Truth and Love go together.
Lies and deceit go together.
Where there is truth, there is no place for lies – just as where there is light, there is no room for darkness to reign. In a relationship that claims to celebrate love, there is no space for deceit and hence, no space for lying and cheating.
To begin with, there is one truth all couples whether married or courting, ought to bear in mind – there are no perfect people on planet earth. And so inferring from this premise, there are no perfect couples for the world to behold!
The ones who seem to be the perfect couples to us, are as a matter of fact ‘well-adjusted’ couples. They are ones who acknowledge each other’s strengths and weaknesses, positives and negatives, ambitions and fears, successes and failures; put up with all these facets of each other; pull each other up by turns when the other is sinking and move on ahead in life.
So if you are looking for a perfect partner, prepare for a surprise!
Relationship takes hard work. No love relationship is as rosy and as romantic as the media portrays it to be. It’s not how deeply in love you begin your relationship with, that really matters, but as you take a peek back into the years and discover the many deep love footprints cast along life’s stormy milestones, you realise how much steeped in love your relationship really has been!
So then why do we often hear accounts of lying, cheating and distrust in relationships – more specifically in ‘love relationships’?
I am reminded of the following verse from the Bible –
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Selfish ambition, vain conceit, i.e, pride, ego and arrogance, not valuing the other person and his/her interests more than one’s own self – are some of the common reasons for lying and cheating in love relationships, which is ultimately strong proof enough of a loveless bond.
A case to help us understand this better:
A couple go out to dine together. Who decides the spread to be ordered? Whose preference dominates the order? A menu mutually decided by both, giving equal space to each other’s tastes is ideal. However, if one of them decides to order what s/he likes most and justifies it to be the best for both, thus ignoring the desire/choice of the other person, it ushers in the beginning of a chain of compromises in the relationship in the days to come. And once the pressure blows the lid off, there is ample room for lying, cheating and discord to gush in.
The problem is not lying and cheating, per se. But, if lying and cheating have entered into a relationship, it’s time to dig down and zero in on the real problem. Just as running nose, cough and vomiting are not ailments on their own, but symptoms of an underlying ailment, so also lying and cheating are just the masked symptoms of the bigger problem called ‘lovelessness’.
The antidote to ‘lovelessness’ is ‘love’. The solution to a loveless relationship is not anger, self-harm, lying, cheating, remorse, cursing one’s fate or seeking a route of escape, but to seek ways to restore love or to instill love, if there never had been any. At times, open conversation just between the couple helps. At other times, external intervention of a trusted confidant is necessary.
For a tall and strong minaret to be erected, it takes the sweat and toil of many a labouring hand, many chiselled stones and hammered wood. Well-chiselled stones and well-hammered wood make up a resilient edifice. So is it for relationships!
Do not tiptoe your way out of love. Plant your feet firmly and ask God Almighty to secure your footprints, as you celebrate love.