Sana was extremely angry at her husband “How dare he say something like this about my body in front of his friends? He doesn’t love me anymore. He only likes to make fun to me.” She even fought with him which only landed in a few more blames games and finger pointing.
This did not end just a few days. He continued to mock her and she continued to feel disappointed, rejected and angry. Gradually, that anger turned into resentment. She started disliking her husband. Everything that he did – she would resent.
On Valentine’s day when he came home with a bunch of red roses – instead of feeling special, Sana said “After 5 years of marriage, you don’t even know that I hate red roses. You should have got me carnations. You don’t know me at all. You never even make an effort to know what I like and dislike.” One can imagine how there Valentine’s night would have ended.
As a little girl Sana was physically abused by her Uncle. This is deep dark secret inside her heart that nobody knows not even her husband. From that age, she started to dislike her body and feels horrible about it. She doesn’t like the touch of her husband nor does she enjoy being intimate with him. She has a very poor relationship with her own body so even a slight remark about her body makes her angry. This is something that her husband doesn’t know and resentment also grows inside of him because of Sana’s bitterness.
Bitterness in life usually comes in because of some injustice that has happened to a person. It is a state of persistent resentment which has resulted from a combination of anger, rejection, frustration and injustice. Bitterness is a state of mind when no stimulus is a positive stimulus. All that happens around that person is bad/wrong.
Such people very well know that if they let go off this bitterness, life can be merrier but they still hold on to this resentment as if this is a life-saving boat for them. Why is it so?
Being bitter or resented has its own gains but these are very selfish and short term gains. For example –
- Being right or proving the other person wrong
- Gaining sympathy/importance of others
- Need to hurt somebody else and hence feeling superior or powerful
- Seeing yourself as a victim “always” and hence feeling helpless and powerless
These are some examples of what a person gains by being bitter.
However, there is also a huge cost compared to the gain. For example, Cost of bitterness can be:
- Lose loving relationships
- Prolong mental and emotional pain
- Leads to long lasting anxiety and depression
- Lose out on joyful moments of life
- Resentment is a huge stress. Ageing quickly because of this mental stress
- Affinity to diseases because of this bitterness. Impact on physical health is immense.
Remember negativity only breeds itself.
Do you really want to choose a short term gain which comes at such a huge cost?
Just take a step back from your situation and you will be able see what is the short term gain you are running after whereas you losing out so much on life by paying the cost for it.
Often when I get bitter in my life – I just ask a question “Is being right more important than having a loving relationship?” And almost instinctively I know the answer.