WHO KNOWS ME THE BEST?

Questions are imperative in human life. It is the questions of the human mind that instigates him towards the meaning and the purpose of life and defines the why behind its twists and turns. Questions are either raised by an individual or in reference to an individual. Behind every question, there is a Questioner! Ravi Zacharias in his recent book “THE LOGIC OF GOD” says, “The convergence of intellectual and existential struggles drives a person to a brutal honesty in the questions he or she has.”

One among the biggest questions of human life – “WHO KNOWS ME THE BEST?” Like every other question of human life, this question is always in reference to a human struggle. Because we question only when life’s millstone burdens us. As a matter of fact, since my childhood, I have been frequently juggled and altered by this question – WHO KNOWS ME THE BEST? 

When I was a kid, I complained – “No one understands my choices.”

When I was a teen boy, I was hurt – “Why should I be like him? I am who I am!”

When I was in the twenties, I argued – “Why should I do that? It’s my life-my choice.”

When I turned thirty, I find myself – “Being misunderstood and misinterpreted.”

Towards the end half of 2018, there were some family issues and when I had to raise my voice to sort-out the misunderstanding between my family members, I was misunderstood being partial. In the meanwhile, I find one of my best friends going wrong in quite a handful of matters, as I attempt to correct my friend, again I was misunderstood being unfriendly, arrogant and bossy. Being too sensitive to relationships, being misunderstood and alone in four walls created havoc on my mind. The only question that distorted the peace of my mind is – “WHO KNOWS ME THE BEST?”. Why no one takes time to understand me or questions me – why do you think so? All that everyone thinks – BLAME HIM! 

Often in professional life, we are asked to keep the personal worries outside the office door but that’s someway too difficult. One individual life with two parts – the Personal and the Professional has enough possibility to tilt.

Each individual’s existence is caused and causes “Relationships”. Relationships is not the presence of one individual rather it exists between two individuals completely different from one another decide to come together and form a relationship irrespective of their differences. The presence of differences in the possibility of confusion and misunderstanding. But these misunderstanding is NOT MEANT to the breaking of relationship rather IT IS TO educate and enhance the relationship. 

BEING MISUNDERSTOOD and QUESTIONED BY SELF – 

“WHO KNOWS ME THE BEST?”, IS APPARENT! 

DO I KNOW MYSELF? – How about that! 

Flipping the pages of history, wise King Solomon was garlanded with WISDOM, POWER, WEALTH & GLORY. Materially speaking there is nothing that he lacks in his life. But at the end of his life’s journey, he concludes: “I put my hands into all that my mind found good. I acquired everything I desired. I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is chasing after the wind. Everything is meaningless”. The question remains – WHO KNOWS ME THE BEST?

In my imaginative visit to the potter’s house, I saw the potter’s house is filled with varieties of clay pots. 

I: Who designed all these clay pots? 

Potter: “I”!

I: Where did you got the pictures to design these pots?

Potter: Their pictures were in my mind and I designed them accordingly.

I: Why each of them is entirely of different shapes and size. 

Potter: Because each of them is made for a different purpose.

I: Can this small flower vase be used to store water?

Potter: No, it cannot be. It is meant to give home to the flower plant.

I: Can your vessel explain why it is made?

Potter: Nope. Does it know how long it will exist? Where it will be tomorrow?

Potter: But I know where it will be tomorrow and How it will be used and What will be its worth.

The Bible says, You are like the clay in the potter’s hands, and I am the potter.”  – this is the message of the Lord.

WHO KNOWS ME THE BEST? – The Potter has the answer.

How about asking HIM? 

THE HARDEST THING I EVER DID WAS TO BE JUST ME

The hardest thing I ever did was to be just me all the time.

Related image

Life is set with rules and regulations for everyone. It is just that all these rules do not let you be what you are always. Every rule portrays you to be someone else according to someone else’s rules.

That is life – that is what everyone replies to who cribs about this.

Even when others lay the rules, it is not easy to be not who you are at times. I have encountered myself, quite a number of times in my life till now. Every time I come face to face with my own self, I just have to bid goodbye to it and take up the burden of being an epitome of a rule book.

If I have to pick the hardest moments I ever had to be just myself, then there are plenty of them. As most of the times, my life is not what I always wanted it to be.

When I wanted to study and conquer my dreams, my family wanted me to start a family and be bounded by the marital laws. It was hard. Even after conflicting thoughts with myself, I had to sacrifice and be bound to their rules. Yet again I failed to be just me.

When I struggled in my career, I again lost the ambitious me to the laws of family. Wherein I set my priorities higher for my family than my job. Just to blame me in the end for the magnificent end of it.

When I began to write, it was a natural fight with the society rules and just my rules. I write a lot more about the expression of love either emotionally or romantically, they entice me, but again it was ‘just me’ writing without abiding by the rules of a  ‘good woman’. Even when I am character assassinated as many things unimaginable to me, I still continued to do what I always wanted to do. It is hard to make a decision in favor of one’s own consciousness at times, but I decided to pen down only my true emotions which I wanted to write and not anything that never touched my heart.

Most of the time, it is hard to be what you want to be, but it is better to be what you are. Lying to oneself leads you to a downfall, be true to yourself and you will see you are happy.

Self-love is never harmful, it is the best medicine to your soul. Mostly, it is not selfishness or self-indulgence but it is more of taking care of one’s self rather than just giving away everything.

LAST TIME I CRIED…

4 months ago:

The anesthesia had already started to work, when the doctor asked me, “Soumya, what do you want?” With a smile on my face, I replied, “Anything doctor.” My doctor asked me again, “Still, any preferences?”

Drifting into the world of my dreams for some seconds, I thought about the most beautiful relationship according to me. The relationship that the siblings share. I had always dreamt of a brother as a sibling. And I also had a wish that, if ever I am able to give my daughter a sibling, then it should be a boy so that she can feel and enjoy it as all my cousins did. I have always felt that the relation between a brother and a sister is very pure, strong and charismatic. I have seen and witnessed the love they share.

I answered, “Doctor, as you know, that I already have a daughter. It would be great if she has a brother to play with.

The procedures had already begun. I drifted back to those painful 8 months. Those initial pains, series of blackouts due to hypoglycemia, premature tendencies, increased number of hospital visits, chances of miscarriage during the 6th month, admitted and being treated for the same. The many painful steroid injections and IV drips, giving way to many painful days and some very painful nights. The labor pains and the fear that we (mother and child) might not survive if things go otherwise. Emergency admission and surgery. I and my husband were both tensed for many such reasons. During my previous hospitalization, we had a mother who lost her 33 weeks baby to gestational diabetes. I also had gestational diabetes and endocrinologist had also warned us about stillbirths. My husband (who wasn’t in a good shape either) was waiting outside the OT for some news, hoping it to be good.

It took them 12 minutes to cut through, then they pushed my baby out. I was fervently praying that my baby should cry out loud when it comes out. Lo and behold, my baby cried. My doctor told me, it’s a boy. But I was so much happy that my baby cried that I couldn’t hear what she said. I asked again, “Doctor, is it a boy or a girl.” My anesthetist said, “you had made a deal from above, you couldn’t have got anything else, it’s a boy. Congratulations.” After giving him a wash, they brought him near my face. I could just see his small little nose, his beautiful eyes, and red lips. I was overwhelmed.

As soon as I was out of OT, my husband came to see me. I looked at him and cried. He reciprocated. It was a cry of happiness and victory. God had lead us through the valley of troubles and dangers into a beautiful life. Our family was now complete. Our second bundle of joy was here.

All Rights Reserved with Mrs. Soumya Rout & her beautiful family

Struggling through the entire pregnancy, being ill for almost 90% of times, I now have a chance to witness the bond I have had longed for my entire life. I can live the love and bond through my kids. To be a mother is a very intense feeling and to get your heart’s desire is another one. I had a combination of both at that time and it was a magical and emotional phenomenon. My son is now almost 4 months old and has already started looking at and following his “didi (sister)”. This is just the beginning of a happily ever after.

THE ROAD TO HOME – XIV

Chocolate?” asked Pihu offering a bar of Silk Cadbury.

No. Thanks! Pihu you know I don’t eat chocolates, don’t you?” snapped Samar.

Chill…chill, I just tried Ok? Just like I have been trying for last 6 years. But you don’t seem to be willing to move on.” Pihu stormed out of the room leaving Samar alone. She knew well that today Samar would want to be secluded. It has always been like that. Every year, 25th July would be a dark day. Samar would often spend the whole day without talking much and would be in a somber mood. Pihu knew what the reason was and she felt as much pain, but Samar never saw her pain bigger than his. Samar was in his own cocoon of grief and guilt. Not that he never tried to accept what had happened, but he failed every time. Life may not always give a second chance and that is exactly what Samar was regretting.

Samar was carrying immense guilt for last six years. He blamed himself for Sagar’s death. Sagar regretted not having returned home earlier than he did. He could never reason to himself why it took ten long years to muster the courage and approach his own family. So what if Amish was not his biological father, it never made Amish love him less. So what if Sagar was a step brother? Samar could never love him any less, not even today when he was dead. And what about Ruma? How could he abandon her? She had given him birth, raised him loved him so much and had saved him from his (so called) real father. What had happened if Ruma had decided to dump him in a garbage bin because she was too young to care of such a small baby all alone? What had happened if Ruma had left him to grow up with his smuggler dad? Samar couldn’t count his blessings in the form of his family and even then he estranged himself from them for ten years. He never thought about what they must be going through after he just walked away from home one night. Samar could never forgive himself for causing so much pain to the most important people in his life.

Samar continued to drown deeper in the cyclone of guilt. He regretted that the box of chocolates his mother had packed for him and that note Sagar had left inside could never reach him that day. Sagar wanted to tell him something that he couldn’t on that day when he walked away from his family. But alas, Samar would never know what it was. That secret died with Sagar. Only if he had kept his hurt aside and returned home earlier, perhaps he could have known about Sagar’s ailment earlier and could have taken him to the best of the doctors. May be, Sagar’s condition would have never deteriorated. May be Sagar could have lived more? Only if he had handled that evening when Sagar blamed him to be unfit in the family more maturely, all four of them would have never wasted 10 years of their life. Only if…. Only if… and more Only ifs! But regrets have no value. It was too late. Sagar succumbed to kidney failure on 25th July, six years ago. It was exactly one day after Samar had decided to take the Road To Home, but Sagar was gone, gone forever! His little brother had travelled to heavens and the family was incomplete once again! Samar did not get enough time to say the final goodbye! Samar wanted to apologize to Sagar for leaving him alone for 10 years, he wanted to tell him how much he had missed him all these years, he wanted to tell him how much he loved him even then, but Sagar didn’t give him a chance. Or was it destiny?

No Ma, Samar has not had food.” Pihu was talking to Ruma on phone. Ruma would call every night to check on her son and daughter-in-law.

Hmm… as expected. But beta, you have the dinner.” Ruma advised with a concern for Pihu.

Yes Ma, don’t worry. I have had dinner already. Ma, it’s been 6 years and none of us have been able to do anything about Samar’s behavior. I am worried about him. I just fail to understand how to take care of him on this very day every year. I understand that it was a very big loss to the family, but how this behavior is going to help? It pains me to see him carry that guilt because it is slowly killing him Ma. He doesn’t understand that neither you nor daddy holds him responsible for Sagar’s death. He fails to understand that Sagar went away untimely not because of him but because of destiny” Pihu was pouring out her helplessness to Ruma

I understand how tough it must be for you beta. But you are the only one who can do something really. Amish and I have attempted several times. But he never opens up in front of us. Never mind, don’t feel pressurized. Let’s hope that Samar overcomes his guilt some day!” Ruma gave up, like always!

Hmm… Let’s hope so! I will talk to you tomorrow Ma. Don’t forget to have your medicines before going to sleep. Bye!” Unwilling to discuss further, Pihu cut short the conversation.

She went to the kitchen to make one last attempt to make Samar have dinner. She took his plate to the place she expected him to be at – right in front of Sagar’s portrait in the drawing room. Samar had switched off the lights, probably to hide the tears streaming down his cheeks. He had clasped his hands together and bowed his head down as if he was apologizing to Sagar for not being able to save him.

(Image Source: Google Inc.)

Pihu placed his dinner plate on a side table and hugged him tight. She couldn’t see Samar like this. Both of them couldn’t stop crying. Samar was crying for having lost his brother to the hands of destiny and Pihu was crying because she was losing her husband to the hands of guilt. They stood still for, god knows, how many minutes like that and then suddenly something struck Pihu.

She set Samar free from her embrace, turned him around wildly and said,

“Samar, Sagar is going to come back home. He is going to be with us soon. We all are going to live like one happy family again!”

What???” shrieked Samar. “Have you gone mad? Does the dead ever rise from the grave?

Believe me Samar; we are going to have Sagar back. You are going to be able to jump into puddles with him when it rains – just like you did in the childhood. You are going to be able to do everything again Samar– right from waking him up to bathing him, getting him dressed and taking him to school, bringing him home, giving him lunch, making him sleep, helping him do his homework and then playing with him. You are going to have your Sagar back Samar!” Pihu spoke in one breath. She felt as if it was a Eureka moment!

Samar looked at her in disbelief and questioned, “How is it possible Pihu?

I am pregnant Samar. The reports say that the expected date of delivery is 15th January. Isn’t that Sagar’s birthday? Life is going to give us a second chance Samar! Sagar wants to come back home.

(Image Credit: Google Inc.)

And the news seemed like unburdening  all of Samar’s heaviness in minutes letting Pihu know that the healing process has finally started after so long.

THE ROAD TO HOME – XIII

The surging of emotions were so much that Samar got choked. He wasn’t expecting that he will find Sagar in this condition. All three of them were in tears as they hugged each other in happiness as well as in deep sorrow. There was happiness of Samar coming back and at the same time there was the pain of Sagar’s sudden sickness.

Sagar was unconscious for quite sometime till he got back to his senses after he was given the emergency treatment. Samar and his parents were waiting outside… sitting and praying for their child to get back consciousness and recover quick so that they all can make merry and celebrate as a whole family together after 10 long years. Ruma and Amish were just thanking God for bringing Samar at the right moment when they needed someone very close to be there to take care of all the situation that came up so sudden. At this age when they were supposed to take rest they had to rush to the hospital with their well grown up son in an emergency condition. 

He got back his consciousness but the condition is very critical… we need to discuss about something very serious and emergency as soon as possible…” The doc came out of the emergency ward and declared with a very serious voice which was unbearable for Ruma. Samar clasped her hands in his and assured that nothing will happen to Sagar and he would never let anything happen to Sagar. 

Samar asked, “Doc, may I just meet my brother once and then we can discuss about the matter… I will be looking after everything…” He declared clearly looking at the doctor as well as to his parents making them feel proud as well as relieved. And when the doctor nodded and went his way they all walked towards the room to see Sagar.

Samar’s legs and hands were cold and there’s a chilling sensation in his spine that he was feeling as he walked slowly behind his parents. He felt as if he will fall down. His emotions were making his whole body to shake in excitement. There was an amazing joy that was bubbling out of his heart with a feeling of fear and apprehension about losing his brother again. Ruma could not control herself and started sobbing at the very sight of Sagar in a very pathetic condition. She had never seen him so vulnerable and helpless before and her motherly heart was broken to pieces. Amish went ahead of them and caressed Sagar’s forehead and called his name, “Sagar… Look, who has come to meet you…” 

Samar tried to appear as soon as possible in front of his eyes before he opens it so that he can have a look at his beloved baby brother for sometime as he was scared to meet eyes with his. Sagar didn’t open his eyes immediately as he was in deep pain. He made a painful grunting sound…

Saa… Sagg… Sagerr… Beta… it’s me… Bhai…” Samar’s feeble voice hit Sagar’s ears hard and he opened his eyes wide right away and could not believe whom he saw… He was astounded completely… He was unable to express his feelings… Samar held out his younger brother’s hand as he started weeping like a child looking at him… And the atmosphere was very pathetic… Sagar was dumbfounded and was unmoved with the storms of emotions were ready to burst out of him… His tears were rolling down his cheeks… Samar bent down on his brother and wiped his tears with his fingers whispered softly, “I am back my baby bro… And I will never ever leave you again…” Samar smiled and clasped Sagar’s palms with his. Samar leaned down further to hug his brother lying on the bed and they hugged… Samar kissed his cheeks and forehead as they both wept in joy of meeting together after a decade. Samar controlled himself and sensibly so, as it was not very safe for Sagar to be too excited or emotional at that critical time. He excused himself after sometime and went to meet the doctor. 

Samar had a very thorough discussion with the doctor understanding the condition of Sagar and he had never ever imagined that he will have to go through all these all of a sudden in his life. Sagar’s kidneys were damaged and he needed a transplant within two days to live further. Samar didn’t wait for a minute and paid all the amount that was needed for the kidney and the surgery was fixed right away the very next day. The family of four was not quite feeling steady with all kinds of emotions pressing them harder from all sides making them extremely unstable. 

OlIFuan
(Image Source: Google Inc.)

The very next morning all of them were in Sagar’s room as he was getting ready to be taken inside the operation theater… He was very happy seeing his brother, his father like brother with him and his parents at this difficult time yet he wondered, “how come this man forgot every hurts that I inflicted on him 10 years ago!” He called Samar near him and softly said, “Thanks Bhai… Thanks for forgiving this idiot and being with the whole family at this time…” Samar listened to him and warned him saying, “Now, shut up kiddo… Don’t you know, ‘a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity?’” Samar gave him and the parents the hope that Sagar will be alright soon, before the nurse rolled his stretcher in the corridor towards the OT. Sagar showed his thumb to his family cheering them as he entered the OT and the door was closed. 

Samar was hopeful yet was regretting for his step 10 years ago which literally make the whole family go through such pain like this. But Ruma and Amish were happy finding their broken family coming together at last. Ruma, let her heart poured out to Samar… letting him know the secret which was hidden for years as they were waiting outside for the dreadful surgery to get over.   

THE ROAD TO HOME – XII

Samar reached home with his head reeling with many thoughts laced with confusion which ceased to clear. Amidst all the haze that clouded his mind his trembling fingers dialled “HOME” on his phone.

Shall I speak“, “what shall I speak“, “who would answer the call“, “will they recognise my voice and if yes how they are going to react” again the same questions rallied as phone was ringing on the other end.

Hello” a voice answered, it was his mother’s. That one word muted Samar, and flow of tears would refuse to stop.  It’s been ten long years.  Ten long years filled with melancholy and a void left behind.  “Is the feeling mutual” Samar would ponder. “Hello, who’s this” his mother spoke again expecting a response from the other side and this brought Samar back to senses. “Sorry wrong number” Samar replied, just the way he decided and hurriedly disconnected the call.

On the other side Ruma held the receiver close to her heart. For mother she is she recognised at once that it was him, it was Samar, her son.  She thanked God for answering her prayers and in a way finishing her incomplete quest for her son. She couldn’t meet him when she set out to search for him and had to return back home from midway as Amish unexpectedly fell ill and was home early.  Now this call did raise her hopes.  “Finally My Family will be together” she sighed with content and went to sleep.

But a call to her mother made Samar restless and sleep eluded him yet again.  After hearing her mother now he wanted to see her. “Don’t be greedy Samar.  Do you even know if you are wanted there?  Don’t make a fool of yourself” he said to himself and rested his head on pillow facing the ceiling. But again the turmoil within him raged and this time he ended rebuking himself “enough of this battle, I am tired of restraining myself.  She is my mother, my father, my brother, that’s My Family. Just once I need to see them, Just Once! Decided, I will go and see them before I rest in peace.  Rest is destiny” Samar’s thoughts echoed strong enough this time.  Haze seemed to be setting down with his shutting eyelids.

Next day he applied for a leave. He did muster lot of courage to pick up car keys and take a ROAD TO HOME. Those few miles seemed to be the longest stretch ever.  All the years gone flashed before his eyes.

As he was about to enter the gate of the apartments he saw an ambulance waiting in the building premises.  Nothing alarmed him until he saw his mother getting in and closing the door behind her.

Before he could call her out  the ambulance started. Without wasting a second he started following the ambulance.  This is something Samar never imagined or wanted to be greeted with.  “But who it could be? Is it father? What might have happened? Why the hell is it happening with me all the time?” Now Samar was fretting and nervous.  All the pain that he was reluctant to show to this world was venting out as his frustration when he saw the ambulance stuck in traffic jam. He was honking relentlessly urging people to clear way for the ambulance.

Finally they reached hospital and the patient was hurried to the emergency ward but Samar missed who it was as he had to park the car.  In about two minutes he reached the reception huffing, catching for the breath “Emergency, emergency ward? Wh..where it is Mam?

First floor, extreme left cor…” Receptionist was about to finish but Samar couldn’t even wait for her to finish, said “Thanks you” and dashed towards the stairs. With each step as he was inching closer to the Emergency Ward his fears and apprehensions loomed larger and larger. And yet at another corner of his heart he was praying that nothing unforseen and unwanted should happen.

He finally saw his mother, standing outside, grief-stricken and worn out. “Ma” Samar reached out to her and that was it.  She clung to his shirt, rested her head on his chest and let her pain drench his heart.  He embraced her tightly and not a word said.

(Image Credit: Google Inc.)

After few seconds “Ma, what happened to Papa” and there was a tap on shoulder before Ruma could answer Samar.  It was Amish standing behind him.  Samar was happy to know that his father is fine and hugged him as a child expressing the relief he was experiencing.

Where’s Sagar” Samar questioned them in a meek voice and short lived his happiness was as his father pointed towards the Emergency Ward.

Samar turned pale to see his beloved younger brother, his Sagar there…

THE ROAD TO HOME – XI

“Samar, are you alright buddy? You look lost!” asked one of his colleague. Samar was startled. Samar told him that he was fine and then he went out to have some coffee. He took a sip of his ordered coffee and drifted back to his world of thoughts and emotions. He felt all jittery, after he had sent the flowers and the card. He couldn’t help thinking about the reactions of his mother, his step-father and Sagar, only if they told him. He didn’t know what the answer to the question he had asked was. He was desperate to know. He thought about all aspects of how the present conditions might be. Along with each kind of situation, there was a different emotion associated. He could feel all of them. He wanted this to stop for some time. He wanted a little peace, a little sleep and finish a little undone work. Although his logical brain was finding his emotional heart illogical, it had given up for the moment. His heart was in total control of his body. 

Once he thought, ” May be they have adjusted to the fact that, they now have to live without me. They understood my decision at that point and have moved on. They are the authentic family after all and I was the odd one out there. Of course, I moving out was the greatest plan. I hope I did bring them together and have left them with times to cherish.” His heart had mixed feelings for this thought. A little happy, a little proud, a little satisfied and a little sad. “I hope, Sagar has a good career and is into something creative. I hope he is still a good student as he was before. I want to see him very successful when we meet, if we meet.” He said to himself. He also thought, ” Might be everything is not so good. Might be leaving Sagar behind all alone, at that point, wasn’t such a good idea. What if he did something very bad after I left, fearing our parents’ wrath? ‘OUR’; he thought and then corrected himself, ‘HIS, his parents’.” He felt troubled thinking about it. Sagar still was his life. He couldn’t think about Sagar being harmed in any way. 

What if?” he thought,  “Are they in good health? Are they able to take care of themselves? Are they living a happy life?” The deep pain forced him to stop thinking more about it. He just wanted to see them all and hoped they were fine. He prayed, “God, please, keep them all safe and sound. Give them all a very long life. I really want to see them happy together. Smiling and enjoying time with each other.” This thought troubled him so much that he continuously chanted the prayer. He took another sip of his coffee, which was now ice cold. How is it so cold? Hadn’t I ordered it 5 minutes ago? He looked at his watch. To his horror, he was sitting there for almost 20 minutes now, lost in his thought world. He then, finished his coffee and hurried to his desk to complete his pending works. He had so much to be done and yet was able to do nothing. “Coming to office, isn’t working for me today, I should have taken a leave. I should sleep more. I am not able to concentrate and I have a lots to do for this financial year. How will I reach my target? If I am not efficient, I won’t be a good example either. I really need to focus. I can go home and think about them with ease”, he tried hard to divert himself. Diversion did work for almost the whole of 5 minutes. He had almost reached his thought bubble, when another thought struck him. “What if I could just get my mother’s phone number?”

This idea gave him those ticklish butterflies. He started searching for it, in all ways possible. He asked the persons who told him about his parent’s whereabouts, if they had their numbers. He searched online, many sites, social sites, but it wasn’t there anywhere. He tried to search for official sites, if he could find just anything. In the end, he found a landline number. He quickly fed the number in his mobile as he wanted to save it. He instantly wrote ‘HOME’, and then stared at it, painfully. He erased it and wrote ‘SAGAR’S HOME’. He went out again, staring at his mobile phone, thinking hard to dial it or not. He said to himself, “I won’t talk if anyone answers it, or I will say it’s a wrong number or will call as a sales executive, or something. I just want to hear their voice. Any one of them.”