Quote of the day

You choose the right track, the moment you start learning to accept your mistakes.

CAN WE CORRECT MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

Last week, I was overloaded with work and also at the same time had so many commitments to fulfill on personal front. When such situations arise, we do display our natural emotions frustrations, anger, disguise etc..

One of my colleague’s came up to my desk, he called me by name twice, I was deeply drowned into my work, his voice had little effect on me. He repeated in a more louder voice this time, “if you don’t mind, can I have a minute of yours ?”

I don’t know what was going through me, I just reacted with a higher modulated tone, “Look, I have a lot of work, we are two days away from the release, barely I am getting time to sleep, can you please keep your points crisp?”. I was almost straight on his face while I was uttering these words, though my fingers did not stop playing with my keyboard.

He was gentle in his tone, with enthusiasm, he started explaining what he did today as if it was an achievement.. I really get irritated with people who are irresponsible and he is one of them, I display no patience to listen to him because he wastes a lot of time in telling the same preface of the story a hundred times. There was only one thought on my mind, “Oh, What does he want me to recognize ? The fact that he is also working ???”, well, true that is something to be acknowledged for, for a lazy person like him. I snapped back, “Are we done ? I need to catch-up for my next meeting ?”, he asked if I could spend 10 minutes after my meeting. Well, by this time my anger was at the next level, I replied “may be”, and I completely left  that matter.

Last Friday in a meeting with bigger audience, he has brought up the same topic again, I was paying no attention to him as I am well aware of his ‘prefaces’. What happened next is most interesting, he told the meeting attendees of the task he accomplished.

I asked him, “Who helped you do it?”,

He said, “I did it on my own”

“Stop joking, let’s get back to work, who has helped you, I would like to learn that too”

He reiterated, “It’s me!!”

“Really?”

“yes yes” …

I could not believe myself, but I was guilty at the same time to have said something that rude to him.

I never really paid interest the other day or now, that itself is disrespecting him no matter how his past history was, on top of it I asked the same question twice for reconfirmation. I apologized to have misunderstood his efforts to be of someone else’s.

All of us misunderstand or were misunderstood at some point of time because of a pre-formed opinion. Yes, in this case, I had an opinion that he was lazy, never really has an interest to work, always takes help from others and takes the credit onto his own. I have seen him behave so, so may be it was my immediate reaction.

I am very bad with communication and expressing myself, by nature I am straight forward, so the chances of me being misunderstood are really high and it hurts me deep. It hurts me deeper when I misunderstand someone because I have made them feel unloved or uncared  in some way, I cannot really hold on to that feeling for long, unless I admit it. 

The two main reasons I feel we are often misunderstood is because of bias and our past. We tend to forget the most important, the present and the future that can be totally ruined due to misunderstandings. Past may not be relevant in the present or define our future, even then, we continue to give it more value. Nothing, wrong it is wise to do so, but not always.

It is absolutely fine to be misunderstood. Explain yourself only to an extent, to an extent until the other is ready to listen, ready to stand in your shoes to understand your point of view. Once, twice or may be more depending on how important the relationship is, but remember there is a point at which you need to stop this. If the person is happy to stay biased with their own understanding of you, then let them be…” – I told myself after a recent experience that nearly broke me to pieces… We cannot change anyone by force, similarly we cannot correct a misunderstanding because we know we are right, it can only happen when the other person gives us a chance.

“Misunderstanding – A “Missed Understanding” because of the human preference to Assumption over Clarification.” 
― Drishti Bablani

A LETTER TO SELF – SILLY THINGS I DID AND WISH THAT I HADN’T

Dear Pradita,

I hope this finds you in good health.

I have noticed of late that you have been dwelling on your past mistakes as a child, when you see your own child making them. What can I say, genetics works in weird ways! You have been telling yourself that you hope your child does not make the same mistakes that you made. Well, that is what I’m writing to you about.

As your oldest friend and observer, I have witnessed each and every one of your silly mistakes and helped you get past them. Sometimes I may have forced you to commit those mistakes and then stood aside to watch you suffer. It was fun, but I’m sorry. I should have warned you.

A child’s beliefs are based not only on what they see and feel, but also on what they’ve been told. So, some silly story an Uncle cooked up on how clouds are made in a factory in the sky became a part of your belief system, till you grew old enough to figure out that the Uncle was only joking. Take care, therefore, that you do not tell you child such lies. You never know how far genetics may have affected her!

Then there are mistakes you made as a child because you didn’t know any better. Those added up to your belief system too and became your first life-lessons. Don’t get me wrong, dearheart, I’m proud of you… But some things you believed in and some mistakes you made were way beyond my comprehension. Here I present a list of those silly things, and I sincerely hope you have learnt from them and will prevent your child from following in your footsteps –

  1. Chomping on a fistful of chillies, does not prove you’re cool. It proves the opposite. Shame on you for falling for that trick. Full points to the naughty neighbour who goaded you into doing it.

  2. It’s -6 out there. It’s your first snowfall. We get that you’re excited. But, you do not thrust your hand into the snow with measly woollen gloves on. Also, if you did that, don’t bawl like a baby when your fingers burn because of frost-bite.

  3. Drying woollen gloves and socks (from your previous silly mistake) onto a coal-heated deghchi only gives you charred and crumpled wool… not dry gloves and socks.

  4. You do not grow a full garden in your tummy by swallowing a few fruit seeds.

  5. Yeah sure, bunnies look cute, but they can bite…ouch!

  6. Falling into a ditch is a common side-effect of cycling and letting your eyes wander from the road to the cute guy on the other side of the road. On the plus side, its euphoric when the same cute guy comes and helps you out, even if he thinks you’re an idiot to fall into a ditch in the first place.

  7. When you are only minus 5 feet, it’s very much possible for you to drown in the shallow end of the pool.

  8. There’s no point in showing some any skin in the middle of a bitter Delhi winter. Keep those tights and socks on, sista!

  9. Those sanitary napkins weren’t meant to wipe off ink splotches. Your Mommy lied to you. Likewise, those rubbery tubes aren’t transparent balloons…You get the rest, don’t you?

  10. Do not ever rub your eyes over hands that have been doing things with chillies.

  11. Those somersaults on TV are conducted by experts. Do not try them on your own bike and then cry about that twisted ankle.

  12. Cheating is not meant for you. You do not know how to cheat with stealth. You cheat like a sloth, then cry like a baby about being caught.

  13. When your teacher offers you the lead-role in ‘the’ school play, you do not turn it down to look gracious! There goes your possible-ticket-to-Bollywood!

  14. Likewise, in a rickshaw full of school-going kids, you do not offer your seat to a porky kid and then end up balancing yourself on an iron rod for the remainder of the 2-mile journey home. That’s not graciousness, that’s foolishness.

  15. On the day of an examination, do not trust anyone who asks for your pen/pencil ‘just for a minute’. AND REMEMEBER, you do not know how to cheat!

  16. You do not turn into a chicken when you get chicken pox. Stop freaking out!

  17. Mommy does not have eyes on the back of her head… Just very good common sense and a killer sixth sense.

  18. You do not grow old by staying in water too long.

  19. The moon does not have a giant bunny living on it. What’s with you and bunnies anyway?

  20. And finally… you do not get pregnant by watching someone kiss on TV!

Sincerely,

Pradita Kapahi

Blog – The Pradita Chronicles

THE INNOCENT LOGIC

“A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer.”

My sister still calls me a monkey. For her, I am the naughtiest, mischievous and cutest brother in the entire world. Whenever there is an opportunity to talk about me she never misses out on the chance, talking about my mischievous acts. I will present to you all, one such act of mine which is often discussed in my family. 

I was five years old, used to hate milk and to avoid drinking it I used to tiptoe and empty the tumbler in the garden and silently keep it on the table pretending I finished it. My grandmother always used to keep tabs on me and she found it pretty soon and she made it a point that every day I will drink in front of her. For few days I was left with no choice but to oblige her, but then I managed to escape her keen eyes and this time I chose to hide the tumbler in her old wardrobe, it went for two days and on the third day, her room and wardrobe totally stink. She went totally mad running after me and I managed to escape and later I employed the best defense a child can think off, kissing to cool her off and promising I won’t repeat it. 

Pretty determined not to do the same mistake, the very next day I hid the tumbler in my uncle’s bookshelf where he used to keep his office materials, and I left for my school’s Annual Day function, graced by the presence of the then famous Telugu film Director (Dasari Narayana Rao) I participated in nursery rhymes competition and won second prize, during prize distribution I literally snatched my prize from chief guest’s hands even before he could give it to me only to show that to my friend Divya(she is cute) embarrassing my parents with that behaviour of mine. After reaching home everyone was determined to teach me a lesson and my grandmother took the lead asking, “you promised me that you won’t repeat the same mistake,” and I quickly countered saying “yes, and so I hid the tumbler in uncle’s shelf instead”.

22Totally irritated she warned me that she will send me out of the house if I keep behaving like this. Insulted, I took few sandwiches from the kitchen and wrapped them in a handkerchief, tied it to the end of a stick and walked out in anger thinking they don’t want me at home, I will go away. Luckily even before I could cross my street, a known person found me and brought me home. When everyone found out what really happened, they were in a state of shock and couldn’t actually scold me. As for me, I happily sat in one corner and finished those sandwiches. 

Now whenever they discuss or narrate this incident I feel embarrassed and ashamed of my own stupidity. I often wonder what would have happened to me if that gentleman didn’t spot me ? My innocent logic could have put me in deep trouble. The lesson which I learned was not to repeat the adventure which I undertook years back. 

CHOICE OF WORDS

I would most definitely start with a disclaimer, this was not one of my finest moments… It is funny now but at that point I was horribly embarrassed….

This was during my college days.  It was a normal college day but I had had a terrible day so far and was in a really bad mood. I along with my classmates was hanging out with a few of my juniors and were discussing about few things that really made me feel disappointed. I was annoyed and in my anger and frustration I uttered a few choice words in the English vocabulary against our colleagues’ managing director. I never knew who’s around us… and unfortunately he happened to be standing right behind me.

Oh!! the horror!!

I just stood there frozen!!! He left without saying a word!!! I went apologized to him later and the rest is history.

Now when I think about it…. the whole incident sounds hilarious to me but I did learn a lesson that day…. two actually…. and both lessons apply to every aspect of my life now. First, look around before you speak and second, don’t speak ill of others…. there is a good chance of others eavesdropping.

THE ELATED FOOL!

“Mistakes are the proof that you are trying”, has been the most used phrase by our elders and teachers. Well of course we can say that we do learn a lot from our mistakes and we can afford to make new mistakes every now and then. But some mistakes not only makes us laugh but also they take our self respect with them and dive deep into the ocean of shame.

Playing a prank on others can be listed as a primary quality of notorious humans!! I would like all those who read this article to tell me that, how would you feel when your crush tells you that they actually love you? Then they would ask you to come wearing a dress, they like, to class and this that!! What would you do??? Think if it’s really true or not?? Or just wear that dress and go?? Of course the latter… Of course, of course!!!!!!

When we hear someone loves us, we either smile or shy away or get elated. For me, “ELATED” was the feeling that day. Happy, happy as I was, I got dressed in the same dress he wanted me to and left for college. Excited to meet him, I didn’t see any of my friends and went past them, my eyes eagerly searching for him. Oh there!! There he was, standing right next to my friends. Wait!! Why was he standing next to my friends?? I stopped walking. They were all laughing at me by then! Clueless, I examined myself properly. Then I saw that friend of mine, who knew I had a crush on that guy. Still, why were they laughing?? I went towards them… I smiled at him… I gave them all a frowned look… And they all started singing… “April fool banaya!!! toh unko gussa aya!!!” (‘I made you April Fool, so she got annoyed…’ in a funny way) And suddenly I found myself drowned in the ocean of shame. It was 1st of April, the fools day!

I shook the matter off, showing off how sportive I can be. Though I didn’t look at my crush for a month or so. Later we became good friends. As the years went by, we all friends started laughing at that day and the expressions we all had. We never actually think or talk about the pain. My mistake there was, I shouldn’t have expressed my feelings to someone who wasn’t as trustworthy as to handle my emotions well and I should have thought about all the pros and cons. Being blind wasn’t really necessary. I really did learn many things from that day but foremost I learnt that, our heart can hold in as many pains and aches as it holds all the love.

KNOW WHAT YOU WRITE

It was a day of August 2008 I faced my first professional interview to work as Customer Support Executive for a software developer company in my hometown. I was selected in the first two rounds but in the final HR round, I was cut down. It was very much discouraging and was also an embarrassing incident for my professional career as well.

Like every other HR, that company HR first asked me to introduce myself, I went well then he asked me what is your idea about the job you have applied for, somehow I went well, then the HR manager took my C.V. and asked me a very simple question – “Explain me your objective”. My answer was, “Sorry Sir, I didn’t get you”. He said, “I asked you, would you please explain me the objective which you have written here in your C.V.?” As I was ignorant of my C.V. objective, I started bluffing and the HR tolerated my bluffs for 2 minutes and then he said, “Avinash if you don’t know the answer say ‘I don’t know’. Don’t try to show your smartness”. Very lovingly he also added to that “my dear, when you are writing your C.V try to write your own career objective. Never try to copy it from some other person’s C.V or don’t even try to copy from Google. If you are doing so, then you must understand what you have copied and why you have copied.” And the reality was in my C.V. apart from my Personal and Educational details every another line was a copy from my elder sister’s C.V….

Though this incident is funny and embarrassing but this incident taught me some very valuable lessons from every other mistake does. 

  • The truth is always simple and admirable but Lie is always complex and abominable.
  • Bluffing is covering up your mistakes. Cover-ups are always lies which need another lie to support its sustainability.
  • Don’t think that you can make people bogus.
  • Smartness is good but its show-off is foolishness.
  • Take other’s work as examples of your life never copy them.

This incident helped me to develop my own C.V., with my own career objectives and other information, which is ORIGINAL not copied ! Whenever you are writing or doing something it’s better to follow other’s accomplishment but follow them as examples to reach to your purpose. Remember, when we add our originality to our learning that brings the creativity!

Stay original !!!