REINVENTING SELF IS FINDING JOY IN OUR HARDTIMES

How quickly 6 days passed away as my co-authors expressed their hearts explaining how to reinvent self or how they managed to reinvent themselves with their short life experiences so beautifully… You can go through all the articles once again right HERE.

When I sat down to write my Final Note my mind took me back to the year 2001 when I was admitted to Manipal Heart Foundation, Bangalore , for  my heart surgery. That was one of the most dreadful time I was going through, thankfully I was still not married by then.

The night before my Surgery was very scary and dreadful, though there was a lean smile on my face. I prayed to God that night, “God let me find myself in sleep peacefully either in your arms, if I die during surgery or on my bed after a successful surgery by your amazing grace.” Then I slept for few hours. I remember clearly at sharp 4 am in the morning a nurse named Sarah came to me, woke me up and asked me to take bath with warm water and some antiseptic solution in it. I slowly went to the bathroom and took bath as she advised me. After the bath I came back to my bed and slept again. After sometime when I woke up I saw my mom and one of my uncles staring at me. My mom was looking dangerously pale. I gave her a smile and she smiled back, but both of us knew that we both are acting for each other. At 6 am Sarah came and said ‘it’s time to go now’. My heart started beating faster and stronger,  I even felt the heartbeats in my ear. She took me towards the lift where my mom and my uncle had to stop. Sarah took me in the lift alone and we reached the floor where my surgery is supposed to take place.

It was 6:30 AM, I was on a stretcher and in a separate room with other patients waiting for something I was unaware. I closed my eyes and I didn’t know when I fell asleep. Suddenly, I felt my stretcher rolling. I got up and saw another nurse pulling my stretcher towards a room. That room was scary, at least I found it so. Finally I was taken to the ‘Battle Field’, Operation Theater . One of the technicians, placed the apparatus above me. I was praying, as I was terribly scared. I saw the wall clock; it was 8:05 A.M. After that I didn’t know anything else.

After sometime when I came back to conscious, I asked the nurse by my side frantically, “is my surgery over?” she said, “Yes.” I checked my chest and it was covered with bandage. Whole of my body was aching and paining. Later, I came to know that it was not after sometime, but after 6 hours. My surgery took 2 ½ hours. There was a deep relief within myself. I thanked God and worshiped Him in my heart.

This was a tremendous experience, because during my first surgery, I was so small to think and experience about the seriousness of the event. Before this surgery Dr. Collin John (my surgeon) was worried about my lungs. Because if they wouldn’t have worked properly I would have been in great trouble during the surgery. But he thanked God seeing my lungs working miraculously as soon as he tore my rib cage. I was informed about all these later.

After an hour my mom, few of my cousins and my uncle came to see me one by one. My mom was crying as she saw me in pain. Good that I was not married that time, otherwise, I can’t even imagine how she would have felt. After two days in ICU, I was taken to the same ward on the tenth floor of that hospital. Nurse Sarah greeted me and welcomed me back. There were patients who became my friends in that ward and they also came to greet me. I stayed another 5 days in that ward.

I got discharged on 27th February 2001 from the hospital. But I made my home there in that ward, as we both Shyam (a patient) and me walked around with the nurses, meeting all the patients, sometimes encouraging them, sometimes translating from their language to English for the nurses. We had so much fun. When I got discharged I asked my cousin to bring few packets of Cadbury Dairy Milk . There were 31 nurses in the tenth floor ward. I gave all of them one packet each. The head of the nurses, sister Patricia asked, ‘why did you spend so much ?’. My answer was ‘the service and care I received from you people is more expensive than what I spent for you, thanks a lot.’ I waved hand and came out of the hospital with my mom and cousin with a sense of victory given to me by God.

I will never forget those NINE days in the hospital. I literally enjoyed and thank God for this wonderful experience in my life. Here, during my time of pain and suffering I found a new self in me. A different Chiradeep was reinvented altogether when I was walking around each bed in that ward. I found… I am in much better condition than many of the patients who were just lying there helpless. There was a young beautiful girl who was waiting for the surgery with no hope. There was a guy called, Noel who became a friend, died and I never could see him after I returned back to the ward. There was despair all around.

I was reminded of my agony few days before the surgery, after my break-up. I was cursing my life, questioning my God, “Why did you give me this kind of life, a body with so much of weaknesses and pain…?” “Why did you allow somebody to reject me because of my heart problem in which I have no hands?” 

But now!!! I decided to stop grumbling and questioning God. I was given an opportunity to lead a pretty normal life, though little slower and lower than normal folks around me. I will live with a renewed mindset, for the people around me and for my God till the end. 

I reinvented a joyful & new self in my times of trouble and hardship… Are you reinventing???

Remember: ‘VICTORY ALWAYS BELONGS TO THE LORD’

Stay Blessed!!!