident -confidentiality clause.

Peace needs Pace” – slower we act or react to identify or resolve the issues corroding our relationships or body, death is writing on the wall. Think about it.