It was a week after I got to know that I was pregnant with my first child. After 2 years of marriage, my husband and I decided to have a baby as my biological clock was ticking as I was 29 already. We were elated and extra careful, as I was working as a pre-primary teacher in a formal school. I noticed 2-3 rash spots on my abdomen. I immediately called up my mom who said it’s not normal and asked me to visit my gynaecologist as soon as possible. I went to my school to give my cupboard keys and by that time another rash erupted on my neck. I was just smiling and wasn’t perturbed at all. We were not sure what was the reason behind the rashes. We went to the doctor, who asked us to wait and watch the rashes, as they were too less in number and I didn’t develop any fever. Just the next day my rashes grew and yes, we were sure it was chickenpox. I was referred to a dermatologist who gave me varicella medicine and assured us that there’s nothing to worry. However, the gynaec told us that chickenpox, that too for the first time in life, possesses 2.5% threat to the foetus. The child may be born without limbs, without eyesight, or with mental defects. Also, she told us that the 5th month scan will confirm whether to keep the pregnancy or terminate it.
Just when I had started to enjoy the pleasure of motherhood, I got this blow. My smiles turned into tears. I was terribly scared and no matter how much I tried to be happy, tears would roll down on my cheeks. The dermatologist told us that since I have taken the medicine, there’s no need to worry. My 5th month scan came out normal and I was relieved, yet a bit petrified. Finally, when the labour day came, the second question (first being the universal – boy or girl), I asked my gynaec if there was any effect of chickenpox on my baby. The moment doctor showed me my boy and told me everything is normal, I was smiling wide and shedding tears of joy.
During schooldays, when we were taught the famous quotations, I came across this one-
“Life is not a bed of roses”.
I always used to wonder why… But realized when I grew older and learnt the complexities of life. Life gives you so many reasons to smile and many reasons to cry as well. I have been complimented often that I have a beautiful smile, so I always try to put a big smile on my face and feel confident to face the challenges. Yet, I am able to break down easily. If I am very upset or angry, I cry. I just cannot control my tears. If I hit my son, I regret and cry. Any little sweet gesture that my children give me can also make me cry. In short, if I am upset, I cry and even if I am too happy, I get teary-eyed. My husband makes fun of me, saying that I have an ever-ready tear tank in my eyes! I just tell him, “Yes, I am emotional and it’s ok.” 🙂