CRUSHED TO BUILD

A day ago I was explaining Aparna about our feelings which works in three particular layers… first, the surging of emotions; second, the desire to culminate or satiate; and third, the decision to be taken by our mind.   

Let me explain.

When a boy or a girl meets and feel for each other their emotions of love, care surge out for each other. Then they try to feel each other by satisfying their own or each other’s desires either physically or emotionally. Lastly all these happen only after the decisions that their mind takes basing on their knowledge of right and wrong about the desires as well as the actions they feel or take. But sometimes decisions of right or wrong give way to a strong and immature desire.

This is how normally our feelings play their part in our life.

BUT…

When I read the definition of CRUSH it made me think again because…    

Crush is a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable.

Last week out of 6 stories that we came across 2 were simply unattainable. Preeta’s Walter with dimple and Pradita’s Cartoon character were perfectly fitting to this category. But other four stories had little chances of turning into real love stories. Yet they lasted for few days or few hours only to make the definition of crush complete: “crush is a brief encounter.”

When we come to the feelings or emotions part of all the above stories we find a common ground, which is “Intense Infatuation”, though all the emotions or feelings were suppressed knowing them to be unattainable considering different situations then. At the last layer/stage of their feelings they all decided, “we should stop this here…”.

That is how our sharpened conscience and our matured mind play the role of deciding whether to cut the crap right there naming it as “CRUSH” or proceed with a strong will and firm decision of attaining which seems impossible.  

Whatever it is but I would say if you never had crush on somebody then you missed one of the best feelings/experience in your life. ‘Crush’ works as the spark plug in our life to let the engine of love – emotion start for the rest of our lives. Crush makes us aware of the feelings of love for someone. It makes us understand how beautiful is the emotion called love… Probably God allows our crush to be crushed by our unattainable imaginations to prepare us for our attainable reality.

So my dear young friends! Do not be disheartened by the crushed crushes but understand the emotion of love well enough to build a strong and fruitful relationship in future keeping God who is love Himself as your confidante. 😉

Stay Blessed!!!  

FIRST CRUSH BLUSH

When you step into your teens, the air around you kind of changes and so does your thinking process. It’s that age when you meet (sometimes do not) your first crush. Such a thing happened to me also. I had my 1st crush when I was around 14. It was Walter- the boy with dimples and a chocolate boy look.

Every afternoon, I used to wait for him, sometimes he used to show up and on the days when he did not,  I only wished to catch his glimpse the next day. I was so fond of him that I used to mention him in my postal letters (which was a ritual in those good old days), to my cousin sister Kuljeet. One day I was thrilled when I saw him playing a guitar and singing a melodious emotional song. I just wished I could go and meet him up. Alas, I could not!

I was his secret admirer. I knew we could never meet, yet I went head over heels for him. My fondness for him continued till two years, until he went away. He didn’t even know about my existence, because Walter wasn’t real. It was his reel name. He was none other than Rajiv Paul, playing a small role in one of the Hindi daily soaps Swabhimaan! Sad, the show was aired only for two years, but it indeed created fans like me and Kuljeet (who admired Rishabh Malhotra aka Rohit Roy).

Years later, when we sisters think and talk about it, we burst into laughter, amused by our teenage thoughts. Indeed, you end up in making a joke of yourself and laugh about it when it comes to first crush!

THE FIRST IMPRESSION THAT DIDN’T IMPRESS

Have you seen any Bollywood movie of the nineties? In most of them there was this super-hot heroine whom everyone notices and then there is this slightly plump and nerdy friend of hers who is there somewhere in the side lines. Well I was the latter in my school days. I was that studious no nonsense type of girl. Though I had a lot of fun with my girlfriends, all the male attention I got, was limited to me setting up their meetings with my (girl) friends. So basically the story of my life is that the school ended with only books and friends around me.

 

By the time I reached college, I’d like to believe that I turned from that ugly duckling to into a swan. But I am sure my friends and sisters would say that it’s debatable. Coming to the story of my first crush. Well it was the wedding of my cousin. So after a long train journey our family reached Chandigarh. Early morning my uncle and a friend of my cousin’s came to pick us up. Me with my tousled hair and sleepy eyes got down from the train and was stuck. He looked like perfect replica of Shah Rukh Khan (My favourite actor). Till we reached home I couldn’t take my eyes off him and he did not even give me a second look I am sure.

 

And then started the great Indian Punjabi wedding. A long process of 4-5 functions each more extravagant that the other with a lot of celebration and dancing involved. Throughout the wedding I had eyes only for him. And I think after a couple of functions I did make an impression on him. That night when we all youngsters were sitting together and chatting and pulling each other’s leg. He accepted that he couldn’t believe I was the same girl whom he welcomed at the railway station. He said I looked like a grubby waif then but I look beautiful now. (From that day I have decided to really take care of my appearance before getting off a train or a bus. After all first impressions do matter.) And then next day in the sangeet function when he got me a kulfi (ice cream) I thought it was a really special gesture. Later I realised he was giving it to everyone even all the aunties sitting on the sofa. So the moral of the story is even if I was crushing on him and trying hard to make an impression. For him I was just another guest.

 

Even this one sided crush got me into trouble. You know how Indian moms are. They have eyes even on the back of their head. (Now that I am a mom too I realise how useful these extra pair of eyes are). My mom decided something was amiss in my behaviour and I got a stern stare and a warning to stop all the nonsense. Don’t know which nonsense she was talking about but it really put a full stop to my crush. It got crushed by the fear I guess. Anyways we were back in the train next day. And life was back to normal routine. I would never know if I made an impression or not. But it sure did add some extra spice to the wedding fun.

CRUSHING ON A CARTOON: MY FIRST CRUSH THAT WASN’T

I’m sure you’ve heard of people crushing on film stars, celebs, rockstars and even film characters. But have you ever heard of someone who’s had a crush on a Cartoon Character?

 No? I though as much. But you know now…me! 

The topic for this week is First Crush, and it got me reminiscing… and missing mine. Now, I don’t really recall anyone through Kindergarten or Secondary School who made my heart palpitate like boiling eggs in a saucepan, but I do remember my first real crush – a cartoon character. And this is how it happened.

I was watching cartoons with my brothers and cousins on Cartoon Network, back when the channel had just started and had taken most households with kids, who had heretofore survived on reruns of Alladin and Jungle Book, by storm (yes, I’m that old). While one series ended, the next one began, and there he was… Blue eyed, blonde, mischievous, reckless, caring, helpful, street-smart, and handsome to boot. He must have been portrayed to be around 15-16 years old, and the way he ran across the screen to save a damsel in distress or skid down to a two-dimensional precipice without giving a damn about his life, made me swoon, palpitate and vacillate between tender love and fierce devotion. My brother and other cousins hated watching his show and I would defend him with all my heart. Why were these fools not able to see how glorious he was?

That was in school, somewhere just before I shifted to High School. But this character (I dare not reveal his name here) stayed with me well into my Sophomore year at college. I have a bad, bad habit of daydreaming, and talking to myself and to inanimate things (talk about a double whammy) and he would be right there, in almost all my imaginary scenarios, stories and fantasies.

I had meticulously traced his onscreen family, facts like where he lived, what he did, what he liked or disliked, and woven a very, very realistic picture of what he would be like in real life. Yes, folks, I was that crazy! Some of my flatmates suspected I had a long-distance relationship with some guy and would needle me for information on this ‘mysterious boyfriend’. I never told them. What was I supposed to say, that I was crushing over a Cartoon? Ha!

I can’t remember daydreaming or weaving scenarios around any other person as I did with him. Damn him for all those times when I spurned overtures from real guys throughout school and early college. This guy was single-handedly responsible for setting the bar too high for any guy to match upto.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “This wasn’t a crush. This was an ideal of a boy”, and you’re right. But aren’t most crushes like that? Most of our crushes are our own ideas, about how a person must be, unless we’ve known that person for quite sometime. But yes, I will concede that as crushes go, this one was weird indeed.

It’s not like I didn’t crush on normal guys. I did. There’s an entire list of them. But they never got the same dogged devotion from me. However, somewhere in my Sophomore year I realised that my crush on him was causing me more harm than benefit. I changed. I grew up. I let go of my preconceived notions of how the perfect man must be. And he was relegated to only my stories.

But like they say, first crushes are always special. Mine was too, and to this day, he’s the hero of every one of my stories, unless the hero is supposed to be a dark character. I still talk to him sometimes, and of course, I still love him. Afterall, he’s my creation, my version of a perfect man. My first crush that wasn’t, but my eternal love.

©Pradita Kapahi, 2017

Author Blog – the praditachronicles.com

WHEN A BICYCLE CRASHED…

It was a lovely day in the month of February. I don’t remember the exact year; perhaps it was the early 2000s. The sky was overcast, but a cool breeze breaking into gentle gusts intermittently flavored the day.  The leaves lay strewn on the roadside as the trees awaited the spring to grow back leaves. In the late-afternoon I was out on my ranger-max, my beloved bicycle.

I was making laps of the circuitous path in the church compound when I heard something crash behind me. I turned back and saw a girl lying in a heap with her bicycle. I would have laughed had it been a familiar face but I had not seen her before. She must have been new in the area or maybe I never noticed her.  I removed her bicycle and extended my hand helping her to get up to her feet. The touch of her hands made me go all giddy, and my head was floating in la la land. The touch of her hands was so soft. She wore a lovely frock. Her curly hair fluttered in the breeze; her dreamy dark-brown eyes, and a small mole on her right-cheek mesmerized me.

I enquired if she was all right as we introduced each other.  As she went her way I asked her to be careful but I hoped she fell again and I was there to help her. The few days after I met her my mood was in an uplifted state and I was all happy-happy. The beautiful weather augmented my emotions further and I felt a connection while listening to the love songs on the music channels or when played in my cassette-payer.

On the weekends I would be off to the church compound waiting to get a glimpse of her.  I would be impatient when she would not show up, and when she did, I would be irritated seeing her with her friends, as this made me hesitant to approach her. After a lot of trial and error and with help from my resourceful and useful friends I found her alone in the compound one day. Her bicycle was parked, and she was offering a prayer in front of the grotto.  I waited and when she spotted me she gave me a smile.  I wanted to dance at that moment. Had I been in my room alone, I would have, but I was out, and I did not want her to think of me as a buffoon.  We went to the nearby thela-walas and munched on bun-momos, jhal muri , and the kulfi ice-cream. What a day it was.

Three months had passed since I first saw her, and during one of our casual walkabouts she informed me that her family had to move as her dad was being transferred. I secretly wished to change things and make her stay. Alas! I could not do anything about it and a reluctant good-bye exchange followed.

Years later I spoke to her. She had grown up to be even more beautiful.  We kept in touch for a while and then she informed me she was seeing someone else.  I quietly moved on with my life, holding on to those wonderful memories of innocent crush,  times spent on cycling, making fans from dried leaves, feasting on ice-cream, tamarind-flavored jhal muri, and yummy bun-momos. 

On a lovely February day my ears sometimes scan around to listen to a bicycle crash, and in the eyes of my mind I see a beautiful smile.

CRUSH THAT WAS CRUSHED😦

Hi Everyone,

(Note: No character judgement please)

It was in the year 2000, I was in 10th class, an important stage in the school life of any Indian student.  The all important board examinations were awaiting me.  Rigorous studies, extra classes, tuitions and the 24*7 parents surveillance.  Huff😩.   And it was during that hectic period I saw him!   My first crush 😇.

There was a video game parlour just a few steps away from our home.  During summers when I was roaming in my balcony trying to memorize my lessons I saw him there with his friends. Oh my God! How handsome! Was looking at him and then suddenly out of nowhere he looked at me.  I stole the glance at once and pretended that I was busy with my books. Come on guys I felt shy😉.

And the trend of seeing each other, stealing glances  (me only, never wanted him to know that I was looking at him but irony was that I knew that he knew that I was staring at him).  And this sequence followed all the way to my bus stop as well from where I used to board bus to the school.  It continued till 4 months before my mom noticed one day our hide and seek.  It was during one day when I was returning to home and at the bus stop  I found him and both of us staring, turning and staring again.  Twist in the tale: my mom was behind me which I didn’t notice and my love story (probable one😃) was in full swing.

For the strict person my mother is, was fully prepared with the volley of questions, I mean fire balls.  “What do you think you were doing there?”, “Is this your age to do all this?”, “Who’s that boy?” (This particular question came quite late and to be frank I had no answer to that, till date), “no one in our family have done such things” and the wind was in flow😩  I was terrified “Oh God! How come she knew about this and what I have done”.  The only words that escaped my lips along with tears that rolled down my cheeks “mom I didn’t do anything, please don’t tell this dad” I pleaded her.

I don’t know if she has discussed with dad or not.  I was petrified with fear, waiting impatiently about the moment when my father would boom angrily at me.  But surprisingly nothing happened, neither that day nor later.  He never questioned me.  One thing was evident with this incident that my father trusted me completely and it was on me to never let the trust shatter that he had in me.

One more thing that happened after that day, I came to my senses – I have to study hard and it’s the only thing that I am supposed to do at that stage of life.  Love can wait.  After that day I avoided looking at him (I know it’s tough😕).

One thing that registered clearly in my mind since that day – parents can be strict, angry at you but their love for you is not that they would show you all the time in their words.  It is something to be understood.  And their trust is something priceless that should never be broken.

It’s my story about my crush that was crushed,  do you have a similar story?  I am all ears.

RECIPE FOR FIRST CRUSH, SERVES ONE

I was 10 yrs old, stupid, silly and with a head full of imagination. I was hanging on my gate on a summer vacation afternoon and saw a family move their stuff the house next to mine. I watched with feigned disinterest as the furniture was moved in. By evening the family that was going to reside in that house came in a Maruti 800. Out came the mum, dad and three sons. I watched their procession inside the house, holding their suitcases, bedding, baskets and bags. All three sons were dashing, smart and adolescent Punjabi boys. The parents moved in snobbish, and so did the sons, but my eyes were fixed on the youngest one.

He was dribbling a basketball with loads of attitude as he went inside. My heart fluttered, and I didn’t know what this feeling is called. Time went by, and their home became a fortress no one could breach. They installed high iron gates and higher walls, no one could peep in. The family hardly ever interacted with us all in the lane. We used to make fun of them and called their house a citadel. The boys were never seen playing outside or on streets. But whenever I got a glimpse of the youngest one I ogled him open-mouthed.

He had greenish blue eyes, hardly seen in us Indians and very fair-skinned with a golden tinged wavy hair and wore awesome jackets, glares, shoes. He was older to me by some three yrs and a complete rogue. I gathered all the information about him that I could from bits and pieces I overheard. His school, his coaching centre, his friends, what kind of student he is and so on. I came to know he isn’t academically bright and not a stand out in sports. We were both growing, and soon he gained height and started looking even more devilish. I timed his comings and goings and hanged around the gate to see him. My only wish to talk to him once and be noticed.

My father used to throw huge and lavish birthday parties for me. Everyone was invited from relatives to business circles and from friends to neighbours. But I would wait for him to show up, cause I know he will shake my hand and give me the present and wish me. I dressed my best possible and acted cool. But the moment he came up to wish me the world dissolved. He always gave me a smile with attitude my heart would go mmm mmmm.

Then came the day I had to sell tickets to the school carnival. I had to go to all homes but chose his home first. I rang the bell and stood with bated breath. I know aunt hates visitors, but the urge to see him was strong enough and I kept my pride aside and stood to wait. A maid came and told me no one is home. I was going back with a sad face when I saw him walk towards me. He talked to me and bought one ticket for himself. I was about to faint, he was talking to ME! Reluctantly I went to the other houses long after he went back inside.

Few more yrs passed, and he became even more handsome. Girls ogled at him, and I heard he became a playboy too. But still. The crushed common sense wasn’t ready to let go. One day he came home in a red car. It was the first time I had seen such a car in real life. It was no less than a Ferrari to me. Winged doors, two seater, open hooded, red sports car. He and that car were made for each other. My heart nearly stopped when he got out and removed his gloves, helmet and goggles. From that day it became my only hobby, to watch him zoom away in his car.

Years kept rolling by, and one by one each son got married. I won’t lie to you all, I felt jealous when he got married. I thought his wife wasn’t good enough for him(though she was more educated and it was a love marriage). Soon enough he had two kids to himself and my life too got busy and never I thought of him much. But then last year, the brothers got separated and made nuclear Homes, he left the street and bought home in next colony. I won’t say I was heartbroken or sad, but I felt a little bit of my innocence and childhood fantasy leave with him.

This is what is Crush I guess. A cup ☕️of Infatuation infused with a sprig ☘of Obsession. Boiled in the cauldron of 😍Admiration and stirred with the ladle 💖of Romance. Simmered on the fire 🔥 of Passion and spiced 🌶with Innocencece. Served along with Fancy 💄And garnished with Silliness🌹.

Time Taken: A Youth

Serve Hot !😉🍵