Just one day left in this pathetic year by every means. World is already looking forward to welcome 2021 with high spirits. With vaccines being rolled out already in many countries world is back on track of hope. Hope of leaving behind the scared memories of losing near and dear ones, hope of bouncing back from the losses – be it a job or relationship, hope of a better life, hope of a healthy environment, hope of freedom (from mask counts first 😁) – Many Hope’s on this new year menu😁. What’s your stake?

No matter how much we despise the current year, it did one thing for sure – brought the entire world on the same page where people actually Hoped that everyone should be fine. Something that God wants us to pray for but we have built some strong walls of greed, jealousy, selfishness and ego around us that made us go completely deaf to our conscience. This pandemic has re-engineered the basics of human nature – Humanity First!!

With learnings and hopes stacked at one table, we are at that time of the year where we make resolutions. Lose weight, quit smoking, quit drinking, learn a new art, more time to hobbies, read more………… cutting it short – to be a better “ME”, isn’t it? Talking about myself I am really bad in keeping up my resolutions. Everything that I have mentioned above were and are on my list for ages (exceptions of smoking and drinking fortunately) and now making me introspect myself, “why haven’t you made it yet?”.

As I spoke about re-engineering previously, my self introspection handed me an answer to my question – I need to re-engineer myself. I have to chuck out Procrastination and Self Pity at once. These are the elements in me that I want to leave behind on this side of threshold before entering the new year. I have spoken many a times about my habit of procrastinating things. Let me be more succinct – I am LAZY (being rustic in addressing an issue helps find solution rather quickly😁). Delaying things have many a times conditioned my mind to search for excuses and sound not-guilty of the consequences. A petty example from my routine : during school days I have to get up around 5 AM in the morning to make sure my son catches his bus at 7 AM and doesn’t leave without his breakfast. Alarm makes its presence felt from 4:45 AM itself but I more often than not stretch the stay at bed till 5:15. With fifteen minutes lost in transition it’s always a run against the time. And if something unexpected happens then I switch on my self-pity mode “I had headache”, “don’t I deserve a 5 minutes extra sleep”, “after doing so much I have to endure the taunts”. For me so far it has been a visicious circle of Procrastination and Self Pity.

Over a period of time I have realised this isn’t doing me any good, in fact doing more damage. I could have learned more, grown more, done more to my family and society – only if I wasn’t as lazy as I am and suffered from self pity. Out of the two if I have to choose one to be abolished first from within me it has to self-pity. There are many instances where I get inspired from people around me, take an initiative to do something but on failure I go back thinking about the circumstances that I had faced in the past and telling myself “had it been not that ways it was then”. And at the end of the day I remain a failure.

I also wrote once “Statutory Warning: Self Pity is injurious to health” for Candles Online long ago. I believe it completely but sometimes we are unable to come out of the cast-it spells because we don’t realise we are suffering from it. Now that I have I have a path carved for me in front of me “Chin up, accept the weakness, acquire strength, learn from failures, taste the success, never give up”!


Self pity or self indulgence is such an attitude in a person which never let that person happy about himself / herself ever. He or she could never be satisfied for anything in life. All the time what he/she talks about is his or her own problems, how he/she does, how he or she suffers. He or she complains about everything.

On final note I don’t want to discuss much about Self-pity which has been dealt very well by my co-authors the whole week. I did little research and thought this video can really be an icing on the cake.

So watch it carefully and stop complaining about everything in your life.  


Have a Good Night and Stay Blessed! ❤ 😉



‘Pity me’, ‘pity me’, said the thorny cactus,

‘No beauty no charm,

The only job I seem to do is to harm.

Full of thorns,

I always earn people’s scorns.

Smooth glistening surface I wish I had,

Perhaps then would I have made all so glad.

Pity me, Ah! Pity me.’


‘Poor me’, ‘poor me’, said the lovely rose

‘As soon as I bloom,

I welcome my doom,

Plucked and woven into garlands,

Pinned on the hair and pasted to the welcome chair.

Beauty and fragrance I wish I had none,

Only perhaps then would I live long.

Poor me, Oh! Poor me.’


‘Pity me’, ‘pity me’, said the mammoth hippo

‘So difficult for me to establish a rapport.

Hardly can I move with ease,

No one can I easily please.

This body so huge,

Gives me no refuge,

From punters, poachers and ravenous hunters.

If only were I slender and small,

Could I hop, jump, skip and maul.

Pity me, Ah! Pity me.’


‘Poor me’, ‘poor me’ said the tiny ant

‘Small, puny and insignificant am I.

No efficiency, no proficiency,

No talents to boast, no beauty to behold.

Endless trips to gather my daily bread,

Makes me stare at my life with dread.

So easily crushed underfoot,

I’m easily overlooked.

Not even will you find me in a zoo,

Where there are animals and birds of all colours and hue.

What a wretched existence! Poor me, Oh! Poor me.’


‘Beauty I lack – how I wish for the looks of a diva!

Luxury so badly I miss – Oh! For that crowning glory of bliss,

Love I desperately seek – for the warmth of an embrace, a hug and a kiss,

Success eludes me to my disgrace,

All that is left is to stare at empty space,

Seeking solace to run this race.

Pity me, Ah! Pity me’, cried the fair maiden.


Out came a bunch of jolly little kids,

Smelling the roses, the lilies and the orchids.

Chasing butterflies, uttering no sighs,

Hopping and laughing, running and singing.

Said one to the other, “I thank the Lord for my dark hue,

I praise Him for the cool drops of dew.

I thank Him for the blood in my veins,

I praise Him for His mercy never ends.”


Said the other in reply, “I thank the Lord for my blind eyes,

For keeping me guarded from all things unwise,

I praise the Lord for the breeze so cool,

When I sit by the blue waters of the pool.

There is no time to pout in self-pity,

When you witness nature’s bounty.

So, I just thank God for making me Me.”


I have an aunt, she is always so sad, even in good times you can see her long face telling you the story of her misery. Often at parties, she will pull one of us aside and the conversation that follows will be something like this:

“I wasn’t gonna come today, but I came anyways, these people have insisted that I must come. But you know what, I am so unwell, I am not able to eat anything, I have gone weak, even dressing for the party was a struggle”

I look at her, she was wearing a heavy silk saree, her hair was done by parlor, perfect makeup, her whole being was screaming that she had taken meticulous care while getting dressed. I sympathized with her, making sad faces, saying words of comfort, making her realize that I understand her plight. But to my horror, I saw her eating a very hearty meal, with all seven courses present. I dismissed the thought and placed my present on the table set up for gifts. She was by my side again.

“You see that gift, that is mine, it’s the smallest one here, but you know what? My husband’s business is not doing so well these days. Hardly any money is coming through, he is struggling so much. I am so tensed, he is under so much stress, I wonder from where will we pay next months bill.”

I was aghast to know that uncle was in a financial fix and was about to go to him and mention some loan schemes when I heard him telling his friends that he just bought a new Altis. My mouth fell open but I had to swallow my anger. Why would my aunt do that? Why will she call herself unwell when she was hail and hearty, why will she tell that uncle was in a financial trouble when his business was thriving manifolds?

The answer was simple, it was the presence of self-pity, to gain sympathy that in turn will lead her to get everyone’s attention, satisfying her narcissistic nature. People like her start to think the whole world should bend to their will and that they deserve everything (because maybe this will finally bring it to them). But just like the self-pitying individual, the narcissist will also find themselves unsatisfied. According to her, whatever she has is never enough, she deserved more, she deserved better.

Narcissism and self-pity are equally extreme and detrimental to one’s pursuit of happiness. Pitying yourself in front of others will only lower your self-worth and self-esteem. It might make you the center of attraction for a short while, but in long term, it will leave a very bad image of you in everyone’s mind.

My aunt needs sympathy but won’t give it to herself, she seeks pity from others by presenting them with all the sad facts they need to feel sorry for her. Those who feel genuinely sorry for themselves don’t need to talk about it. People like her begin to do some self-reflection and they notice the negative effects of their views and beliefs. But, in a fit of desperation, they go to the other extreme and begin to turn selfish and narcissistic.

Remember, you know how to reframe negative self-talk into positive self-talk. You alone have the key to unlocking your pride and honor, and you alone have that power to know, that to love yourself, you are not dependent on pitying yourself and asking other for sympathy.

Stay Proud, Stay Humble!



There was a time in my life when I really was a victim of this devil called “Self-pity”. As a young girl I believed that my family did not want me or love me. There were reasons behind a young girl feeling this way, but of course as an adult I know none of that was true. I am blessed with one of the best families.

So, what did I feel when I was under self-pity? Why me? Why can’t they love me? Why am I not good enough for them? Why is it happening only to me? Why am I so unlucky?

I would find reasons to make this self-pity even stronger. A little scolding from parents or my sisters and I would go into the shell. I would not share it with anybody but my little diary (that’s how I got into a habit of writing). Somehow I had made my family a villain in my mind.

Years later when I gained a lot of maturity and started staying independently in Bangalore – a few incidents made me present to the reality. Reality was that my family loved me the most. I had created such a strong shell around me that nothing could penetrate through it and touch my heart. Thankfully, something really transformed me to see the reality and then I could see how I was stuck in the vicious circle of self-pity.

The thoughts and feelings that you have always attract the similar thoughts and feelings from the universe. This is the law of nature. So, if you have thoughts of self-pity – you are only going to get more of it unless you do something to get rid of it. And to get rid of it – you need to first realize that you are indeed in the self-pity mode.

I usually make a conscious effort to watch my thoughts. If my thoughts reflect anything that makes me feel “Why me? Or Poor me”, then there is some action to be taken to get away from those thoughts. Mostly my actions are to get myself busy in some creative work or hobby. That helps me a big deal. And then when I am not pitying myself, I am better equipped emotionally to solve the problem.


All of us have felt guilty one time or the other in life? It might be a huge guilt that burdens our heart down or a minor one that just goes away with time. Last 2 days we learnt about true and false guilt – but how do we know the difference between the two. How do I realize that the guilt I am feeling now is really a true guilt or a false one? I could identify about 4 reasons of feeling guilty – that might help one figure out the difference.

Breaking the promise

Breach of a promise makes us feel guilty. If you promised a friend that you would go out for a movie with her and have to cancel at last minute, it leaves a little guilt inside you. I promised myself to not eat too much fatty food yet I feel guilty when I indulge in a second chocolate pastry.

Not meeting the expectations

We live in a society and people have certain expectations from us. Our family comes first in this case. I know mothers who feel guilty about not spending enough time with the kids. Sometimes siblings drift apart from each other and that becomes a reason of guilt.


Telling lies is a complex process. We all have told lies to our parents about eating an extra chocolate or bunking classes. Now as adults the lies get more and more serious and could be a strong cause of the guilt.

Hurting another person

Hurting somebody’s feelings intentionally or unintentionally does make most of us feel guilty. Nobody likes to hurt the other person unless one has a strong feeling of revenge. This is one guilt that most common.

Doing something immoral

This area is quite grey because moral values can differ for people. Highly immoral activities are also illegal like murder, rape, theft etc. – these activities are black and white, but there are also moral values that have been changing with times and also differ depending on cultures and families. For example, 20 years back a woman engaging in pre-marital sex was considered highly immoral by Indian middle class community; today it is considered ok by majority of Indian middle class. A woman engaging in pre-marital sex would have felt high amounts of guilt 20 years back than the woman of this date. So in such cases, the feeling of guilt out of morality differs largely on a person’s up-bringing and society.

So, if you feel guilty about something – try and find out which category does your reason of guilt falls into and then probably you can better judge whether it is a true or false guilt. Living with guilt is like living in a feeling of constant failures. More guilty you feel, more negative you will get. It does not help. Do what it takes to come out of that guilt – but just remember not to hurt anyone in the process of getting rid of your own guilt.



person-812821_1280The other day I was doing my morning devotion and the topic was exactly on what we have been discussing throughout this week.

The writer has pointed out by saying, “There are three kinds of fear that will keep you from developing your talents and accomplishing your purpose. 1. Self-doubt, 2. Self-consciousness & 3. Self-pity.”

Bingo! I shouted as soon as I read that. These are the ones which have always troubled us all always.

Further, he makes a statement which I want you all to make that your life statement. He says, “I’d rather attempt to do something great and fail than attempt to do nothing and succeed.

What a statement against those three self-giants: ‘Self-doubt,’ ‘Self-consciousness’ & ‘Self-pity!’

Ahhh! I feel relieved after sharing this with you all!

Dear Readers! Do you know Failure was the Success of Candles Online? Lol… I mean to say, the topic on “Handling Failure” was read vividly this week by you all, increasing the traffic to our website.

Why so? Because we all have experienced failures in life and we all want to learn how to handle it. We all have that fear of failure which holds us back to move forward.

I will repeat, “Failure was the Success of Candles Online.”

Yes, I failed to keep the Candles booklet published regularly. I failed to raise sufficient funds for the printing and distribution of Candles. I failed to fetch articles & write-ups for Candles to be published. Finally, I failed to run it… I had to stop it.

But that was past…

One and half year, I stayed without doing anything apart from my routine office work. I suffered from the guilt of failing to accomplish a God given vision. I struggled to find ideas. I didn’t see any help coming from any source. I was disheartened.

But suddenly on July 7th 2015, I rose up with a decision and prayed. I planned, built a team, discussed with them and there you are reading CANDLES ONLINE from 11th July 2015…

I attempted something great; I failed and attempted again to make it a success.

This is just a small example but there were in many other occasions I had failed in life but those failures could never stop me to move on in life. I did have ‘Self-doubt,’ but not for a long to stop me from getting rid of the fear of failure. Because I am one of those who would rather attempt to do something great and fail than attempt to do nothing and succeed.

Finally, I would suggest to set goals for doing good, building good character, being a good engineer, doctor etc. to serve people but never to set goals to be like that person or this person or join this institute or that one. Remember what Sulagna stated in her article? You will fail.

If we attempt anything with true spirit, with clearly defined goals and vision we can achieve it and that too with God’s Intervention, ‘Not LUCK,’ we can even be more than Abraham Lincoln.

I would encourage all to trust God that He will definitely bless our great attempts and give us success.

Stay Blessed!

Author’s Bio: Chiradeep Patra is a finance man who works in a NGO at Kolkata. He is a writer, motivator & counselor.