“You should become a counselor”, suggested my sister. I was the eldest among the cousins. And I was always helping out my younger siblings with some or the other problems as well as keeping their secrets. Even today this happens, my friends find it easy to share their secrets with me and also look towards me for help when they are in a jam.
Through experience I have understood a few things,
- Everyone has secrets, mostly it is something so embarrassing or potentially harming to their current relationships, that they want to bury deep down.
- Yet on the other hand everyone is looking for an ally to share their secrets with. Sharing with some trusted person makes the burden on your heart feel lighter.
- Don’t judge a person by his or her secrets. That’s the first rule if someone is confiding in you. We all have done some things in our life that we regret or are embarrassed about.
- And second rule is do not betray their confidence in you by leaking their secrets.
These are my foot rules. One exception to this rule is when the secret is something illegal or wrong doing. Like a few years back when my son was small and in his talks with me he revealed. That his friend had confided in him that he shoplifted a chocolate from the nearby departmental store and since he did not get caught he will try to do it again. Now this is something I could not hide. I simply had to tell his mother or else the child’s whole future was at stake.
I too have my share of secrets. Thankfully I have a husband from whom I don’t have to hide much. Recently when I had to write an article about my first crush I wrote about and incident from my college days. I had never discussed it with my hubby earlier. So technically it was a secret from him. I was so worried about his reaction once it got published. To my relief we both had a big laugh about it. There was absolutely no negative reaction. Of course there was no need for him to be upset also but still in my mind I was imaging a lot of things.
Not all secrets are deep and dark. Some are just a little bit of fun on the way side. Like a student bunking a class for a movie, or a lunch party with friends that no one in the house knows about. These small fun secrets are more fun if you share it with a friend.
So dear friends, you too can analyze your secrets. Do you really want to carry a burden on your chest for a long long time? Or is it better to share with a trusted person. Sometimes the things are not as bad as they seem to us. Getting another person’s perspective helps.
A word of caution though! One of my favorite chick lit authors is Sophie Kinsella. In her novel ‘Can you keep a secret?’ The protagonist is travelling on an airplane. And once when it hits a major turbulence and she is sure she is gonna die, she blurts out her deepest darkest secrets to the stranger beside her. At the end of the flight she is relieved that not only the flight is over but she has gotten a few things off her chest. But the next morning when she reaches office to her horror she realizes that her mid air confidant is her new boss. She is mortified and to make matters worse her boss decides to use her confessions to launch a new ad campaign. As you all can imagine her whole life turns topsy turvy. So dear friends choose your confidant with care.
My take on life is look for a trusted ally in your life and it will make your life easier. Or better still be the strong trusted friend in someone else’s life.