PARENTING – LOVING SANS DISCIPLINING, NOT DONE!

I think it was in the month of October,  and one of the Saturdays, after dropping our son at swimming pool we took our daughter to park as we had to anyways wait for an hour for him to return. We went to the park and my daughter was having a good time there and it was time to go. So she hardly spent half an hour there and was very reluctant to go for obvious reasons. She was adamant, holding her feet back and we literally had to force her out of the park. She was screaming loudly which was embarrassing. And this situation led to heated arguments between parents (inevitable), I can laugh it off now but that moment was something different. I doubted my parenting, where am I going wrong in bringing up my children”, “why she behaved that way”, “Am I a bad mother that my kids don’t pay attention to my words and many questions followed making me introspect myself and my ways. I felt broken, down and out. I must tell you that she normally abides by what I say but that day it was a different ball game, every parent experiences such incidents I guess.

As they say, sharing helps to mellow down the pain and burden, I confided to my dear friend about the situation and one thing she said really stuck me making a deep impact and that’s what I wanted to share with you all when the topic of “Discipline ” was tossed up for this week. She said “I don’t understand when parents say kids don’t listen to us. It’s really important to make them understand that WE are the parents and they cannot boss around with us, period!”

It made sense, not just “a lot of but wholly“. We all love our kids but loving them without disciplining them, without infusing any sense of responsibility, without morals is as good as a blind leading a bunch of ignorant minds. That would only lead them to fall deep down.

Though parenting is not a definite science with set rules as every kid and every parent is different but I would like to put forth my observation, rather this is what I practice (I do falter sometimes 😔):

A No Is A No:  Well this holds good for kids too. When my kids put forth unreasonable demands, I say NO straightaway. But sticking to it is a rather difficult feat to do. They may cry, bring in recommendations 😁, cling on to you and much more. And if you succumb then they know the trick to get you every time. For instance, my son for whom it is difficult to comprehend a “No” because of his Autism would just throw an agitated tantrum every time I say No. But I try to remain unfazed by anything he does and at the end he would return to normalcy. Actually, this was what proposed by his teachers too, I am following it as religiously as I could.

A timetable is important: Following timelines, having a schedule is of paramount importance when it comes to disciplining kids. And I believe in adhering to it strictly. Be it for how long they are going to watch television when they will have dinner, time to go to bed – everything is fixed. It sets an order and decorum. They should know “Early to bed, early to rise” isn’t just a rhyme 😁.

Parents should be on the same page: It’s a normal tendency that one parent is in charge of disciplining kids at home while the other significant one takes a comparative backseat. It was my mother in past and now I am the captain of the ship 😎.  So whenever a call has to be taken I insist that I and my partner remain on the same page (at least apparently in front of kids). The difference of opinion can be discussed in private. Kids should identify the authority and definitely shouldn’t get a chance to “Divide and Rule“😂.

Carrot And Stick: Ah! This is one of the management/leadership style that I learnt in college is proving to be handy now. I surely don’t believe in the thought process of “spare the stick and spoil the child but it is important to emphasise on Rewards (Carrot) and Consequences (Stick) theory for kids. It would make them responsible in the long run, to say the least. The excitement of a reward and fear of a punishment is very important in moulding up a child’s attitude. That would help them mark the difference between a “Good Behaviour” and a “Bad Behaviour”. A very recent example from Facebook though – a father made his daughter walk to school (5 miles spread over two or three days) in reaction to her inappropriate behaviour of bullying someone. And this is what I exactly meant.

Involve them in chores: Not sure how far this would go in disciplining a child but this would ensure more interaction with them, the autonomy of a greater level in kids infusing confidence. And the goal of parenting definitely includes shaping up a confident independent child. I try to include my kids as much as I can.

NOTE:  These are my observations (to a greater extent practice too) only.  I do fail many times as a parent. But I shall not stop because my kids are my responsibility. I hold responsibility towards them as a parent and towards society too, to give it a socially aware human being and the process is on. And this holds true for every parent. Remember, you are doing great for parenting is not easy and doesn’t come with a manual.  You might have a different approach, do share with me 😊.

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ORGANIZING HOME – WITH AN EVOLVING ME

Image result for balancing home quotes

Balancing life is a meagre excuse, for living and dedicating your full time to your family. My all perspective is bound to keep myself happier and fuller till I lay on my deathbed -with no regrets no missing bits and pieces that will leave me hanging between life and death.

Growing up watching a mom, who has an excellent pace in managing work and a home was a quite a motivational stir to me ever since I became a mom.  I always admired to be more like my mom, though it gave me heart-attacks when I have to deal with a mountain of patience and I just a small hump of it, which was indeed not helping.

An organized home is somewhere you find things right in every place it deserves to be. But yea, my home is never like that other than a few requisite items, everything else is misplaced ever since I am the homemaker and worst ever since I am a mom of two.

But over the front of making everything read on time from managing home, cooking, and getting kids on time for school – I have a not so bad scorecard.

As a daughter who follows her mother’s I have few valid points, which I feel one should adapt to get things organized.  Ever since I became a second-time mom, things changed, and literally, I had to juggle with responsibilities. Managing kids school, a baby and work as well as taking care of husband and home – it was never easy.

Accepting that nothing is easy -is the first realisation that helps me cope well with my everchanging world. The very easy way to adapt to changes is by accepting that it is like this nothing can be magical. (pinch me- its real)

Secondly – Never expect your work to be done by anyone else. ( a better piece of advice to carry on in life) .  Expectations, keep your level of procrastination a little higher. The best way is to evade all those false thoughts and just keep doing until you are banged with surprises. ( don’t you like those) .

Third  – Planning – Yes it helps in running away from stress. With kids, it is better you have a minimal planning done. Like keep the milk boiled and ready to be fed when your baby is asleep as meanwhile, you can spend a great deal of time with your elder one. Even planning your weekly groceries and menu for the days would be perfect when you have to pack your kid’s lunch (warning: Else spend your time wasting in front of your fridge, who gives you no positive reply other than the cold waves )

Fourth: Take occasional breaks, it gives you a recovery time and helps you relieve a lot of stress and helps you wake up fresh. The more you stress, the less organized you are. You need not just sleep – a book, a favourite movie or even a chit-chat with your best friend is good.

The happier you – the best-organized home you will be having – That is the key finding I did all along. These always helped me, as I moved from a homemaker to a freelance professional too.

(by Chiradeep Patra)

Mom’s Gyan: Always ensure you do everything on time “

This is the first thing that helped me to keep my home organised. Make sure you wake up, cook and keep your self-organized – as we are the pillars of the homes.

The better we – the better homes we bring in. 

ORGANISED WAY OF KEEPING FRIENDSHIPS AND RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships and friendships are the integral part of human life because man is a social living being. Without fruitful relationships of any kind it is really very difficult for us to live on in life. But sometimes we suffer for the relationships or for the friendships that we keep either because of those whom we once valued a lot in life or because of our mismanagement.

One of my friends always reminds me of not overdoing things in regards to relationships as according to her, being an empathetic person I always over do in all my relationships or I tend to over invest on them. I have my day to day colleagues as friends, I have real life friends, I have friends from different Social Medias like – Candles Online, Facebook, YourQuote, Instagram and so on. Above that I have my family members and relatives to deal with. I once had a lot of problem to keep track of my own life while chatting, talking with all of my friends as and when required. There were friends and relatives who used to share their hearts out and I just stay quiet and listen. There were friends and relatives who used to demand ‘a ping’ as compulsory every day. There were friends who used to ask for suggestions and advices from me. There were people who used to feel bad when I don’t reply. And moreover, there were my writer friends who needed my constant attention in regards to Candles Online. Here, in this list, I am excluding my family members, my close relatives and friends with whom I deliberately want to keep in touch. The pressure was high. At times, I felt there were friends surging out from all around and literally was suffocating me. When I felt things were going out of my hands and stressing me down, I decided, I will have to manage all my friends by categorizing them differently like – ‘when to talk’, ‘whom to talk’ and ‘how to talk’ etc…

Trust me, telling someone, ‘NO’ was very difficult for a person like me. The Bible verse – “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends”. The calling of my life is, to lay my life for all these people around me like my Saviour did for me once and for all. Laying my life doesn’t mean dying for them but also living for them. So saying, ‘NO’ was contrary to my call. But I had no options left. I felt I will suffer mental paralysis if I don’t organise my dealings with all of these people around me. Organising and disciplining myself in regards to my relationships and friendships are not saying, NO but it is enabling myself to handle them more efficiently without feeling pressurized.

The first thing I did was that I STOPPED all the sources of INCOMING MESSAGES – important and unimportant and simply stayed quiet for few days… no Whatsapp, no Facebook and nothing at all that could attract my attention in those few days. That helped me to get back to my real jovial self after being stressed out so much.

Secondly, I sat down and made a PRIORITY list as –

1. Can’t be avoided (example: Official, Candles Online and family)
2. Can be for a short time
3. Can be at a specified time
4. Can be attended if I am free

Lastly, I COMMUNICATED CLEARLY about how I should be interacting with each one of them. It is not at all an easy task but I managed to communicate that with love and care. Some might have felt hurt for sure but I know if they love me and respect me they would definitely understand why did I organise and make such stringent rules to my interacting with them.

Friends, relationships and friendships are the most beautiful things that can happen to us in life but if they become pain in the neck then it will be very difficult for us. Organising our interactions with all our friends and with the people we get in touch with and following a certain discipline is beneficial for both us and them.

Be disciplined and organising in regards to your interactions with people and friends…

Stay Blessed!