FADING GLOSS OF LOSS

The articles of this week made me very thoughtful as I kept reading your hearts and minds each day. And each of you gave me a thought and taught me something or other through your articles and experiences.

Aditi made me understand that sometimes we have to put our losses back to comfort someone else whose loss is graver than ours.  And that will actually helps us to recover from our own loss.

Prabhjot assured that suffering and losses are obvious and expected.

Sreepriya made me realise that there are certain losses which are better to go through to safe guard your life, your family and your own self as well.

Rajnandini reassured that in every loss and pains that I go through our God is in absolute control.

Avinash’s article let me understand that God has a purpose behind every loss that I go through in my life.

But after reading Smruti’s article I became very thoughtful. One statement really struck me so hard that I still can’t forget it. It took me literally into a trance. “The raw experience of being in the moment with a deep sense of connection with people and things you love can be both exhilarating as well as putting you at risk for a deeply painful loss.” I reacted immediately saying that how I get attached to many people and put me into higher risk of an impending loss. Human attachments are like that when both are not on a common ground or pretending for sometime or not honest with what they really feel about each other or can’t tolerate the reality.

Now, it looks like I am pushed forward to the podium to give my share of Gyaan (Wisdom or Thoughts) about the word LOSS and how I manage it.

Just imagine when I came to this earth I came with a loss right from the word go. I had the feeling of loss at every stage of my life. We were not financially quite well to do that I would have got everything to compensate my losses. And my health issue pulled me back at every stage of life and made me feel worthless for not achieving things. I never could play though I had so much interest in different sports… I suffered the loss of a playful childhood. I never could go after a career despite of doing well in studies… I suffered the loss of a good career. I never could go for a good job even I wanted it… I had to suffer the loss in that regards as well. I could have earned well yet I had to suffer the loss of finance at my disposal. And guess what… I have the same feeling right now as well… I had all losses after losses all around me…

Don’t think that I am grumbling about life… Not at all… I used to do that every now and then but today, I don’t… But I do have that feeling of loss every time which I encounter every moment of my life and then, go through a process of dumping my losses.

How do I do that?

  1. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. I have always seen my life that I get peace when I listen to the problems of others instead of dwelling in self pity. The satisfaction that I receive listening to the pains of others compensates all my losses.
  1. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials. For we know that suffering help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our hope. I always tell everyone that I hate to stay sad and grumpy. And I feel extremely uncomfortable to stay gloomy. I make fun of myself and my condition and try to live above all the negativities and endure my problems with patience.
  1. Let your petitions be made known to God through prayers and requests. And all of you must have known how much I do that… I always tell my chat buddies – let me pray as I write and you pray as you read. It is not that God won’t help if we don’t pray to Him but it is because He loves it when we depend and rely on Him completely instead of relying on things that really can’t help only as a Jugaad (arrangements) or on a temporary basis.

Remember, I am not faking it. I am talking all these from my own life experiences. I let the gloss of loss in my life fade away every now and then with the strength of my Saviour. You can ask – why I am not completely recovering it…? Because as long as I am in this mortal body I will have the troubles but I know He has overcome the world.

To conclude I would like to share this verse which has always assured me and I am sure this might comfort you too –

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

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HOW TO WIN BACK THE TRUST OF YOUR BROKEN PARTNER AFTER SHE CAUGHT YOU CHEATING BEHIND HER?

“Relationships are based on trust and honesty and the boundaries of being monogamous need to be set by partners themselves.”

And when the boundaries are breached there are heartaches, brokenness, pain and devastation. It is really very difficult to win back the trust of our spouse when we are the main culprit in our relationship or we are caught cheating behind our spouse even though we realize and repent later.

Can we gain her/him back? Can I win her/his trust ever again?

I know, this question haunts many of us when we finally find ourselves guilty of cheating on our spouses. What can we do at this point? Because, only realisation doesn’t help us  in anyway…

I kind of researched a bit to find out few steps that we can take on a daily basis to gain back the trust of our spouses who were betrayed, cheated, hurt and broken because of us, for our illicit activities in the past.

Following are those steps:

  1. Keep the Apologising Attitude on: Why I said apologising attitude? So many times we apologise and then think our part is over. But in this scenario we need to have a constant apologising attitude, may be till we get our spouse back to ourselves.
  2. Owning the responsibility: A relationship can be restored only when we have the desire to reconcile and rebuild and for that we need to own the responsibility. When I think “She doesn’t show any interest to reconcile” then I would be sure that I am not ready to reconcile. As I have cheated and breached the trust then it is my responsibility to take the step first. When she is hurt, angry and I have lost her trust and confidence then it is me who’s gonna be doing everything to gain her trust and ultimately gain her back into my life.
  3. Expect Denials: When we are on the verge of regaining the trust of our partner who is hurt and try to restore then we should always be ready for denials to our attempts. Our partner may not want to rebuild or reconcile again with us… She has all the reasons to do so. In that case, we should not be disappointed with our partner’s denial, we should be ready to face that and accept it in a very positive way.
  4. Patience is the Key: We being the cheat and culprit, we need to remember one thing that we can’t be hasty or hurry in anyway… Remember we have lost their trust… We can’t afford to lose our patience. We always need to remember that “breaking is much easier than rebuilding.” We need patience. We need perseverance. We have to keep coming again and again to reconcile and regain our partner’s trust. And one day when we succeed we have to start rebuilding slowly.
  5. A Humbling experience: It is really not at all easy to come again and again expecting a response to our invitation to reconcile and restore a strained relationship. Regaining someone’s trust is a humbling experience. A very tough one… May be the toughest one in one’s life… We need humility along with patience to break the wall that’s created by us. When we face denial our ego may challenge us to take a step back and stop thinking of bending down again or we might lose heart, thinking we may not gain our partner’s trust again ever. We might have patience to come again but we might not stay calm when we hear absurd and hurting words from our partner. We need to give our partner the time and space to vent their feelings, hurling out judgments on us… That’s the consequence of our cheating our partner and we need to tolerate that silently. We need to remind ourselves that regaining is our responsibility because we have lost it… Thus, we have to bend down again and again to regain; we need to prove ourselves at every steps, small or big again and again to win the trust of our spouse.

All these steps have to be carried out together. It’s not that we would finish the first step and then try out the second one. All these have to be undertaken all at a time and then only we can expect a rebuilt relationship after we regain the trust of our spouse. No matter how shaky it seems at the moment when things went all wrong but by taking it one day at a time, following the above steps might bring our relationships float well and strong again.

Before I close, I would like to request all those who have been hurt and broken because of their cheating spouses that – Cheating doesn’t have to lead to divorce or breakup always. you can build a more honest, healthier and love filled relationship all over again against all negatives and messy scenarios by forgiving your partner seeing his/her truthful repentance.

Stay Blessed!!!

IS MY LOVING YOU, APPROVED BY YOUR SPOUSE OR PARENTS OR SOCIETY?

Oh boy! I was in the impression that this topic would be an easy one… But it’s not so… Now, I realised why the writers like Pradita and Kuljeet felt safe to run away from the battlefield 😛 . Even most of my writer friends kind of deviated from the main subject. I might twist it a bit as well… 😉

Sometimes, I wonder how acceptable my relationships with different individuals of opposite gender are, though the relationships are not of lovers!!! I call someone my sister, I call someone else my daughter but the question is how my wife feels about it… How do the spouses or parents of my “sisters” or “daughters” react to all these… And if all these relationships are without the cap of “sister” and “daughter” but just “friends” then there would be more questions raised and more eyebrows will be squinted against it. Now, if I think the other way around then what will be my reactions to such loving relationships of my wife or my close relatives with someone from the opposite gender…

Why do we feel that way? What is the reason behind our negative reactions or feelings towards such beautiful relationships?

I will come back to this later… Let me get into the more feasible examples around us where we shun love as taboo.

Let’s say, we went to Victoria Memorial (the renowned Monument of Kolkata) and saw a girl and a boy sitting on a bench and talking to each other… Just talking, let me highlight that…

What is the first thought comes to our minds? “How come these people get so much time to waste here?” “Oh today’s teens, they are getting spoiled day by day…” “How can their parents allow such things?” “Pity on their parents…” “They are such a nuisance in this campus.” And our negative thought processes or the curses for them are endless.

But the reality might be different. Those two teens might be discussing that, ‘this is not the right time for a relationship, we can concentrate on studies, we can’t meet like this behind our parents, we will be truthful to each other and protect each others from everything… We will keep our sexuality till our marriage…’ and so on…

I heard you thinking, “Unbelievable! That may be a rarest of cases…” Fine, I agree with you… but let’s think positive and react positively. What’s the harm in judging and reacting positively? And moreover, why is no one bothered to make amends when love is lost in a marriage, but quick to point out fingers to a male and female walking together without marriage?

Mind it, I am not encouraging premarital sex or trying to overlook the teen issues at all. That is not love but lust; I am dead against it myself… But, I want to raise a question against our thought processes, our narrow mindsets and our views or misconception about the purity of a beautiful emotion called ‘Love’. I want to proclaim the need of love in our lives individually as well as in regards to our families and societies at large.

The question still remains unanswered about the reason behind our negative reactions or feelings towards such beautiful relationships.

The ‘tendency to sin’ is the reason behind all this… It is because of the presence of sin within us which makes us feel that our spouse is exposed to vulnerability; our children are at risk of the lust with a covering of love… It is our tendency to sin (which means we can also fall into the same kind of temptation) makes us insecure about others as well even if they are safe and sound in the warmth of pure love. And thus, they feel it as not proper… they consider it as unacceptable… they termed it as societal taboo.

The presence of sin gives birth to two things… One, it distorts the meaning of love and confuses it with romance and lust which are just the fragments of Love. Secondly, it narrows down our mindsets and we judge without thinking even once.

In contrast to the above, the presence of love has a different effect on our minds and hearts. The Bible says,

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

Fear comes when we commit sin, sin of fornication…sin of adultery. Sin makes us feel afraid of consequence and punishment. But love drives out fear and makes us feel comfort in its warmth.

Remember,

“We are born as helpless infants, dependent on our parent to fulfill our needs. Love, then, becomes need fulfillment and we seek this same love out as adults,” explains psychologist Dr. Beverly Palmer, author of “Love Demystified: Strategies for a Successful Love Life.”

DO WE LIVE BY CHRONOS TIME OR KAIROS TIME?

CHRONOS and KAIROS are two Greek words which have been used to describe TIME. Chronos refers to the chronological time and Kairos refers to the indeterminate moment or the opportune moment that is right for something to occur. 

A new year doesn’t bring any changes to our life. It is just a part of the Chronos time which begins when another calendar year finishes. That’s why Sreepriya testified, for her, a New Year came and went as yet another normal day. There was never a celebration or a get-together. It was just a normal day to look forward to. Even for me this new year didn’t bring anything good apart from a reason to thank the Lord for letting me step into it.

A date, a time really can not take away our sorrows and bring joys into our life. In fact, the day or time we experience joy is the day or time worth living it, cherish it. It is that opportune moment when miracle happens, changes for better take place and bring peace within and around ourselves.

I found this poster and posted it as I simply loved the inscription on it: “Kairos – When eternity steps into time.” No… I am not going to explain it… I just liked it so sharing it with all… 😉

55954.kairos

The times we fix are no way in our control even when they are well planned and within the boundary of the Chronos time. There are possibilities of getting a success or a failure even when it is executed on time. There are ample examples of what I am trying to explain here that we can see around us. So, in this case are we going to stop planning and keep waiting for a miracle to happen for us or wait for God to feed us or do things for us? Not at all… I never meant that way…

What I meant is, in the eternal timeline we just have to plan well, surrender our plans to God and wait for that Kairos time to let our plans be executed and I am sure it will be executed successfully.    

As the Scripture says,

With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

Yes, the normal or natural Chronos time can not be relied on instead we can depend on God’s timing, the Kairos time, that opportune moment in our life to see a new things happen, a new beginning to set in and a miracle to take place.

Friends! In this New Year let’s not get bogged down by life’s situations but wait for that appointed time, that opportune moment like a boxer who ducks every time keeping his eyes fixed on his opponent’s and waits for that opportune moment to hit back; like a batsman who aims at a target to chase, as he waits for that opportune moment to start accelerating by swinging his bat; as a footballer who keeps dribbling the ball till that opportune moment to hit it to the goal post and score a goal. 

Stay Blessed!

YOUR APPRECIATION INSPIRES ME

Hello Everyone,

Last year my Google search terms were predominantly – blogging, money, content writing, monetizing, earn from home etc.  My financial dependence, my wish to do something productive for myself, a long hiatus from job inspired my search.  I don’t want to shy away from the fact that blogging happened in my life partly because of my effort to earn money (haven’t earned a single penny so far 😂 as my WordPress plans haven’t been upgraded yet). After a year on WordPress, I am still trying to find my foothold before taking the big leap (God knows when 😊).

And I wrote my first ever blog! I was very apprehensive about its reception. Shared it on my Facebook account and friends did find it good. There was a positive word. And not to mention, it did leave me happy.  Among many thumbs ups, I received a comment of appreciation from my now good friend Chiradeep who invited me to write for “Candles Online” which left me elated and say to myself  “Ok, your first step has landed well, go march ahead!”

With every single word I write, my purpose is to pour out my heart – my innermost feelings, my beliefs to connect with everyone either in agreement or in disagreement.  But what matters is to be able to strike a chord to get a reaction or response. And when the reaction happens to be appreciation it gives a sense of fulfillment.  It makes me believe in myself, “Yes I can do it”, ” Yes I have it in me”.

Well I am a human with innumerable flaws.  I do get carried away by accolades. I constantly strive for a word of appreciation.  It encourages or rather inspires me to bring forth the best in me in everything I do however petty it may be.  From cooking meals to writing an article my inspiration is to elicit a smile, a positive thought, a like.  You would laugh at me if I say that I constantly compare the number of likes, views and comments on my articles.  With every article I write I try to provide better content for everyone to read so as to be appreciated to my heart’s content. Every positive word is a fodder to my thought process – to think deeper, far and better.

Money does matter to me, I did confess it earlier as well, but appreciation keeps me alive as a human who thinks, who cares, who have aspirations.  I am sure every human being unless a saint does hope for some kind of appreciation because that keeps them going.

I have bared my heart to you all.  You can call me self-centered or greedy but my expectation of appreciation is an inspiration to me to implement changes and improvisation either in my work or as a human being.  Can’t help it.

Important Note*. Well it doesn’t mean that I can’t handle a well constructed criticism.  As long as it helps me revive my energies in a productive manner I am game for it.

Waiting for your appreciation, I mean your comment positive or negative for this article 😉.

 

 

NATURE INSPIRED ME ALL MY LIFE !

miami

I am not a big fan of straight lines.. The skyscrapers, concrete buildings, glasses reflecting all around tire me out. Nature comprises of lines that are curvy, the sea shore, mountains, the rainbow, silver clouds they are beautiful !! Those little imperfections in us make us who we are and those are as beautiful as nature is.

It I find it very relaxing to be able to spend time in nature. I opt for treks, travelling to places on the weekends especially after a monotonous week at work. Another option is to spend time with animals and birds, they love us unconditionally. Love has no boundaries nor requires us to sacrifice a lot. Selfless love is hard to find, but if we can love others unconditionally we will experience what loving is all about !!

NORTHERN LIGHTS

The first time I have ever experienced the aurora of northern lights, I had goosebumps. The flares of sun travel all the way towards us in space to create the beautiful display of greenish waves painted all over the sky. Nature has always inspired me in many ways. In times of high and low, I take help of nature to find myself. 

beach

I have a love affair with water. I feel really special when I am near any water body, the sereneness of water teaches me how important it is to stay calm and composed. When I happen to visit beaches, I play with waves a lot, every time the waters brush away the sand underneath my feet, I learnt it is equally important to find our balance and also have fun at the same time. 

When I go for treks I observe that mother nature has it’s own way of reusing itself. Uprooted trees, broken branches, dried leaves decomposing.. Within the chaos, lies its beauty. The same applies to life. Mother nature shows us the beauty of imperfection. It utilizes its own imperfection to create wonders and life. A broken branch is not useless because it is home for many insects.

Dear Nature, 

I wonder how I have fallen for you many times, every time you managed to inspire me in the best of ways. When I was low or experiencing the height of happiness, you are the one who is with me, holding me tight, letting me be ‘me’… I love you so much for all the good you have brought to me… Please be with me forever !

~Aastha 

 

THE STARRY HOSTS – MY INSPIRATION FOR DISCIPLINE

As a child, I remember spending many evenings on the terrace trying to count the stars in the sky. (I’m sure many of you would have tested yourselves with this as well!) It was always a challenge to keep a mental note of the stars that I’d already counted so that I didn’t end up counting them twice. The seven bright stars of Ursa Major or the Great Bear (also known as Saptarshi in India) were often the easiest to count. And what an achievement it was to be able to trace all the seven stars of that constellation!

School lessons of Science and Social Studies taught me that all planets in our galaxy revolve around the sun in their respective orbits. It was easy to draw elliptical orbits and mark the planets therein. But as my sense of understanding developed, I realized that orbits are simply imaginary lines and not real tracks as in case of rail or metro tracks. This realization simply amazed me and still continues to.

What if the stars and planets deviated from their paths? What if our own planet earth moved an inch away or nearer to the sun each day? A mega cosmic disaster would result out of it, for sure!

I draw the inspirational message of ‘discipline’ from these starry hosts. It is absolutely amazing each time I think about it all.

The rotation of planet earth on its axis causes day and night while, the revolution of the earth is one of the reasons for seasons. And how meticulously does summer follow spring and winter follows autumn! How amazingly does the dusk set in after every sunset and the crack of dawn announces the approaching day! That’s how the seasonal cycle occurs for most regions on the face of the earth.

The sun, moon, stars, in fact all of nature follows a certain discipline laid down by their Creator. The Bible says, “He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them.” Well, thats something which no finite human can ever do. But yes, you and I could learn the inspirational lesson of discipline from these celestial bodies.

How many times do we give excuses for being late for our appointments! How often do we deliberately laze around! How often do we thrust our responsibilities on others when we ourselves are well-equipped to carry them out! Each time I find myself guilty of all the above, I try to go back to my lesson from the heavenly hosts and tweak my life back to a disciplined routine.