MOTIVATION BEHIND BEING PATIENT

We had an excellent week discussing the lost virtue Patience. So I really don’t want to test my readers’ patience by making them read a big lecture on the same subject.

I get impatient when things are repeated to me – talking one thing again and again. It literally frustrates me and in turn, I get tired. And guess what? I have people all around me who keep repeating their pains, their worries, their self-pitied conversations all the time.

I have lived a life brushing off my negativities, trampling on them under my feet… and when I am burdened with negativities I feel impatient.

This might confuse few of my family members and friends about me those who think that I am a good listener and warm. I think I am so but what I just expressed about myself is also very true.

Deepa, one of my co-writer says in her blog, “Patience involves both nature and nurture.” What I understood from that statement is – Patience is a virtue, instilled in us but we need to sharpen it by nurturing it or practising it in our daily life.

This virtue of listening to people patiently is my nature… That’s what I love to do. Yet, I have to nurture it strategically so that I don’t get irked and impatient but listen to their hearts carefully. I do nurture it too while politely asking for more time by giving myself a breather.

Apart from Patience being a natural virtue and nurturing it is essential there is something else as well behind this word. That is motivation.

If I scrutinized my behaviours or my dealings with people it varies from person to person. The degree of my patience is different for different people. I am more patient with a person I love to talk with and less with someone else. It is a basic human nature though. But it is vital to understand. Now don’t look at me like that 😛 .

Let me give you an example…

One of my favourite character in the Bible is Jacob. And I want to share today something about him. He fell in love with a female called Rachel but her father asked him to serve him for seven years to earn his daughter.

And the Bible says like this:

So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

So what’s bottom line? The bottom line is, Jacob could wait patiently for the next seven years and not just that but he served his lover’s father in those seven years. The driving force behind it was his love for Rachel.

So many times I am so patient with others yet impatient with my family members, my wife. Why? Where’s that love motivation gone within my heart today which can really drive me or you on the right path of Patience?

Patience is a natural virtue, which we have to nurture daily by setting right our motivation or interest in the things or in the people I deal with or I am supposed to be dealing with on a daily basis.

I wish and pray to God for an increased level of motivation as I talk or chat with many on a daily basis.

Keep reading, keep giving your feedback…

Stay Blessed!

HOLD ON YOUR PATIENCE BUT HOW?

Hold on your PATIENCE – it always sounds good and easy to advise but very tough, even at times is just impossible to implement it!

Do you agree with me?

A young loner with a broken heart, failed emotions, a babe to the challenges of life, being misunderstood by family and friends in every way! It was a time everyone simply believed his lie but today when he speaks the truth nobody believes him. The people whom he trusted have massacred his life. Now it is such a time for him, he is just all alone… there is no one to give ears to his heartaches, there is no one whom he can trust, there is no one who believes him and the only option left to get rid of this mess is “giving up”… How can he hold his patience?

A middle-class young girl, failed in her carrier when her father has invested all of his saving just to fulfil her dream to become a Doctor or an Engineer. How can she face her parents and how is it possible for her to hold her patience?

A teen barely in her 16, raped brutally just because that evening there was no one to join her to pass through the downtown dark lane and early in the morning her naked mutilated body was rescued by the police and the incident has become the next morning’s breaking news! In what way is it possible for her to face her parents, her family members, her friends and especially our robust racist society and the buzzing good words for her are – “Hold on, things will be alright!”

A man in his late 30’s is jobless with the ailing old parents on one side demanding for proper medical treatment and a younger sister turning 30 on the other side yet unmarried and unemployed. He have to think twice for dinner before going for a standard lunch every day, what will we talk to him about patience! Will it make any sense?

A young divorced lady blamed by the society just because her womb is infertile and it was the high-time for her to move out and save herself from the violence happening in the bedroom every night. What can she do? Is she God or has some supernatural power of tolerance? How can she be treated and bracketed as “characterless” and “not a virgin”? Is she not a human being made of flesh and emotions and dreams of a happy life? In what way she can afford patience?

A homeless Parent in their 70s’ with the ailing body and retired from the job was kicked out just because now they are dependent on their Son and Daughter-in-law, just because they trusted their children for their white-hair-days and now had to be with begging hands for a penny. What good news can comfort them? With the pain and broken body and emotion, how is it possible for them to rationalize their condition and look for better days? Where is hope for them? How can they hold their patience and stop crying every now and then?

It might be easier to be patience with your coffee machine, boarding the shared shuttle to office, at the airport lounge for delayed flights, staying as loner in an unknown city for months together and waiting for at least a 3 days of leave to see your parents while in probation or managing with a brunt pizza at late night BUT THINK ABOUT, how can it be possible to hold patience when someone’s life is bombarded with societal demagogues daily and the sound of their heartache is defining on the other side?

Patience always talks to have a good wait till the good times flow into our life because time never stays constant. Also, we human being cannot deny the truth that We all are bounded by time! We all had to live life according to the time set before us.


The Bible says,

“There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens:”

Okay! But where to get the strength, till the good times flow into our lives and our life gets better? After all, we are mortal human beings holding a finite amount of strength and emotions to hold our patience and will not react easily to a certain extent.

What’s next then?

The future is always dark and uncertain for every human being and that’s the reason we all have clear information from our past to present but not from our present to future? Now, what about God? He was there before our existence and people believed Him and had glorious experience in relationship with Him and now when we exist we believe in the existence of God and even after our death, God will remain the same. This clearly reflects the eternal existence of God and He is not controlled by time like we humans rather He (God) alone controls the time. So don’t you think we can trust in Him (God) who is not dead and is well-aware of our future?

Bible says,

We can trust in God…because He has ordained all the days of our life and each of our days is written in His book before one of them happens in our life”.

Trusting God is waiting on Him with patience and surety of mind that He will lead us to a better situation. Having patience and waiting on God also means eluding our own hasty efforts and decisions.

Hold on to your patience… God is not a human being that He will shift like shadows time-to-time!

WE ARE FAST TO REACT AND SLOW TO REALIZE

Let me start this time by reading a page from my life which makes me feel to this day that I should have acted before reacting.

I kept my best friend at bay, didn’t speake to her for years, didn’t invite her to my marriage and held a huge grudge for years before the distance between us finally rounded off to zero.  But what instigated me to take a U-turn in our relationship? That’s because I chose to listen and believe the banter of one my team-mate who happens to be on our common contact list (just an acquaintance now) against my best friend. She made me believe that my friend did back bitch about me and my ways. I was taken aback and was furious within. “How could she?” Was my reaction. I was still cordial with my friend but started distancing myself from her.

All those years I kept asking myself “why she chose to spill the beans before a third-party instead of me“, “why did she hide from me what she felt?” But the problem was not her action (which perhaps was never there) but my reaction. I was so quick to react, taking that gossip as a gospel truth and unable to realise that whatever I am accusing her to be guilty of is my problem too.  I kept things to me instead of clarifying them then and there.

Our preconceived notions, self-absorbed nature and lack of patience to deal with the situation make us react than to make us realise or perhaps realise quite late. We run for instant remedies and ignore the solutions. In the aforesaid situation, I distanced myself as a remedy to avoid further murky altercations in our relationship whereas the solution lied in the discussion which I did years later.

The crux of the problem lies in “We Take Ourselves Too Seriously” that we instantly believe that we can’t go wrong anywhere. And when an opinion/statement/ an action is in contrast to our notions, we react without realising. We are on a constant run to figure out “How could they rather than thinking Why they have”. We are on the verge of losing our ability to accept the difference, to discuss (Not argue). We are an impatient lot wanting things to be said and done our way! Accept it.

Mine was a subtle example though where I was not patient enough to give a second thought (on contrary patient enough to nurse a grudge🙈) but the increasing number of road rage killings, abusive trolls on social media platform, for that matter increasing divorce cases (not referring or supporting to domestic violence) are a mirror to the depletion of patience and thinking abilities of human race. Because we started believing “Give it back then and there, don’t waste time for it’s about OUR prestige“.

Just think once –

Do React For We Are Human,

But Think Before Reacting For We Are Human”.

IS PATIENCE A LOST VIRTUE?

The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. – Paulo Coelho

If you’re too impatient, you might make quick decisions resulting in huge consequences. If you’re too patient, you might pursue the wrong options for too long, wasting a big chunk of your time. The question is, where can you find the right balance in this fast-paced life?

Both patience and impatience have their flaws, but our society seems to push to hustle while telling us to hold on.

Do you remember the hunter-gatherers few thousand years ago? when they couldn’t find food, it was time to consider alternatives and change strategies; to survive. With time people learnt to settle down, they learnt the value of patience when they harvested crops, travelled far to trade each time coming back home, rewarded with festivities and family time.

Time has changed again. Twenty years ago, companies had five-year plans. Nowadays, life is a bit more complicated; a company with a five-year plan would be a joke; delivering an obsolete product to the market. Entrepreneurs today must pay more attention to the brewing changes, and be willing to revamp more frequently. They must be impatient to get the results or miss out on opportunities. And faster technology changes, the less patience will pay.

What is obvious is that we have many more opportunities to be impatient today. Technology, social lives, personal schedules and work often collide. Many of these collisions bring about unexpected costs. And unexpected costs lead to impatience.

We have video games, smartphones, social media, ebooks, online movies virtual and live sports for our leisure time. And there is always something better to do in the midst of an unexpected hold-up.

We don’t have to leave the house for entertainment. Technology has made us lazy. We don’t even have to find directions. We have an automated voice instructing our twists and turns. Even running an errand is not required anymore. Everything can reach our doorstep at the click of a button.

Where are we actually leading in terms of advancement? We are succumbing to laziness fueled by capitalism. We have more time for ourselves than ever, but we are not sure of our choices, owing to innumerable options. And too many options leads to impatience.

And then there is the hankering need for gratification. We tend to choose the options in our life with immediate results rather than wait for eventual better results. We want to remain healthy, but we order rich and heavy dessert to quench our emotional or behavioural needs. Our logical side comprehends the consequences but still yields to visible outcomes.

Let’s explore the emotional side too. The pixelated canvas has become a veil to hide actual feelings and portray the other self which one wants to show to the world. We don’t need to work on relationships and feelings. We have emojis or else we just block and move on. There’s no patience whatsoever lurking anywhere in these social taboo.
We don’t need to spend time making decisions or follow a routine. Everything is always available, 24/7.

Patience is not always a virtue. We should consider if there are ways to speed things up, or if there are better uses of our time, attention, and energy. Today’s world revolves in high pressure. Impatience definitely yield opportunities, rewards and capital. But at the same time, it is accompanied by increasing stress level, increased morbidity and reduced age of mortality.

The balance is about not getting flustered when making decisions, but not taking so much time that the competition and opportunities pass you by. There’s a very thin line in between being impatient and taking opportunities. Patience is not always the best today but let’s find the balance between the options available to us and let’s make it a point to conserve this virtue in us. It’s definitely not lost, it’s just being layered with technology and stuff. It lays inside us, we just need to find it.

MY REMEDY FOR LACK OF PATIENCE

“Joey, finish your milk!” I shouted 10th time at 8:40 am. He has been sitting with a glass of milk for half an hour and his school starts in 5 mins. Of course, I was angry, upset and totally out of patience. This scenario happens in my home almost every day. Does it change the behaviour of my son? No, it really doesn’t. He still takes his own sweet time to enjoy his morning dose of milk. “I really feel like opening his mouth by force put in a funnel there so that I can empty that glass in 2 secs.” This thought is very frequent. But unfortunately (or fortunately) kids cannot be fed that way. I just explained a situation where I run out of patience almost every time. Because my 3.5-year-old son eats (and drinks) really slowly.

I was getting late for my gym. The workout class was scheduled at 6 am and they wouldn’t let me enter the class if I came in after 6:05 am. It was already 5:50 am and I had to drive 4 km. Now that’s not a challenge for most people, but for me it is. Because our basement parking is horrible and I am not a great driver. Well, getting worried that I will miss my workout I start the engine and start reversing the car. 5 mins gone by and I am still struggling to get it out. And then “bang”, I hit the pillar. There was a huge dent on the right side and the bumper broke. “How can you hit the car on the driver side?” my husband asked when he examined the damage. The only reply I had was “I was getting late!” Yet a typical example of me getting impatient. It would have saved me a hell of trouble (and money) if I would have taken 2 mins extra to call the watchman and help me in the situation. But did I do that? No, because 2 mins were too precious at that time.

I am sure all of us are aware of multiple such instances where losing patience has only resulted in anger, frustration and loss of time and money. It is not uncommon. People say Yoga (or something else) helps in reducing stress. But I believe the only thing that reduces stress is in responding to the situation than reacting to it.

My remedy for improving my patience is to do the following

  1. Recognize that I am getting angry because I am running out of patience.
  2. Close my eyes and take 5 deep breaths. Breaths that are really slow that I can feel the air going through my nostrils, in the throat and filling my lungs. Then all the way out.
  3. Open my eyes
  4. Decide the best way to deal with the situation.
  5. Deal with it.

It becomes difficult when in the nick of a time I close my eyes and start breathing slowly especially when I am getting late for something. But this needs to be done, because if I do anything else at all – it would only result in a loss for me. And that is the biggest part of self-awareness. Patience helps and it does help always. It helps in getting the work done, it helps in touching in people’s heart, it helps in keeping my BP, hormones, and cholesterol etc. levels in control. It helps in keeping me harmonized with nature. It is one remedy that always works.

A little secret – I still shout at my son for eating slowly. Having a remedy doesn’t work unless I implement it. But as long as I am on the right path – I don’t worry too much. I know you have such secrets too with this little saint named “Patience”. Patience is one virtue that can set things right in your life. So don’t resist the remedy, just apply it.

THE THING WHICH I LACK!

What do you think is the most difficult personality trait a person possesses!!?

Well for a person like me who suffers from OCD, who is short-tempered, who is not a tyrant but makes sure to get things done my way…..it’s patience.

Let me tell you a story…

Just the other day I had guests at my place for dinner, and they being so kind and loving, offered me to help in the kitchen.

I was much obliged. But then I have a certain way of doing things. May it be cooking or setting the table. But still I have to compromise in such situations and I do understand that. But that was not my concern. It was the fact that I lacked….patience!

Since I like to multitask and do whatever I am doing quickly, seeing someone do it in a slower pace just irks me. So I ended up creating a very awkward situation by saying something really sarcastic.

Yes, I know, it’s really bad on my part.

And this attribute of mine lands me in embarrassing situations all the time.

A person who lacks patience has the ability to think about all the permutation and combinations the situation may create all the pros and cons even before she or he gets the answer to their question. It’s actually mentality exhausting. Your mind tends to wander unnecessarily everywhere, complicating matters.

Let me give you a classic example…

A few days ago, a very good friend of mine was enlightening me about something really very important and while he was doing so, he got a phone call and in turn was unable to respond and complete the sentence that he had started. Within those 4-5 minutes, I ended up texting around 20-30 times. So much that he got annoyed with this immature behaviour of mine.

Trust me when I say that lack of patience is never a good thing. It always hurts, it’s immature and you are not the only one who suffers because of it. Sometimes it affects relationships as well when our lack of patience brings forth intolerance.  

I had to finish writing this article in the morning, but due to unavoidable circumstances, I couldn’t. Then by evening, I realized that I was running out of time and this impatient restlessness took over my mind and my fingers and I managed to scribble down something.

Apologies in advance for my blabber, well what can I say…don’t blame me…blame the impatient person who is dominating me. 😛

PATIENCE – A DIVINE VIRTUE

Little Betsy went with her grandfather to the orchard one holiday. As she looked up in awe at the tall strong trees hovering all around, she expressed her wish to plant a tree in her name which would be exclusively hers. Her grandpa smiled and said, “Sweetheart, you don’t plant a tree. You plant a seed or a tender sapling which in the course of many years of sun, rain and hail grows up sturdy into a tree like one of these.”

The virtue of Patience is best tested in situations provoking impatience.

One statement which quite a few first-time moms often make about their baby is, “How I wish s/he grows up soon!” You would know it, if you’ve been there!!

Students wish for disciplined school days to be over soon so that they can experience the liberty of the colourful college days!

A couple in love wish they could seal their courtship in marriage without having to wait any further.

An ailing bed-ridden man wishes his days of suffering would cease soon.

In such and many other ways, all of us wish we never had to wait for something that we desire. However, whether we want to or not, we all have our seasons of waiting.

When we wait with calmness of mind and spirit to let the opportune time arrive, all the while trusting that God Almighty is in control, we learn and acquire the virtue of Patience. But when we fume and fret during the phase of waiting, blaming people, situations or God for the delay, we fail to have an audience with Patience.

Waiting requires Patience as its companion. Patience doesn’t announce its arrival. But as the phase of waiting is over, Patience leaves its seal behind.

DOES PATIENCE ALWAYS RESULT IN JOYOUS OUTCOMES?

We often say – ‘Sweet is the fruit of patience.’ However, this is not always so.

I heard of a couple recently who were without a child even after many years of marriage. When the lady conceived after more than ten years, their joy was unexplainable. They had waited prayerfully and patiently all these years. The lady went into labour while in her eighth month. Alas! She delivered a stillborn baby. This suffering was more severe than the pain of not having a child for more than a decade.

Can we exclaim confidently in such a circumstance – ‘Sweet is the fruit of Patience?’

A young father of a two-year old was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 33. He kept his hopes strong even as he underwent sessions of chemotherapy. He posted several vlogs giving honest updates about his health condition and encouraging all to keep praying for him patiently with faith. His wife waited patiently for God to intervene never losing her calmness. Everything came to an end when he breathed his last at the age of 34, last year.

Here again, can we exclaim boldly – ‘Sweet is the fruit of Patience?’

It’s tough.

Yet, it’s a necessary virtue.

WHY TALK ABOUT PATIENCE, THEN?

Let’s weigh the odds.

What do we gain when we are patient?

The biggest gain is peace – peace of mind and peace in the surrounding. Being peaceful ensures that we can handle our tasks with greater competence and ease – be it regarding the person/circumstance provoking impatience or other tasks during that testing phase. Patience leads to acquiring another remarkable virtue – perseverance – which is a higher form of patience. Patience generates hope and hope, it is said, springs eternal in the human breast.

What do we lose when we are patient?

We may lose time owing to inaction. But, any action or reaction done/shown in haste carries with it a possibility of regret. We may lose face before others, who may think that we are not courageous/wise/skilled enough to act/respond. I guess the list end here – we don’t have much to lose when we are patient.

So, why not strive to be patient!  

HOW I PRACTISE PATIENCE?

When I come across people who really put me through tough tests of patience, I consciously bring to my mind how patient God is with me. Being perfect and holy, when He sees me falling short of His standards, again and again, seeking forgiveness yet stumbling again – He doesn’t deal with me as my sins deserve. He is patiently working on my transformation. If the God of the universe is so patient with me, who am I to be impatient with a fellow human being?

Patience is a divine virtue. It cannot be acquired simply by sheer willpower, meditation or motivation. Since Patience is one of the important attributes of God’s character, He alone can embed this attribute into our spirits. It may sound vague and too abstract for some, but you would know it if you tap into this resource.

I make it a constant point of prayer for God to help develop this attribute of His nature within me which would enable me to reflect Him in tough situations and amidst tough people.

And yes, nature. Right from a tiny seed/sapling growing into a tree to a caterpillar metamorphosing into a pretty butterfly, the created nature gives marvellous lessons on patient waiting.

As I write this article, I can hear my sister in the kitchen telling the microwave oven to cook the bowl of Maggie Noodles that she has just put inside, within a second, without making her wait unto starvation!! Patience!!