I AM WHAT I AM!

I am amazed to know what people think about me. Lot of times, many people tell me that till the time they didn’t know me well, they thought I was a complete snob, held too much attitude and I appeared as someone who won’t talk much! While some tell me that since the first meeting they just felt so comfortable with me and love my way of communicating and they appreciate how easily I can get along with an infant to oldies effortlessly. So contradictory right? Talkative or not, snobbish or humble, I am what I am!

Let’s talk about my physical appearance. I am fat. Lot of people say that on my face. I am body shamed every single day by someone or the other. But hey, I am what I am! I could be fat, but I have a beautiful heart and decently intelligent mind.

Let’s talk about my dressing. I am more comfortable wearing kurtas. So I am often considered to be a “behenji” but hey, who said simple is not beautiful? Behenji or not, I am what I am!

You know I am the types who prefers to laze on a couch with a book in my hand or may be watch some TV. I do not enjoy pubs and parties. That makes my social status as “boring”. Not many friends like to hangout with me but I have a few who stand by me in my most difficult times. Boring or no, I am what I am!

While we were trying to conceive, I remember hearing a typical advice from family and strangers alike. I was suggested to give up my (very fulfilling and lucrative) job just to focus on getting pregnant. According to them I was not giving enough time to do what it takes to get pregnant. I had medical complications, but which treatment would be applicable outside the fertile window of a women and why would I give up my job only for that one week every month! That made me over ambitious and also someone who did not want to bear the responsibility of raising children. Over ambitious, irresponsible or whatever, I am what I am.

I am someone who doesn’t take people’s unsolicited advice too seriously. Also, i do not worry too much as to what others will say. Because “Kuch to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hain kehna!”

A sculpture takes immense hammering from the sulcuptor before it becomes a beautiful piece. Countless dents are given to the rock to make an expressive sculpture. I consider these “log” as the sculptor and their remarks and opinions and advice as the dents. In short, I take all this in my stride.

Never get bogged down by what people have to say. They will always have something to say and more often than not it will be about how something could have been better or how you fail at something always. You will get to hear very few words of appreciation. So be it. Do not measure yourself with the yardstick of what people have to say. Measure yourself against your own expectations. Try to beat your own expectations from self rather than wasting energy on trying to please people. Try to be a better version of yourself. And never get a complex because of the way people shame you. You are what you are! Focus on your strengths rather than people’s opinions!

Be good, do good. And call yourself good because you wont get to hear it too often from others!

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BULLYING IN THE NAME OF AUTHORITY

Are you a lesbian?“, my teacher asked my buddy.

A day ago, we celebrated Teacher’s Day – the day when we shower gifts, cakes, and cards on our teachers, no matter how much we love or hate them. Nowadays it actually doesn’t matter if we even respect them. Once there were teachers who were respect-worthy and knew how to shape a child into responsible teenagers. Alas, while I grew up, I came across some very narrow-minded teachers who thought every student was gay. It’s been a very long time ago when I was just a 12-year-old kid when I was introduced to the term “lesbian” by my own school teachers. I think at times that they never thought how would this particular word affect the mind of a teenager.

During that phase, at school, everyone was so conscious about how they looked, the way they talked and behaved with their friends and the way they dressed so that they won’t be judged and talked about being someone they were not. (P.S. I come from a girls’ school. Being gay was a social shame during that time, in our society. Now though things have changed.) Being best friends at school meant we were in some kind of a dirty relationship. We were forced to worry about, “what will everyone think?” about us if we behaved like a best friend to our friends. Being tomboyish was out of the question. If some friends held hands while walking or playing, they were called to the teachers’ common room and scolded. If someone accidentally stared at a girl, then they were said to have some kind of secret dirty feelings for her. Well, no one elaborated it or explained to us or told us why and what these ‘dirty feeling or relationship‘ were, ever.

In those days, our school had become a place of scorn, a place where you are ridiculed and judged. Our school wasn’t anymore the place where you go to get educated, but the place where you are judged senselessly and are forced to think “what will all think about me?“. The school’s environment was very toxic and unhealthy for a good foundation for all the students. The day our Principal came to know about these acts of our beloved teachers, she herself stood against those teachers and made them change their attitude towards all the students.

Being there and having been through such situations, I often feel that, maybe our teachers were fed with wrong information or maybe some crime series aired during those times, which affected their thought processes adversely. Well, even such situations didn’t stop me from judging them or blaming them. Not only blaming such teachers but the entire society, who every now and then have set rules and regulations for some very basic things in life and have made situations worse for the whole society. So worse that the people would be forced to think about if/will/how/why would others judge them. Many times, things backfire and individuals go on to do what their hearts desire. Even then they are judged and pulled back by society, many still overcome such situations and go on to be the successful ones. They learn to live a happy and satisfying life but for others, things go bad and they fall prey to depression which is a result of the constant adjustments with the society.

I too judge people around me, and needless to say, it isn’t a good thing that I do. Neither am I very proud of it. But I have always realized that how I think and act are solely how I see and deal with situations. Others have their perspective and their own ways of handling that particular situation. Judging others or demeaning them, has never ever solved problems, instead, have increased the trouble. So, if we let people be as they are and just accept how things in this world work by not create unnecessary rules, we might pave the path in building a beautiful future where we do not have to think, “log kya kahenge!” (What would people say).

IN THE AMBIGUITY OF “WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY”.

Being born and brought up in a middle-class Indian family, the warning sign I always received from my parents – “WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY?” (In Hindi, Log Kya Kahenge?). The moment I hear this question, my mind starts singing the Old Bollywood song – “Kuch toh log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehena. Chodo bekar ki batton mein kahin biitna jaye reyna” (People usually talk behind others, that’s there very habit of doing so. But it is better to leave such meaningless matters before the night fall). Whenever anyone poses this question before me, my defense is – “By birth, every individual is Free to Think and Free to Talk. When God and our Constitution cannot put a barrier to people’s mind and mouth. Then who am I to do that!”

Since childhood, both my parents used to bracket down my thoughts and choices with this question – WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY. Even today, my mom often quotes me the same anthem whereas Dad has gone one step ahead. He squares me saying – “Now, you’re grown up. You can make the right choice. What you sow, so shall you and your family will reap. Now, it’s up to you!” Mostly, this line slows my pace of decision-making and filters me through a set of questionnaires. One among those thought-provoking questions – WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY?

Well, Is that so important to think about what others might think!

What’s wrong if I choose what seems me right!

If I listen to people, I might have to drop my choice. Will that be a good idea?

What has people to do with my life?

We all strive to attain good things for our life. Isn’t it? Hence, God has gifted us with the freedom of choice and to navigate this freedom He has empowered us with Knowledge and Wisdom. He had made us little lower than the heavenly angels. Alongside this strength there is a weakness – each individual is finite to his set of ideas and his strength for the execution of his ideas are also limited. In this finite state, as we are confined within our mind-box in the course of time our choices and ideas become irrelevant to our life at large. Probably, that is where we seek help from outside and look for ideas beyond our desk. But, alas. By then, the clock ticks, it’s too late!

In my professional life and at times in my personal affairs also I used to ask my trusted-ones to review my proposals and ideas. I do that because somewhere down the line I saw – “WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY” was standing on my way. Every time I ask for the screening of my proposals and ideas, I have been beneficial. Does that mean, I am listening to people? Well, let me put my defense in this way – the Bible says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.” In other words, when I allow someone to interfere in my toiling of ideas, I will have a good return!

Everything in our life comes in mixed bags. I always had to choose for myself from the mixed bag. Optimistically, in the ambiguity of WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY thought, our life is filtered from flaws and shaped to set an example. Alongside, it is people whose efforts give existence to Culture and Society. Culture and Society are something that give us an identity and distinguish us into a special category. Culture and Society are moreover a virtue for us.

My American friend Kristin always becomes an Indian in our midst. Just like our Indian moms and daughters in a family, she first serves us the food and then joins the dining. Even after our food, she collects our used plates to the washbasin. It is so blissful to find a foreigner respecting our Indian Culture and instead of complaining as a Westerner, she  tunes in as an Easterner. What made her to do that – the fear WHAT THEY WILL SAY when I am in their place and complaining about their culture.

To save myself from victimizing by the pessimistic side of WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY, I prefer to stop at the juncture of my mind and do a quick checklist:

  • Is he a God-fearing man that I will trust his voice?
  • Are his words based on the Absoluteness of TRUTH claims?
  • What is the reference point of his ideas – his own or God’s Word?
  • What is his story – Does he have a similar experience like my situation?
  • Is there a logical flow of his ideas or just random ideas unfit and no link?
  • Picture the Consequence – In the long run, Where I will be if I listen to WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY and Where if I follow my mind?

In the ambiguity of WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY, our life is always altered and becomes exemplary.

“In conclusion, dear friend, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things”.  – THE BIBLE.

ARE WE HUMANS OR RATING MACHINES?

Why this thought?

God created us, the humans as social beings. We are codependent as we coexist in this big large world. Whatever we do in this world whether in our personal life or as a family, it affects the society at large. Sometimes these effects are noticed and identified. Sometimes they are negligible and ignored by others. And some effects, people notice, yet they show a ‘don’t care’ attitude of indifference. Whatever it maybe, we were created to enjoy the gift of life, subdue the earth as we enjoy everything in it and fulfill the purpose for which we were created, that is to worship the Creator in whatever we do.

But sadly, we failed it big time.

We are more sensitive to the wrongs that others are doing rather being sensitive about our own mistakes or wrongs that we do in the darkness. We have seen in the past, that the more we have looked into the mistakes of others we have failed to do the right thing. But the moment we have tried to rectify our own mistakes we have been successful to create a beautiful atmosphere around us. And this hypocritical behavior or attitude of us, humans have instilled this fear in all of us as, “What would people say?”

We fear being judged to the same extent that we are judgmental towards others.

Fear
(Image Credit: Google Inc.)

Let me explain what I mean to say…

If we closely observe people or our own self, we will understand that we always feel safe about doing something that we ourselves don’t judge when people do it. For example, if I don’t judge others for coming home late in the night, then I won’t have the fear of being judged when I, myself come late in the night, keeping family members out of it. In the same way, if I always shun people for being too active on Social Networking sites then I will always have that fear of being judged or ‘think what would people think of me’ when I get online even for an hour on Facebook. So, I keep myself in Invisible Mode. 😛

So, in my opinion, the psychology behind the thought, “what would people say” pops out because of our judgmental attitude.

So, instead of thinking how or what people would think about us, it would be better if we think, what God would feel about what I am doing.  I always worry about this Bible verse which says,

Whatsoever you do, work heartily, as unto the Lord, and not unto men; knowing that from the Lord you shall receive the recompense of the inheritance.”

How does this thought affect us?

Let me take you into a few role-play exercises to understand this segment of my article.

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(Image Credit: Wikihow.com)

A husband and a wife are walking on the street. The husband lovingly holds his wife’s hand while walking. She pushes his hand away saying, “What a disgusting man you are… what would people think of us?”

The husband feels bad but smiles and replies jokingly, “They will think that we are husband and wife…Isn’t it, my love?”

He was right here in this scenario though we definitely can’t be inconsiderate to the wife’s conservative mindset as we all have actually been brought up that way (especially true in conservative cultures). Yet, if they don’t talk it out about this matter openly between themselves then this thought of “what would people say” might create a serious problem between them later.

Moving on to my next scenario, I want to bring all of our attentions to a family where the parents are in a heated debate worrying about “what would people say” if their daughter doesn’t score well in her exams in a very posh school.

Let’s not put too much pressure on our daughter and let her give her exam without worrying about how much she scores.” The mother placed her argument.

But the father says, “Can you even imagine how humiliating it will be for all of us if she doesn’t do well in her exams? What would the other parents think of us?

How pathetic is the mindset of that father who thinks about his prestige but not about his daughter’s psyche!

I remember, in the movie ‘3 Idiots’, in one of the scenes where Farhan (Actor, R Madhavan) tries to convince his father (Actor, Parikshit Sahani) about his passion for being a wild life photographer than being an engineer. When his father says, “What would people think or say”, Farhan replies, “Why should I bother about Mr. X or Y or Z who never did anything for me… Rather it would matter to me what you think about me and my career choice as my father, who has sacrificed so much during my student life.” Finally, his father agrees with him and allows him to pursue his passion.

You’d have to actually meet people to know how many dreams have been crushed and ambitions squashed just with the mentality of What Will People Think!?

The above statement was made by Savio, who pointed out so correctly in his article on the same subject, published yesterday.

In conclusion, I would like to recollect the instance Aastha mentioned about in her Mega Article. It was quite a tricky scenario. But it tells us that it is always better to consider the present status of a person, instead of checking in, to his/her past or judge about their future, if we really care about their benefits. Moreover, we all need a heart to be empathetic about people rather being judgmental. We all need to be human, as created by God, that is in His own image with beautiful attributes instilled in them rather than just silly judgmental freaking beings or silly rating machines.

Keep reading, keep giving your valuable feedback.

Stay Blessed!

WHY GOD ALLOWED SIN TO EXIST?

This is the commonest question that always pops in our minds – “WHY DID GOD ALLOW SIN TO EXIST IN THE FIRST PLACE?”

It did trouble me too, thinking why really God had to allow sin in this world. He could have easily destroyed that inclination in us or in the fallen angels, but He didn’t do that.

Why?

I studied further to find possibly TWO REASONS of the existence of SIN.

A. GOD DIDN’T WANT TO REDUCE US TO BE MERE ROBOTS

God created human beings with a free will, giving them the freedom to choose to exercise their own wishes. He created them as intelligent creatures possessing moral natures who could differentiate between right and wrong and choose the right one.

If God would have stopped human beings a second before their sin – which He could have easily – He would have violated their moral natures and reduced them to mere robots  walking in His directions.

So God allowed sin to creep in and destroy His beautiful creation though the repercussions of sin were not taken back.

We had a week discussing about sin in brief and in details, yet I want to let you know few more facades of sin and how it traps us.

Prabhjot shared a video with me a couple of days ago about the now most talked about ‘Blue Whale Game’ and it was really disturbing for me while watching it.

The game goes on like this:

There are 50 tasks in the Blue Whale challenge. And nearly all of them involve waking up at a fixed time, 4:20am. After the wakeup call the second task is to tell your best friend you hate them. Each task has to be proved via Photographic evidence and submitted to an “administrator”. On day three, the teen is asked to watch a scary movie at midnight, usually “the ring”. Task four is complete when the teen makes his intent known to the outside world and updates his status to #IAMAWHALE. Alienation from society begins when they are tasked with watching scary movies through the day and listening to the audio files containing the sounds of breathing for up to three minutes that are sent to them by the administrators. It’s all a mind game until the self-harm begins. The teen is asked to cut the word “yes” or “F40” into their bodies to indicate that they are still in the game. At this stage most of them try to back out. But are usually blackmailed into continuing the game with the threat that personal information from their phones will be released to everyone to ensure that none of the teens begin to have doubts. The tasks now begin seeding the idea of suicide.

Horrible!!!

After jotting down the inscriptions shown in the video I found the exact picture how SIN entraps its prey.  Let’s bring down those words which I marked in “bold” letters and find out how SIN really entraps or treats us.

Tasks – That’s the face of sin… beautiful and challenging because it engages us with its allurements and motivations

Time – Sin takes our time… It keeps us busy

Hate – Sin changes our original attribute of love

Evidence – Sin keeps every record of us

Submitted to an “administrator” – Sin dictates us

Known to the outside world – Sin exposes us

Alienation – Sin alienates us from our own selves

Breathing – Sin attacks our life

A mind game – Sin occupies our mind

Self-harm – Sin prompts us to harm our own-self

“Yes” – Sin makes us agree to it

Try to back out – We try to get rid of it, when we understand we are trapped

But – Sin doesn’t allow us to exit from its trap

Blackmailed – Sin blackmails us

Continuing the game – Sin forces us to continue the dirty game

Threat – Sin threatens us

Suicide – Sin finally kills us

Are you not terrified by this? I am very much.

I tried to go little deeper to find out the severity of sin and what it really can do to us. I found 9 metaphors of Sin mentioned in the Bible for our clear understanding of SIN and how dangerous it can be. They are as follows:

  1. Sin is POISONOUS like a viper – Think when we lie against each other, spread rumours, assassinate the character of our friends and others.
  2. Sin is STUBBORN like a mule – Think when we disobey our parents and teachers being so stubborn.
  3. Sin is CRUEL like a bear – Think how our plans are so devious and cruel when we plot against our own for a piece property or to get a name or fame.
  4. Sin is DESTRUCTIVE like a canker worm – Think how alcohol and sexual sins slowly eats us up.
  5. Sin is UNCLEAN like a wild dog – Think what we think and do when we are all alone in a dark room.
  6. Sin is CUNNING like a fox – Think when we scheme to harm someone and backbite
  7. Sin is FIERCE like a wolf – Think how sometimes we beat our children or friend in anger.
  8. Sin DEVOURS like a lion – Think how we murder with such brutality and become cold blooded.
  9. Sin is FILTHY like a swine – Think the sinfulness we are in which nobody knows except ‘me’ and ‘my God’.

The severity and nature of Sin is very clearly understood considering the self-explanatory features of the above mentioned animals and insect.

B. GOD ALLOWED SIN SO THAT HE CAN DISPLAY HIS LOVE AND GRACE

God allowed man to sin so that He might display His grace. He had been exhibiting all His attributes apart from His Grace before sin came into the picture.

Let’s consider the example of us as parents and elders when we encounter a similar situation when our children show tantrums to allow them something that we know is harmful for them. They plead for their freedom and because of our love for them we allow them liberty to follow their wishes keeping a close eye on them. But we present ourselves at the right time when they are in trouble caused by their freedom. We exhibit our love and grace as God had been doing for us all the time we cry unto Him when we go through sinful crisis, a crisis which Dulls our ears from listening to wise counsels of our God and elders, Darkens our eyes to see things clearly, Diverts our feet from the right path to wrong ones, Defiles our tongues to speak spew venom than blessing people, Deceives our hearts away from God, Devours our moral intellect to make us foolish and finally, Dooms our souls taking us away from His presence to hell.

God is always ready to SAVE us from our –

Sins of Ignorance when we don’t know what is wrong and right and we commit;

Sins of Infirmity when we do commit at times because of our weaknesses;

Sins of Carelessness that we commit out of our slackness and negligence;

Sins of Presumption when we do knowing what is right and wrong;

Unpardonable Sins when we rebelled against Him and deny Him of His existence.

He loves us and He waits for us when we will come near to HEAR His voice, plead for His HELP so that He can HEAL us from the severity of our sins. He is a loving God, He doesn’t force us for anything unless we surrender ourselves in His mighty hands.

Stay blessed!!!

WHEN IS ANGER “A SIN”?

Hello Everyone,

Anger – an emotion, expressing disagreement exceeding the level of upset, exhibiting disgust to be precise.  This expression could be coupled with raised decibel, raised hand and even worse.

Now the question is can such an emotion be counted as Sin or can it possibly lead someone to commit sin?Well, the answer is it depends.

When Anger Is Righteous:  Everyone would agree with the fact that anger should be controlled.  But there are instances in our life where not getting angry is just unjust.  When we see weak and vulnerable getting hassled and our blood doesn’t get boiled there is a serious problem in us as a human.  When injustice is having its way we must speak against it doesn’t matter if it is our anger, because it is righteous.

Anger and Us:  When we are angry what we do?  Let me tell you my example or experience:

  • It is commonly said where there is love, anger and fights breed naturally, it’s just a part and parcel of relationships.  And I think its true because I fought and fought badly with my mother, father, brother, they are the people who are close to my heart than rest of the world which is obvious.  When my patience gave in I spewed venom in the fit of rage with the intention of putting my point across and being heard.  In the due course of such arguments I ended up saying many things that I feel guilty of later, even today.

We all have such experiences in life where we have used words without understanding their impact.  At the end we all have reconciled because of a bond called love but a sin is committed by our tongues because words once said cannot be taken back just as the arrows released from a bow.

Angry Society We Have Become:  When a society is full of people having less to no control on their respective tempers we have an intolerant society.  The minute but best example is what we see in road rage cases in Delhi.  People don’t even hesitate to kill a person only because they are infuriated by a dent on their vehicle.  Logically that dent can be repaired but a life gone cannot be brought back.   But when anger dominates thinking, logic RIP.  Mob lynchings, road rage killings, vandalism are anger driven sins where logical thinking and moralities are put on the back burner or even flushed down the drain.  On contrary supported by ego, envy, greed.

When the motive inspiring our anger is self-centered – to hurt someone physically or emotionally just because of lack of agreement, we are guilty of committing a sin though we may say whatever we did was unintentional  and in a fit of rage.

There’s one saying in Telugu:

” Tana kopam tanaki shatruvu,

Tana shaantame tanaki raksha”

Which means One’s anger is their own enemy and one’s calmness (as in state of mind) is their protection.

That’s so valid because actions taken with restless and agitated mind may lead one to commit sin/ crime (sin punishable by court of law) and the guilt never leaves heart (of the person is humane enough).  Trying to keep calm in the moment of heat can avert many mishaps.

I shall start managing my anger, how about you?

WHAT CAN SIN DO TO US?

“Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person  that defiles them.”

Sin never comes from outside, it comes from the inside. The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked.

For I was BORN A SINNER–yes, from the moment my mother conceived me

For I THINK SINFUL–everything I think or imagine is bent toward evil from childhood

For MY WORKS ARE SINFUL–I have fallen short of God’s glorious standard

For EARTH IS CURSED–God said, the ground is cursed because of you

Above are few interesting facts about sin which we had read earlier in the Mega Article which gave us an overall view of sin. But to be specific we need to know that sin has deadly consequences and when we commit sin we face THREE major consequences that can affect not only our earthly life but also our eternity. Let me explain them one after the other:

1. Strains Our Relationships:

How can I forget the years I wasted living a debauched life. From June 2009 to September 2011 my father never called me “SON” though both of us were under one roof. I was deprived of my father’s love. I was in such malady, my days and nights were spent in wetting my pillow, just to hear the word “SON”. I don’t blame him for not talking to me those days because I was wrong. I faced rejection and broken relationships with every human being and moreover with Jesus. Life seemed to me burdensome, cursed and death was looking like the solution for freedom from all worries.

Sin destroys our relationship with the Environment , with other Human Beings, with Self and  above all with GOD. We become hostile to God. Our relationship gets strained as I had with my father because of my sin against him and God.

2. Hostage of Guilt: We suffer with guilt of doing wrong to someone and committing sin against ourselves as well as God. Guilt literally eats us daily. I have another true story to vouch my words.

In the high school, she had friendship with her classmate boy. Though she didn’t like his behavior, she was emotionally very much inclined towards him. In their tender age they did a big mistake. She was the hostage of her sin, depression and guilt started eating her daily. The havoc of time didn’t allow her to express her inner pain to anyone. Though she was living a good life from outside but there was too much of chaos in her. Fear of rejection from her own and the guilt of sin capsized her hope of a better future. Suicide seemed the last option for her. She felt so obsessed by her sin that whatever happened around her, she started blaming herself though most of the time cases were different. It felt her good to lock herself and she thought it was right to stay aloof. Though she was fearful of death but death stood the ultimate choice. And it all happened because she was forced to surrender herself one afternoon.

3. Eternal Death: As we are spiritual beings with a body, mind and spirit we live for eternity. Our body may end when we are dead but our spirit lives for eternity. But when our spirit is soiled by sinful acts of us on this earth we face eternal death. We face eternal death when our sins are not forgiven or blotted out by God Himself. We might try to patch up with good works but it never rescues us from the guilt and condemnation within us.

John Bunyan said, “One leak will sink a ship: and one sin will destroy a sinner.”

Though by birth, by thought, by work and by living we all are sinners yet God has given us the freedom of choice. When we take the freedom of choice in absolute it takes our eternity in account. The creation of human is so enigmatic that God has put eternity in us and alongside He gave us the freedom of its sustainability. Taking freedom as absolute is sin and it ultimately gives pathway to Guilt – Condemnation and Eternal Death.

Friends, the Bible says, “Now listen! Today I am giving you a choice between life and death, between prosperity and disaster.” The choice is ours.

God the one who created us in His image is so loving and gracious that, He always keeps an EXIT door for us from sinning. Whenever we are tempted or about to commit Sin, there is always an EXIT point.

Avinash