SLAVE TO OTHER’S JUDGEMENT

It was an early morning and Gunjan had a bad headache. She couldn’t sleep the whole night. The reason for this strong restless night was her husband who just wasn’t paying enough attention to her. There was no love, no care or no interest from his side. To make things worse, her mother in law would often taunt her for the fact that she couldn’t give them a grandchild even after 4 years of marriage. How would she tell her that she cannot produce a child alone?

Gunjan was stuck in a vicious circle. More she felt neglected by her husband, less she would care for herself too. She started over-working, staying late in the office, leaving home early. But none of this worked. She was almost always upset, sometimes she felt that she has forgotten how to be happy.

This is not just Gunjan’s story but many more such stories are living around us.

“She made me feel really small!”

“He made me feel so angry!”

“The way she said it – I couldn’t even control my tears!”

We have heard such similar statements so many times. I was living a life similar to Gunjan when I had all the reasons to be unhappy all the time and all those reasons were always the people around me. I learnt to sulk and was resistant to any help.

Many things later made me realize that I am a slave to other’s judgment and emotions. Did I have the guts to say “I don’t care, I will do what makes me happy”? No. I used to feel jealous of people who are selfish because they really don’t care for anything else except for their own happiness. They don’t care to be a perfect wife, daughter, friend, daughter-in law etc. I wish I could be like that.

I dealt with a lot of shocks and heartbreaks to realize that it is high time that I free myself off these chains. I need to be myself and really be that. Of course I don’t want to hurt people I love but I wouldn’t allow people to hurt me as well. If it is needed to demand – I shall demand. Why should I feel small just because somebody is being mean to me? Why should I boil my blood in anger because of somebody else’s mistake? Why should I cry because somebody else cannot love me or respect me enough?

It is not like I have changed drastically. I still fall back to my old self many a times. But I keep reminding myself that my life and my emotions are my responsibility. Nobody has a right to make me feel a certain way. Of course, as a human being I will react to certain situations but how long my reaction lasts shall be in my control.

If I achieve this at all times – I know that I will experience a complete freedom.