REEVALUATING WHILE LOCKED-DOWN

I have heard from my elders how they went into a situation like this, ‘Lockdown’ during the war against Pakistan and during the World Wars. But this time, it’s bit different. We don’t have to switch off the lights, stay hiding inside our rooms, stop looking outside popping our heads out through the window, wonder if the bombs fall on us and so on… But sometimes, we so underestimate the gravity and severity of a situation that we behave so funny and childish. When deaths are constantly rising every moment and  there are 100% chances of financial crash-down worldwide we are worrying about just a lockdown

It was so funny to see how people so quickly reacted when the announcement was made by our PM about a complete lockdown situation:

  • “How boring it will be staying at home for so long?”
  • “We can’t go out to meet our friends…”
  • “We have to do all the household works as maids won’t be available…”
  • “How will we spend our times all day?”
  • “I have planned to watch Netflix all day long…”
  • “It’s nothing more than imprisonment…”
  • “What will we eat? Same food again and again?”

All these we could update on our Facebook, Whatsapp and Instagram statuses, expressing our irritation and worries because we are still not hit by Covid19 directly. We are still on listening and reading the news mode. God forbid, once one of our family members gets infected, we will surely forget how to express or react. 

Am I out of these lot? No way… I am part of the same crowd who tends to get bored and irritated. Although my answer was different when someone asked me seeing me loitering outside my room, “Bored???”

I shook my head and said, “NO!! I am quite habituated with this lockdown situation from the very beginning of life.”

The person who asked me, understood what I meant and walked away acknowledging my response.

YET!!!

I was wondering – ‘What lockdown means to me?’

1. Retrieving what I have lost: Suddenly when I have a lot of time at my disposal, I was happily scrolling away the pages of Pinterest on my phone and I came across an image of a beautiful paper-art. I felt an urge rekindled to let my fingers create something similar to what I saw. I cursed myself for not foreseeing this situation and buy colours, brushes and marble papers for paper-arts and paintings. I remember, how much I used to paint and draw pictures when I was a student. I had lost everything with an excuse of being busy in life.

I have made up my mind, that I am going to retrieve everything that I have lost and this lockdown will help me to give a kick start till I live on this earth.

2. Recreating what I have left unfinished and undone: I am known as a motivator and a person who initiates. But sadly, I want to confess that I am not good at continuing things or finishing it. I started to write a book, I started to plan for studying a Biblical Counseling Course, paid for it as well… I started to plan for a music album… Urgh! I have kept everything pending, unfinished and undone.

I just pray, “God, give me that enthusiasm to recreate all that I have left unfinished and undone utilizing these period of lockdown”.

3. Reinstating what I have kept detached: Yesterday, my cousin sister requested me to give her time so that she can connect with four of our families to see, talk and pray with each other considering the situation we have been facing now. The time was fixed and we had little problem with network but finally we could gather to have a video chat with each other, laugh, smile and ultimately pray for all the people suffering around the globe. And in the night while on my bed, resting my head on the pillow I was thinking, “Why I am so detached with all? I am not a person like this… why I stay away from people for a year or so?”

Everyone knows how I build relationships. And that’s what I love to do – investing my time in people’s life. Even I was feeling so uncomfortable when I was passive about this favourite thing that I love to do… But I did start connecting with people again, building new relationships and restoring the older ones during this lockdown period.

Trust me, I am going to reinstate every friendship, relationship that I have kept myself detached from.

4. Rearranging what I have left messy: Indiscipline, distractions and waywardness bring down someone into utter chaos and mess. I allowed it somehow to be in a mess for last two or three years.

Reasons? I can’t explain.

I might justify my life being not as bad as others, not as much in the mess as others but my heart knows it should not be like this anyway.

Okay! So, I have a lot of time to repair, rearrange, reorganize my mess and bring it back on the track by re-surrendering myself in His divine care. Surrendering life to God doesn’t mean resting peacefully…but to rework all the more and strive for making my mess, mesmerizing.

5. Reprioritizing what I have ignored: God and the purpose He has in and through my life is my priority. I confess, I have kind of ignored it for last couple of years. I don’t want to give excuses by blaming my illness or life situations. I understand, I might be faltering yet God does and will pull me back every time I go astray but I am desperately seeking His strength to help me reprioritize and stay focus on Him and the purpose that He has for me while I am alive in this world.

This lockdown gives me enough time to pray and gain strength from Him to see the people and their needs through His eyes, His perspective. My heart moves with compassion when I look at those people suffering and dying without fulfilling life’s eternal purpose. My heart cries. This lockdown made me kneel down on my knees and pray for them and feel for them which I could not have done it if I would have been in a Covid19-less normal situation.    

Lockdown means, a lot of time for me to work on all the above 5 RE’s along with whatever emergency work that I could do from home or by going to the office as I live in the same campus where my office is located. You might think these points are not relatable to you, especially the last RE, but I know they are. You never know, how devastating the post Covid19 period will be than the present state of affairs due to Corona-virus.

So, let this Lockdown Period’ be the most important period of your life apart from all the enjoyment and entertainment that you have planned, assuming you and I would survive and beat Covid19… Uhhmmm 😛  

Stay at home and keep pondering on 5 RE’s

Stay Blessed!

TOO MUCH DWELLING ON PAST, HOW HELPFUL IS IT?

Time – an omnipresent factor that runs our entire life.  Birth is recorded so is death in measuring units called hours, minutes and seconds which is basically Time. Past, present and future all have yardstick of years, months and days, it’s nothing but Time. We have bad times and good times, registered as moments and memories but Time nonetheless.  Time never stops and ceases. If every matter is made up of cells then every matter is run by Time. Anyone from 1980’s era in India and who have seen Mahabharat on national television would understand and relate to “Main Samay Hoon” (I am The Time) pretty much summarising what I said 😁.

There’s a saying “Time once spent can’t be earned back unlike money” and it’s a fact to the core.  We all have moments in our lives, where we dwell on our past and constantly wish how different the course of events could have been. A different action, a different desicion, a timely intervention, sometimes a delay perhaps could have chalked out an entire different picture to be enjoyed or cherished now.

Certain incidents/ desicions I regret the most in my life : I could have chosen computer science over commerce and that would have helped me fetch a job here in this foreign land, something I dearly yearn for. I could have done a certified professional course that could have added some volume to my dull CV. I could have had a bit prolonged career before I my wedding.

More or less I have more regrets concerning my professional decisions for I am unemployed for a decade now, something I have mentioned time and again in my write ups. Pondering over and over on those moments over a period of time now (see Time, I told you 😁) haven’t brought me any solace but some sense to say the least. Wondering how?

When I am lost in my search for answers in my past, my idleness in present questions me “you can’t anyways undo your past, what is your stand in present to make you stand in future? Why you are unearthing melancholy when your smiles and peace lie in discovery and exploration. When you have ideas, share them. When you have plans put them into action and see the drama unfold.”

Sounds too preachy right? But this is a reality I am living in. My tussle with time is on a different level. Every morning while busy in chores I think about my past, when done with morning routines my urge to relax myself overpowers my will to write blogs (in this context I thank Candles Online to give me impetus strong enough to write at least once a week 😁), paint or at least finish cleaning up of house (😁, don’t jump to the conclusion that we live in shabby and unhygienic conditions, it’s just that it is not presentable round the clock) to an extent that I end up procrastinating things on more than one occasion and by the evening I participate in a race against time to finish off pending chores before hitting the bed and on bed I toss planning to start a fresh day with renewed determination to make my own identity and announce it to the world and my family and again I loiter in the past (recent one though 🤣🤣) thinking I shouldn’t have wasted My Precious Time for once it’s gone it’s gone forever.  It’s a cycle you see!

And it’s much vicious than that of poverty and complicated than that of a life cycle. Once you are a “procrastinator” then you certainly need a greater push to get out of that habit. Not yearly resolutions but we need a daily resolution to keep our “regret” mode at bay. And trust me my run is so on! 😁.

My Personal Realization: How I acted in past have strong reasons underlining them and thus they were apt then. My constant rant now can only earn me some sympathy sometimes but not useful anyways 😊.  And I am not taking any or requisite amount of steps as an amendment, does it make sense?

So how often do you Procrastinate and regret? If you are like me, then join the club not to boast but to fight our bad habit and put our Time to a better use other than for dwelling and digging past for if its bitter it won’t be better now either.

**** Thumb Rule for Procrastination:  You lose your right to complain if you don’t act on time or dont act at all.*****

Remember this and march forward for past is so over, let it rest in peace 😁.

 

NO INSECURITY WHEN GOD IS YOUR SECURITY

I had this pretty friend in college, whose boyfriend forbade her to dress well. He didn’t want her to appear beautiful to the eyes of others. During college functions where we were supposed to be draped in sarees, he put a check on her. As a result, she skipped college functions. How could she be present without adhering to the prescribed dress code for the day? Shades and sun glasses were objected to, because they would draw the attention of other guys towards her. Too suffocating a relationship to be called ‘love’!! Eventually, they broke up when some sense dawned on her and she got fed up with his over-possessiveness.

This guy was ‘insecure’. And that led him to be over-possessive for the girl he claimed to ‘love’.

One thing we need to be clear is about the distinction between ‘inferiority complex’ and ‘insecurity’. Both are different, though there are certain overlapping consequences and that makes them seem similar.

Insecurity arises from a fear of losing things or people.

What gives rise to insecurity?
1. Early life events – A young girl who has seen her father desert her mother, will be likely to be insecure in her love/married relationship.
2. Past experiences of losing – A person who has failed in many job interviews, will feel unsure of retaining the one he gets through to
3. Pressure to prove oneself – When there is a pressure to prove oneself, be it at work or in relationships, one tries his/her best to stop all doorways that might be barriers in the way.
4. Difficulty in accepting ‘no’ – An inability to accept ‘no’ for an answer, causes people to develop an inner feeling of insecurity.
5. Social Media – Too many stories doing the rounds in social media also create the fear of losing. 

Manifestations of insecurity

For the insecure person:
1. Fear
2. Anxiety
3. Stress
4. Anger
5. Occasional insomnia
6. Extreme steps like plotting to harm people who make them insecure
7. Phone tapping
8. Deploying private detectives

Dealing with insecurity

  1. Remember that there is a Chief Architect behind all that happens. So, do not fear losing.
  2. Receive the gifts in your life with gratitude – be it people or jobs or material possessions. This will lead you to value them today without being apprehensive of losing them tomorrow.
  3. Put your past experiences in the hands of God. He’ll shape up your future. Don’t you worry.
  4. Be yourself. Do not give in to pressure to prove yourself. You are a unique creation of God blessed with strengths that you can flaunt and weaknesses that He can convert into strengths.
  5. Never forget that all things and people on earth are transitory. You can never hold on to all things or people that you lay your hands on. So then, why grip them tighter only to stifle yourself and ruin your blessings!

Each of us is safe in the hands of God. When this is learnt, there would be no space for insecurity.

THE HOLLOWING ATTACKS OF THE INVISIBLE INSECURITY

Insecurity is such a powerful sentiment which certainly attacks every living being at one point of time yet it can’t be clichéd since the trap is so obnoxious that the thought process is always backed by our false lies, fear, and anxiety. It is no less than an illness with a well-known cause of over attachment to possessions or beings, to an extent to make one feel sufficiently hollow breaking down the esteem and confidence in oneself. With its symptoms being depicted in every form of relationship, no one can be blamed for its occurrence as it is a self-developed vice. When it comes to facing insecurities, I have struggled with them in many phases of my short existence on this planet. From my first puppy love to competing with the world and paving a way for achievements, insecurity has accompanied me like a best friend, surfacing on the top of my chaotic head, most of the times. The repercussions have taken the form of killing all that has been beautiful or maybe little less pleasant while holding me back in my sphere of ambiguity, bittering the existing relationships and most importantly the one which I share with myself. Whenever insecurity attacks, it weakens my soul giving rise to tendencies that probably do not belong to me while I commit acts out of jealousies, obsessions and fake arrogance.

I remember how during my school days, I used to stay away from the so-called academic achievers of the class, despite being one among them. It was because somewhere or the other I compared myself with them and thus ended up consoling my inner self by pinpointing their flaws. Similar was the case when I was preparing for a competitive exam and the bright answers given by any student used to make me feel low. I would not call it as jealousy since there were no ill regards held for others but it somehow brought my deficiencies to the forefront or made me feel so. Maybe it has been the reason of my efforts to choose the less competitive sector for work until I realized that there are and there will be face-offs everywhere and we are not meant to win or excel every time once we have given our best shot. Competition is actually essential since it is the driving force of excellence in any project or task being undertaken for accomplishment but that doesn’t mean we ought to create the fear of failure. It actually took me two career switches to accept the differences in the level of intelligence and realize the uniqueness of each individual. A lot of courage is required to confess this insecurity but then I am able to share this today because I have overcome it. I realize that it is only when we learn to accept our limitations amid the varying circumstances and seek contentment in our positive traits that we can appreciate others’ beauty of minds. Parenting and upbringing also plays a major role in the cause of this insecurity and hence it is essential to raise the children in a way that they are well aware and satisfied of their own strengths and weaknesses before they are exposed to the worldly charm where there will always be people better than us, be in terms of skill, intelligence or beauty, and other characteristics. Yet it should be engraved in our minds that no one can replicate our personal abilities and talents and perse even if imitation is possible, circumstances and time periods always vary and hence insecurity needn’t take birth. It is rightly said by Steven Furtick:- we cannot compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.

Another brutal attack of insecurity was initiated when infatuation struck the chords of my heart. Obsession with that loved one arose to such an extent that the fear of losing him subsided the genuine concern and actual affection for that person, resulting in relationship failure. Well, it cannot be exactly termed as a relationship but yes while we were in the so-called phase of puppy love, not a single day passed without the thought in my mind that what if it doesn’t work out. And hence with my excessively possessive vibes seeking his attention ended the wonderful friendship between us in utter bitterness and resentment with hurt being created on both sides. Moreover, it becomes very difficult to have things going on a smooth run when it’s me on one hand, holding ego that hampers clear expression in front of the other person triggering further anger and toxicity. Further, the stage of separation worsens the situation when the feelings of inadequacy start creeping in, robbing one of the inner peace. The insecurity gets heightened with shattered self-esteem converted into urging outbreaks of dependency and desperation. However, since it is said that time heals everything and varied realizations follow, I too sought relief and inner liberation in the thought that what is truly meant to be ours, will always find its way and would never pass by. Hence there should be no bouts of insecurity compelling us to commit acts for proving our worth or attaining someone for if it takes so many efforts, it is actually not worth it.

Having confessed some of the instances, I find pleasure in the fact of having not turned this write-up into a parable on insecurity. It actually takes a lot of struggle and hardships for these above-mentioned realizations to enlighten us and seep down into our inner-self. Dealing with insecurity is just like abusing our-self allowing the germs of possessiveness, aggression, and over-thinking to spread in our body. Hence sometimes we need to sit with ourselves to meditate upon our thoughts and feelings so that our intentions can be checked and the blocked energies can be released from time to time. The non-prudent expectations arising from the bacteria of insecurity need to be responded with self –love, and care rather than worry, doubt and greed. It is never about suppressing these insecurities but accepting their occurrence, acknowledging them with consciousness and patience while simultaneously allowing them to pass away so that we can rise above them as soon as possible. True liberation creating happiness can be only experienced when we let these insecurities pass away without acting upon them too much such that it which further opens the door for true love and real golden avenues. Each one of us has the permission and deserves to feel worthy and safe enough in one’s own skin.

THE INCURABLE DISEASE CALLED – INSECURITY

“Is this not David, of whom they used to sing in dances,

‘Saul killed his thousands,
And David his ten thousands’?”

The people of Israel sung this song when a young lad, named David, killed Goliath with just one pebble dug deep into the giant’s forehead and won battles after battles for his king and his countrymen. The whole nation was celebrating their victories while the enemies were remembering David’s courage but Saul, the king of Israel was burning with envy and insecurity concerning an inexperienced boy, David. And till his death, he tried to kill David many a time even though he knew the boy David was not guilty of anything. It is because of his insecurity of losing his throne to David made him attempt this crime.

When I think about the king and his feelings of insecurity, I see a reflection of myself in him. Yeah, it is true that I don’t have power and scope for which I haven’t tried to murder anyone or doing something close to it out of sheer insecurity. But I know in my heart, if I would have in a position to kill or harm someone like king Saul, then I would not have stepped back even a bit to do that crime. As we know – Power Corrupts.

In my life, I have lost many opportunities of doing something that others can do because of my health conditions. And that always had made me feel insecure about my ability to do something remarkable, impress others and gain attentions of others.

I am not saying these feelings should not come in our minds. Everyone feels insecure from time to time, particularly in certain situations or circumstances when we might feel less talented, less attractive than others. It is natural. But when this feeling of insecurity controls our minds or life then it is very dangerous and devastating. And especially when we start comparing ourselves with others it becomes worse. Just imagine, if we are worried and anxious about our life thinking whether we can live or die the next moment or tomorrow, then when will we actually live a life!!!

I will tell you the truth people… I had suffered from this disease called, INSECURITY a lot during my childhood till I came here to Kolkata for work. And my insecurity has always made me grumble about everything that I don’t have or I couldn’t do. I used to stay unhappy and sad always. I used to day dream thinking I am this, I am that… and at the end of each dream, when I used to realise my real status, I get frustrated.

The symptoms of this disease are anxiety, paranoia, fears of loss, instability etc., diminish our capacity to think and act effectively. And that’s what happened to me most of the time during those phases of my life. But I have observed, after my second surgery in 2001, I received an immense strength from God above to battle out this insect – INSECURITY from my head and really felt healed in the latter part of my life till today.

A few days ago, I was having a heart to heart conversation with one of my beloved sisters and while sharing my life with her I told her that, “the moment I stopped grumbling about what I don’t have and concentrated on what I have, keeping ‘whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might’, as my motto, my life changed.

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(Award Winning Photography depicting “Insecurity” – Collected from Google Inc.)

On closing, I want to mention what Psychotherapist, Erin Leonard says… “Humility, vulnerability, and mild insecurity are qualities that allow a person to grow and love in a healthy way. They allow human beings to be beautiful.”

We can’t cure this disease of insecurity feelings completely but we can moderate it, manage its level and keep it under control as many diabetic patients try to keep their sugar level down.

To keep your insecurity level checked, follow FOUR things, as I do…

  1. Always seek to do what is pure and right…
  2. Do things with all your might…
  3. Keep negativity out of sight…
  4. Trusting in the Lord to continue the faith-fight…

Trust me, these things are proven through my life and is very much applicable to another human of flesh and blood like me 😉

Stay Blessed!

AN UNEXPECTED ENCOUNTER – XIV

…She looked at Pragya who was sleeping like a log. She smiled and closed her eyes shut.

She no more feared the dream that kept haunting her since God knows when. The dream of having a boring routine of being alone, dressing up in cotton sarees, carrying a jute jhola, cooking for just herself and having no family. She no more feared of having to grow old without having a companion or having to call the kids playing in society garden her own. She would love to buy them candies though, but no other part from her dream bothered her anymore. She was sure that she wants to fall in love all over again. She had let the guard on her heart lose and now her heart was reaching out to someone. Who was it?

Happygolucky checked Radha’s reply and he couldn’t stop smiling. He was used to girls falling for him. His personality and nature always did the trick. You know, some people are so good at showing light to a wandered soul and he was one of them. He had inherited this quality from his dad. He shut down his laptop and looked at the watch. It was 1:00 am. “Oh no… less than 5 hours of sleep! Chalo, doctor Sahab so jao, counsellor bane firte ho. Itna hi shauk tha to psychologist hi bante, Orthopedic kyun bane??Happygolucky cursed himself under his breath.

Next morning Radha was up much earlier than her usual time. The morning seemed beautiful. She could hear birds chirping, she could see beautiful hues of flowers adorning the Gulmohar tree outside her balcony. The pleasant fragrance of Mogra from her balcony lifted her spirit high. She was wondering why she had failed to notice all this before. Well, love does its own magic, doesn’t it? Radha took in a deeeeep breath and said it out loud, “come on life, bring it on! I am ready!

Just then the doorbell rang.

Who is it right now? Its too early for the milkman or the newspaper vendor too” muttered Radha and rushed to the door.

When she opened the door she literally shrieked. She called out Pragya as if she had seen a ghost.

Pragya… Pragya… come out… jalllddi…

Pragya came running at once. She was clearly worried. “Hey Rads, what happened? Are you alright?“…. and even Pragya couldn’t believe her eyes. However, couple of moments later, she gathered herself and said, Good morning guys! What a pleasant surprise. Please come inside“.

That’s when Radha realised her hyper reaction and apologised too, I am sorry uncle, I must have scared you. Hey, Dr Akash! Morning. Please come in.

Pragya and Radha were shocked but happy to see the old man and Dr. Akash happy together.

Beta Radha, I can’t thank you enough for having cleared the air between me and Akash. I forgive my son and I will be moving to USA with him soon. We want to make up for all the years we lost.” The old uncle looked at Akash with tears in his eyes and hugged him hard.

With moist eyes and still holding his dad close, Akash said, Pragya, thanks a ton for your advice. If I had returned to USA that day, this day would have never dawned. Thank you for helping me get my dad back.”

Oh I am so happy for you both. Please dont thank me. I just tried to do something good and I am glad it worked for you. You guys have a wonderful life ahead.” Pragya wished both of them.

Uncle, we will miss you so much!” said Radha but her heart also noted that she was going to miss Dr. Akash too!

Uncle, why don’t you take Radha along with you? Who will give you ice at 11 pm otherwise?” Joked Pragya and mischievously winked at Radha.

Radha froze in her tracks. How did Pragya know that she was getting attracted to Dr Akash when she didnt even know about her day out with him. Well, BFFs know a lot you know, sometimes they know even that which you don’t know about yourself.

Laughter and cheer filled the room. This moment called for a celebration. Radha made adrak wali chai and Pragya ran to fetch Inder bhaiya’s samosas. Acche din wakai me aagaye!

Lot of times we lose lot of years sticking to our fears or massaging our ego. But life is not always the same. After storm comes the rainbow. So be easy on yourself. Set your heart lose. Shed your ego. Go ahead and say I Love You to the person you really love. Say I am sorry whenever required. Life is beautiful and life is simple. Do not complicate it. Cheers!

A NEW BEGINNING! 

AN UNEXPECTED ENCOUNTER – XIII

Radha reached home, letting herself soak completely the experience of the events that took place on that day. This was probably the first time in a long long time that she let her hair loose and cool her feet without inhibitions.

Her footsteps tapped the senses of Pragya and Samay who were very much lost in their own world, perhaps in themselves. Radha felt a bit awkward lest she disturbed the couple, but it was 11PM already and she didn’t expect Samay to be still there. Pragya formally introduced Samay and Radha. They exchanged pleasantries and in a couple of minutes Samay left.

So Madam how was your day? I know it’s a silly question because I know how your Sundays are, but still…” Radha was particularly mischievous, a little unlikely of her. And to her question she expected a likely Pragya trademark answer – loud and cheerful, volley of words, excited recitation of the events during the day. But this time Pragya surprised Radha with her reaction.

She embraced Radha tightly and Radha could feel dampness on her shoulder. She parted from Pragya and looked deeply into her eyes. And they had their “Pride And Prejudice” moment where Jane Bennet breaks the news of her engagement with Mr. Bingley to Elizabeth Bennet. Yes, Samay did pop the question and it was given a nod of affirmation by Pragya.

Oh Sweetie, what a news! Very happy for you“, exclaimed Radha and there were more hugs to follow. Amidst too much excitement and happiness Radha didn’t give an account of her day and even Pragya had so much to embrace and so the question didn’t cross her mind.

It was now 1 AM. Pragya slept, but Radha had so many thoughts crisscrossing her head. “How long you should know a person to be able to decide to spend lifetime with her or him?“, “How long is enough?“, “I really hope and wish wholeheartedly that Pragya isn’t another Radha“. Her bitter past always knocked the door of her conscience. But today it was a bit unusual. Radha couldn’t stay longer in those murky lanes of past and she shifted gears to the pleasant time she had just few hours before. Never before she had let any stranger take a walk in her lone time when she wrestled with herself.

That night passed and so did the day. Pragya was busy with her future-in-laws and of course with Samay. And Radha couldn’t blame her for that, after all she was going to take a big leap towards a new beginning, preparation was a must.

Meanwhile Radha was spending more time with Vansh for the upcoming launch of the project. Radha was concentrating on her responsibilities forgetting how Vansh behaved with her a couple of days ago but Vansh struggled to keep himself steady as he was feel guilty. When he found a little lone time with Radha, he approached her politely…

Radha, I am very sorry for behaving so rudely that day. I was very disturbed with that call I received from my Mom but I don’t want to give any excuses for what I did… I am really very sorry. Please forgive me.” He said as he held Radha’s hands.

Radha felt awkward as she is not so comfortable with this touching of hands or anything. She pulled her hands back and said, “It’s okay, Vansh. I haven’t known you much personally until recently that we are working together for the same project.” She paused and posed a question for him, “But what happened that day? Why were you so disturbed? If you feel okay, then you can share or else I won’t mind.”

Vansh, gathered himself and looked at Radha as he started to speak. “I had a very bad break-up three years ago and I could not move on from there. I do everything normal and talk normally with everyone but all I did was just pretending while carrying a heavy heart inside me. But that morning, my Mom scolded me a lot, telling me to be selfish and coward. I shouted back at her. My parents want me to move on and marry a girl whom they have chosen. Last two days were very tough. I was all alone during the weekend to myself and was lost in deep thoughts. Now, I decided I will give in to what my parents say and marry the girl they want me to marry. I would meet with her and share my heart before marriage and will surely build my home…I won’t go on like this anymore.” He took a deep breath and felt relieved sharing his heart with Radha.

He looked at Radha, who was absolutely quiet, lost in her own thoughts and thinking about her recent posts on her blog. Vansh smiled and said, “I am happy, I could share my heart with you, Radha.

I am very happy for you too, Vansh… Really very very happy for you and I wish a good life ahead… And yes, don’t forget to invite me and Pragya for your wedding.” Radha said as they both laughed for what she said jokingly.

That day while coming back to her home she was wondering about her own life. Why she has been so alone till now…? She is already 35 and a little after she might not get another good match… Vansh was younger than her… he decided about his life. Pragya decided about her life…It was only she who’s still so confused and undecided about her life. With all these thoughts going on in her mind, she reached home and quickly switched on her computer to check her blog. And there’s a comment from THE HAPPYGOLUCKY

“Why do we search for answers to all our queries?
Why can’t we let God handle all our worries?”

Dear Radha, sometimes we don’t get answers directly. We have to understand them by being watchful about how God works in our life. So go ahead and submit your worries to Him and listen to your heart… He will surely guide you.

Radha was startled by the response and was really overwhelmed. She looked around to make sure that Pragya is not there at home at that moment. She wanted to comment back and know this person for sure… So she wrote back…

Radha: “These were wise words. Thanks a lot. May I know, the person behind happygolucky? I want to interact more as I feel you answer to most of my queries.”

She pressed REPLY button and waited. She took her new phone and downloaded WP App quickly to login to her account so that she can have instant access to her blog. Before she logged in to her blog in the phone, she saw a notification on her computer. “Whoa, he is online then…” She clicked on his reply and read…

Happygolucky: “Lol… If I would have let everyone know about my identity like you you had then I would have given my real name instead of this Happygolucky. I have my reasons… But I am inclined to your posts because you speak from your heart and I can see you have lots of queries in your mind. I wanted to help you out with my feedback on your posts. That’s all…

Radha: “That’s so sweet of you thank you Happygolucky… I respect your decision and really motivated with your responses to my blog posts. Thanks again… I will be satisfied with whatever minimum way we are interacting on this platform.”

She switched off her computer and decided to use her phone if she gets any reply. She was hungry and needed something to fill her stomach. And as she was making little Maggie for her to eat, she remembered what Pragya advised, “don’t read too much meaning into the replies. Let the virtual world remain virtual.She didn’t forget about the blogger but she put him aside as a virtual character keeping his wise advises in her mind.

Pragya returned really late that evening and was very tired. She went off to sleep right away wishing Radha goodnight. Radha was in the front room watching TV when she heard her doorbell ringing. It was no one but the next door old man. Radha usually gives him the ice and saying a goodnight but she had different plans for today. She asked him inside to which the old man felt little surprised. He came inside and took his seat on the couch, trying to figure out what Radha has in her mind.

Is everything alright, Beta?” He asked looking bit concerned.

Yes uncle, everything is fine. Just wanted to ask you something very personal.” Radha said politely.

Go on, my dear…ask away…” He responded as he looked at her intently.

How is Akash, your son as a person? I mean before his marriage to that lady?” She posed a question which the old man was never expecting. But she has two reasons of asking this question. Firstly, she could feel her heart little warm when she thinks about that new person around her, especially after yesterday. Secondly, she wanted to reunite this father and son as they both needed each other at this point of their lives.

The old man adjusted himself on the couch before he spoke. “Akash was the best son ever anyone can have, my dear. We as parents were proud of him. He was excellent in every aspect of his life. And that was what hurt me the more when we expected more from him, he disappointed us.” He felt choked with emotions. Radha pressed her hands his and consoled him and replied…

He was the same Akash, Uncle… even today.” She smiled while the old man looked very surprised thinking how Radha says so when she was so angry when he told her about his condition earlier.

How do you know?” He asked curiously.

Radha smiled and said politely, “I got to spend most of the time with him yesterday, Uncle. I reprimanded for what he did with you. But he broke down and explained everything from the beginning till now…” And Radha explained everything to the old man. He was stunned and could not speak much after listening the whole matter about Akash.

Akash is very lonely and in the hotel. He was returning back… but it was we, who asked him to wait for sometime… Uncle, please forgive him… I am just like your daughter… can you not do it for me…?” Radha was overwhelmed as well, seeing the old man speechless and emotional. He got up and walked out of her apartment just nodding her without uttering a single word.

Radha was worried for him but was happy… Why she was happy she was not sure of it… she was just smiling and feeling very happy… She felt her heartbeats beating faster… She walked inside her bedroom and lay herself gently on it… She looked at Pragya who was sleeping like a log. She smiled and closed her eyes shut.

(It’s a joint venture from both Kalpana and Chiradeep)