THE INVISIBLE INFLUENCES

A couple of months back I was at the OB-GYN, waiting for my turn. There were almost 20 women already waiting, so I thought it would take time before I would be called in. I took out my phone to continue reading the book I started. Few pages into the book, I was pondering on the idea of the author when a girl in her mid-twenties walked in. 

Receptionist: Good morning Mam!

Her: Good morning! I need an appointment with OBG.

Receptionist: Name mam

Her: Abigail 

Receptionist: Number of weeks or gestation period?

Her: 28 weeks

Receptionist: Age mam

Her: 26

Receptionist: Married mam?

Her: Unmarried 

Receptionist: (Little hesitant, she asked again to reconfirm) Unmarried mam?

Her: Yes

By now, everyone’s eyes in the room were fixed on her. I slipped back into reading my book. I was called for my checkup and the doctor ordered for a scan. I was seated at the waiting area of the radiology wing when Abigail approached me and almost snapped with the question, “Would you mind if I sit here?“. There was a dose of anger in her face. “Sure“, I replied. 

“Is it so difficult to not make me feel awkward? Why can’t you do your own stuff and not concentrate on others?” – she said in a tone which was screaming frustration.

“Excuse me, I didn’t mean to. Abigail, right?”. She nodded

“Abigail, you are feeling awkward because you noticed us glance at you when you said you weren’t married. I understand that it might be difficult for you to go through the process of birthing being unmarried. In a conservative society like India, heads are going to turn every time you say you are unmarried with this baby bump. By now, you have made a decision to go ahead with the baby, so, the only thing you should do is to get accustomed to these stares.”

She was staring at me with a puzzled face

“I am not judging you. In fact, I don’t know how you ended up with this pregnancy. This pregnancy could be a result of someone not keeping their promise, or you are having an IVF, or you are the receiver of an unconsented sexual encounter. Whatever the reason may be, personally I appreciate that you stood for your baby. There is a lot more for you to handle apart from these stares. Don’t give too much importance to what we would think or say. Am I going to help you during your delivery? No. Would I be taking care of your kid in the future? No. Do you think if you would ever cross my thoughts again? Maybe.  Am I your family or friend? No.. then, why should you care about what I think? Abigail, I don’t want to be harsh on you, but straight to the point, please stop consciously noticing other’s behaviors.”

“Are you saying it’s my fault?”

“It is not about one’s fault. Not about what is right or wrong either. When you made a decision, you should be prepared for the consequences, good or bad. Whatever your path may be, there would always be people who dislike it or criticize it. If I were you, I would think about ensuring a safe and secure future for my kid. The rest should be taking a back seat at this point in time.”

She smiled and I moved on with my scan. I never saw her again. I hope she is doing fine and had a healthy baby. 

It is not just Abigail who thinks about what others would think or behave when we do certain things, all of us do. Many think that only when we are doing something that does not fit into the “rightness” of society we tend to change or modify our decisions. In fact, these invisible factors are influencing us every day, they would continue to do so if we allow them to. 

Consider a situation when you are out for dinner with friends or family. When we are placing an order in a round-robin fashion, if anyone before us chooses the same dish as we have in mind, we tend to change our choice. This is often because we think it hinders our individuality. We do not buy shoes or clothing we see are being worn by many others. 

One more example could be choosing our next vacation spot. Many who follow others on facebook or Instagram, choose their vacation spot that is different than others in their social network. Somehow, we like to say that we visited a place no one else did. Constantly, we are conscious of our decisions. 

As far as I am concerned, I give the least importance to what others or society thinks. I believe society does little when we are in trouble. If we have a very caring society and family, we wouldn’t be so worried about our decisions in the first case. So, why give so much importance to what others think? Why should we base our decisions on their thoughts? We should always do what is best for us but do not hurt others at the same time. 

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

– Dr. Seuss

HOW DEPENDABLE IS OUR CONSCIENCE?

The week started with a sharp warning about the costs of premarital sex in the Mega article. Then after a healthy discussion with one of my friend on premarital sex I came out with another article on the next day where I described why premarital sex is injustice to the new born babies…

We had never been so open as this week on the issues like sexuality and premarital sex. And keeping the theme and the readers in mind the writer came up with another snippet letting all know what is the right age to have sex… Though she didn’t mean that age is the license to have sex but she just explained when a person should be ready mentally and physically for getting into a sexual relationship… And we all know, that varies from person to person.

My study says, in India we only see the physical part of a person. For example, parents usually see if their boy or girl is of a marriageable age or not. Then they start looking for a better match for them. What about their mental preparation for marriage or getting into a sexual relationship? Can a girl or boy is allowed by her/his spouse to wait for sometime as he/she is not prepared for sex mentally? What about Suhag Raat then? (Suhag Raat is the first night of a newly wedded couple). Why can’t we think of this fact and wait instead of taking hasty decisions regarding the marriages of boys and girls in our country?

Yeah yeah… I am getting back to premarital sex instead of talking about marriages… LOL!

Sexual thrill kills the essence of love and spoils the mysterious sexual pleasure which is supposed to be culminated in a private room of a couple in love deeply, madly. I loved the writer’s reflection upon what are the triggers of pre-marital sex and how and why to stay away from the experience. I would insist we all need to read that once more and memorise it literally.

Adding to the list of cost of premarital sex our new writer pointed out rightly, ‘premarital sex brings insecurity feelings.’

But what made me think more in this week is about the last snippet, “Follow your conscience.” A question props up in my mind “How dependable is my conscience?” “Will it prick at the right time?” Thinking about this, I posed a question yesterday during another discussion mentioning the featured picture of the snippet.

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I asked, “after coming this far as shown in the picture is it possible for them to listen to their conscience and abstain instead of going further?”

And my friend replied, “If the guy respects her feelings then yes… If he really loves her, yes… girls suddenly realise after they become intimate, not that they don’t trust but it’s their conscience that rings the bell.”

It is not that easy as it looks when the minds and hearts are engulfed in impending lusts and desires.  That’s why the scripture says, “Now flee from youthful lusts.” How does somebody flee from something? Just imagine to get the picture to understand the weight of the word ‘Flee’.

Now, another thought comes to my mind is, how can everybody’s conscience is not same? How come my conscience says something and my brother’s conscience says something else? We all are human and definitely created by ONE and only ONE God. As human being we have similarities physically and even emotionally then how can his conscience allows something and mine is acting differently? If that’s the case then how can I be sure that my conscience says the right thing? 

I had to search on Google and many articles about it. I found one scripture portion from the Bible it reads as follows:

They show that the essential requirements of the Law are written in their hearts; and their conscience [their sense of right and wrong, their moral choices] bearing witness and their thoughts alternately accusing or perhaps defending them.

‘They’ or ‘their’ are used for humans in the above quote. The conscience is the God-given moral consciousness within each of us. Consciences of people can not be different. Everybody’s inner voice tells the same thing… Warns about the same thing: ‘what is right and what is wrong’.  A writer describes about seared conscience as under:

If the conscience is “seared”—literally “cauterized”—then it has been rendered insensitive. Such a conscience does not work properly; it’s as if “spiritual scar tissue” has dulled the sense of right and wrong.

So, it is our utmost responsibility to keep our conscience clear, sharp and not insensitive at all to guide us at the right time. 

We had a great week discussing about a very important issue of life. And I am thankful to all my co writers for contributing resourceful articles. 

Keep reading, keep commenting…

Stay Blessed!!!

(Picture Source: Wikihow)

PREMARITAL SEX BRINGS INSECURITY FEELING

“Man, did you just say that you did it yesterday?” Max said, “How cool!! How was it? Was it your first? Where did it happen?”

Rob said, “Calm down!! It wasn’t my first.  And it’s definitely not my last.”

With a proud look he added, “She was interested and so was I. And we thought it might just click for us. So we went ahead and gave it a try. Well I don’t think we are compatible man. We just broke up.”

Fun and cool. Yes, these kinds of words go out with the term premarital sex. We are just finding out how compatible we are sexually or we are trying to get better at it or we are trying to know each other better.

Oh!! Do we realise how bad it is for us!! Emotionally, physically and spiritually? Sex, is not for mere entertainment or a part of the selection process but it is a holy conjugation of two persons to become one flesh. Well, who cares!! WE just love doing it and of course it is just a passing phase. And even if our conscience pulls us back, we keep repeating it time and again… WHY?

Insecurities seep in as we do it the first time and it keeps growing and growing as we continue with it. Insecurity of being

  1. caught,
  2. compared to the previous partner,
  3. ditched and left alone again,
  4. deemed unfit of company with friends,
  5. losing class or standard.

So, why in the first hand start doing things as such and not maintain a clean life? Why should we be compelled to lead an insecured life? Sex never ensures deep or profound sense of emotional bonds or security of any sort. Well the concept of live-in relations gives us an obvious idea about it. WE must learn to say no to such situations. It might not work out the first few times but later on we will be the ones who would be respected no matter what. Keeping the marriage clean by not indulging in premarital or extramarital sex will not only give us a wonderful life, but it will also being in lots of happiness to our family and give us emotional and spiritual security. Sex, from the very beginning has been a mystery and we have always been advised to keep it a mystery till our marriage… so that the marital couple can have the best out of that mystery when it is unveiled within a marriage bond.

THRILL KILLS

Should I or shouldn’t I? What’s the harm?

How far is too far?

After all how am I to assure my loyalty to the person I love if I don’t give myself completely to him / her?

How can we know if we are sexually compatible with each other if we don’t explore each other? After all, sex is important in marriage!

These questions reflect the dilemma that echoes deep within the minds of adolescents and young adults – those who are dating and also those who are not. There is a common misconception in young minds, thanks to the movies and daily soaps, that love means physical intimacy. The dramatic ways in which scenes are portrayed – a guy brushing past a girl creating ripples in her heart, an accidental touch of a guy which the girl recalls repeatedly forcing her to desperately seek him, and such others – create a false imagery of love and sex in the minds of people.

Sex doesn’t mean love. Love ought to lead to sex, but only within the legal and moral boundaries of marriage. This is God’s design for man. There is none other!

The arguments of experimentation, modernity (I am a cool person!), failure of marriages, youthful pleasures – don’t hold ground at all. The consequences of pre-marital sex are widely known. Hence, it’s good to reflect upon what are the triggers of pre-marital sex and how and why to stay away from the experience.

  1. Craving for love – A time when a person is desperate for love in life and is willing to give anything and everything to have the love of that one precious person in life, is the time when people take the extra step of giving in to sexual desires. Love is not an act. It is a commitment – a commitment for life, not merely for sexual pleasure.
  2. Staying alone for long – When young people move away from their families for education, work, etc. the need for intimacy is fulfilled by having sex. When you move away from home, network well with people around – people who have strong value systems.
  3. Pornography – Obscene movies, videos, watching pornography trigger the release of sex hormones in an individual. And so, the easiest way is to satisfy the burning sexual desires at that time. Guard your senses! Don’t allow your eyes to wander into unwanted territories. Don’t allow your fingers to click on the unwanted icons and links. Keep yourself occupied with fruitful activities in your leisure time. Don’t feed your passion!
  4. Experimentation ­­ – A seventeen year old I was interacting with, told me that everything should be experimented in life – after all we have just one life! Remember, all things are permissible. But, all things are not beneficial. Wrong experimentation doesn’t lead to discoveries. It creates explosions! So, stay away!
  5. Strengthening loose bonds – When a patch-up happens after a phase of friction, the time is volatile for physical intimacy in order to strengthen loosened bonds. Remember, there are no pressure lines in true love! Bonding is created and maintained by trust, not by sex.
  6. Pressure – Pressure from partners is one of the major reasons why people agree to sex before marriage. Sex is not a test of loyalty. Sex is not a test of love. If you are facing sexual pressure in your love relationship, reconsider the relationship. True love honours and so is honoured in return. Real men respect women, their choices and their bodies.

Sexual promiscuity outside the wedlock is bondage. Along with the physical consequences of unwanted pregnancies, contracting Sexually Transmitted Diseases, hormonal imbalances, emotional consequences of insecurity and guilt, social consequences of being discovered by parents, relatives, friends and future spouse, are also heavy spiritual consequences. Sex before marriage is a dishonor to the institution of marriage established by God. It is a sin. Hence, it leads to detachment from God.

Why indulge in something that gives a momentary sensation of thrill but forces one to pay heavy prices in return? Point to ponder.

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO HAVE SEX?

A 12 year old asked her Sex Education teacher, “What is the right age to have sex?”

Teacher was quiet for a while, wondering how to rightly answer that question and then a nice idea props up in her head.

“Tell me, what will happen if you feed Pizza to 2 weeks old baby?” Children look at each other and then one boy speaks up – “You can’t”

Teacher asks – “Why not?” and there is silence in the room. Teacher smiles and further says, “Because the baby’s body is not grown up enough to digest the Pizza. The baby’s digestive system is only made to digest milk at that time. If you feed him Pizza, it might even kill the baby or seriously damage his/her digestive tract”

Now teacher throws another question at the class of students, “What happens when you try to teach a 1 year old kid multiplication of 2 numbers?” The class now starts laughing. “It is not possible” somebody shouts at the back.

“Yes right, it is not possible because a 1 year old brain is not intelligent enough to understand that level of mathematics”

Then she says something that makes all kids think, “Just like a few weeks old body cannot digest pizza and a 1 year old brain cannot comprehend mathematics – the same way a child’s body or his/her brain is not prepared to handle sex at a younger age. Sex is meant for grown-ups (read adults) because unlike animals we live in a society which works on certain principles. Coming to your question – what is the right age to have sex? I would say that marriageable age has been defined as 18 for girls and 21 for boys and this has been done considering that by that age most human beings are mature enough to handle physical and emotional consequences of sex.”

“Sex is a complex process. It involves our hormones which cause major physical changes in our bodies and our emotions. What these hormones do to our emotions is something that you cannot comprehend at this stage. But you need a good emotional maturity to handle that kind of upheaval. “

“An institution of marriage was created for a few very simple reasons – to create loving families for the children born out of sex between 2 adults, to create a society that supports 2 adults when they go through this emotional upheaval and to make the bond between 2 individuals stronger and committed.”

“If you have sex with your marital partner – your families and society supports you. If you have sex before marriage – well, then you land yourself in a very risky position. If you both finally end up breaking up – then the emotional upheaval that was surfaced during sex creates havoc and it becomes very difficult to get out of that relationship and start afresh. Moreover sex before marriage is without a commitment, hence the chances of being cheated or used are way higher which also puts both the individuals at the risk of emotional disturbance/depression.”

“The number of suicides today among youngsters which are because of a failed love life is alarming. Pre-marital sex is one of the big reasons. So, consider when you make your choices.”

PREMARITAL SEX IS INJUSTICE TO THE NEW BORN BABIES

I had a very healthy discussion about Premarital Sex with one of my best friends. We had disagreements on some aspects which I am not going to mention here… LOL… But will definitely raise the point on which we both agreed.

I am quoting her statement: “When baby is born without marriage, then there is a third person also involved – which is the baby… And that’s not right… that child is born to be messed up. And then unmarried individuals can never really be so committed to bring up a child together… So an injustice would be done to the child.”

And my reply to her was: “So that’s why marriage boundary is essential for that particular risk.”

Her response was: “Yes. That I totally agree with.”     

Keeping the moral and religious issue aside for some time and thinking in the line what we discussed… it is evident that “Premarital Sex” is an injustice for the child born out of that act.  

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Original Link: “thenationalcampaign.org

The above picture depicts how teenage or pregnancy without being married has been such an injustice to the new born babies!!!

This is seriously not accepted.

Keep reading, keep discussing…

Stay Blessed!!! 

(Picture Sources: Google.com)