“Relationships are based on trust and honesty and the boundaries of being monogamous need to be set by partners themselves.”

And when the boundaries are breached there are heartaches, brokenness, pain and devastation. It is really very difficult to win back the trust of our spouse when we are the main culprit in our relationship or we are caught cheating behind our spouse even though we realize and repent later.

Can we gain her/him back? Can I win her/his trust ever again?

I know, this question haunts many of us when we finally find ourselves guilty of cheating on our spouses. What can we do at this point? Because, only realisation doesn’t help us  in anyway…

I kind of researched a bit to find out few steps that we can take on a daily basis to gain back the trust of our spouses who were betrayed, cheated, hurt and broken because of us, for our illicit activities in the past.

Following are those steps:

  1. Keep the Apologising Attitude on: Why I said apologising attitude? So many times we apologise and then think our part is over. But in this scenario we need to have a constant apologising attitude, may be till we get our spouse back to ourselves.
  2. Owning the responsibility: A relationship can be restored only when we have the desire to reconcile and rebuild and for that we need to own the responsibility. When I think “She doesn’t show any interest to reconcile” then I would be sure that I am not ready to reconcile. As I have cheated and breached the trust then it is my responsibility to take the step first. When she is hurt, angry and I have lost her trust and confidence then it is me who’s gonna be doing everything to gain her trust and ultimately gain her back into my life.
  3. Expect Denials: When we are on the verge of regaining the trust of our partner who is hurt and try to restore then we should always be ready for denials to our attempts. Our partner may not want to rebuild or reconcile again with us… She has all the reasons to do so. In that case, we should not be disappointed with our partner’s denial, we should be ready to face that and accept it in a very positive way.
  4. Patience is the Key: We being the cheat and culprit, we need to remember one thing that we can’t be hasty or hurry in anyway… Remember we have lost their trust… We can’t afford to lose our patience. We always need to remember that “breaking is much easier than rebuilding.” We need patience. We need perseverance. We have to keep coming again and again to reconcile and regain our partner’s trust. And one day when we succeed we have to start rebuilding slowly.
  5. A Humbling experience: It is really not at all easy to come again and again expecting a response to our invitation to reconcile and restore a strained relationship. Regaining someone’s trust is a humbling experience. A very tough one… May be the toughest one in one’s life… We need humility along with patience to break the wall that’s created by us. When we face denial our ego may challenge us to take a step back and stop thinking of bending down again or we might lose heart, thinking we may not gain our partner’s trust again ever. We might have patience to come again but we might not stay calm when we hear absurd and hurting words from our partner. We need to give our partner the time and space to vent their feelings, hurling out judgments on us… That’s the consequence of our cheating our partner and we need to tolerate that silently. We need to remind ourselves that regaining is our responsibility because we have lost it… Thus, we have to bend down again and again to regain; we need to prove ourselves at every steps, small or big again and again to win the trust of our spouse.

All these steps have to be carried out together. It’s not that we would finish the first step and then try out the second one. All these have to be undertaken all at a time and then only we can expect a rebuilt relationship after we regain the trust of our spouse. No matter how shaky it seems at the moment when things went all wrong but by taking it one day at a time, following the above steps might bring our relationships float well and strong again.

Before I close, I would like to request all those who have been hurt and broken because of their cheating spouses that – Cheating doesn’t have to lead to divorce or breakup always. you can build a more honest, healthier and love filled relationship all over again against all negatives and messy scenarios by forgiving your partner seeing his/her truthful repentance.

Stay Blessed!!!



Oh boy! I was in the impression that this topic would be an easy one… But it’s not so… Now, I realised why the writers like Pradita and Kuljeet felt safe to run away from the battlefield 😛 . Even most of my writer friends kind of deviated from the main subject. I might twist it a bit as well… 😉

Sometimes, I wonder how acceptable my relationships with different individuals of opposite gender are, though the relationships are not of lovers!!! I call someone my sister, I call someone else my daughter but the question is how my wife feels about it… How do the spouses or parents of my “sisters” or “daughters” react to all these… And if all these relationships are without the cap of “sister” and “daughter” but just “friends” then there would be more questions raised and more eyebrows will be squinted against it. Now, if I think the other way around then what will be my reactions to such loving relationships of my wife or my close relatives with someone from the opposite gender…

Why do we feel that way? What is the reason behind our negative reactions or feelings towards such beautiful relationships?

I will come back to this later… Let me get into the more feasible examples around us where we shun love as taboo.

Let’s say, we went to Victoria Memorial (the renowned Monument of Kolkata) and saw a girl and a boy sitting on a bench and talking to each other… Just talking, let me highlight that…

What is the first thought comes to our minds? “How come these people get so much time to waste here?” “Oh today’s teens, they are getting spoiled day by day…” “How can their parents allow such things?” “Pity on their parents…” “They are such a nuisance in this campus.” And our negative thought processes or the curses for them are endless.

But the reality might be different. Those two teens might be discussing that, ‘this is not the right time for a relationship, we can concentrate on studies, we can’t meet like this behind our parents, we will be truthful to each other and protect each others from everything… We will keep our sexuality till our marriage…’ and so on…

I heard you thinking, “Unbelievable! That may be a rarest of cases…” Fine, I agree with you… but let’s think positive and react positively. What’s the harm in judging and reacting positively? And moreover, why is no one bothered to make amends when love is lost in a marriage, but quick to point out fingers to a male and female walking together without marriage?

Mind it, I am not encouraging premarital sex or trying to overlook the teen issues at all. That is not love but lust; I am dead against it myself… But, I want to raise a question against our thought processes, our narrow mindsets and our views or misconception about the purity of a beautiful emotion called ‘Love’. I want to proclaim the need of love in our lives individually as well as in regards to our families and societies at large.

The question still remains unanswered about the reason behind our negative reactions or feelings towards such beautiful relationships.

The ‘tendency to sin’ is the reason behind all this… It is because of the presence of sin within us which makes us feel that our spouse is exposed to vulnerability; our children are at risk of the lust with a covering of love… It is our tendency to sin (which means we can also fall into the same kind of temptation) makes us insecure about others as well even if they are safe and sound in the warmth of pure love. And thus, they feel it as not proper… they consider it as unacceptable… they termed it as societal taboo.

The presence of sin gives birth to two things… One, it distorts the meaning of love and confuses it with romance and lust which are just the fragments of Love. Secondly, it narrows down our mindsets and we judge without thinking even once.

In contrast to the above, the presence of love has a different effect on our minds and hearts. The Bible says,

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

Fear comes when we commit sin, sin of fornication…sin of adultery. Sin makes us feel afraid of consequence and punishment. But love drives out fear and makes us feel comfort in its warmth.


“We are born as helpless infants, dependent on our parent to fulfill our needs. Love, then, becomes need fulfillment and we seek this same love out as adults,” explains psychologist Dr. Beverly Palmer, author of “Love Demystified: Strategies for a Successful Love Life.”


CHRONOS and KAIROS are two Greek words which have been used to describe TIME. Chronos refers to the chronological time and Kairos refers to the indeterminate moment or the opportune moment that is right for something to occur. 

A new year doesn’t bring any changes to our life. It is just a part of the Chronos time which begins when another calendar year finishes. That’s why Sreepriya testified, for her, a New Year came and went as yet another normal day. There was never a celebration or a get-together. It was just a normal day to look forward to. Even for me this new year didn’t bring anything good apart from a reason to thank the Lord for letting me step into it.

A date, a time really can not take away our sorrows and bring joys into our life. In fact, the day or time we experience joy is the day or time worth living it, cherish it. It is that opportune moment when miracle happens, changes for better take place and bring peace within and around ourselves.

I found this poster and posted it as I simply loved the inscription on it: “Kairos – When eternity steps into time.” No… I am not going to explain it… I just liked it so sharing it with all… 😉


The times we fix are no way in our control even when they are well planned and within the boundary of the Chronos time. There are possibilities of getting a success or a failure even when it is executed on time. There are ample examples of what I am trying to explain here that we can see around us. So, in this case are we going to stop planning and keep waiting for a miracle to happen for us or wait for God to feed us or do things for us? Not at all… I never meant that way…

What I meant is, in the eternal timeline we just have to plan well, surrender our plans to God and wait for that Kairos time to let our plans be executed and I am sure it will be executed successfully.    

As the Scripture says,

With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

Yes, the normal or natural Chronos time can not be relied on instead we can depend on God’s timing, the Kairos time, that opportune moment in our life to see a new things happen, a new beginning to set in and a miracle to take place.

Friends! In this New Year let’s not get bogged down by life’s situations but wait for that appointed time, that opportune moment like a boxer who ducks every time keeping his eyes fixed on his opponent’s and waits for that opportune moment to hit back; like a batsman who aims at a target to chase, as he waits for that opportune moment to start accelerating by swinging his bat; as a footballer who keeps dribbling the ball till that opportune moment to hit it to the goal post and score a goal. 

Stay Blessed!


Hello Everyone,

Last year my Google search terms were predominantly – blogging, money, content writing, monetizing, earn from home etc.  My financial dependence, my wish to do something productive for myself, a long hiatus from job inspired my search.  I don’t want to shy away from the fact that blogging happened in my life partly because of my effort to earn money (haven’t earned a single penny so far 😂 as my WordPress plans haven’t been upgraded yet). After a year on WordPress, I am still trying to find my foothold before taking the big leap (God knows when 😊).

And I wrote my first ever blog! I was very apprehensive about its reception. Shared it on my Facebook account and friends did find it good. There was a positive word. And not to mention, it did leave me happy.  Among many thumbs ups, I received a comment of appreciation from my now good friend Chiradeep who invited me to write for “Candles Online” which left me elated and say to myself  “Ok, your first step has landed well, go march ahead!”

With every single word I write, my purpose is to pour out my heart – my innermost feelings, my beliefs to connect with everyone either in agreement or in disagreement.  But what matters is to be able to strike a chord to get a reaction or response. And when the reaction happens to be appreciation it gives a sense of fulfillment.  It makes me believe in myself, “Yes I can do it”, ” Yes I have it in me”.

Well I am a human with innumerable flaws.  I do get carried away by accolades. I constantly strive for a word of appreciation.  It encourages or rather inspires me to bring forth the best in me in everything I do however petty it may be.  From cooking meals to writing an article my inspiration is to elicit a smile, a positive thought, a like.  You would laugh at me if I say that I constantly compare the number of likes, views and comments on my articles.  With every article I write I try to provide better content for everyone to read so as to be appreciated to my heart’s content. Every positive word is a fodder to my thought process – to think deeper, far and better.

Money does matter to me, I did confess it earlier as well, but appreciation keeps me alive as a human who thinks, who cares, who have aspirations.  I am sure every human being unless a saint does hope for some kind of appreciation because that keeps them going.

I have bared my heart to you all.  You can call me self-centered or greedy but my expectation of appreciation is an inspiration to me to implement changes and improvisation either in my work or as a human being.  Can’t help it.

Important Note*. Well it doesn’t mean that I can’t handle a well constructed criticism.  As long as it helps me revive my energies in a productive manner I am game for it.

Waiting for your appreciation, I mean your comment positive or negative for this article 😉.





I am not a big fan of straight lines.. The skyscrapers, concrete buildings, glasses reflecting all around tire me out. Nature comprises of lines that are curvy, the sea shore, mountains, the rainbow, silver clouds they are beautiful !! Those little imperfections in us make us who we are and those are as beautiful as nature is.

It I find it very relaxing to be able to spend time in nature. I opt for treks, travelling to places on the weekends especially after a monotonous week at work. Another option is to spend time with animals and birds, they love us unconditionally. Love has no boundaries nor requires us to sacrifice a lot. Selfless love is hard to find, but if we can love others unconditionally we will experience what loving is all about !!


The first time I have ever experienced the aurora of northern lights, I had goosebumps. The flares of sun travel all the way towards us in space to create the beautiful display of greenish waves painted all over the sky. Nature has always inspired me in many ways. In times of high and low, I take help of nature to find myself. 


I have a love affair with water. I feel really special when I am near any water body, the sereneness of water teaches me how important it is to stay calm and composed. When I happen to visit beaches, I play with waves a lot, every time the waters brush away the sand underneath my feet, I learnt it is equally important to find our balance and also have fun at the same time. 

When I go for treks I observe that mother nature has it’s own way of reusing itself. Uprooted trees, broken branches, dried leaves decomposing.. Within the chaos, lies its beauty. The same applies to life. Mother nature shows us the beauty of imperfection. It utilizes its own imperfection to create wonders and life. A broken branch is not useless because it is home for many insects.

Dear Nature, 

I wonder how I have fallen for you many times, every time you managed to inspire me in the best of ways. When I was low or experiencing the height of happiness, you are the one who is with me, holding me tight, letting me be ‘me’… I love you so much for all the good you have brought to me… Please be with me forever !




As a child, I remember spending many evenings on the terrace trying to count the stars in the sky. (I’m sure many of you would have tested yourselves with this as well!) It was always a challenge to keep a mental note of the stars that I’d already counted so that I didn’t end up counting them twice. The seven bright stars of Ursa Major or the Great Bear (also known as Saptarshi in India) were often the easiest to count. And what an achievement it was to be able to trace all the seven stars of that constellation!

School lessons of Science and Social Studies taught me that all planets in our galaxy revolve around the sun in their respective orbits. It was easy to draw elliptical orbits and mark the planets therein. But as my sense of understanding developed, I realized that orbits are simply imaginary lines and not real tracks as in case of rail or metro tracks. This realization simply amazed me and still continues to.

What if the stars and planets deviated from their paths? What if our own planet earth moved an inch away or nearer to the sun each day? A mega cosmic disaster would result out of it, for sure!

I draw the inspirational message of ‘discipline’ from these starry hosts. It is absolutely amazing each time I think about it all.

The rotation of planet earth on its axis causes day and night while, the revolution of the earth is one of the reasons for seasons. And how meticulously does summer follow spring and winter follows autumn! How amazingly does the dusk set in after every sunset and the crack of dawn announces the approaching day! That’s how the seasonal cycle occurs for most regions on the face of the earth.

The sun, moon, stars, in fact all of nature follows a certain discipline laid down by their Creator. The Bible says, “He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them.” Well, thats something which no finite human can ever do. But yes, you and I could learn the inspirational lesson of discipline from these celestial bodies.

How many times do we give excuses for being late for our appointments! How often do we deliberately laze around! How often do we thrust our responsibilities on others when we ourselves are well-equipped to carry them out! Each time I find myself guilty of all the above, I try to go back to my lesson from the heavenly hosts and tweak my life back to a disciplined routine.


This is the commonest question that always pops in our minds – “WHY DID GOD ALLOW SIN TO EXIST IN THE FIRST PLACE?”

It did trouble me too, thinking why really God had to allow sin in this world. He could have easily destroyed that inclination in us or in the fallen angels, but He didn’t do that.


I studied further to find possibly TWO REASONS of the existence of SIN.


God created human beings with a free will, giving them the freedom to choose to exercise their own wishes. He created them as intelligent creatures possessing moral natures who could differentiate between right and wrong and choose the right one.

If God would have stopped human beings a second before their sin – which He could have easily – He would have violated their moral natures and reduced them to mere robots  walking in His directions.

So God allowed sin to creep in and destroy His beautiful creation though the repercussions of sin were not taken back.

We had a week discussing about sin in brief and in details, yet I want to let you know few more facades of sin and how it traps us.

Prabhjot shared a video with me a couple of days ago about the now most talked about ‘Blue Whale Game’ and it was really disturbing for me while watching it.

The game goes on like this:

There are 50 tasks in the Blue Whale challenge. And nearly all of them involve waking up at a fixed time, 4:20am. After the wakeup call the second task is to tell your best friend you hate them. Each task has to be proved via Photographic evidence and submitted to an “administrator”. On day three, the teen is asked to watch a scary movie at midnight, usually “the ring”. Task four is complete when the teen makes his intent known to the outside world and updates his status to #IAMAWHALE. Alienation from society begins when they are tasked with watching scary movies through the day and listening to the audio files containing the sounds of breathing for up to three minutes that are sent to them by the administrators. It’s all a mind game until the self-harm begins. The teen is asked to cut the word “yes” or “F40” into their bodies to indicate that they are still in the game. At this stage most of them try to back out. But are usually blackmailed into continuing the game with the threat that personal information from their phones will be released to everyone to ensure that none of the teens begin to have doubts. The tasks now begin seeding the idea of suicide.


After jotting down the inscriptions shown in the video I found the exact picture how SIN entraps its prey.  Let’s bring down those words which I marked in “bold” letters and find out how SIN really entraps or treats us.

Tasks – That’s the face of sin… beautiful and challenging because it engages us with its allurements and motivations

Time – Sin takes our time… It keeps us busy

Hate – Sin changes our original attribute of love

Evidence – Sin keeps every record of us

Submitted to an “administrator” – Sin dictates us

Known to the outside world – Sin exposes us

Alienation – Sin alienates us from our own selves

Breathing – Sin attacks our life

A mind game – Sin occupies our mind

Self-harm – Sin prompts us to harm our own-self

“Yes” – Sin makes us agree to it

Try to back out – We try to get rid of it, when we understand we are trapped

But – Sin doesn’t allow us to exit from its trap

Blackmailed – Sin blackmails us

Continuing the game – Sin forces us to continue the dirty game

Threat – Sin threatens us

Suicide – Sin finally kills us

Are you not terrified by this? I am very much.

I tried to go little deeper to find out the severity of sin and what it really can do to us. I found 9 metaphors of Sin mentioned in the Bible for our clear understanding of SIN and how dangerous it can be. They are as follows:

  1. Sin is POISONOUS like a viper – Think when we lie against each other, spread rumours, assassinate the character of our friends and others.
  2. Sin is STUBBORN like a mule – Think when we disobey our parents and teachers being so stubborn.
  3. Sin is CRUEL like a bear – Think how our plans are so devious and cruel when we plot against our own for a piece property or to get a name or fame.
  4. Sin is DESTRUCTIVE like a canker worm – Think how alcohol and sexual sins slowly eats us up.
  5. Sin is UNCLEAN like a wild dog – Think what we think and do when we are all alone in a dark room.
  6. Sin is CUNNING like a fox – Think when we scheme to harm someone and backbite
  7. Sin is FIERCE like a wolf – Think how sometimes we beat our children or friend in anger.
  8. Sin DEVOURS like a lion – Think how we murder with such brutality and become cold blooded.
  9. Sin is FILTHY like a swine – Think the sinfulness we are in which nobody knows except ‘me’ and ‘my God’.

The severity and nature of Sin is very clearly understood considering the self-explanatory features of the above mentioned animals and insect.


God allowed man to sin so that He might display His grace. He had been exhibiting all His attributes apart from His Grace before sin came into the picture.

Let’s consider the example of us as parents and elders when we encounter a similar situation when our children show tantrums to allow them something that we know is harmful for them. They plead for their freedom and because of our love for them we allow them liberty to follow their wishes keeping a close eye on them. But we present ourselves at the right time when they are in trouble caused by their freedom. We exhibit our love and grace as God had been doing for us all the time we cry unto Him when we go through sinful crisis, a crisis which Dulls our ears from listening to wise counsels of our God and elders, Darkens our eyes to see things clearly, Diverts our feet from the right path to wrong ones, Defiles our tongues to speak spew venom than blessing people, Deceives our hearts away from God, Devours our moral intellect to make us foolish and finally, Dooms our souls taking us away from His presence to hell.

God is always ready to SAVE us from our –

Sins of Ignorance when we don’t know what is wrong and right and we commit;

Sins of Infirmity when we do commit at times because of our weaknesses;

Sins of Carelessness that we commit out of our slackness and negligence;

Sins of Presumption when we do knowing what is right and wrong;

Unpardonable Sins when we rebelled against Him and deny Him of His existence.

He loves us and He waits for us when we will come near to HEAR His voice, plead for His HELP so that He can HEAL us from the severity of our sins. He is a loving God, He doesn’t force us for anything unless we surrender ourselves in His mighty hands.

Stay blessed!!!