The question in the title of this article is not a new one, we all ask ourselves at some point or the other, may not be to find who that is, or out of fear but may be to reach out to our trusted one.
Let me reveal who knows all of my silly tantrums and darkest secrets.
We used to have a garden, very big one. As my dad used to be busy at office, evening duty of watering the plants was mine. Well, I love plants but the primary reason was I love water. I had a collection of nozzles using which I used to sprinkle water all in the air ( I call it the rain effect :p ) Only she and I knew how much I loved transforming a stream of water to create the artificial rain.
By rain I recollect, on our terrace at my hometown, we have lot of creepers. So, the drain pipe used for draining rain water is usually kept closed to avoid dried leaves from blocking it. If it rains heavily during summer, we don’t get a chance to remove it and the entire terrace gets filled with a feet deep of water and only one person is authorised to open the cover of the drain hole, that’s me. Lol.. I will go on to the terrace and play with water before I let them drain , again only she knows how mischievous I can get, to be with water …
I love dancing in the rain. 100% of my friends are not aware of this and atleast 99% think I cannot dance, but she does know about it very well….
A warm shower can make my day anytime, no matter how worse the situation is, the more time I spend in solitude under warm running water, I feel all the more better. This may sound strange, I speak during shower, but that helps !! She knows all about it.
Tears are my best friend. My pillow is the worst hit. When I get hurt, irrespective of where I am, amid of how many people, I can only control water works for some time, after which I have to find a washroom. I will cry my heart out, throw a splash of water on my face and come out as if nothing has ever happened. I deceive others but she is well aware of my pain.
Who keeps all my secrets? It’s her – water… In my earlier life I would have been a mermaid or some species that lives in water. The connect I feel with water is so strong. Sometimes, I just wonder how my life would have been without her… As much I love her company, I have other friends whom I really trust and share a special bond with.
I never share many of my feelings with anyone, primarily I think that’s because I am an introvert. This not so sharing personality of mine makes it easy for me to not only hide but keep secrets. There are a ton of secrets I have with me, of mine and others too, but believe me it’s not a burden at all.
I often find myself in situations when I know secrets about a couple of my friends in my girls group, but I have to stay all silent as if I have no clue on what they are talking about. I feel satisfied when another person can believe in my honesty and feel so deeply connected to me to be revealing their secrets. They are etched in my heart and would never come out.
I think we need to play two roles effectively to be able to keep and accept secrets.
As a keeper of secret, to understand the situation of the other person, what s/he feels, the untold emotions around it, to respect their trust in us.
When we are disclosed about a secret of loved one, it obviously hurts because we care for them from the bottom of our heart, but they loved us too. That is why they couldn’t see us in pain, and love is the only reason why the secret is kept from us. Let go of what has happened, it was intentional but not to harm us.
The idea that certain things in life – and in the universe – don’t yield up their secrets is something that requires a slightly more mature reader to accept. –Samuel R. Delany