Lately life has taught me a lot in ways that I wouldn’t prefer.

It was 14th Feb, while everybody was busy wishing Valentine’s day to their loved ones – I was sitting in the hospital with my 3 year old son who had 103 degree fever. Unaware of what is causing the recurrent fever spikes, I was getting really tensed. He has had on and off cough since almost a month which I was not able to get rid of. I thought I had tried all possibilities to get rid of his cough but little did I know what lay ahead.

After 3 hours in the hospital I was in the doctor’s room. With the X-Ray report on her screen, the doctor looked at me seriously and said he has lung infection. We need to start him on antibiotics immediately. I was shocked. Lung infection? Again? Why? I had done all that the previous doctor had told me. What did I miss? He had a serious case of pneumonia when he was 1.5 years old and now again when he was 3. What did I do wrong?

Well 2 days of antibiotic did no impact on the infection. We had to admit him for 3 days. I cried to my pillow like crazy on the second night. Not just because I was worried but I felt horrible that I could not take care of him enough. It was only me and Joey on the third day in hospital because all other family members had to go attend a family wedding (which I and my son missed because of this unwelcomed infection).

When we came back from hospital, his immunity had dropped considerably. I had to leave my dog at the dog care center because animal hair would make his situation even worse. I called in Aastha to stay with me for those few days till my family would come back and she was a great help. He seemed to get better in a couple of days and I restarted his school – scared and worried.

Though things were getting back to normal, a couple of weeks later we visited a pulmonogist because it is not common for 3 year old to get pneumonia twice. I was literally hoping that he doesn’t give me any bad news regarding the anatomy of his lungs. He did not. But he said something worse – you cannot ignore even a single cough after a case of pneumonia. He needs to eat healthy, avoid dust, no pets, no junk food. Well, all this is something a mother generally knows isn’t it? Where did I miss it? Why didn’t I take him to pulmonogist when his cough wasn’t going away with cough syrups or anti-allergic? Why did I wait for the infection to reach his lungs? Am I not educated enough or do I not have common-sense?

Well, these are the thoughts that run into my mind now and they kill me every day. But initially I blamed everything apart from myself to run into this situation. I blamed my husband for staying away from us, and everybody else in my support system for not taking care of him enough, my work for keeping me extra busy, the circumstances, the doctor who told me that it is common cold and will go away with cough syrups. It took me time to see that I was standing right in middle of all this and all fingers are pointing at me. Every time I would talk to anybody about it, I would try to get defensive and say “You know that doctor doesn’t know anything” or “You know ginger honey really doesn’t work on cough” or whatever.

It took me almost a month of misery to take the responsibility of the situation. And I know that I was fearing getting blamed for all this. Well the fact is that I could have avoided him a lot of pain and whether I get blamed or not – I need to take responsibility of it. The sooner I accept the responsibility, lesser is the fear of being blamed. Blaming others is always easy but that is just one way of not accepting the responsibility.

Like they say – life sometime teaches you a hard way, especially when you resist learning something.



This Monday evening, my daughter decides to have pizza. She wanted to go to a “pizza house” and dine in. I would like to pen down the conversation between my daughter and her daddy.

Anaya (my 3yrs old girl): “Daddy!!! I want to have a pizza.”

Daddy (my husband): “Okay, I will tell delivery uncle to get one for you!”

Anaya: “No daddy. I WANT to go to the pizza house.”

Daddy: “Why??”

Anaya (with a fake crying face): “I want to, daddy!”

So, her daddy takes her to the ‘pizza house’. At her ‘pizza house’, she goes directly to a table and sits and says, “I want to eat here daddy.”

Daddy: “But mommy and uncle are at home. They want to eat pizza too. We have to share.”

Anaya: “No daddy! I want it here!”

Daddy (tensed and confused): “But, mommy will cry and uncle too.”

Anaya (in a low sad voice): “Oh!!! Mmmmm okay daddy.”

Finally, they reach home with her pizza and he narrates this incident to me.

He adds, “What on Earth is a pizza house??”

She stood right next to her daddy while he was narrating and was eating her pizza.

I asked her, “You wanted to eat your pizza in the ‘pizza house’??”

She just nods yes.

I add (I make a sad and almost crying face and makes sure she notices); “Without mommy?” 

She looks at me, stares at her dad. It takes her just 30 seconds to decide. She then, points her finger at her daddy and says, “Daddy said”. 

My husband and I, we looked at each other with surprise. She knows how to blame shift.

Her daddy asks her, “What?? I told you to sit and eat there?”

She looks at her pizza and says, “Yes, daddy!” 

She had the cutest of expression and even though there was a lot of innocence, it wasn’t the right thing. She wanted to be the good girl and please mommy. She knew daddy could handle mommy, and everything would be fine. Even though her expressions and the entire situation was funny but I felt the need to make her understand, that it is okay, if she said so. It’s just a wish she had. I told her the same. I explained that she shouldn’t blame others for the things she did. It is a bad thing for a good girl. I hope she understands, remembers and implements it. Well, frankly, I thought of times when I blame shifted, just be safe and loved. I was reminded how I used to fight, just to prove that I wasn’t blame shifting. Even my daughter has seen me do that. I wondered, what if she has learnt it all from me. Am I guiding her in the right path? No, was the answer. 

I have come across a lot of families and blaming others, when they are being questioned, has been a common characteristic for all the different household. Knowingly or unknowingly, it just happens. May be not as frequent, but sometimes people just play that card. In my family, I have seen my mom being blamed for each and everything that goes wrong in our family. I see my mom blaming someone for a thing she couldn’t do. . Even my mom-in-law goes through the same. Sometimes I see myself doing, exactly the same thing. If I am sick and sad, I tend to blame someone for it and bring out my frustration.

There are situations where in a relationship, this blame game comes to play. One of them blames the other for the things that went wrong in their relation. Then the other person blames the former and vice versa and it goes on and on.  These are the things, kids see and learn. When into a relation, both persons are accountable for things they do for or towards each other, good or bad.  This point fades out and situations drift out of hand. Blaming others has always been an easy option. Moreover it keeps us safe, no matter if or how it jeopardizes somebody else’s character or affairs. 

Sadly, we never think of mending this kind of situation. It is so addictive, even though compromising. We don’t put efforts to correct our kids. We don’t explain to them that whatever happens to them is an outcome of what they did, and not because of any situation, person or thing. Whatever they do and the result of it is solely their responsibility. We have only become more intelligent in our work. We as of now blame lifeless elements, where the other person has no option but to just keep mum. For example, today I was asked by one of my brothers, about a task he has given me to do. It was done but wasn’t perfect. Even though I told him the truth, still I blamed my house chores for keeping me from finishing it. Somehow, it has seeped into us and is so deeply rooted that, we just can’t avoid it. Even if we can, we don’t. 

I will not urge you to let go. I will, but try and change myself. I will refrain from giving excuses and blaming others for things I have been doing. All my success and my failures are mine. It’s my efforts that contribute into making me a success or a failure. I will try and be accountable in situations as such. I will try to use my anger, fear, guilt and shame to build me in the correct way. I will not make me, stand in my way to success. I will try and be a good example to my kid and the society. I will try.


Since Valentine’s Day is round the corner I would like to first narrate a petty romantic incident from my life.  Hope you all enjoy reading this:

I am hopelessly romantic (yet another revelation from my side about myself 😀) constantly fed on celluloid romance. My idea of Valentine’s Day – Roses, Chocolates, Candle light dinner and everything that make our movies a “Magnum Opus” and runs an entire industry called Bollywood 😀.

My dream of a perfect Valentine’s Day never materialised till that day.  Year – 2012, 14th February, entire day passed and it was turning out to be any other day. Around 8 PM I got a call from a delivery man asking for the directions for the address that left me calculating permutations and combinations.

Who it could be?”, “What it could be”,Why after all?” Numerous questions lingering on in my mind.  My father was waiting outside to receive the delivery and he was pretty much asking me the same questions that were bothering me since the time I got that call. To add to the confusion, suspicion, tension and irritation that delivery man was taking a lifetime to understand the directions.

It was almost half an hour before he finally reached to handover the gift. That was for me and the letter read “With Love” and it had beautiful red roses and chocolates. So it was a perfect Valentine’s Day for me. Not for the roses but for the fact that it made me smile from ear to ear (if only you could see me now, I am blushing 😊 at mere mention of that incident).

Well, I forgot to tell you all that it was my husband who did send those roses to surprise me (not during courtship period, married in 2009😂). I was surprised because never in life before that day I have been pampered “that” way and  we are poles apart when it comes our idea of romance and love. He rarely mouths his feelings and love is beyond roses and candle light dinners for him. His definition – love is about providing a secured life for your loved ones, with and after you (it’s not an advertisement for a life insurance company for God sake 😀, but his firm belief). But I must say I have my fair share of gifts though 😉.

With yet another Valentine’s Day round the corner I wish to be surprised yet again.  Nevertheless Valentine’s Day is just an excuse out of our busy schedules but love doesn’t need a calendar.  And my idea of Love is not limited to this date, for sure.

Then why so much pomp created around that particular day of a particular month? Obviously no one knows the history associated but for many its just an occasion to multiply their businesses, for many its an opportunity to hog some limelight opposing this way of celebration of Love because they feel it’s not a part of their culture (destruction isn’t either, they should know) and they take love as a social taboo, for many as I told earlier a time to rejuvenate their otherwise dull run to the mill lives.  

What is Love exactly? Love isn’t just about a relationship between two people of opposite sex. It’s Romance we are talking about which is just a fragment of Love. Love is a much deeper emotion to be explained plainly. Every positive human emotion – Respect, benevolence, care, compassion…. They are all facets of love because only a heart where love dwells can exhibit such feelings. A barren heart can not.

Why do we need LOVE? Let’s take few instances. If a person cannot LOVE his family he can’t impart good values because of his indifference towards it; if a person cannot LOVE mother nature he would be unfazed by the drastic changes in environment which we term as pollution; if a person cannot LOVE his country he would be unfaithful in discharging duties towards the country be it casting a vote or paying taxes. To conclude LOVE is a prerequisite for a healthy society and a beautiful world. Just the way saplings nurtured with love develops into a beautiful garden families nurtured with love paves way for a society enlightened and awakened and such robust societies lay foundation for ethically strong nations which could eventually give a better world for our future generations. More importantly “To Love” is the underlying message from God delivered to us through various scriptures.

But sadly we are still stuck among shallow ideologies that equate love with romance.  Love is omnipresent – just see it with LOVE.



Love is a beautiful emotion.

Do people want love? Yes, they do!

Do people need love? An even more emphatic, yes!

Love is an important need of every human being. Abraham Maslow once propounded a theory in psychology called, ‘Hierarchy of Needs’. According to Maslow, the third level of needs are those of Love and Belongingness.

Of the different relationships in which love is expressed and desired, heterosexual love is a natural human need which develops within an individual with age and maturity. It is a need,because we are created male and female and are made to cherish the love of a person of the opposite gender. It is not simply the kicking hormones within, but a host of neurotransmitters and other chemical secretions within the body that cumulatively contribute to this emotion called love.

So yes, anyone who gets simply carried away by those bouncy hormones within, may get to satisfy his/her sexual urge, but may still be devoid of that fulfilling emotion – love.

In many conservative cultures of the world, love and marriage are diffused concepts – love before marriage is not easily accepted, while love after marriage is not something worth aspiring for.

A few years back, I was witness to a young lady’s distress after marriage. She had been the darling daughter of her parents. But, was wedded to a man who neither loved nor cared for her. When the matter was out before both the families, the mother-in-law of the lady reportedly said that a woman has to wait for seven births to experience the love of her husband. So she has no right to complain, but to fulfill all her duties and responsibilities.

Is it unjust to desire for love? No, since it is an innate need put within all human beings by the Creator.

Love is an emotion much deeper and purer than the human heart can fathom. It is a well spring in a parched land. It is a fountain of life. It is a lusturous overgrowth under an evergreen canopy. It is an emotion which cannot be described in words, but needs to be felt in the heart.

But sadly, many-a-times it is so camouflaged under the garb of lust and infatuation that it diminishes the true essence of the emotion. At other times, relationships seem so mechanical that there is no space for love to spring up in them.

Love is definitely not a taboo. But, extracautious vigilant parents and family members see it as a taboo. If explained, expressed and exemplified in the right way, there is no worry as to why the beauty of love cannot be witnessed.

Society doesn’t approve of the public display of love before and out of marriage – which no doubt, should not be approved. But, why do married couple irrespective of age hesitate to express their love to their spouses when in public – when they have all the liberty to do so? (By this, I do not mean explicit acts of sexual nature) Why is no one bothered to make amends when love is lost in a marriage, but quick to point out fingers to a male and female walking together without marriage?

Points to ponder on!


I, being a mother of a three year old, and a crazy lover of animated movies, have been watching quite a lot of them recently. One day, we we’re watching a movie named, “The Christmas Carol”. There was a scene in that movie, where the main character, Mr. Scrooge, and his nephew, we’re shown having an argument. They both didn’t seem to agree with each other. None of their views or thoughts matched. There Mr. Scrooge asked, ” Why did you get married?”. His nephew answered, ” because I fell in love”. Then, Mr. Scrooge repeated it, but in a different way saying, “Because, you, FELL, in love!” . It really got me thinking. Love is such a beautiful thing to feel and behold. Then why, do we say we fell in love?

Looking back into the Indian history, we really have a rich culture where every kind of feelings and sentiments were celebrated. Poetry, prose pieces and stories have all expressed love, in many different ways. So, why is that now, in this 21st century, has love become a taboo? Love jihads, arresting couples on Valentine’s day, burning or breaking love related items in shops on Valentine’s day, being murdered for loving someone, etc. This is, what is going on in this present era. Why? Why does love needs justification? Why does love needs to be restricted? Why does love need boundaries? It’s an awesome, subtle and a warm feeling. It might be over-rated at times, but is the most innocent feeling ever.

Being human, we all have Love, deeply embedded in us. It just comes out when we meet someone, who according to us, is perfect for us, to love and be with. Talking about it basically, teenagers or the persons who come across the feeling of love for the first time, often mistake infatuation for love. Well, that’s where the trouble begins. Even I, have been through similar situations in my life. My infatuation did lead me into a lot of trouble, little shame and starting a new life all together. I had a very strong infatuation towards my best friend, after he declared his love for me. Been from different backgrounds in regards to our beliefs, I told him not to push this feelings further, as it would be difficult for both our families to accept it. But he insisted.

Years went by, I told people very close to me about him, as I felt I was getting serious about him. But, I remember hiding my feelings, in front of my elder relatives, seniors, teachers, warden. The reason was, they would think me to be bad, and of low character. Now, that’s is how rigid this society has been. Because I loved someone of the opposite gender in “that” way, I have a bad moral. Society plays a good role in here. They spread rumors, shame the girl and not the guy, bring her to a point where she let’s go of him, settling for something she doesn’t even want. Something, she would have to like first and then love.
Not my story though. My parents, were worried about my friendship and love, but they had kept that situation in their prayers. Later I found out he was cheating on me, and we broke off. Eventually, to love again and got married to the one I fell in love with (of course to a different guy). 😉

My immediate family is all about love. My parents had a love marriage. At my in laws, everybody, starting from my grandparents in law to us, have have a love marriage. Hence, when I see the hatred over this beautiful feeling called love, it pains me. Love being treated as a taboo, is the most outrageous thing, which this world is entertaining. I do pray, that people should see, feel and practice love as it is meant to be and not treat it as a bad thing or stupid thing or not to be entertained thing. Love is not disgraceful. Let us not see and practice it that way. Let’s not question a pure feeling and reason it with cruelty. We should always deal with love as we would deal with our other feelings. This would only make our world a better place to live in.


It aptly goes well with the Indian society that as long as there are curtains over the actions, everything is acceptable. However a mammoth cloud of problems burst when the veil is lifted. While we tag Love as a ‘societal taboo’, it somehow becomes overrated! Even the natural liking for someone dies when the society’s frame of perception steps in. Very few relationships have the power to go against the prescribed will and create their own beautiful love stories. Well I really admire those!

Anyways unfortunately due to this taboo issue, once I was caught in the dilemma of expression of love. Since childhood, my mom always projected such a picture of the opposite gender that every acquaintance with a male seemed a self invited distraction to my well going nerdy lifestyle. Thus I was always very careful and conscious enough not to give wrong signals to anyone, I interacted with.

But as it is said that love sees no time or person, it just happens naturally and so I got swayed impetuously in someone’s awe just after I finished my schooling. Well I have to mention the phrase ‘after schooling’ for then there were less of restrictions and ties that give me a little freedom to indulge in an affair.

Almost a year of my great friendship with that guy had passed when I felt the need to express my feelings for him. However my inner turmoil never allowed me to do so. While being brought up according to the society’s saying that what we like might not be always what is right, I started doubting my own feelings for that guy. Moreover, also I didn’t allow him to take a step forward which made things worse and complicated in our case. Just because of the wrong fear created by the society in me that relationships at a very young age are a kind of sin and symbolic of immaturity, my behavior towards that guy became awkward leading to endless misunderstandings. Finally and sadly all of this led to an unwanted break up!

So this is what happens when society creates a hype over young relationships and looks at it with a wrong perception. The unsaid words and unexpressed feelings always remain buried deep in the heart and continue to create pain if one is not strong enough to ignore the conventional thinking of the society and break such a stereotype frame!

Thus the lesson that I realize now in my life is that love can never be a taboo! Each one of us have a right to live life and understand its ways in our own style and fashion and so therefore if in this process we end up falling on love, then what’s wrong in it?


Today is India’s 69th Republic Day.

69 years ago we gave ourselves the Constitution and swore to abide by it as honest, progressive and peace-loving citizens. 69 years hence we are doing everything but that.

We are now a nation that not only endures but covertly even encourages religious bigotry, self-righteous vandalism, myopic sexism and ruthless rioting. Certain sections of our citizens have learnt that the Constitution is actually a toothless tiger. Worse still, some of our countrymen believe that it exists only so that it may allow them the freedom to engage in vandalizing properties, killing their own countrymen, abusing each other’s religious sentiments, violating our men, women and children and terrorizing their own brethren over trivialities like a movie!

This anger in my writing is a reaction towards the fringe mob attack on a school bus which was conveying children to their homes. The mob was protesting the release of the controversial movie, Padmaavat, in Gurugram, India, and had preiously burnt a State Transport bus before setting eyes on the school bus. Those of you who yet do not know of the attack, please head to this link and see the horror for yourself. And those of you who want to know why there are protests over the movie Padmaavat, please click on this link.

Anger swamped me when I first saw the video on a news channel and I’m sure this is the same emotion that must have overcome you while you were watching that video through the link above. These were innocent, harmless children, some as young as 4 – 6 years old, who were heading home from school, while their bus was assaulted with stones and sticks by an unruly mob whose only reason to protest was the release of a movie that depicts a character from folklore…okay, maybe history, but that character is very much dead.

I repeat – this was a ‘moving school bus carrying children‘.

Thankfully there were no casualties, but what if there were? What if the driver got hurt while he was driving, leading to an accident… and deaths? How does attacking children resolve the issue for these rioters? Where do we draw the line between the right to protest and heedless vandalism? If you have watched the video you may have noted the newscaster’s anger and she is right in pointing out, ‘These could have been my children, these could have been your children’. But it’s not just about whose children these were. The bigger question is how do you justify attacking an alive human being over a piece of fiction?

Sometimes I feel freedom is wasted on us Indians because we don’t just misuse it, we abuse it. This is not the only case of abuse of freedom that we have seen within the last one year itself in India. The very start of the year was besmirched by the infamous mass molestation of women in Bangalore on New Year’s Eve, followed by equally shocking incidents like the inter-religious attacks over the beef ban issue, the Bhima Koregaon attack and the northern India riots over Godman Ram Rahim Singh’s rape conviction. But these are bigger transgressions in the name of freedom. How about everyday abuse of freedom – in the blatant violations of traffic rules; in our stubbornness in finding loopholes in the law; in our netas not only supporting but propagating vandalism and unlawfulness; in our ‘chalta hai‘ and ‘jugaadu‘ attitude for everything; in a person spitting or peeing on public property because he can and because there’s no one to put a check on him?

The above instances prove that we have not only no regard for the law, but also that it has become the agitated Indian’s habit to take to the streets and cause mayhem, sometimes going to the extent of drawing blood, in the name of religion, cult, culture and gender? Throughout these incidents, the Police were powerless, the governments inert while the opposition is either muckraking or fuelling the agitation.

What use is the Constitution? What use are these words contained in the Preamble:

JUSTICE, social, economic and political; LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship; EQUALITY of status and of opportunity; and… FRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation…

These are just words if we Indians do not internalize them and base our lives upon these ideals enshrined in the Constitution. My fellow Indians, remember, we are lucky that we have the freedom to do as we please, to go where we want, to worship who we want and to practice what we want. There are many other nations out there where freedom is not freedom in the real sense of the word; where you may be free to breathe, but death is considered a better option. Consider yourself lucky that you are born in a country where tolerance is not just an ideal but a way of life. But in your lust for freedom do not forget that you are part of a bigger thing – you are a nation. You, your beliefs and your actions are what shape your nation. The future of us, our children, will have the same beliefs as you do. Give them a better lesson than violence and intolerance.

Freedom does not mean that you do as you please. If every one of us was free to do as we pleased, we would have anarchy. Freedom comes with a responsibility – that of respecting the freedom and well-being of others. If you don’t respect the right’s of other’s, why will other’s respect your rights? If you have burnt someone’s house to the ground citing religious freedom as the reason, remember tomorrow your house could be the victim of someone else’s right to religious freedom.

Violence does not need a reason but remember that you only reap what you sow.

This Republic Day, let’s take a vow to be responsible citizens. To bring out differences and resolve them by dialogue and not violence. To practice freedom but not out of malice and indifference towards the freedom of others. To abjure inhumanity, intolerance and deviant behaviour that harms the people of this country and the ideals of our forefathers. Citizens, compatriots, this Republic Day vow to rise above your menial differences and become better human beings.

Jai Hind!

Image Source: Catchnews