I ignored …. neglected and behaved like a stone.
The act was terrible. but what is done is done. The damage cannot be worked on. Those little eyes looked upon me with broken expectations, enough to drown me in those tears. The pain that propelled in my heart was inseparable. The pain I caused with my deed, my negligence was never an excuse to escape.
The wrongdoing I could have avoided, brought out the agony which she could not bear. It was so inhuman for me to even tell her that. All she did was look at me and weep in silence. Her eyes were haunting my thoughts all along. Even I couldn’t celebrate the victory of my winning argument. The thoughts baffled my head and mind. Finally, I realized how foolish I was to think of winning over a child with a statement. She was just a small girl, how could she ever even reciprocate to her mother.
The next moments were full of disgrace and shame that I could feel all over. The feeling of shame crept into my mind and all I did was weep. It was like I was captured by the devil for a moment and then as the disgrace came over and conquered my mind, the devil left my side. Emotional turmoils were boiling in my heart, all I just wanted was to run back hug her and apologize. But, yes the ego never lets you do it.
Finally, Motherhood angel swept into my heart, I felt like there was the light beyond. I took up all my courage and went down to her apologizing for “behaving childishly”. The little hands wiped my tears and kissed me. I do not know what exactly I caused to her tiny heart, but indeed her heart was big enough to forgive her foolish mommy.
At times we are so childish that, we think we can fool around and mess with our kids. Ignoring them, their simple needs, their fulfill-able demands, and requests. As they fight with us, we just ignore the fact they are little kids, they won’t understand the depth. Still, we fight with them like adults do, as we cannot surrender to our ego.
Ego, temptations, greed etc. land us in bigger sins which we might think is minute but, are bigger mistakes. The sins are committed to hurt others in an immoral way. A sin is a stimulation that leads us to commit wrongdoing to hurt someone just to win over a situation or even the outcome of a chaotic mind. No one can live with a sinful mind, there will be a moment when even the true heart inside you cannot celebrate the joy of victory that you gained with all the sinful act.
As a mom, I commit a lot of mistakes, but it doesn’t mean that I have to live a downtrodden life. The moment we overcome from the shallow minds and understand the needs of our mind, living would be peaceful. Hurting someone to gain something in life is not a righteous act. Many people commit sins knowingly and unknowingly just for the pleasure of seconds. The greatest fears in us lead to the commit crimes that can be avoided with a simple smile or a word of apology, even a hug.
Let us wear the smile on of our face and smile from our heart. No one lives a life to win over. We all live for a purpose. A purpose to keep ourselves and our near and dear ones happy.
“The center of Sin and Pride is ‘I’.”