Before I got married, I often heard my colleagues talking about their spouses and usually joking about how love disappears after a couple of years of marriage. I often heard that once honeymoon period is gone, all the excitement of marriage is also gone. I was eager to find out why this really happens.
Then in 2010 I got married to my college sweetheart. And it was all beautiful in the beginning few months. As we approached our first anniversary, misunderstandings had started to creep in. The reality of living together dawned on us. Earlier we used to meet once in a while and used to give our full attention to each other in those few hours or even days. Now living together months went past and we hardly gave each other our full attention. And then came a period of darkest time in our relationship. Once we crossed that, our relationship seem to stabilize. Of course, both of us made efforts towards it – but it was that one dark period that we had to just hold on.
After 5 years of being married I have realized that marital relationship is much like a “Damped Sine Wave”. A Sine wave is the one that oscillates between highest high and lowest low and a damped sine wave reduces the intensity of highest high and lowest low with time.
A marriage always starts at the highest point of happiness and togetherness. It is all fancy and beautiful then. With time the happiness goes down and down and it reaches the lowest low ever. This is time when you really have to hold on. Most of the divorces and breakups happen at this point. If you somehow manage to cross it, you again get a high but it won’t be as high as the previous – and there will be a low again which won’t be as low as the previous one. And with time highs and lows becomes almost a single line of stability.
When I look at my parents, I know that they have achieved that stable line since a long time. They love each other yet they have their own disagreements. They have figured out how to respect one another without judgmental attitude.
So, where do you think your marriage is? If it is in one of the lows – just hold on and stick together, there is bound to be a high. If it is one of the highs – make most of it so that it is easier to pass the next low. And as you will grow older together, you will get more and more stabilized.