LISTENING – PIVOTAL FOR MENTAL HEALTH

Few days back I got a call from my friend. She sounded very sad and broken. Her tone was that of melancholy. When I enquired her “what’s the matter?” She broke as she discussed about her friends being mean to her and there’s lot more that I surely can’t reveal here. She confided to me as she trusted me as a strong shoulder to lean on when she felt feeble. For me (personally) the matters that she discussed seemed to be something that don’t need so much of her introspection or something that couldn’t or shouldn’t affect a person to the extent of breaking them down. But again I want to reiterate that this is my opinion and we are two different individuals. Hence, a matter which is of no to little importance to me is an issue that is demanding and holding her attention strongly.

This is just one excerpt from my life. Different individuals, different perceptions, different view points and different everything.  And this “difference” plays a crucial role in determining “Mental Health” of a person.

What is Mental Health? According to the World Health Organization (WHO), mental health includes subjective well-being, perceived self-efficacy, autonomy, competence, inter-generational dependence, and self-actualization of one’s intellectual and emotional potential, among others.”

Mental Health is a very complex issue and very vaguely discussed or altogether omitted from discussion. Apparently the association of word “Mental” with “Health” got huge misconceptions (sadly 😔).  And hence it is something not spoken about often. If a calm, stable, content mind represents a good state of mental health then an impulsive, gloomy, often moody, pessimistic state of mind is a sign that it needs treatment. But again not much attention is heeded towards the warning bells, often brushed under the carpet with words like “Everything will be fine in a while“, ” it’s his/her habit, leave alone“, “ I am busy enough, don’t bother me“. And this paves way to chronic issues like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorders, acute stress, different addictions and so on.

What’s the problem and the solution? Ironically the problem and the solution is same in this context of mental health issues. It is Listening. Let me clarify with a petty imaginary, futuristic and hypothetical example – My daughter comes to me and starts narrating about her day at school. She tells me about a student who hits her, teases her everyday. But as I am busy with my daily chores show no particular interest in her words and laugh it off calling it play and this upsets my daughter. And over a period of time as she continuously takes a notice of disinterest from my end stops opening up herself to me. And the tension of suppressed emotions pile up in her that could possibly deteriorate her mental health and drive towards depression as she have no one to confide to. So all the way I was only “Hearing” but not “Listening”. The issue which seemed to be inconsequential or immaterial to me holds priority in her life. So without being judgemental as every individual got a different emotional quotient and perspective I should have listened to her. And only when I listen to her with all the intent, I can guide her better. So the problem which arises out of “not listening” finds a solution when one finds a “listening ear with all the heart in place“. In fact, listening is a counsellor’s first step in his or her algorithm of treatment, isn’t it? Just as a doctor needs to listen to the symptoms before prescribing a medicine, an engineer needs to listen to the needs of the client before designing something, a counsellor listens to the turmoil a person with mental disturbances undergoes before suggesting a way out. And in turn the person in question also needs to listen. It’s a two way traffic.

“Mental illness is not a personal failure. In fact, if there is failure, it is to be found in the way we have responded to people with mental and brain disorders,” said Dr Gro Harlem Brundtland, Director-General of WHO, on releasing the World Health Report.  

When we teach “sharing is caring”  to our kids we should mean it. It’s not just about the material or tangible things. It exceeds that. We should strive constantly to set up a two way communication process (charity begins at home) where in we don’t shy away from bearing our hearts to our near and dear ones (at least one person) as well let others reach us out . Our emotions need an outlet – be it apprehensions, our views, likes – dislikes, experiences – everything.  Sharing via speaking up and listening is what galvanises many things at one go – a person, relationships, a home and society.  When I know there’s someone to listen without judging me I won’t let the frustration pent up inside me. That could go a long way in sanitising me against mental illnesses, period!

Remember:  you want to share something,  I am listening to you 😊.

SOMETIMES ‘LISTENING’ IS JUST ENOUGH

“Want to go to Mumbai,” I said, as my Mom stood shell-shocked. “You know me and your granny will be alone. Your dad isn’t here anymore,” she whimpered into my ears, after a gasp, as I sat eating my lunch. My father had passed away on an early Valentine’s Day morning in 2015. Nine months had passed since then. We had struggled as a family to move on, with my mother the sole bread earner.

I was just completing my graduation and with a little luck – because of my partial journalism experience – a web portal from Mumbai had offered a job. We will also arrange for your stay for the opening month, the company from Mumbai had assured. I was deadlocked on my mind, “I will go”. This is the breakthrough I needed, my dream break, which I hoped will stabilize my family financially. It will give us a better life.

“Mama! Listen to me,” I called preparing to open up my grand plan to her. “We will not speak a word more on it,” came her reply in a stern voice. I grew up in a hostel – going there as a child and coming out a man – and although it’s a lame excuse to use, I often employ it to convince people, why I was a little emotionless.

By the time I had finished my lunch and gone on to wash my plates, I could hear my mother sobbing in a little corner of her bed. I shouted at her from outside “why do you always cry? Your tears won’t bring him back. Look at Rina’s mother” – Rina’s Dad had left them in their infancy. Her mother single-handedly brought up her two children – “if she can stay so positive, why can’t you?

I was desperate to go out. I wanted to work, to earn. To give my mother and us a better life. But I didn’t have money to go. She was my only option. When about 45 minutes later, she stepped out of her room, I was using my cellphone. “Listen,” she tried to catch hold of me and talk. Her eyes were wet, voice subdued. But I walked off.

“Perhaps you should listen to her,” a part of my conscience told me. Another was louder, “she didn’t hear you. She didn’t have time to listen to your plan.” I strolled out. “I am not in a mood to talk,” I told her in an angry tone.

We didn’t bring up the topic again. More because I was frustrated knowing the answer would always be ‘No.’ But the bridge in our mother-son relationship had broadened. I must tell you that I was never a family man. I grew up in a hostel and felt closer to the open world and suffocated at home.

Months later as India faced New Zealand in the 2016 T20 World Cup, I sat in a decorated, fancied canteen of a call center watching the match on TV. I would have still watched it on a television set, perhaps in a Mumbai office somewhere in Navi Mumbai, but the feeling would have been so different. I hated call centers. I had joined one in December.

After a brief grieving period, I engulfed myself into the job. I hoped it would help me fund myself, if journalism came calling again. But Call center duties are no easy and it consumed all of my week. Back home, my relationship with my mother was deteriorating. She would hardly talk to me, I would do the same. I returned home, asked for food, ate and slept. She only called my name when I was required to bring home groceries and go to the market for vegetables.

We weren’t listening. More so, we weren’t ready to listen to the other. Our own decisions were utmost to us. My grandmother stoked in between. She was the home post-lady. I could hardly afford time at home, making things so much worse for us.

My mother would often complain about my lack of time and communication to her. “On my week-offs, I sit at home. You can come and talk if you need,” I refuted back. If you were a stranger in the house, you would have mistaken us to be enemies. We barked at each other more than talking. Every time, I opened my mouth, it would be to point a mistake she had committed. She would do the same, but on lesser occasions.

Christmas was soon approaching. In the earlier years, we had a small community function at our home. We were having the same this year. I consider myself to be a good show anchor and have hosted multiple shows in the past. It was a no brainer that I was the undisputed host at my house function. I also often helped in decorating the hall.

But this year, I was doing none. “Would you not stay, it’s a home function, please understand,” my mother tried to reason. “No, I can’t. I have office,” I lied. I had initially taken an off intending to be present at the programme. But later changed my plan to humiliate my mother. I wanted her to feel the same, I felt when she refused to listen to my entire Mumbai plan.

“How does it feel now,” my mind asked my mother. A deceiving smile lighted my face. Beneath in my heart, I cried. I knew it was wrong. But I couldn’t help. It felt so right then. It wasn’t enough, I decided.

Another humiliation followed. On Christmas Day, I asked my mother to go alone to church. I will come later, I told her, citing a lack of proper sleep. I intentionally reached late, tucked up in formals. But my mother had enough of me. She couldn’t bear it anymore. And so, when she was given time to stand and thank the Lord for that day, she burst out crying.

Everything that had happened between us was suddenly out in the open. The Cold War of our home had bursted out. I felt ashamed but somehow kept myself sitting. When church ended, many people came and advised me for good. I wished all of them well. But deep inside, I was raging.

We went back home together in the same bus, but as strangers. It had reached a final point for me. I couldn’t shout at her. I wouldn’t. She was broken. I was too, but partially. I did not comfort her. My mother tried to, but I would not accept.

“I had a job offer from Mumbai,” I once yelled at her during an argument. “I had thought of taking both you and grandmother with me. We could have put this house on rent. We all could have been happy there,” I forced her to hear me. “But you weren’t ready to listen to me. You were busy explaining yourself and your sorrow for my dead father.” I knew I had hurt her, the moment I spoke those words.

“What about you? Did you ever listen?” She cried out. I have an irritating habit of listening to half of what others spoke. Before I gave them numerous examples to change people’s perception. I have never been a good listener. Like Aastha explained, patience while listening is the key – “To truly understand what the other person is talking about, we should have the patience to listen“. I was impatient.

Every-time my mother cried, I would bring up examples of numerous single mothers I knew, who moved on with their lives without much fuss. Most times I would do it to suppress her tears. I didn’t have the patience to listen.

But then she too was preoccupied in her sad thoughts. Scared and traumatised at the sound of me leaving her, my mother never listened to what I wanted about us. Years later, I still think if, so many things could have been avoided, had either of us had dared to listen.

Fast forward four years, I am finally in Mumbai. Employed in a top web-portal and earning handsomely. But is my mother with me? No. I left her back in Kolkata. The wounds of our cold-war have still not healed. It has never been the same since that November in 2015. But we are trying. I plan to bring her with me when we both are back to a normal mother and son again. I am sure we will be very soon.

We try and listen more of each other. She plans to first buy a house in Kolkata. I will help her, before re-proposing my grand plan to her. A plan I had devised four years ago, where we live as a HAPPY FAMILY…where  we LISTEN TO EACH OTHER.

LISTEN TO ME – I’M YOUR WELL-WISHER

It is said that “A good communication begins with good listening“.

But how many of us listen?

In my home, the day begins with me screaming around and asking my kids and husband to get ready for the day. And it is truly said, ” if any woman speaks and no one listens -then her name is MOM”.

I just have to push them ahead to get my day moving. Even when they don’t listen, all I do is smile inside as it reminds my days as a child. Even when growing up, we still do the same with our parents.

Have we forgotten what exactly listening means?

If we look out in society, everyone is a speaker, if I could say precisely- a motivational speaker. If I am upset, or write something quite upsetting – I have at least a minimum 10 well-wishers coming to speak to me.

But are they really our well-wishers?

It is the most confusing part of the conversation, that takes up my time. Each and everyone comes to speak to us, but then very few like countable ones are actually bothered about our actual situation and want us to swim across the wavering tides. When our minds are disturbed, it is difficult to distinguish who are our friends and who are not. I have had enough experience with fake people and the outcomes of their wrong advice. Call me a fool or blind – but I am sure everyone has such phases to think about.

I have had a couple of experience, wherein I was misled by my own family members, who pose as well-wishers and then ditch us a walk away, finally, when the blame game begins, they just mock our wrong decision making. This is what happens when we listen to people who just hear us, and not listen.

Most of them, just want us to hear them, and follow blindly. We actually jot down their points and then follow them, as if they actually meant to help us, then finally realising, we were just another piece of an experiment for them.

If you see the current society, the majority of the problems are the outcome of our lack of listening capacity. Couples don’t go along, as they hate listening to each other because of ego. Parents don’t listen to their kids, and then in future, they don’t listen to their parents.

Does listening take up so much time?

All it takes is a few seconds, then it is effortless.

Listening is always a choice, one needs to take up to be supportive, while speaking is spontaneous in most cases. Unlike hearing, listening need not only ears to open but also the heart. One must be an effective listener to anyone who requires someone to talk to.

Do you listen to your heart?

It is something we have shut our ears to. Most of us, don’t listen to the warning that our conscious mind whispers to us and walk into trouble. It is said that God has designed in a way, where our conscious soul is capable to identify the problems before it comes or occurs. We ourselves have the power to solve every problem, but as we have shut our ears to our soul, we follow the footsteps of the outside world, until we finally have none to listen to. So let us all listen to ourselves at least for a minute, and then see what changes we can bring in ourselves.

God gave us two ears, and one mouth just to remind us that listening is twice important than speaking. 

To conclude, it is important to identify who truly listens to us, or whom we are listening to. A True listener actually paraphrases what is being told, before landing in any conclusion or suggestion. It is easy to identify the listener through their body language and the way they let us spill the whole matter before running into conclusion. Most of the listeners acknowledge the speaker through nodding or with eye contact, which is actually all the more encouraging.

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” -Karl A. Menniger

DON’T RAISE YOUR VOICE . . . NO YOU MUSTN’T 🤐

When I raise my voice at home,

I am told – Shhh! Decent civilized people don’t talk with raised voices.

And so I learn decent civil behaviour,

Within the walls of my warm home sweet home.

 🤐🤐🤐

As I step into the world outside,

I cringe with fear to see and hear,

Such confident deeds and words of tyranny,

Of injustice, exploitation, prejudice and villany.

 🤐🤐🤐

I wonder whether these all were not taught,

Those lessons of decency and civility that I was!

Maybe some were and some weren’t . . .

Alas! I don’t see much of a difference between the two.

 🤐🤐🤐

The respectable bespectacled professor,

With degrees galore from the country and abroad,

Turns out to be just a wolf in sheepskin,

Offering a deal for a night in exchange of assignment papers to be signed.

And I am told – Shhh! Decent civilized people don’t raise their voices.

 🤐🤐🤐

I witness the underprivileged bereft of the basic necessities,

While money changes hands under the table,

And the officials swoosh by in their well-polished vehicles,

Leaving behind a cloud of dust to fill the poor desperate hands.

And I am told – Shhh! Decent civilized people don’t talk with raised voices.

 🤐🤐🤐

I hear of the barbarious acts in the name of religion, caste and region,

Mass massacres, rapes of women young and old, and of children innocent to behold,

Hundreds maimed in the body and mind,

Several hearths shut down for all times.

And I am told – Shhh! Decent civilized people don’t raise their voices.

 🤐🤐🤐

To be a quiet conformist,

Doesn’t require much labour,

Just a sweet smile and a servile nod of the head – and that’s all,

You say right to what’s wrong – after all this is how the world has been going on!

 🤐🤐🤐

History holds high those mortals who dared to raise their voices,

Against prejudice and discrimination, repression and inequity,

Some lived to see, others died to let the world see,

The ripe lustrous fruits of their raised voices.

 🤐🤐🤐

And so I sit wondering – what is worth,

To fume and fret, and cringe under the threat,

Adorning the garb of decent civility,

Or to raise my voice out loud and clear – at the cost of life, decency and all?

🤐🤐🤐

DON’T TURN A BLIND EYE, RAISE YOUR VOICE

Dumping of debris has destroyed more than 20 acres of mangrove forests in Charkop, Kandivli in Mumbai over the past seven years, making way for encroachment by 3,000 shanties and private properties.

28th October 2017 – Indiarimes.com – Remember the shocking images of poisoned trees from Bengaluru, earlier this year? It appears like they have just done it all over once again. This time 30 trees have been cut illegally in what environmentalists suspect was done as the trees were blocking some advertisement boards nearby. The trees at the outer ring road were chopped down on Thursday night by unidentified people.

Debris continues to be dumped along the Roadpali mangrove stretch, killing mangroves and reclaiming the wetland along Taloja creek. The creek shore has been encroached upon by roadside shops. The latest encroachment, adjoining Sion-Panvel road, will soon grow if deterrent action is delayed by Cidco. Nobody seems to be bothered about preserving ecosystem,” said Rajesh Poojary, an environmentalist.

Ten members of the Common Effluent Treatment Plant (CETP) at Taloja were booked on Tuesday over release of untreated industrial waste into Kasadi River near Navi Mumbai.

The list is endless. We come across such news items almost every day in the newspaper.

These things and more are happening around us. By people who are living amongst us. It’s time we stop turning a blind eye to the whole thing and raise our voice and educate the people who, for their short term gain are destroying the long term future of our planet.

I remember when we were in class 8 or 9, a compulsory subject called environmental studies was introduced. We read about climate change and global warming etc. Frankly speaking as a kid I thought this was all overhyped and a very distant future. I never expected to see the effects of these things in my own life time. Yet here we are 25 years down the line actually experiencing the effects of climate change.

It’s high time now that we should all be aware and make others aware about how our lifestyle is adversely affecting the environment. I know it’s a daunting task I am not egging everyone to get up and file PILs against the polluting industries. Do it if you can! We all may not be able to take such big steps. But at least start with baby steps like – segregate your garbage, composting wet waste, replace all leaking taps, educate the house help about not wasting water, if you see anyone littering, stop them and show them the dustbins, protect the greenery around you.

There are many small changes that we can bring in our lifestyle and of people around us so that the life of our planet is extended for a little more. And yes if you see anyone destroying the green cover around us don’t turn a blind eye, Raise your voice and report them. Change the mindset…

JUSTICE OR INJUSTICE – IT’S ALL ABOUT TWO EXTRA LETTERS

One thing that we see in abundance around us is Injustice. Every morning when you read a newspaper, 90% of the news reported are directly or indirectly related to some kind of injustice. Be it a rape, honor killing, domestic violence, female foeticide, money laundering etc. And what do we do about it? Read and forget? Sometimes, a bunch of citizens will arrange a candlelight vigil for protesting against a rape incident. Sometimes, a good lady may offer help to the maid to report the domestic violence to the police. But what is the end result? Do these efforts help? Are the efforts enough in the first place?

Raising voice against injustice is no joke. One needs a great deal of courage to stand for self or for others. And this is exactly where a common man lacks. Nation’s leaders have left a great legacy of fighting injustice. Contributions of Raja Ram Mohan Roy towards abolishment of Sati and Child Marriage, Mahatma Jyotirao Phule towards setting up education system for females, Dr Babasaheb Ambedkar towards untouchability and caste discrimination go a long way in shaping up our nation. But are we capable enough today to continue this legacy? Another question that comes to my mind is, is our system capable enough today? Not enough courage coupled with insensitivity (of humans as well as system) is an even more dangerous combination and paves a stronger way to injustice.

So what do we need to fight injustice?

1) Reinforcement of Law: With all due respect to the judiciary system, our laws do need an upliftment. I fail to understand why we need 10+ years to convict a rape accused. Worse is, chances are high that he walks free on various grounds like mental ill-health, juvenile age etc. A crime is a crime, how can the accused be forgiven on such petty grounds? Why the accused is not executed, especially when we know that they are guilty, beyond all doubt? We have some excellent examples from our neighboring countries about how do they deal with rapists. Why can’t our laws be changed for better? Rape accused is just one example of many. There are various other areas where the accused though guilty are living a peaceful life while the victim is dying in misery. If the perception in the minds of the people is that the judiciary system is denying justice, there is no place a common man can go to asking for justice!

2) System Revamp: By “system” I mean any authority that runs this country selfishly and illegally. Be it police, politics, media, just anything. We need to have these completely revamped. Sure, there are a few honest exceptions, but it is indeed shameful that even today we hesitate to approach the police to report any kind of incident. It is even more shameful that the big fat politicians are filling up their own pockets in the name of needy. Recruiting inactive MLAs just because they are a dignified personality in sports or films and paying them a salary of lacs of rupees is a complete injustice to the citizens. While media may show that they are doing an excellent job by running with cameras and questionnaires to the targets, what needs to be questioned is the authenticity of the news that are released? How much of it is fabricated? How much of it is bribed? How much of it is true? These three are the clutches of a common man without which he is left crippled. It is important that these systems work together. They do, even today, the only difference is they work together (inter-connections) for the betterment of their own and not that of citizens.

3) Shift from Sympathy to Empathy: Indifference in humans is growing day by day. They witness an incident, sympathize and forget about it. Partially because they feel crippled because of law and order and partially because they are too self-centered. It is common to exclaim “Oh it is really unfortunate” or “so sad” as long as injustice is happening to someone else. But ever wondered what would such guys do when it happens to them? They won’t be able to do anything more than sympathizing with self. It is high time that we put aside the sympathy and feel the empathy. Unless we are able to really feel what the victim is going through, nothing inside us is going to prompt us to take any action. The most common example is accidents. People are busy making videos of the accident rather than helping the victim. The victim is literally left to die. And this comes from lack of empathy. Can there be a bigger injustice?

4) A Little more Courage everyday: Yes, we need to be braver than yesterday. And that cannot be taught. It has to come from within. We need to be strong enough to raise voice or take measures against any injustice done to us. There is no point in playing the blame game. It will take time to change the systems that run the country, but we can change our mentality faster. We must get rid of “It’s OK” attitude with which we swallow a piece of injustice every day. Be it getting chocolates in place of change at toll plazas, or touch and go episodes at crowded places. We must learn to stand up and say “NO, IT IS NOT OK”. It is important that we start to bring this change with ourselves. This small step will eventually lead us to have enough courage to help others in need.

5) Awareness & Education: This is the most important requirement for fighting injustice. It is very unfortunate that most of the victims of some kind of abuse do not know that they can raise the voice against the ill treatment given to them. They fail to understand that it is not the just the ordeal done by the stronger but it is injustice in reality and someone can help them (perhaps!) The most common examples are laborers who are denied the basic minimum wages, a housewife giving in to the hardships imparted by her husband. They feel it is just the way of life.  They need to be aware about how to distinguish the way of life from injustice. And for this, we need a solid awareness and education. While schools are doing their part of teaching children about good touch and bad touch, what are they doing to sow the seeds of courage in case of any unfortunate incidents? When media runs a campaign about reporting how a rape happened and how a prisoner (on account of some hideous crime) has had a tough life, what is it doing to let the common man know what their rights are or how can they safeguard themselves from injustice.

Justice or Injustice – It’s all about two extra letters. Screaming and whining because of injustice is very common, but we need to go a step further. We need to speak up; we need to bring in the change! If every one of us decides to take baby steps mentioned above, collectively we can remove those two extra letters from Injustice and get Justice for all.

SILENT ISN’T GOLDEN IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

It’s almost a regime for me to talk to my bestie.  We share our deepest darkest secrets, hearty laughs, saddest moments day in and day out.  Few days back amidst such exchange of emotions she told me about a brawl that broke down in the premises of her husband’s office following a missed call.  You heard it right it was just a “Missed Call“.

Her husband is a good friend of mine as well.  It’s about a missed call that he made to his female co-employee and it was unintentional, more of an accident as he was trying to call his father and ended up dialing her number which was next in contact list by mistake.  Within a fraction of seconds he disconnected the call as he realised the goof-up he made.

It all began with that accidental call.  Soon there was a revert and it was the husband of that lady on the other side. “Why you are calling my wife at this hour? (It was only 8PM), “Do you call often?” He was quite derogatory in his remarks.  Nothing seemed to pacify him or make this moron understand the fact that it was unintentional.  He was adamant on seeing my friend in his office next day as if he had some old scores to settle.

Next day as expected that man landed at my friend’s office.  He was raring to initiate a scuffle and create chaos to be seen by everyone around.  But thanks to few good confidants of my friend, that was averted.  But that didn’t stopped that reckless rogue from spitting venom about everyone including my friend.

The underlying issue was his ailment of doubting his wife’s loyalty towards him and their relationship.  Suspicion is his middle name.  He would always point out at the way she dresses, a tinge of make-up on her face would set the wheels of his obscene mind churning, would keep a track of her minutes, would always make it a point that she is always under his thumb especially in front of his family which is dysfunctional to the core.  To sum it up – he is mentally ill with an apparently healthy abode.  All this garbage can still be branded and gulped down as “Male Ego”, “Chauvinism” which is  more uncommonly common in society like ours, though unacceptable.  But what surprised me, in fact stunned me was that woman’s stand.  When my friend asked her about her stand about her husband’s behaviour, rather misbehaviour she dropped her shoulders and sighed saying “What can I do? What stand can I take? I have to put up with this.  And anyways you shouldn’t have created so much ruckus here in office, Sir!”.  

That was something unbelievably stupid coming from a financially independent, educated woman who takes care of an unemployed (by choice) husband who himself has his past relationships peeping (in fact resting in his drawing-room) in his present with his wife having full knowledge of it, still making no bones about it. Had it been from an illiterate and dependent person, that would have drawn some sympathy.  This lady only attracts ire.  Few may hold a different opinion but inability to stand up and against such oppression in the name of family, love, values makes her equally guilty.

I want to re-emphasize that she is equally guilty as her silence is encouraging her husband’s sadistic and patriarchal approach where a woman is deemed to be acceptable if she is a silent spectator. She will prove to be a culprit to her daughter (who is just two years old) and her dreams.  She is doing nothing but preparing a ground which would allow her daughter to grow up with a mentality that a woman can’t question a man.  There could be two possible outcomes to such a cowardice approach of that little girl’s mother:

  • That could kill the confidence of a budding spirit. Since parents are the first role models for any child, looking up at her mother’s way of handling issues (very much passive) there’s every possibility under the sun that she would accept things lying down in future without any objection, without any contest and let out a foul cry blaming fate.  Unfortunately, this is the environment majority of girls grow up in. “Pati Parmeshwar Hota Hai” (Husband Is God) is the tonic girls are made to mug up breaking them from within, doubting themselves and leaving them always to search for a shoulder to lean on. I pity the poor child!
  • She might end up as a rebel with no cause.  A child needs love and mutual respect as catalysts for a healthy development.  But in the case at hand it is mental harassment, emotional abuse, fear, oppression that play constantly in front of her eyes and in mind in her growing years.  And it’s proven that with such a volatile and disturbed environment kids might end up being bullies or rebels.

To avoid any such occurrence in future that lady should raise her voice now even if it means walking away and out of such a rotten relationship.  By the way I forgot to reveal one twist in the story. This lady chose her partner (love marriage) and was well aware of his ways even before the marriage was consummated.

Is it Love or pure ignorance or self-degradation?  In this case I clearly see that this lady’s sensibilities are paralyzed beyond repair to put up with such a scrupulous person with her self-respect at stake every single minute.  In order to be acclaimed as a doting and pious wife she has completely laid herself on pedestal enduring character assassination at the drop of hat.

I understand, ego daunts a relationship but lack of self-respect isn’t saving it either.

Do think about it.