ARE YOU A COMPLAINER?

Self pity or self indulgence is such an attitude in a person which never let that person happy about himself / herself ever. He or she could never be satisfied for anything in life. All the time what he/she talks about is his or her own problems, how he/she does, how he or she suffers. He or she complains about everything.

On final note I don’t want to discuss much about Self-pity which has been dealt very well by my co-authors the whole week. I did little research and thought this video can really be an icing on the cake.

So watch it carefully and stop complaining about everything in your life.  

 

Have a Good Night and Stay Blessed! ❤ 😉

PRAISE FOR PITY

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‘Pity me’, ‘pity me’, said the thorny cactus,

‘No beauty no charm,

The only job I seem to do is to harm.

Full of thorns,

I always earn people’s scorns.

Smooth glistening surface I wish I had,

Perhaps then would I have made all so glad.

Pity me, Ah! Pity me.’

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‘Poor me’, ‘poor me’, said the lovely rose

‘As soon as I bloom,

I welcome my doom,

Plucked and woven into garlands,

Pinned on the hair and pasted to the welcome chair.

Beauty and fragrance I wish I had none,

Only perhaps then would I live long.

Poor me, Oh! Poor me.’

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‘Pity me’, ‘pity me’, said the mammoth hippo

‘So difficult for me to establish a rapport.

Hardly can I move with ease,

No one can I easily please.

This body so huge,

Gives me no refuge,

From punters, poachers and ravenous hunters.

If only were I slender and small,

Could I hop, jump, skip and maul.

Pity me, Ah! Pity me.’

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‘Poor me’, ‘poor me’ said the tiny ant

‘Small, puny and insignificant am I.

No efficiency, no proficiency,

No talents to boast, no beauty to behold.

Endless trips to gather my daily bread,

Makes me stare at my life with dread.

So easily crushed underfoot,

I’m easily overlooked.

Not even will you find me in a zoo,

Where there are animals and birds of all colours and hue.

What a wretched existence! Poor me, Oh! Poor me.’

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‘Beauty I lack – how I wish for the looks of a diva!

Luxury so badly I miss – Oh! For that crowning glory of bliss,

Love I desperately seek – for the warmth of an embrace, a hug and a kiss,

Success eludes me to my disgrace,

All that is left is to stare at empty space,

Seeking solace to run this race.

Pity me, Ah! Pity me’, cried the fair maiden.

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Out came a bunch of jolly little kids,

Smelling the roses, the lilies and the orchids.

Chasing butterflies, uttering no sighs,

Hopping and laughing, running and singing.

Said one to the other, “I thank the Lord for my dark hue,

I praise Him for the cool drops of dew.

I thank Him for the blood in my veins,

I praise Him for His mercy never ends.”

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Said the other in reply, “I thank the Lord for my blind eyes,

For keeping me guarded from all things unwise,

I praise the Lord for the breeze so cool,

When I sit by the blue waters of the pool.

There is no time to pout in self-pity,

When you witness nature’s bounty.

So, I just thank God for making me Me.”

NARCISSISM AND SELF PITY

I have an aunt, she is always so sad, even in good times you can see her long face telling you the story of her misery. Often at parties, she will pull one of us aside and the conversation that follows will be something like this:

“I wasn’t gonna come today, but I came anyways, these people have insisted that I must come. But you know what, I am so unwell, I am not able to eat anything, I have gone weak, even dressing for the party was a struggle”

I look at her, she was wearing a heavy silk saree, her hair was done by parlor, perfect makeup, her whole being was screaming that she had taken meticulous care while getting dressed. I sympathized with her, making sad faces, saying words of comfort, making her realize that I understand her plight. But to my horror, I saw her eating a very hearty meal, with all seven courses present. I dismissed the thought and placed my present on the table set up for gifts. She was by my side again.

“You see that gift, that is mine, it’s the smallest one here, but you know what? My husband’s business is not doing so well these days. Hardly any money is coming through, he is struggling so much. I am so tensed, he is under so much stress, I wonder from where will we pay next months bill.”

I was aghast to know that uncle was in a financial fix and was about to go to him and mention some loan schemes when I heard him telling his friends that he just bought a new Altis. My mouth fell open but I had to swallow my anger. Why would my aunt do that? Why will she call herself unwell when she was hail and hearty, why will she tell that uncle was in a financial trouble when his business was thriving manifolds?

The answer was simple, it was the presence of self-pity, to gain sympathy that in turn will lead her to get everyone’s attention, satisfying her narcissistic nature. People like her start to think the whole world should bend to their will and that they deserve everything (because maybe this will finally bring it to them). But just like the self-pitying individual, the narcissist will also find themselves unsatisfied. According to her, whatever she has is never enough, she deserved more, she deserved better.

Narcissism and self-pity are equally extreme and detrimental to one’s pursuit of happiness. Pitying yourself in front of others will only lower your self-worth and self-esteem. It might make you the center of attraction for a short while, but in long term, it will leave a very bad image of you in everyone’s mind.

My aunt needs sympathy but won’t give it to herself, she seeks pity from others by presenting them with all the sad facts they need to feel sorry for her. Those who feel genuinely sorry for themselves don’t need to talk about it. People like her begin to do some self-reflection and they notice the negative effects of their views and beliefs. But, in a fit of desperation, they go to the other extreme and begin to turn selfish and narcissistic.

Remember, you know how to reframe negative self-talk into positive self-talk. You alone have the key to unlocking your pride and honor, and you alone have that power to know, that to love yourself, you are not dependent on pitying yourself and asking other for sympathy.

Stay Proud, Stay Humble!

 

“WHY ME?” WAS MY LIFE

There was a time in my life when I really was a victim of this devil called “Self-pity”. As a young girl I believed that my family did not want me or love me. There were reasons behind a young girl feeling this way, but of course as an adult I know none of that was true. I am blessed with one of the best families.

So, what did I feel when I was under self-pity? Why me? Why can’t they love me? Why am I not good enough for them? Why is it happening only to me? Why am I so unlucky?

I would find reasons to make this self-pity even stronger. A little scolding from parents or my sisters and I would go into the shell. I would not share it with anybody but my little diary (that’s how I got into a habit of writing). Somehow I had made my family a villain in my mind.

Years later when I gained a lot of maturity and started staying independently in Bangalore – a few incidents made me present to the reality. Reality was that my family loved me the most. I had created such a strong shell around me that nothing could penetrate through it and touch my heart. Thankfully, something really transformed me to see the reality and then I could see how I was stuck in the vicious circle of self-pity.

The thoughts and feelings that you have always attract the similar thoughts and feelings from the universe. This is the law of nature. So, if you have thoughts of self-pity – you are only going to get more of it unless you do something to get rid of it. And to get rid of it – you need to first realize that you are indeed in the self-pity mode.

I usually make a conscious effort to watch my thoughts. If my thoughts reflect anything that makes me feel “Why me? Or Poor me”, then there is some action to be taken to get away from those thoughts. Mostly my actions are to get myself busy in some creative work or hobby. That helps me a big deal. And then when I am not pitying myself, I am better equipped emotionally to solve the problem.

STATUTORY WARNING: SELF-PITY INJURIOUS TO HEALTH

Hi Everyone,

Applied for a job and yet again got the same answer “Sorry, rejected”.

Post pregnancy have taken a toll on physical appearance drastically.

Received serious flak on culinary skills.

Just served as a butt of jokes for not being able to dance or swim or drive.

Depressing they are, isn’t it?

Life has never been a bed of roses throughout; we all know it as each one of us have been in one or another aforesaid situations (they are few examples only).  Nothing worth mentioning, right?  Yes, you are right.  But my question is what we do in such situations?  We look around and start comparing our lives and ourselves to others.  And such comparison awards us with a weapon called “Self-pity” which acts like a slow poison that robs us of our potential. 

Let me give an example…  

During the appraisal time, two employees get two different ratings and different hike percentages.  The one with a better rating and higher salary would obviously be happy but what about the second person.  The possible thought process could be:  I am subjected to partiality, my hard work has not been paid off accordingly since I am not good in flattery and deceit my results are like this.  So basically the second person have made up his/her mind that he/she is the victim of scrupulous play of politics/ favoritism in office.  Eventually, that person will start harping on him/ her being victimized everywhere to gain sympathy (probably) and this is their excuse to themselves for not performing well.  This is self-pity.  And when a person goes into the shell of self-pity that surely spells destruction.  It can be a destruction of productivity or relationships.  A person down with self-pity syndrome can never command respect, period!  And if it is demanded then it is anything but respect.  For others to respect a person, he/she should respect self.

How to identify a person with self-pity syndrome?

  1. Always gives excuses: If I had this I would have done that If my situation wasn’t like that I wouldn’t have behaved like that and blah blah blah….. can never accept the fault.
  2. Tries to influence people by playing victim card: You don’t like me because I don’t belong to your stature, you don’t talk to me because you think I am worthless.  Always try to depict them as “poor me” which amounts to emotional blackmail.

So next time you see someone with these characteristic traits you know it with whom you are.  And it could be “We” as well and that calls for a remedy to that.

How to get rid of Self-pity syndrome?

  1. Look-around:  Again? Don’t get me wrong. What I am talking about right now is not just looking around, not mere glances at people but look around and observe. So next time before cursing your own fate for having the miserable life and thinking how fortunate others are just checking how much hard work they have put in for the situation they are in.
  2. Accept:  Accept what? Accept own faults and imperfections. First of all, it is of utmost importance that one should understand that no one is perfect. Even the rich and famous have their flaws but what scripts the success (not necessarily monetary) is their courage to accept their drawbacks and move on with them or overcome them. Acceptance needs courage and courage are all that matters.
  3. Compare:  Another twist! We human beings being in a society cannot lead an isolated life and when in society comparison is inevitable.  But there are certain rules as in with whom to compare.  If you want to achieve something compare yourself with achievers who are a bar above you. And if you have lost something then compare yourself with a person who has nothing or who has lost much more than you. That would surely give a reason to thank God for his mercy on you. A person who is bestowed upon with the almighty’s mercy do you really think pity is needed?

Take this medicine whenever self-pity seizure attacks you, prescribe it for near and dear ones, it works.  It worked for me too.