TRUSTING THE SELF – PEOPLE AND THINGS

As much as we want to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt that – when we make a decision and trust ourselves to execute it, how many of us, can truly say – it has worked out?
…and yet we go about making so many decisions along our day – most of which are done at the spur of the moment, do we have the conviction to trust even the “smallest” decision made?

If trusting our decisions is the physical execution of a particular task, then self confidence is the driving force behind it.

Some of the very normal and everyday decisions we make are:

~ when do we cross the road in a country that do not possess traffic lights? #India

~ how much do we spend filling petrol in our vehicles – now that it’s touched INR 100 a litre?

~ Do we use public transport over private vehicles when it comes to safety v/s money?

~ Do we continue wearing masks & take precautions or go through life with gay abandon forcing ourselves to the “normal life” in comparison to that of the “new normal”?

These may be some of the more simple decisions in life, but that said – again, we still need to trust these decisions we make – however small or big it may be.

12 Reasons You Should Never Regret Any Decision You Ever Make

While all of us make decisions: some forcefully and some not – I personally gift myself with life altering decisions that make me put myself in situations that are new, the unknown but surely in places that I’d be better off than what the present situation finds me in.
Not even the closest member of my family would be able to decipher/understand my next move, my next decision – and ask me why? I’d have no answer, for I never thought it have ever been important enough to explain my decisions to anyone else.

I trust the decisions I make – and obviously there would be made only to help me be a better version of myself. <others may disagree but well….>

That said all my decisions haven’t always reaped benefits, BUT if there’s one thing that trusting my own decisions has done is: even if things went wrong, I am/was solely responsible for it and no one else had a hand in it. Success was ALL MINE so are/were the failures.

Listening to people have got me nowhere, other than confuse me more and to find myself back at square one.

To think of one such instance of trusting my own decision: was to decide to work out-of-state – a new place, a new line of work, strange people and a language I had no clue to speak. However, new things always excited me – and working out of state was never a new thing, many people had done it before me, so I was just one more. However, when it came to support from back home: it didn’t come in abundance besides my dad (who is always game for a new adventure – an advocate of the phrase: “you only learn when you put yourself out there“)

I got into the teaching line with little to no experience in the field initially, only for a crash course in the ‘do’s and the ‘don’t’s and a skill of the language that I possessed. I trusted my decision to go ahead not so much on the experience front, but on the skill front and of course, the fact that I knew I would do well because I backed myself with a whole lot of conviction and the trust in my abilities backed with confidence like that, its rare that things would go wrong.
The road wasn’t the smoothest but if ever I made a good decision in my life, that was surely one of them.

They’ve been other decisions too – some taken in the past, others in the ongoing present and a lot more to come in the future. My life has been a whole set of decisions that I set out to do, make, break, achieve & power ahead – I am bound to make a lot of people unhappy on the way; but then again the journey isn’t theirs, it has, is and will always be mine, if we happen to cross paths and a wonderful relationship comes out of it, be it professionally or personally (nothing like it). This has always been me – Plain, Blunt and TO THE POINT.

Making the right decision is one thing, trusting that decision and marching forward – no matter the judgements is a whole new level of awesomeness, that one needs to experience. I continue to feed myself with these experiences, maybe you could give it a try out yourself too.

I’d like to end with a piece of advice to all fellow readers:

If you think you aren’t qualified to make a good choice then you’re going to be afraid to make any choice.

May the Power be YOURS.

TRUSTING MY OWN DECISIONS BASED ON MY INTUITION

Well, my intuition is one of my best friends. It guides me when I need it the most. It makes me feel secure and safe in this wild world. It makes me do the right things at the right times.

What is Intuition?

It is that tiny little voice that says – “Just do it. Everything is gonna be alright.” It is your own sixth sense that tells you if your decision will take you where you want to go or not. It is that gut feeling or the vibes that one feels when something is not right. Even without enough analysis of something, you sometimes just know that you should do something or not do something.

Is the intuition always right?

No. It has failed me many times so that I could only learn better from my experience. Sometimes I failed multiple times but that’s just life. Isn’t it? Intuition is not always meant to be right. If it were, then all of us would be Gods.

When do I use my intuitions the most?

In trusting people. About 6 years back, after a few unfortunate incidents of betrayal at the hands of my “so-called” friends I made a decision. That decision was to get away from any friendship (or relationship) that seems fake. If I cannot make any meaningful conversations with a particular person, then there is no point in being in touch with that person just for gossiping about rest of the world.

Since that point in time, I have used my intuition the most in choosing my friends. And I must say that I have been really successful. I chose the right people who brought out the best in me whether it was the group of my apartment buddies, or my office lunch group, or my Candles family, or my child’s school friend’s moms etc. I am so glad that I haven’t faced any sort of a discomfort from any of my friends since I started to use my intuition to choose my friends and to decide how much to open up in front of whom.

I recall one such incident where I really trusted my intuition and took a decision. And I really got what I wanted. In the year 2013, I suffered a miscarriage and at that point of life I was so upset about not being able to conceive. We had seen doctors, got a lot of tests done and even taken a few treatments. It was not working out. We changed doctor after doctor because I had a strong feeling that I am not finding a good doctor. Little did I know then that infertility clinics is such a huge industry and it is very difficult to find an effective solution. I was looking for a doctor that I could connect with, a doctor who listened to me and my concerns about my body.

Eventually I found a doctor, recommended by a friend. And as soon as I met this doc, I knew that she was the one. She didn’t talk too much, she listened, she empathized and she didn’t talk medical jargon. She just looked at the reports and said – “Everything’s normal. Let us not worry too much. We will just take the right steps and see how it works.” The calm way in which she spoke I just knew that I could trust her. My intuition told me that this will work. And it did. Finally we were blessed with our boy in 2015 and life was good again.

How to sharpen your intuition

This is something that I am not an expert in (I am still learning). But I know for sure that to sharpen your intuition, you need to do the following

  1. Keep your thoughts organized. Don’t let your mind clutter with all the negativity. Negative self-talk is the killer for a strong intuition.
  2. Meditate and focus on the process of life. When I say process of life, I mean focus on something that proves that you are living. Like your breath, or the movement of your abdomen when you are breathing, or just focus on one of your fingers etc. There are a million ways to meditate effectively. Use what works for you.
  3. Do not take decisions when you are angry or upset. Your intuition is simply shut off when you are in a negative state of mind.
  4. If you are in doubt whether you are taking a right decision or not, take time. Time to breathe and slow down your thoughts or time to just sleep over it.

Your intuition will always make you trust your decisions and stick to them. Use it wisely!

I HIDE YET, I SEEK

As a kid, we understood life is simple and sublime but as one-after-another birthday went by we rephrased our understanding “life needs to be polished time-to-time”. We realized – scarcely ever someone wants to reason our brokenness, inner wounds are ugly and stinky, each of us is intended to give our own definition on others misery, hence it is better to appear polish! How about texting back “I’m fine”? Well, that’s maybe he wants to hear and I’m giving validation to his formal behaviour. Since my childhood I was taught I need to heart-out but as I grew up, I taught myself “hide your feelings”. Hide and Seek was a game in our schooldays but NOW it is the tagline of our lifestyle.

At wits’ end, we get some pretty good revelations. While I in the same boat towards the end of 2018, like every other morning some of my contacts turned up with my question to them primarily and I used to answer “I’m fine, thank you” whereas a handful of good souls noticed my slowness and tried to reason it. Some of them went straight enough saying, “No, I notice something wrong you are going through. Tell me the truth. How can I help you, what can I pray for you”. Though I was not able to reveal them my secrets and they were not capable to bring solutions to my series of problems but their blissful words and caring heart were strong enough to relieve me from my dryness. Alongside, to some, whom I consider very close, I tried to explain and at times I hint in many ways on what I am racing along but alas. They were too busy! During that period once my cousin quoted me “It’s a time for you to do reality check!.

Astha was right in her article saying, “Hiding our heartaches are something we all do. When we do so, we expect someone would come and help us out of the situation whereas what happens next is just the opposite!” We, humans, have turned too busy and cosset to own life. We live in a world of Business and Professionalism, ‘why it’s a matter to think outside of myself!’. We all wear the mask of pretence all the time – I say, I am fine whereas my reality is contrary to the core”.    

There is an English proverb “INTENT IS PRIOR TO CONTENT…”

  • I look for your TIME! – A relationship is nourished when we spare time for our loved one. Often people hide their feelings and pretend to be fine because they do not find us sparing good time for them. One of God’s creational plan behind creating the humans (especially man and woman) is to have fellowship with each other and spending quality time with each other but alas. Nowadays, one of the striking issues of broken marriages and children-parent relationship are “lack of time”.    
  • I look for your INTEREST! – Time and Interest is clinging to one another. Without interest, sharing our time is meaningless and without sparing time, interest is also meaningless. One of my Board members always says, “Busy people are they who has time and knows where to spend it”. One of the biggest excuses we give today is, I’m too busy. Indeed, we all are and we all should be. But alongside we need to know how to manage time and where to invest interest. Before the creation of human, God said, “Let us make mankind in our own image, in our likeness and have fellowship with them and when He did it, He saw it very good”. Do you see an INTEREST in Him for us? That’s what we are intended to replicate in our human to human and human to God relationship as well.
  • I look for your TRUST! – It is the trust that weaves intimate bonding. The first blessing of God to human is, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over every living creatures”. Do you find the TRUST factor of God in us? But alas. We failed God and we do the same in our human relationships as well. Since ages, the breaking of trust is the root cause of the breaking of relationships. As a matter of fact, that’s what made me to decide to hide my heart though I seek to share with you.

IF THIS IS OUR STORY AND THIS IS OUR SONG,

THEN WHERE ARE WE HEADING ALONG?

In the Bible, God says,

“Come now, let us settle the matter,”. “I will forgive your sins and offenses”.

What do you say, shall we replicate the same in our relationship instead of hiding our heart?

Shall, we come together and settle the matter?

Let’s not pretend and play – “I HIDE YET, I SEEK”!

TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY, THAT’S THE QUESTION

The moment this topic “Hidden in my heart” was given, one of the hilarious incidents flashbacked in my mind and I immediately messaged my sister Prabhjot about it.

It was her tenth board exam that day and I walked down to the bus stop with her. On our way,  one of the neighbours shouted to Prabhjot, “Best of luck beta, do your best.”

Thank you aunty”,  replied Prabhjot sincerely. That was her simple reply to a simple wish. But in her mind,  there was something else. As we came to a distance from that neighbour, Prabhjot spoke her heart out to me – “Thank you, aunty, for reminding me that I have to put in my best,  else I was just going to while away my time in not writing the answers properly. Thanks for saving me.

We sisters burst out laughing till our stomach ached.

Now,  getting back to the serious stuff- hidden in my heart.

When someone asks, “how are you”, we simply reply, “fine,  thanks”, but many of us want to say much more like, “No, I am not fine. My maid didn’t turn up today, I had to do the cleaning chores myself, got my daughter ready for school, who told last night that she has to submit her science project today. So, I completed her project by waking up all night, and after 4 hours of sleep, I am here in your office, tired and sleep-deprived, for your stupid meeting, which could have waited. So, if you think, it’s ok, I am fine, having a great time.

Of course, we can’t say such statements to anyone, except with those whom we can share our thoughts and talks. And it’s better to talk out your heart to your near ones, whenever you feel heavy because that burden will weigh you down and bring in the negativity around you.

Recently, I was vacationing in my hometown, with my two sons. I was updating my pictures on social media after every event. Most of the people felt that I was having a great time. Of course,  I did, but that was only for a few 3-4 hours of a day. Rest 20 hours, I was busy in my permanent ‘refereeing’ job. Yes, I had a gala time indeed, but simultaneously had a terrible time in being a referee during the frequent quarrels between my sons. Shouting at them,  raising my pitch almost every 15 minutes, pulling my hair out, I almost felt that I made a mistake in coming with these two little monsters. Other than that, my summer holidays went smooth as silk (pun intended). Of course, all this can’t be put on social media. Thank God,  I have many ears to listen to the saga of my ordeals!

A couple of years more, as my near and dear ones say,  then it’s all going to be fine. As I wait for their sibling rivalry to turn into the best friendship, I will try being patient (as in sufferings). Till then I am fine,  thank you!

OPEN UP

Our heart has so many secrets. There is no such human who doesn’t have some secrets hidden in their heart. I too have the same in my heart. Some of them are hidden as I fear of the consequences the secret might bring when disclosed and some are hidden because I don’t want to share.

When I was a teenager, I thought, am I the only one having secrets? All those mockeries, bully and what not? I used to hide them in my heart and didn’t speak anything to anyone. Maybe because I didn’t find anyone so understanding and trustworthy.

Even our parents too, hide so much from us. They hide the financial challenges they go through and the sacrifices they make for us. They do so, only to make us feel happy and keep us away from the difficulties of life. Even today, my father never discloses his sufferings to me and my brother. Maybe because he doesn’t want to see his children worrying about anything.

Whenever we come to know about what he is hiding, we confront him saying, “Papa, you shouldn’t keep this problem to yourself. Please let us be your shoulder now.” But he never does so. However, later he speaks about his problem in a nutshell.

As I live in a city far from my hometown, I give my best to solve my problems on my own. There are so many incidents and things in my life, happening every day. But I never speak about it to my parents or to my friends. For a simple reason, I don’t want to. I know, I should at least let somebody know about my problems. But I fear what if it gets more complicated. I fear, what if my parents don’t understand. However, I speak to my brother and my best friend when needed. This brings peace to my heart.

I guess many of us go through the same in their life. But if the problem is not so big and can be solved by sharing with a sensible person, then why to hide. Open up. Find someone who can help you in your crisis and let that person take you out of it.

After all, sharing your problems with the right person can reduce your stress. So, next time you feel like keeping a secret, think if it is worth keeping it as a secret or if it should be shared.

HIDE AND SEEK – IS ALL ABOUT PARENTING

It was a normal day for me, I hurriedly finished all my household works and went to my desk to start my work. Not a joke, I am A freelance content writer, with at least a decent amount of work daily. As I sat to work, and it was a holiday for kids, so I ensured they both had enough things to play with before settling down.

After some time, I could see that y little ones have become ninjas and hiding around as if spying on me. I remained to do my work, with my third eyes opened and my ears sharp enough to listen to what was going on around. They both were tiptoeing and walking around my workspace, all it leads me to be completely losing my concentration at what I was doing. I could see them, but I pretended to be completely unaware.

They both were taking things from the table nearby, like Fevicol, sellotapes, paper, colour pencil which I have already asked them not to touch. The moment I turned around to look at them as they were sneaking around, they stood frozen like still… It actually did make me laugh, as I was dumbstruck, how did they imagine I could not see them.

This is actually a quite common scenario at home. They take chocolates and other eatables from the fridge and keep on munching all day long. Even though I see, at times I just and does ensure I get a share of what they take, ensuring that I inform them I know what they do.

Am a mommy who is like the Vodafone advertisement-Wherever you go, I am there.. 😛

But, I did think about why they were hiding it from me?

It was the mere fact, I was a little angry whenever they took things unnecessarily and played with.

So Do you know what I did to correct myself?

I called them both and told, that you need not hide from me, as you see, I see everything. And yes momma is your friend.

I enjoy these little hiding games they do with me.

My younger on the other side, she just walks right in front of me, with her big eyes, protruding and a small smile on her lips which is out of the excitement of doing naughty things.  She smiles as I keep an eye on her, and she smiles at me too, trying to deviate my attention from what exactly she was doing.

I smile, just to assure her, that Yes Momma didn’t see anything and it Just brightens her smile – To which I get flattened.

Even though I turn a blind eye towards their play, I ensure to keep a check on it. It is sometimes my daughter returns from school all moody and cranky. I know it is tiredness or something that bother her and making her all cringy. I try my best to stay calm and understand from her part.

To lighten the mood, when she shares the trauma to me, I do ensure that it is all a part of school life. And I hold her closer to me and assure her that nothing in the world will hurt her when I am around. But again, I always wanted her to tell the truth rather than hide it from me. I become her friend and to be her secret keeper. It gives me immense happiness when she throws me the brutal truth than a lie. It shows me, how strong she is.

Being a mother is a true hurdle to cross, and it is impossible without trust.

A HIDDEN HEART – IS A WHIRLPOOL OF EMOTIONS

A little girl sat in the crowd. Her expressions read that she was upset, her eyes were already a pool, waiting for a moment to drop and shed the burden of her eyes and eventually her heart. It never happened though.

Hours passed.

She was bullied and had her confidence drop dead. All she did was eat and talk a lot. Was it not something a kid should do? Her thoughts wandered and she questioned her mind over and over again. It was not easy for a mere 8 years old to understand and land on conclusions.

Yet not a drop of tear rolled down. She smiled and none noticed the pool she was holding in her eyes. She was starving, yet she didn’t munch. None around her, even her loved and close ones, couldn’t notice a change in her.

It was a normal day, then. As the night was on, and time to sleep. She jumped on to her bed and waited for silence to creep in, and then heart burst out into tears. It was again never easy.

She hid her tears. 

She hid her sorrows.

She hid her embarrassment.

She hid her pain.

She hid it all, to see everyone around her smile. 

Even her scream was hidden to the world. The next day she woke up and smiled again ready to deal with the world, who never appreciated her shortcomings.

Hiding something in life has become a part and parcel in her life. Be it the truth or even happiness.

But why do we hide our emotions?

It might be the reason, that the ones whom we shared never ever took a look at what we might feel. It also might not be the reason that the person won’t ever understand, but also when we are in a matured state that the person can’t stand the pain or whatever is hidden about.

When ones right is another one wrong, it is hard to make anyone understand anything.

In Today’s world, most of the victim of abuse hide it, it is not because they enjoy the pain. It is because the world will never understand until they deal it on their own.

Hiding arises when our exuberance is responded with an “Shhh…”. It grows more and more, as our exhilaration is not validated. As it grows, the more we feel ashamed of ourselves and we tend to hide. And we finally instinctively protect ourselves from the world outside into a shell. And for everything happening around us, hiding becomes a reflexive emotion.

Here are things, one can do, to overcome hiding :

  1. Accept it is not your flaw, but a learned behaviour.
  2. Accept rejections, Come on it isn’t Worlds End.
  3. MAke friendship with people who can accept you as you are.
  4. Be positive whatever may happen.

Ones we deal with tour inner feelings and convince that we are not the imprisoners of our fears, we stop hiding. It is said that, once we start hiding, our heart becomes a collective whirlpool of emotions, that will ready to burst any time. Be it emotions, feelings or even regret, just letting it out makes life worth living.

We are just humans, prone to errors too.

The sooner we accept, the better we do.

Godin writes, “We’re lucky enough that the things we used to fear don’t happen so often anymore, so now we fear feelings.”