February, is a month of ‘Love & Being Loved” because of 14th Valentines day. And as I was discussing what could be the possible topic for this week in the beginning, Khristina suggested the topic: “Love view for my significant other.” This is a comparatively difficult topic to deal with as my team is comparatively young to talk on marriage relationships.
I somehow started this week by sharing some of my marriage lessons that I was taught by my own life experiences. They were kind of off-track for the topic of this week but were important & unavoidable.
Then came three articles well-aligned with the topic which created great hustle-bustle, breaking the previous records of visitors on Candles Online. These three articles were highly appreciated, liked, read and shared.
Prabhjot delivered her expertise in the form of “Wave of Marriage” from the lessons learnt by her in her marital relationship alongside her handsome husband, Kapil.
Khristina & Rohan made the readers to stand and applaud for them for sharing their beautiful relationship & love experiences and blooming together as a married couple.
But now when the truth-and-dare bottle spanned and settled aiming at me, the man senior to the people mentioned above in the marriage business, I felt like a kid standing on the podium expected to recite the already forgotten rhyme.
Yesterday, I was discussing about the above articles with my wife and today I felt so devastated and broken with lots of negative vibes around and within me.
How can I remember anything flowery and beautiful about my significant other when I am in terrible distress, have had a great fight with my wife, have terrible differences of opinion with her, can’t accept what she understands or expresses, am angry, have lost my mental peace… ???
At this state of mind when I sat down to do my part of the responsibility for Candles Online for Saturday evening, I struggled… I struggled to even think. I updated my status on tumblr, “WHAT WOULD BE MY LOVE VIEW FOR MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER WHEN I AM IN GREAT DISTRESS?” And I was immediately prompted to write on this…
Something caught my eyes which I wanted to start with… My friend Kristin, an amazing writer herself, describes a point like this in an article on her blog, Soulful Shenanigans:
“The difference between hurt and harm – While working on my marriage I realized the difference between hurt and harm. A truth my husband reveals about me may hurt my feelings but it doesn’t harm me. Hurt happens and we can’t avoid it. My husband hurts my feelings more than anyone else in my life and he is literally the kindest, most patient and loving person I know. But if he loves me fully he has to hurt my feelings sometimes and vice versa. It hurts to have sin revealed. It hurts to deal with the consequences of poor decisions. It hurts to say mean words and then have to deal with the repercussions. It’s okay that I hurt sometimes, because I recognize that because it hurts doesn’t mean it’s harmful. Harm is synonymous with mistreatment and abuse which is never okay.”
This piece from my friend made me to think and think positive about my hurts – that it was not with harmful intentions though I have been hurt and produced hurtful feelings many times by and for my significant other in the past.
I was prompted again about the goodness, the love emotion, the truth about my wife’s attitude towards me which can not be suppressed, hidden and denied in the midst of all such temporary hurt feelings, differences of opinions, misunderstandings and anger between us…
I felt taken back by the time machine to the years gone by as few scenes flashed in front of me…
The unending prayer pleas by my bedside when I am sick; the unspoken & the inexpressible heartaches because of my physical inabilities and weaknesses; the struggles of unwanted night -watching for my discomfort; the pain of carrying out undesired burdens of extra responsibilities; the display of forced smiles to manage the relationships and situations in the midst of taunts from loved ones. The list can be longer if I think and write more about her role, contributions and investments in my life as well as towards out marriage.
All she goes through are for me; to complete me, to manage me, to support me in life…
We both as husband and wife struggle as every other couple but we get strengthened again with the soft promptings from our God, the father. In between, as I was writing this article, she came to me to say sorry and give a hug; ultimately bringing a smile to me as well as tears in my eyes.
The following passage came to my mind:
“Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.”
Dear friends, if you are distressed, depressed, worn out and angry in your marriage… if you are thinking you are mismatched because of your mistakes… Remember, you can make mistakes but God can not. If He has chosen you both to be together, then work it out remembering all the beautiful things of each other that attracted both of you towards each other in the beginning of your relationships.