MARRIAGE FOR YOU – A BOND OR BONDAGE?

Hello Everyone,

One of my friend recently sent me a message on WhatsApp defining “Oxymoron” which means a phrase where words of completely opposite meaning are brought together.  Example : Open Secret ( both the words are opposites), still used together.

One more example which made me laugh only to think later was “Happily Married” 😉.  Well they simply don’t go together or at least this is how many stand up comedians think so ( marriage is most commonly touched upon topic by almost every stand up comedian whom I watched so far).  And I would like to talk about it today.

My question to all of you, married or otherwise:  Is marriage a Bond or a Bondage to you?  I hope there is no need to explain the difference.

My understanding :  Since every relationship demands compromises and sacrifices marriage isn’t different.  Marriage is a bond when compromises are made for happiness – of individual and eventually it becomes mutual.  It becomes a bondage when compromises are made with the sole purpose of avoiding the arguments.  It goes like “I give up now, do whatever you want to do, I don’t really care”.  The first case is underlined by emotions of love and respect and the second case is marred by the feeling of bearing the person and the relationship.

Well it’s a very complex subject in itself that we might probably need a round table conference to discuss layer by layer 😁.

Marriage – Independence – Society -Individuals:  In India the institution of marriage holds a place of utmost importance.  It’s not just a definition of relationship between a man and a woman. It decides the fate of not just two individuals tying up the knot but the families involved.  It’s the society that frames the guidelines at first place about how a marriage should be, how the individuals are supposed to conduct themselves before and after marriage (predominantly for women). In short it’s the neighbors who are more curious and worried about your marriage than yourself because they are the society.

If you’re a girl:  In a country like India marriage starts doing rounds in parents mind the moment a girl hits puberty (true for majority).  Since then innumerable restrictions start making their place felt in a girl’s life.  For instance: Must learn how to cook; shouldn’t be headstrong; must learn to adjust (must be her second nature) in every situation; rebellious nature a big “NO” (in short no partying, no tattoos – for many they are symbolic to rebellious attitude).  I can go on and on, literally.  From what to wear to whom to talk and how to,  constant efforts are made to cage the free spirit of a girl.  Reason: If you don’t comply to set standards you won’t get married – it’s this simple and hell will break loose if you die single.

If you are a boy: Well I don’t want to be branded as a feminist by not discussing about how marriage  effect a boy’s life.  They do stand a fair chance of being discussed, isn’t it?  When a boy announces “Maa meri naukri lag gayi” (Mother I got job) the next big agenda on family’s bucket list is “Get him married”.   Even if he is insisting that he is not ready for a commitment,  reaction of parents be like “marry once you will be responsibly committed automatically”. And just the way marriage impose restrictions on a girl, it definitely impede independence of a man (I can see those chuckles from married men😉). The biggest threat that I have seen around is to the independence of choosing a career.  You simply can’t follow your passion  and learn the tricks of bartending, DJ-ying or be a writer.  Because they are not seen as viable career options yielding a regular/ sizeable income (read salary) which is very important to take care of a family that soon follows marriage.  An age-old notion that a man is the bread earner of the family is the root cause.

What’s really saddening?  When decision to stay together in a marriage is influenced by this question “what would everyone say” one should catch the hint “it’s not worth continuing”.  Sadly people are turning a blind eye towards it.  We are in a deplorable situation where crime in a marriage is acceptable than parting away and leading independent lives just because society is watching you and partly because a huge amount was spent on marriage ceremony (it’s sadly true).

For a marriage to be a bond it should be a decision of two individuals in love and mutual respect.  Anything other than that is a “Bondage“.

You can always beg to differ, waiting for your views.

29 thoughts on “MARRIAGE FOR YOU – A BOND OR BONDAGE?

  1. I keep getting that and questioned that why I am not married in mid 30s..it sucks, you know. It gets tougher for a woman who cannot be accepted as an entire individual with many stupid roles to fulfil. It’s more a chain than a bond.

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    1. There you go, it’s sadly true. I have a best friend of mine who faced same issue till she got married recently. It’s tough to be a girl and unmarried in India, suddenly everyone pokes nose into your personal affairs, typically Indian mentality 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Too good…sadly true no space to create a bond but seeking opportunity to break the bondage asap…the purity of marriage seems to vaporize generation to generation.. Main root cause is ‘gender inequality’..what I feel…leading to too many confusion.
    Thanks for the wonderful article.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Good initiative …it ought to be a union and not a burden .. yes it restricts and channges you from doing things you do before as an individual but not to confine you but to improve your ability to be patient , cooperative , Understand, love etc

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    1. Of course it is there but for any quality to develop within a human one should have and receive respect. Mutual respect is of utmost importance in marriage. There are numerous examples where we know love is surely there but respect isn’t. That creates the issue. Thanks for reading and responding.

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      1. Love the greatest of all … If the love is genuine and deep, it will begat respect … Because out of the act of seeing one that you love you appreciate the person then the respect will come … What I am saying to you today Respect is a dependent. …it must come from a root .. love is the greatest . That is why In marriages like that God has to be the centre because he is the actuall representation of love .. “Love begats respect value , understanding , patience ” You cannot give up on someone you love even when you do not understand them loves helps you respect them and stay to understand them … Love that is why Love comes in dimensions


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  4. This is how our brain was bombarded with lots of restraint and instructions by our orthodox society’s norms.Ultimately it’s our perception and mutual commitments that lead to a blissful married life..loved it dear

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I do think marriage is a wonderful idea..and that everyone should try it out. That said, as we now live in an ultra-modern society – marriage does seem less likely of an option people choose. Being single myself for 37 years, I have no idea what it feels to be on the other side of the fence, but the stories I hear or am witness of – aren’t the prettiest.
    And yes about the phrase “Happily Married” – I do think one can be either Happy or Married, they very rarely fit together – however there are always exceptions.
    – Savio

    Liked by 1 person

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