LOVE GIVES NO LEEWAY TO DECEIT

Truth and Love go together.

Lies and deceit go together.

Where there is truth, there is no place for lies – just as where there is light, there is no room for darkness to reign. In a relationship that claims to celebrate love, there is no space for deceit and hence, no space for lying and cheating.

To begin with, there is one truth all couples whether married or courting, ought to bear in mind – there are no perfect people on planet earth. And so inferring from this premise, there are no perfect couples for the world to behold!

The ones who seem to be the perfect couples to us, are as a matter of fact ‘well-adjusted’ couples. They are ones who acknowledge each other’s strengths and weaknesses, positives and negatives, ambitions and fears, successes and failures; put up with all these facets of each other; pull each other up by turns when the other is sinking and move on ahead in life.

So if you are looking for a perfect partner, prepare for a surprise!

Relationship takes hard work. No love relationship is as rosy and as romantic as the media portrays it to be. It’s not how deeply in love you begin your relationship with, that really matters, but as you take a peek back into the years and discover the many deep love footprints cast along life’s stormy milestones, you realise how much steeped in love your relationship really has been!

 So then why do we often hear accounts of lying, cheating and distrust in relationships – more specifically in ‘love relationships’?

I am reminded of the following verse from the Bible – 

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

Selfish ambition, vain conceit, i.e, pride, ego and arrogance, not valuing the other person and his/her interests more than one’s own self – are some of the common reasons for lying and cheating in love relationships, which is ultimately strong proof enough of a loveless bond.

A case to help us understand this better:

A couple go out to dine together. Who decides the spread to be ordered? Whose preference dominates the order? A menu mutually decided by both, giving equal space to each other’s tastes is ideal. However, if one of them decides to order what s/he likes most and justifies it to be the best for both, thus ignoring the desire/choice of the other person, it ushers in the beginning of a chain of compromises in the relationship in the days to come. And once the pressure blows the lid off, there is ample room for lying, cheating and discord to gush in.

The problem is not lying and cheating, per se. But, if lying and cheating have entered into a relationship, it’s time to dig down and zero in on the real problem. Just as running nose, cough and vomiting are not ailments on their own, but symptoms of an underlying ailment, so also lying and cheating are just the masked symptoms of the bigger problem called ‘lovelessness’.

The antidote to ‘lovelessness’ is ‘love’. The solution to a loveless relationship is not anger, self-harm, lying, cheating, remorse, cursing one’s fate or seeking a route of escape, but to seek ways to restore love or to instill love, if there never had been any. At times, open conversation just between the couple helps. At other times, external intervention of a trusted confidant is necessary.

For a tall and strong minaret to be erected, it takes the sweat and toil of many a labouring hand, many chiselled stones and hammered wood. Well-chiselled stones and well-hammered wood make up a resilient edifice. So is it for relationships!

Do not tiptoe your way out of love. Plant your feet firmly and ask God Almighty to secure your footprints, as you celebrate love.

 

LET THE LYING LIPS BE PUT TO SILENCE

“Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?”

Aha! That’s thought-provoking!

Definitely, a fresh water spring would be the source of fresh water and a salt water spring would give forth saline water. The same spring cannot be the source of both fresh water and salt water. Similarly, the tongue with which we have been blessed, is not meant to play a dual role – uttering truth and lies as per its convenience.

THE ROLE OF THE TONGUE

The tongue is a muscular organ in the mouth which has three primary functions: tasting food, swallowing food and articulating speech. Speech is a unique blessing bestowed on human beings. Animals, birds and insects can produce different sounds but none can speak. The human tongue is a wonderful creation that aids in producing speech. When we speak, we reveal our thoughts and emotions, we express our likes and dislikes, we vent our hurts and pains, we convey our desires and inhibitions, we request, we demand, we plead and so on. What we speak and how we speak enable others to form impressions about us.

TRUTH vs. LYING

Truth refers to expressing facts as they really are. No dilution.

Lying simply means ‘to make a false statement’. Lying is always intentional.

WHY DO PEOPLE LIE?

  • Out of fear Most people who lie do so out of fear. For example: a child, who has got poor marks in the examination, tells her mother that her teacher has misplaced her answer sheet and hence she is unable to know her marks. The child lies because of the fear of punishment or because of the fear of losing her mother’s approval. By lying, the child temporarily avoids the consequences of telling the truth. So, lies are good defensive weapons.
  • To impress Several people use their lies to charm others. Let’s consider the case of a young man who is out to woo the lady of his dreams. After knowing the likes and dislikes of the lady, he decides that she would never accept him as he is. And so, he goes on a lying spree – about his accomplishments, his background, and his ventures and so on. This example is not just one of a kind. People lie to impress their friends, their bosses, their spouses and even their children.

WHITE LIES

‘White lies’ are those lies that do not harm others. They spare the feelings of others while accomplishing the task at hand. Hence, they are argued to be acceptable. To give an example, telling a friend that I loved the dress she gifted me, when I actually didn’t, is a white lie. Most of us are guilty of ‘white lies’ occasionally. However, anything other than the truth is always a lie. No matter how minor and how harmless it may seem, it is a lie.

CONSEQUENCES OF HABITUAL LYING

  • When we lie consistently, we become habitual liars. Our brain becomes wired in such a way that for almost every occasion, it signals a concoction to the speech centre. Hence, something that started small becomes a part of our nature. It soon gets converted to pathological lying. Pathological lying is a mental illness. Psychopaths, people with antisocial personality disorder, histrionics, narcissists all show symptoms of habitual lying.
  • Habitual liars are never able to win the trust of others. Their lies may hold them up for some time, however eventually the castle built in mid-air crumbles down and they are left nowhere. They are failures in their friendships, relationships and workplaces. Often, they end up fighting bitter legal battles piling one lie on top of another.
  • Lying makes people emotionally dead. Not only do they become insensitive to the feelings and emotions of others, but also their own emotional selves wither away gradually. They lose their peace of mind and live a fake life before the world. The reputation they aim to earn because of their lies, actually earns them great disrepute.
  • Lying incurs the wrath of God. God is truth. Hence, He cannot tolerate lies. A lying tongue is detestable in the eyes of God.

THE CURE TO LYING

liarTill date, no tonic has been discovered that can cure a lying tongue.

“Out of the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaketh” – said a great man. The cure to a lying tongue is a truthful heart. If the heart is true, there would be no fear of facing the consequences of a truthful tongue. If the heart is honest, there would be no fear of rejection. If the heart is humble, there would be no shame in accepting the opinions of others.

Let truthful words emerge out of our mouths always. May our tongues be truthful, thereby reflecting the glory of our Creator at all times. Continue reading “LET THE LYING LIPS BE PUT TO SILENCE”