Should I or shouldn’t I? What’s the harm?
How far is too far?
After all how am I to assure my loyalty to the person I love if I don’t give myself completely to him / her?
How can we know if we are sexually compatible with each other if we don’t explore each other? After all, sex is important in marriage!
These questions reflect the dilemma that echoes deep within the minds of adolescents and young adults – those who are dating and also those who are not. There is a common misconception in young minds, thanks to the movies and daily soaps, that love means physical intimacy. The dramatic ways in which scenes are portrayed – a guy brushing past a girl creating ripples in her heart, an accidental touch of a guy which the girl recalls repeatedly forcing her to desperately seek him, and such others – create a false imagery of love and sex in the minds of people.
Sex doesn’t mean love. Love ought to lead to sex, but only within the legal and moral boundaries of marriage. This is God’s design for man. There is none other!
The arguments of experimentation, modernity (I am a cool person!), failure of marriages, youthful pleasures – don’t hold ground at all. The consequences of pre-marital sex are widely known. Hence, it’s good to reflect upon what are the triggers of pre-marital sex and how and why to stay away from the experience.
- Craving for love – A time when a person is desperate for love in life and is willing to give anything and everything to have the love of that one precious person in life, is the time when people take the extra step of giving in to sexual desires. Love is not an act. It is a commitment – a commitment for life, not merely for sexual pleasure.
- Staying alone for long – When young people move away from their families for education, work, etc. the need for intimacy is fulfilled by having sex. When you move away from home, network well with people around – people who have strong value systems.
- Pornography – Obscene movies, videos, watching pornography trigger the release of sex hormones in an individual. And so, the easiest way is to satisfy the burning sexual desires at that time. Guard your senses! Don’t allow your eyes to wander into unwanted territories. Don’t allow your fingers to click on the unwanted icons and links. Keep yourself occupied with fruitful activities in your leisure time. Don’t feed your passion!
- Experimentation – A seventeen year old I was interacting with, told me that everything should be experimented in life – after all we have just one life! Remember, all things are permissible. But, all things are not beneficial. Wrong experimentation doesn’t lead to discoveries. It creates explosions! So, stay away!
- Strengthening loose bonds – When a patch-up happens after a phase of friction, the time is volatile for physical intimacy in order to strengthen loosened bonds. Remember, there are no pressure lines in true love! Bonding is created and maintained by trust, not by sex.
- Pressure – Pressure from partners is one of the major reasons why people agree to sex before marriage. Sex is not a test of loyalty. Sex is not a test of love. If you are facing sexual pressure in your love relationship, reconsider the relationship. True love honours and so is honoured in return. Real men respect women, their choices and their bodies.
Sexual promiscuity outside the wedlock is bondage. Along with the physical consequences of unwanted pregnancies, contracting Sexually Transmitted Diseases, hormonal imbalances, emotional consequences of insecurity and guilt, social consequences of being discovered by parents, relatives, friends and future spouse, are also heavy spiritual consequences. Sex before marriage is a dishonor to the institution of marriage established by God. It is a sin. Hence, it leads to detachment from God.
Why indulge in something that gives a momentary sensation of thrill but forces one to pay heavy prices in return? Point to ponder.