DON’T STOP IMPRESSING EACH OTHER

Exploration keeps us interested in the thing that we are exploring. And the day we stop exploring we feel bored about our own self as well as everything that is around us that day.

Why did I say that? Let me give an example.

When I was young, I am not old yet though…  I used to keep exploring ways to make myself presentable in front of a girl or a peer in the school or college. I didn’t and don’t have a great physique to impress a girl or the female species. But I used to make myself very presentable intellectually. My humorous and witty interactions with others have done a good cover up for my lack of good physique. And I remember when my marriage was fixed with Asmita my present wife; I explored every possible ways to make myself perfect in her eyes.

Why this fervour goes down after sometime in a marital relationship? The time we stop exploring each other, the time we stop impressing each other, the time we stop self-decorating for each other we get into a mode of “Taking for granted”. And this mode is the downfall of every marital relationship.

Initially when I used to ask my wife to change this Saree to that she would do it wholeheartedly and enthusiastically because her husband said it. But now we always get into a big argument to conclude which one to wear or I simply stay quiet thinking ‘let her wear anything she wants, I don’t care’.

And when she does some cleaning work, some changes, something that made our home look good she always expects me to look around and say few words of appreciation. I take her for granted on that matter thinking ‘it’s our house only, she would only have to do… fine’. And the charm of the beautiful evening fades away right there.

There is always a risk involved when we assume or think that ‘she will understand it’ or ‘he doesn’t mind those’. But actually when it happens, it happens just the opposite, ‘she misunderstands it’ and ‘he did mind’.

Probably you must be going through a similar situation where you take things for granted in your relationship with your respective spouses.

Slowly we become easily irritable, intolerant. We become loud with each other. We become intimidating. We become unattractive for each other. We stop thinking how my partner feels. We start thinking about how I feel. The direction of our concern changes from ‘you’ to ‘me’ and ‘my’ only.

I am not talking about only physical or sexual exploration. But also about our mind, our emotions which need to be explored by someone who loves us, someone we count in our life. When someone from outside does that at that vulnerable time of ours we get attracted to that outsider or simply don’t feel anything.

Why only about marital relationship, talk about other relationships as well. We will find the same thing. We lose that fervour after sometime when we stop exploring about each other more.

Human mind is structured in such a way that it needs things new and fresh every time. But that is not possible in case of relationships whether it is about a marriage or other than marriage. That is where the word “renew” comes to the picture. A sword loses its sharpness if it is not sharpened every now and then after its exhaustive use. And relationships need to go through that process of sharpening all the time to keep them fresh, renewed and enchanting.

Concluding this piece I just want to say that for any relationship never forget THREE words at all… They are – EXPLORING each other more, RENEWING your relationship time to time and never stop IMPRESSING each other till the end to avoid the “Taking for granted” mode.

Stay Blessed.

MODERNIZATION – A FINE REPLACEMENT YET…

Couple of years back one of my church youth engraved tattoo on his shoulder. I asked him “What is this? Why have you engraved it?” He replied, “Bhai, you are man of formal clothing, you won’t understand what modernity is!”

It sounded me like “You are an outdated person”.

Famous Spanish filmmaker Pedro Almodovar says,

“Modernity is the ability to be on time”.

He is literally correct; modernity is Being Relate – Being Relevant – Being Requisite to the time NOW. We the people of 21st century are a step ahead of Modernization; we are on the verge of Post-Modernism. We are post-modern in art; post-modern in fashion; post-modern in technology; post-modern in communication; post-modern in all means of transaction in daily life.

But in this pace of Post-modernism the questions that always haunt in between – What’s wrong being modern/post modern?

Why it is not accepted in many cultures?

Being Modern is never wrong but the idea of Modernism needs to be re-calibrated. For the fine re-calibration of the Philosophy of Modernism, let’s take a flashback of The Beginning.

“In the beginning God created Man and Woman in His own image and blessed them in the Garden of Eden to live – rule and multiply in number but He warned them not to eat the fruit of forbidden tree . One evening the craftiest of all, the serpent came and provoked the woman to eat the same fruit, so that she will become like God knowing Good and Evil and it is written that, the woman find the fruit Good for Food, Pleasing to the Eye and Desirable for gaining Wisdom, so she ate some and also gave her husband to eat some.”

This story has great analogy to the philosophy of modernism. We all strive to be modern because we want to BE SATISFIED – to BE CHARMING – to BE INTELLIGENT. Since the beginning we humans have tried to be different to gain something and get satisfaction of it and I think that’s the reason the famous Facebook update of our time is, “I wanna LOOK different, FEEL different and BE different.”  Because all that matters to me is the “ME THING”!

In this modern time we have replaced our extended family to nuclear family –the growing tendency of “Me and My” has brought us to such a place that we have stop bothering about the separation of our cousin’s family. The age of Emoticons have replaced Emotions.

We have replaced land line telephones with smart phones, but still the havoc of allurement entices me of dissatisfaction of not having an iPhone.

The need of speedy communication replaced Telegrams to Email but still we fail to communicate message on time. Our courtesy moves aren’t resulting to influence our neighbor.

Our trendy wear has replaced our traditional wear and we look for more seductive appearance rather than being beautiful. 20th Century famous French fashion designer Christian Dior said, “No fashion is ever a success unless it is used as a form of seduction”.

To keep us more secure we have replaced our sharp edged swords to nuclear ammunition yet we struggle to keep our iPhones secure from terrorist hack. The more secure we feel the more insecure we are.

After doing this wide and remarkable scale of replacements in the mood of MODERNIZATION

….. yet we look for more Satisfaction, which is a Bottomless pit

….. yet we look to be more Charming, which is just as the lips of forbidden woman

….. yet we look for more Wisdom and Knowledge, which brings more sorrow and grief

Bible says,

“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?”

Don’t replace…just re-calibrate!