NARCISSISM AND SELF PITY

I have an aunt, she is always so sad, even in good times you can see her long face telling you the story of her misery. Often at parties, she will pull one of us aside and the conversation that follows will be something like this:

“I wasn’t gonna come today, but I came anyways, these people have insisted that I must come. But you know what, I am so unwell, I am not able to eat anything, I have gone weak, even dressing for the party was a struggle”

I look at her, she was wearing a heavy silk saree, her hair was done by parlor, perfect makeup, her whole being was screaming that she had taken meticulous care while getting dressed. I sympathized with her, making sad faces, saying words of comfort, making her realize that I understand her plight. But to my horror, I saw her eating a very hearty meal, with all seven courses present. I dismissed the thought and placed my present on the table set up for gifts. She was by my side again.

“You see that gift, that is mine, it’s the smallest one here, but you know what? My husband’s business is not doing so well these days. Hardly any money is coming through, he is struggling so much. I am so tensed, he is under so much stress, I wonder from where will we pay next months bill.”

I was aghast to know that uncle was in a financial fix and was about to go to him and mention some loan schemes when I heard him telling his friends that he just bought a new Altis. My mouth fell open but I had to swallow my anger. Why would my aunt do that? Why will she call herself unwell when she was hail and hearty, why will she tell that uncle was in a financial trouble when his business was thriving manifolds?

The answer was simple, it was the presence of self-pity, to gain sympathy that in turn will lead her to get everyone’s attention, satisfying her narcissistic nature. People like her start to think the whole world should bend to their will and that they deserve everything (because maybe this will finally bring it to them). But just like the self-pitying individual, the narcissist will also find themselves unsatisfied. According to her, whatever she has is never enough, she deserved more, she deserved better.

Narcissism and self-pity are equally extreme and detrimental to one’s pursuit of happiness. Pitying yourself in front of others will only lower your self-worth and self-esteem. It might make you the center of attraction for a short while, but in long term, it will leave a very bad image of you in everyone’s mind.

My aunt needs sympathy but won’t give it to herself, she seeks pity from others by presenting them with all the sad facts they need to feel sorry for her. Those who feel genuinely sorry for themselves don’t need to talk about it. People like her begin to do some self-reflection and they notice the negative effects of their views and beliefs. But, in a fit of desperation, they go to the other extreme and begin to turn selfish and narcissistic.

Remember, you know how to reframe negative self-talk into positive self-talk. You alone have the key to unlocking your pride and honor, and you alone have that power to know, that to love yourself, you are not dependent on pitying yourself and asking other for sympathy.

Stay Proud, Stay Humble!

 

LOVING YOURSELF TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST

mirror-388386_1280Love is defined as a human emotion, but it is much more than that. Love is the highest form of positive energy. Love is what liberates you. Feeling loved and loving the world around you is the most important feeling for you to have a great life.

We usually show love to our loved ones in one form or other and we do expect a feeling of love from others as well. What we generally miss out on is “Loving yourself”. Loving oneself is ultimate way to feel loved.

It has often happened with me is that when I don’t give enough love to myself – I generally don’t see the love of others for me as well. So, focus on Loving the way you are, your personality, your looks, your habits; love your strengths and your weaknesses; love every bit of you. Love your life. When you are so full of love for yourself, you will see love all around you – it will overflow to reach others. Even the stranger sitting next to you in the bus will feel the positivity of your energy.

You will be the happiest person once you love yourself to the fullest. There won’t be any complaints from life. Life will flow like a smooth river moving towards its goal. So, go now stand in front of the mirror and look into your own eyes deeply and say “I love you and I love my life”. Smile at yourself, hug yourself and relook at every aspect of your life wearing the glass that says “I love my life”. Life will love you back with abundance!

Prabhjot 

IS FEAR OF FAILURE HOLDING YOU BACK?

person-812821_1280The other day I was doing my morning devotion and the topic was exactly on what we have been discussing throughout this week.

The writer has pointed out by saying, “There are three kinds of fear that will keep you from developing your talents and accomplishing your purpose. 1. Self-doubt, 2. Self-consciousness & 3. Self-pity.”

Bingo! I shouted as soon as I read that. These are the ones which have always troubled us all always.

Further, he makes a statement which I want you all to make that your life statement. He says, “I’d rather attempt to do something great and fail than attempt to do nothing and succeed.

What a statement against those three self-giants: ‘Self-doubt,’ ‘Self-consciousness’ & ‘Self-pity!’

Ahhh! I feel relieved after sharing this with you all!

Dear Readers! Do you know Failure was the Success of Candles Online? Lol… I mean to say, the topic on “Handling Failure” was read vividly this week by you all, increasing the traffic to our website.

Why so? Because we all have experienced failures in life and we all want to learn how to handle it. We all have that fear of failure which holds us back to move forward.

I will repeat, “Failure was the Success of Candles Online.”

Yes, I failed to keep the Candles booklet published regularly. I failed to raise sufficient funds for the printing and distribution of Candles. I failed to fetch articles & write-ups for Candles to be published. Finally, I failed to run it… I had to stop it.

But that was past…

One and half year, I stayed without doing anything apart from my routine office work. I suffered from the guilt of failing to accomplish a God given vision. I struggled to find ideas. I didn’t see any help coming from any source. I was disheartened.

But suddenly on July 7th 2015, I rose up with a decision and prayed. I planned, built a team, discussed with them and there you are reading CANDLES ONLINE from 11th July 2015…

I attempted something great; I failed and attempted again to make it a success.

This is just a small example but there were in many other occasions I had failed in life but those failures could never stop me to move on in life. I did have ‘Self-doubt,’ but not for a long to stop me from getting rid of the fear of failure. Because I am one of those who would rather attempt to do something great and fail than attempt to do nothing and succeed.

Finally, I would suggest to set goals for doing good, building good character, being a good engineer, doctor etc. to serve people but never to set goals to be like that person or this person or join this institute or that one. Remember what Sulagna stated in her article? You will fail.

If we attempt anything with true spirit, with clearly defined goals and vision we can achieve it and that too with God’s Intervention, ‘Not LUCK,’ we can even be more than Abraham Lincoln.

I would encourage all to trust God that He will definitely bless our great attempts and give us success.

Stay Blessed!

Author’s Bio: Chiradeep Patra is a finance man who works in a NGO at Kolkata. He is a writer, motivator & counselor.